4) In The Beginning There Were… Fudgecicles

Calleigh crouched down to inspect a spot of liquid on the hotel carpet. Was it blood or chocolate syrup?

She heard footsteps walk up behind her.

"Ryan?" she asked.

"Yes. What is this?" he demanded.

Calleigh turned her head, bumping her nose against a pair of keys on a ring dangling from his index finger. One key was small and cut for a modern lock; the other was a plain skeleton key. She looked up at Ryan.

"You don't follow instructions very well," she said with a grin.

"Calleigh, it says…" Ryan dug into his jacket pocket and produced the small manila envelope the keys had been in. "After shift, follow the hall behind the showers and wait for Calleigh or Horatio in the stairwell. Bring this envelope but do not open it. This is part of the team building exercise mentioned in the memo you received last week. If you forgot and made plans, please make arrangements to be an hour or two hour late." Ryan put it back in his pocket and let his other arm drop. The keys jangled quietly against his leg. "And it had a permanent marker in it too. Why were we all given keys and a permanent marker?"

"Not everyone was given them."

"Your right. Not everyone was. The receptionist was clueless about it, didn't know anything about the memo. Jesse has a pair though. We compared them and they're identical. Tripp just told me he received the same memo and a pair too, and he's not part of our team, technically."

She laughed a little. "None of you listen to instructions! You weren't supposed to open them until later."

"But what are they for?

"You were told what they were for."

"A team building exercise. Why on Earth would we need keys for a team building exercise? And why are we meeting in the stairwell?"

She shrugged and smiled. "You already opened the envelope. Do you really think I'm going to just give it you?"

"Calleigh… I…"

She waited.

"I can't… UH!" He stormed off.

"Work the hall, Ryan."

"RIGHT! Fine!"

She giggled and went back to work.

#

Horatio turned down the last hall leading to the elevator – and was stopped by another lab technician. He had been trying for twenty minutes to get to the back stairwell, sure that everyone Calleigh and he had selected for the Wall Crew was waiting. He hoped she was at least there.

All morning they bombarded him with questions about the envelopes, and then they all opened them and bombarded him with questions about the marker and keys. He had a hard time not telling them what it was about – he was surprised how excited he was about revealing The Wall today, but it had a lot to do with the work he and Calleigh had put into it.

#

But then, he and Calleigh had spent a month getting it ready. The first two days they had four pages of maintenance and repair to the room. It took them four weeks to repair piece of the floor, a broken section of the skylight, electrical sockets that didn't work, fans that were reluctant to rotate, change the lock on the door, and install the bar and librarian ladder. And hiding their multiple trips so that no one suspected a thing.

After those four weeks, they spent three weeks furnishing the room. He let Calleigh have full rein on decorating. He relied on her telling him when she needed his help, and was pleased to find she was a talented interior decorator. She was able to breathe new life into all the shabby, used furniture they collected. The Wall reminded him more of the New York Wall.

#

With his questions answered, the lab technician let Horatio leave. He hurried off and down the back hallway. He came through the fire escape door and found the Wall Crew waiting. And as soon as he stepped through the door, the questions began.

What was going on? What was this so-called exercise? How could it be a team building exercise when Delko and Tripp were here?

Horatio waited out the storm, glancing at Calleigh. She was waiting by the maintenance door, smiling. He started smiling and that slowly killed off the questions until they were silent.

"I assume you've all opened your envelopes?"

Yes. They all had.

"And you brought your markers and keys?"

They presented them or said yes.

"Calleigh."

She held out a hand for Natalia's, the closest person to her. "Can I see your keys, please?"

Natalia handed them over. Calleigh held them up so everyone in the stairwell could see.

"The gold one opens this maintenance door here. The skeleton key opens the trap door I'm going to show you."

The questions almost started again but she held up her hand, stopping them.

"This is one of those let me show you first then ask questions. Okay?"

She waited but eventually everyone in the group said yes.

Calleigh gave the keys back. She used her own set of keys to open the maintenance door and went in. The light came on.

The room became brighter and she called back, "Come on, guys."

Horatio stepped back. They filed in. Horatio brought up the rear so he could shut the door and turn off the light, erasing that the group had been there. He came into the room last and closed the trap door before turning.

Calleigh stood at the back with him, smiling and bouncing. She reached out, giving his elbow a squeeze. He smiled.

Before them the group stood in a tight knot, staring at the room before them in stunned silence, and for good reason….

#

In the center was one of Calleigh's masterful finds and restorations; a long dining table she'd found at an antique store outside of Miami and haggled down to twenty dollars. When Horatio had first seen it he said nothing about how horrible it looked. It survived Katrina, but just. Back then it had been water stained, coated with mud, and had a deep grove down the middle. When she told him her father, Kenwall, was a miracle worker with wood, he had even more doubts. The man was rarely sober enough to keep himself out of trouble, how would he ever be able to revive a table in this bad shape? Two weeks later she called and told him to come over to look at it. He hardly recognized it. The groove had wooden roses inlaid in it, making it look like it had been done on purpose. The table had been torn apart, sanded, put back together, stained, and varnished. There was no resemblance to the piece of junk he'd seen before.

Horatio insisted on being involved with restoring the chairs she'd collected. It took Calleigh's help to convince her father to show Horatio how to restore them. The three quickly finished the sixteen chairs Calleigh had collected from all across Miami. Her father never once asked them what they were for. He seemed happy just to have his daughter spending time with him, and amazingly stayed sober through most of their visits.

Calleigh and Horatio had to lie to get the table and chairs up to The Wall. The table was supposedly evidence. No one questioned the chairs until they were bringing in the ninth through sixteenth. Calleigh claimed they were evidence too.

That, however, paled in comparison to getting refrigerator in. Horatio tried to insist on getting a mini-fridge, but Calleigh wouldn't hear it. He let her win when she was finally able to present an idea of how they would get it in. They brought it in late at night. Calleigh distracted the night officer and Horatio managed to get it to the lab. She came up and the remaining trip up a floor and down the hall was easy with two of them.

Calleigh found four beautiful Oak cabinets with counter tops. Horatio put his plumbing knowledge to work, and they built a small kitchen area around the refrigerator.

The only other person Horatio had told about The Walls, knowing she'd never tell a soul, was Yalina. When he told her about this project, she gave him the key to the storage unit she kept Ray's belongings from his other life, and told him to take anything he wanted. They easily explained away two leather couches and matching recliners, a microwave, cabinet stereo, television, and various odds and ends.

Horatio emailed Mac and Catherine at least once a week about their Wall. He didn't know Calleigh was also until the day their first 'Wall Warming' gift arrived. Two large packages arrived from Las Vegas with a card. It was from Catherine, wishing him and his Wall Crew the best of times at The Wall. Horatio wanted to open them right away, but decided to wait until after work when Calleigh could join him. They opened them and found framed photographs of the Walls in New York and Las Vegas. His keen eye found they both had pictures of the other Walls in them. He asked her where they'd gotten the photographs of their Wall; Calleigh admitted then she had been sending Mac and Catherine photographs of their Wall and its construction.

The next surprise came the day before he and Calleigh were going to finalize their choices for the inaugural Wall Crew. A rug arrived, with a note from Mac and his Crew. Something borrowed from their Wall. Calleigh mailed them a wooden statue she'd found at a rummage sale in exchange. Mac told Horatio his Crew had been excited to get it and it was now part of a centerpiece Lindsey made for the table.

Once everything all the finishing touches, the last picture hung, the last little accent placed in just the right spot, Horatio sent memos to the Wall Crew about a bogus team exercise. Ryan, Natalia, Jesse, Maxine, Walter, Dave, Delko, and Tripp had complained for a week about it.

#

Ryan broke the silence. "What's this room for, H? Why'd you bring us here and keep it a secret all day?"

Horatio walked to the refrigerator and opened it, stepping back so they could see inside.

"Let's grab a drink, sit down, and talk those questions."

The refrigerator only had a box of beer and a case of mixed sodas. A few bottles of water were in the drawer, left overs from Horatio and Calleigh's work.

Jesse moved first. He grabbed a beer and sat down. The others followed. Calleigh and Horatio joined them last.

Horatio repeated his story of Mac showing him The Wall, and then visiting the one in Las Vegas. He told them about the stories, the rules, and The Wall Crew.

And they listened intently, without interruption.

Horatio reached the end and stopped talking. Silence followed. He knew it was a lot to absorb for a group, some more than others probably. He sipped his beer – a rare treat for him.

"So…" Walter looked down the table at him. He pulled the permanent marker from his shirt pocket. "We write rules on the walls about things we've done, and shouldn't do again."

"Yes."

"And once these rules are written, it's an honor system more or less that we don't do whatever made them be written?"

"It is."

Silence again. They looked at each other. Dave leaned forward so he could really look at Horatio.

"Horatio… Those stories you told us are actually really funny, but… We're just not that funny. We're pretty boring, as far as CSI and lab tech's go."

"And police officers," Tripp added.

"You say funny things all the time," Natalia told Tripp.

"I don't remember any of them."

"I do," Ryan said.

The group chuckled.

"I believe that little chuckle just proved that this can work," Horatio told the group. "It's just going to take more practice for us than it did the other Wall Crews. We're not used to finding humor in our job."

The group didn't really react to the comment. Horatio stood. He took off his jacket and hung it from the back of his chair. He rolled up his sleeves and then pulled a marker from his jacket pocket.

"I'll start."

"You?" Maxine asked.

He looked at her. "Yes. Unless you want to."

"You've got something funny to write?"

"I do."

"You?"

Horatio just smiled. He walked around to where the ladder was at the end of the bar. He moved it over a little and climbed to the top. He glanced back.

"Here it goes."

On the pristine wall that had taken them hours to clean, with slow, neat, printed letters, Horatio wrote their very first rule:

1. A memorandum is not to be used as a torture device for my underlings.

He turned on the ladder, looking down at them. There were already smiles starting to appear.

"You have always complained about the amount of memos I send out. I'll have to limit them."

They laughed, but it wasn't very loud. The Wall's magic hadn't quite gotten them.

"But I've been thinking," Horatio continued. "In this job we hear people say some very amusing things. So in addition to rules like these, I thought we could also add things that aren't rules. Things like this."

He turned and wrote:

• We owe rent and your unemployed. You're in no financial position to flirt with a cocaine addiction.

Horatio back down the ladder and returned to the table before telling them the story behind the quote.

"I remember the police had been tipped about a drug dealer. He was arrested and in the apartment we found several kilos of cocaine under his bed. We finally reached the roommate and he came in. While questioning him the dealer roommate was walked past. He jumps up, runs into the hall, and blurts that out to him."

They were finally laughing by the time he finished, although still modestly.

"What happened?"

"The young man went to jail on drug charges. I asked the roommate what he was going to do about the rent. He was selling all the man's belongings and moving."

The laughter was starting to relax.

"So who's next?" Horatio asked.

Silence answered him. He waited. Through all of this he'd come to a few observations about his team. When put into a group situation, away from crime and evidence and courts and criminals, they suddenly became very shy. It was as if they hadn't worked months or years with each other.

"What are those pictures of?" Maxine asked, pointing at the photographs.

Horatio looked at the photographs.

"Those are The Walls in Las Vegas and New York."

Calleigh and Tripp were the only ones that didn't go over to look at them. They started talking to each other at the same time, admiring this, pointing out that. Tripp watched them for a minute, and then looked at Horatio.

"This wasn't really a team building exercise, was it?"

"No."

Tripp smiled. "Mind if I take a crack at this rule thing?"

"Please."

Tripp pulled his marker from his shirt pocket and walked over to the ladder. He climbed up and under Horatio's wrote:

2. If you've procrastinated cleaning your gun that week, you can bet you'll be caught in a shoot out.

3. There is no situation where suggesting the sacrifice of a virgin might help.

Followed by:

• There is nothing wrong with younger generations that twenty years won't cure.

• The cake is a lie.

He turned and discovered everyone had returned to the table and was watching him. His dark tan skin darkened a little more. He backed down the ladder and returned to his chair. Their eyes followed him. He started drinking his beer.

"You're not going to explain any of them?" Jesse asked.

Tripp sat his beer down. He cleared his throat a few times. Drank another swallow. Cleared his throat.

"Well… I guess… That first is pretty explanatory, I think."

"Yes it is."

"But the second one… Well… See, I was called out to the swamp. There was this guy just bawling on the side of the road. The uniform that had found him couldn't get him to stop. We finally calmed him down. He said the gators were just overrunning his place down the road. They were eating everything. It's been a bad year for gators. Food's been scarce for them. So he and his family went to church to pray and this woman came up to him, said God told him he has to sacrifice his eldest virgin child."

"No!" Calleigh said.

"Yeah."

"That's not funny," Maxine said.

"I'm not done."

They waited for him to finish.

"Guy was all upset. Said he tied her up and sent her out to the water to be eaten. Couldn't get him to calm down, hauled him off to jail for murder. That night, I get woke up and called to the station. Guess who came in and told them her father was trying to kill her?"

"The daughter," Jesse answered.

"Oh yeah. I still sent his ass to jail."

"What happened to the daughter?" Maxine asked.

"She went to live with an aunt in Kentucky. Sends me letters every so often to tell me what's going on."

"That's sweet."

Tripp just shrugged.

"Where'd the quotes come from?" Jesse asked.

"Oh. The first one I say that a lot."

"A lot," Ryan repeated.

"More than a lot. You say it to almost every time kid that does something really stupid," Delko laughed.

Tripp smiled a little. "The second came from a woman who was hyped up on LSD. She kept telling me not to listen to the cake. The cake is a lie and lying about everything. She was sure it was conspiring to get her arrested, too."

They laughed.

Jesse stood. "I think I'm getting the hang of this. I thought of a few."

4. Pointing your gun at your unsuspecting co-worker and yelling "Duck" negates the desired reaction you are anticipating.

After that he wrote:

• Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is seven.

After sitting back down he began. "The first was that warehouse that kid was making meth. The one that was booty trapped. Walter knows which one I'm talking to."

"Point your gun at me and say duck! Like I would listen to that!"

The group chuckled.

"I was trying to save you, not kill you."

"I know that now. Like I knew that when you had your gun aimed at my head!"

Jesse laughed. "The second one was something this guy said in Los Angeles. He came into the precinct, calm as could be. Says to the booking officer, 'I think I might have killed my friends. They're in my apartment. Here's the address…' Me and another officer went over to check it out. His friends weren't dead, but they were stuck in the shower. The firefighters showed up. He comes back with an officer and we're standing in the living room waiting. This other guy shows up. He's the man's brother. His brother asks what's happening and that is what the man said. Then his brother asked what happened. He says he had a party. The brother asks what happened to the blow. I had to arrest them both because they were possessing, and there was cocaine hidden all over the apartment."

"How, for the love of God, do these stupid people even survive past childhood?" Natalia asked.

"Because they're stupid, but not stupid enough to stop breathing. It's a false negative," Dave said.

They laughed. Ryan stood.

"Here goes nothing," he told them.

5. Refrain from doing a 'ten more minutes left of the shift from hell' dance. Inevitably your supervisor will be standing behind you and remind you of mandatory overtime.

6. The light coming at me down the road is not a visiting alien.

7. Costa Rica does not have cannibals and I should not threaten someone that's where and why we'll send them there if they do not cooperate.

Then he added:

• I would really recommend that you do not do that, because I'll be laughing way too hard to call 911.

• Mother is very disappointed in you.

• "Oh! Snap!"
"I didn't say anything."
"No. Snap."
"Ryan, I didn't say anything."
"Ugh! Snap! On the floor!"
"Ohhhhhhh."

"Geeze, Ryan! Have you been saving these up?" Maxine asked.

"You have no idea."

"Apparently. So tell us about them."

"No. He doesn't have to tell you about all of them," Natalia quickly said.

That made many of them smile.

"Now you really have to tell us about them," Calleigh said.

"No. He doesn't. He won't. I'll kill him."

Ryan grinned. "But it's a good story, Talia."

"I swear, Ryan, you tell them and I will make you pay. Pay! Pay like you've never paid for anything in your life."

"Oh, her threats are empty. Tell us," Jesse urged.

"I guess I have to start with the snap."

"NO!" Natalia cried. She hid her face in her hands as her cheeks turned red. "I hate you!"

"Natalia and I go to this murder scene. Two women and a man barely dressed. It was pretty much a bachelorette party gone wrong thing. So we're going over the room in opposite directions. My side was smaller so I get to the wall and—"

"Your side is always smaller!" Natalia said.

"Whatever. I turn around and she's two steps away from stepping on a snap."

"I thought you were saying like," she snapped her fingers, "Oh snap!"

"When have I ever said something like 'oh snap'?"

"There's a first time."

"When would I ever say that? Name one heterosexual man that would say it and risk having people wonder about him?"

"That's stereotyping. Horatio, he's stereotyping."

"We're not at work. I don't care."

She gaped. They all stared at him.

"You don't care?" Maxine asked.

"Once we come through that trap door, we've left work behind us."

Natalia glared at Ryan. "Anyone could have made that mistake."

"I don't know, Natalia, I don't think I would have made that mistake with Ryan," Jesse said. "Dave, maybe. But not Ryan."

"What!?" Dave cried.

Jesse laughed.

"Okay. Enough about the snap that Natalia will never live down. So the next one—"

"You are the devil!" Natalia said and tried to keep a straight face. It ended with her and everyone laughing.

"Rule six is Jesse."

"Me?"

"Yes. You."

"What? When?"

"We were covering for two on swing last week and were called out to the abandon metal plant up north. Remember?"

Jesse grinned. "I have no idea what he's talking about. He's gotta be on something."

"And we're out there, with two officers, doing our CSI thing. We hear this car coming and everyone turns around. He's heading right at us. The officers and me scramble to get out of the way, but Jesse just stands there, staring at it. Lucky for him, one of the officers tackles him just in time. The other officer leaves in pursuit. We pick ourselves up and I ask him what the hell he was thinking. He says—"

Jesse finished, "I had a strange thought at that very moment. I saw the light and for some reason, I thought of this old Twilight Zone episode. And all I could think of was this light coming at the camera on it. I was wondering how they did that."

"Lack of sleep?" Dave asked.

"And how!"

"Rule five is Walter."

"I have never done no happy dance because the shift was over," Walter said.

In unison the group corrected him. "Yes you have."

He grinned. "Okay. Maybe once."

"You do it with frequency, Walter. I am glad I won't have to witness it any more actually. It's a rather disturbing dance," Horatio told him.

Walter grinned. "You folks are just no fun! None. What so ever."

"So then the saying about—"

"You skipped rule seven," Delko told him.

"Oh. That was nothing. So then the saying about—"

"You skipped a rule, Ryan," Delko said, grinning.

"I don't even know why I wrote it. So the saying about—"

"I do."

"No. You don't."

"Yeah. Oh yeah I do."

"No."

"It's because you told that swamp troller that and he believed you and started telling you everything."

Ryan's face turned a light shade of pink.

"No. I didn't do that."

"You did too! I was in the room when you did it!"

"I didn't do that."

"You want me to go find the tapes to prove it?"

"You told someone that, Ryan? You really did?" Calleigh asked him.

"No! No."

"Deny it all you want. I was in the room. You did."

Ryan scrubbed his fingers across his forehead. "I should have never written it."

"On the contrary," Horatio told him, "I think you should have. I believe I would have said something had I heard it. But in this context, it's quite amusing."

"Thanks. I think. The quote about mother happened when I was on patrol still. I caught this kid that had jacked a car and brought him in. I was sitting at my desk, processing him, and this woman walks up. The kid grins at her. She stares. She slaps him and then says that, and walks off. I asked the kid who that was. He shrugs. Said he didn't have the faintest clue. It was so bizarre!"

That brought laughter to the table. Some more than others.

"And he didn't know her?" Tripp asked.

"No. And she looked nothing like his real mom. It was really bizarre. So on this last one, I will admit, I said it. But only just."

"To me," Calleigh said.

He nods. "You were over stretching on the ladder. What else did you expect me to say?"

"I was getting a noose from a rafter and couldn't get the ladder close enough. I didn't have a choice."

"You had a choice. You chose to ignore my choice."

"I was not going to climb onto the rafter and get it. How could that have possibly been any better?"

Ryan grinned. "I don't know. I guess I would have laughed either way."

"You are so evil when you get a beer in you!"

"We're noticing that," Natalia replied.

They laughed.

"Ryan, I'm unaccustomed to you admitting you've done something wrong," Horatio said with a smile.

"I don't think you really know Ryan, Horatio," Jesse said with a grin.

"Don't I?"

"And you really don't know what he and Walter are like when they get together. "They're like Laurel and Hardy!"

"We are not," they retorted in unison.

"Ryan has surprised me with his humor more than once," Horatio admitted.

"I did? When?"

Horatio rose and added:

• I brought you a cop car and some cops.

8. I will not threaten to punt, drop kick, maim, injure, or otherwise harm someone's pet, no matter how annoying they are. (Submitted by DustBunnyQueen)

9. Pointing and laughing at a co-worker or officer will inevitably be caught by a member of the press and splashed across every news station and paper in town for the next week. (Inspired by Augusta)

"No! H, no!" Ryan laughed.

Horatio smiled and began. "Two weeks ago I arrived at a residential crime scene and the first response officer was the only person on scene. We were walking the scene together and one of the victims regained consciousness, grabbed a weapon and began firing on us. We took cover, but neither of us had a radio. I tried to call dispatch and couldn't get through, so I sent a text to Ryan asking for backup. Upon arriving at the scene, he came up behind me and said that."

Between the quote and how Horatio told the story – they laughed until their ribs began hurting.

Delko stood, still recovering from his laughing fit. "Anyone want another beer?"

Several hands went up and he passed out cans.

"He's who I caught doing rule number eight."

"It was a barking puff ball," Ryan protested.

"It was a Pomeranian, Ryan."

"Yeah. Like I said. A barking puff ball."

"I'm with Ryan on this one, H," Delko told him. "They have that bark that just grates on your nerves and it's like every rich woman in Miami owns one!"

Walter nodded. "True that."

"I don't think Eric, you should agree with Ryan. Especially since you did rule number nine before you left."

"What? I did not!"

"And how does it feel to have karma bite you, Eric Delko?" Natalia asked with a cool stare and smile.

"Oh! Burn!" Walter laughed.

"Not that I'm satisfied that karma has exacted my revenge," Calleigh said and then let out a pouty sigh.

"I think I totally missed something really good. What exactly did you point and laugh at her about, Eric?" Maxine asked.

"She tripped and fell in the mud," Natalia told her.

"It was funny," Delko protested.

"It was not funny," Calleigh replied.

"You stood up and raked your fingers through the mud on your face making lines. Then you tried to straighten your hair so you ended up with streaks of mud in your hair! It was funny."

"And you pointed and laughed at me. Jerk!"

"You looked like some wild woman!"

"You pointed and laughed at me."

"And a reporter snapped off a picture of it and it was splashed across the evening post for three days. Hasn't karma gotten even enough for it?"

"Have you learned nothing all these years Eric?"

He smiled a little. "Such as?"

"Southern women don't want to make the men in their lives pay. Oh no. We want them to pay, and then pay again, and then pay another twenty times after that."

He shook his head in the face of the laughter.

"H, look at what you did. You got me in the doghouse. Again."

"You were never out of it!"

"I've been doing work around your house for you for free!"

"We return again to the pay twenty times after that. You still have another fifteen payments due."

"Wow. Eric. You're like her work bitch now," Dave told him.

"Shut up, Dave."

It set them off laughing again. Delko waved them off.

Tripp got up and added:

10. When responding to a newly reported crime scene, we do not tell dispatch we are heading to Crime Town, Evidence-ville, or Forensics-R-Us.

11. I will not threaten anyone with my non-existing: ray gun, lightsaber, laser pistol, pulse rifle, zat'niketal, blaster, thermal detonator, and/or viporblade. (Submitted by VessaMorana)

• Your silence will not save you.

• I am one relationship away from having thirty cats.

• I think my mom is writing a book about how to fuck with your kids when they're high.

"So, ten there is something Walter likes to do."

"No I don't."

As though planned the room responded, "Yes, you do."

Walter looked at the faces around him. He made a face. Sighed.

"Well, maybe."

"Rule eleven is Laurel and Hardy at their finest, creative best at the worst possible times."

"What did I tell ya, H?" Delko ribbed, "These two are a danger to themselves when they get together. I don't know that you can assign them to cases together any more."

"Hey, just cuz we have fun and you all are jealous, doesn't give none of you the right to torment us," Walter told them. "Right Laurel?"

"That's right, Hardy," Ryan answered.

Tripp chuckled a little and continued. "The cat quote was this girl whose cheating boyfriend killed the woman he was cheating with so she wouldn't find out about. We were sitting at my desk, I'd just told her about it, she was sobbing and said that."

"Poor thing!" Maxine said.

"The book was a kid I busted for possession at his school. He came to school high, was sent to the principle's office, and they found bags of dope on him. So we hauled him into holding to wait for him to come down. His mother finally gets there and just crawls up one side of him and down the other. She finally left, said she needed air – I think he and I both needed it more than she did. I really thought she was going to start beating him. He turns to me, has that glassy doped up look on his face and asks, 'Dude, was that really my mom?' I tell him yes. 'She's a real bitch, huh?' I said yeah. Then he rattles off that quote."

They laughed some.

"The last one was one I overheard Walter tell his suspect yesterday."

"Man! That wasn't me," Walter protested. "That was some other tall dark skinned guy."

"You're evil twin, huh?" Maxine asked.

"Yeah. Yeah!"

Natalia stood, telling them, "If you all think Ryan and Walter are the worst, then you don't know Calleigh."

"Me?"

"Oh yeah."

Natalia added:

12. A douche bag is not a fashion accessory.

• "Are you listening to me?"
"I'm listening. I just don't care."

Calleigh laughed and blushed a little. "Oh my! I'd forgotten all about that!"

"I haven't. We had this female suspect who was a so mean and presumptuous, she was a… Mean. She—"

"In this room," Horatio told her, "None of us would say anything about you calling her a bitch."

Natalia smiled and laughed, surprised to hear Horatio say the word out loud.

"Okay. She wasn't a bitch though. She was a—"

"Cunt!" Calleigh blurted.

"Totally. So she tells Calleigh to take her douche bag, meaning her kit, and get the fuck off her property. Calleigh looks her in the eye and tells her, 'Ma'am, a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douche bags,' and walks off. The woman was completely stunned, actually shut up. I was impressed. It was perfect."

"Thanks, Natalia. Now we should move on to—"

"Oh. I wasn't done."

Calleigh just smiled.

"We're driving back from there, I'm telling her about some of my theories on the case and come to the realization that she's not paying any attention to me. So I asked her that, and that was her response. I mean, in one day I put her on a pillar for her tactfulness, then she crushes me with her prissy little retort."

Calleigh grinned and when she spoke, she thickened her accent. "I find excessive douchary very infuriating and wenst I need to vent, there's no safe target in my immediate vicinity."

The act made them roll with laughter. It took several minutes for them to recover and she just smiled.

"Are those even words?" Delko asked her.

She shrugged and sipped her drink.

Dave got up, still laughing, and added:

13. Being caught practicing with a suspect's Samurai sword is bad.

14. It is always good to check who's behind you before pretending to drink "blood" to gross out a co-worker.

15. I will not threaten to commit seppuku when the lab results come out with unexpected and/or unwanted. (Submitted by VessaMorana)

"And in the order of the rules," he told them, "the offenders are Walter, Maxine, and Natalia."

"TRAITOR!" Maxine cried. "He's a traitor!"

"You are fired. Horatio," Natalia laughed. "Fire him right now."

Horatio just smiled.

"But they're true. You can't call me a traitor if they're true. Ah! Woman!"

"I ain't not woman, Dave," Walter corrected him.

"Yeah. I know. Most days."

"What!?"

Dave just smiled.

Calleigh added:

• I wasn't crazy! He is!

• Don't arrest me! I gotta dog at home, and a sick, blind horse!

16. Just because we work in a lab, and we have all the tools and chemicals for it, the following items are forbidden to make: chocolate, fudgecicles, random mixed drinks (alcoholic or otherwise), dehydrated ice cream, cellulite, flan, anything involving pudding, anything being used for your 'independent sci-fi movie's special effects.'

"The crazy remark was a suspect a few years ago. Nothing more memorable than the quote actually. The dog and horse one was last month. Remember it Tripp?"

He smiled, nodding. "Oh yeah. A boozed up guy wrapped his car around a pole. There was all this blood in the back seat so Calleigh and I got called. Well, turned out the guy has a poached gater in the trunk, which is what the blood was. Which is still an arresting offense and I was definitely in the mood for an arrest after getting called all the way out there in the swamp with all those damned mosquitoes. I'm walking him to my car, idiot starts crying and somewhere in the words we could understand, blurts that."

The story got a chuckle from the room.

"And the rule?" Jesse asked.

"There are those among us that know exactly what why it's there."

"You're taking our toys away," Maxine told her.

"And we only make them on our breaks or slow days," Ryan added. "To keep our skills sharp."

"Sharp?" Calleigh questioned. "How exactly are skills kept sharp by making fudgecicles or pudding?"

He looked away.

"Wait…" Jesse grinned. "Does this mean we won't have to smell burned ice cream for two days now?"

She nodded with a grin.

"Yes!"

"No. You can't say yes. I was on the verge of perfecting it," Ryan said.

"No. No more," Calleigh told him with a finger shake.

Walter sighed. "Now what are we going to do?"

Ryan and he looked at each other, and grinned.

"This can't be good," Tripp commented.

Together the men said, "Dehydrated Jello!"

"Horatio, I don't think this whole Wall thing is working here," Jesse told him.

"I suspect that soon addendums to the rule will have to be made, and soon, but it is working."

"So, since we have these keys, we can come up here any time we want?" Dave asked.

"Anytime."

"And we can't tell anyone about it?" Tripp asked.

"If you wouldn't, I think we'd all prefer that. If you want someone included, as a group we should decide. This is for our team, our Wall Crew."

"And will there be beer supplied?" Maxine asked with a smile.

"No. That was a treat on Calleigh's behalf tonight. You will have to bring your own from now on, and may not drink it while clocked in."

Tripp glanced at his watch. "As much fun as this really has been, I gotta get. What are we doing with the markers?"

Calleigh pointed at a basket in the center of the table. "I thought we could put them in there. Then we'll have them whenever we come up here."

"Did you know about this before the rest of us, Calleigh?" Maxine asked.

"Yes." She smiled. "One of us ladies had to. How else would we have kept Horatio from turning this into a man-den?"

They laughed. Horatio smiled.

Tripp stood and tossed his marker in the basket. "I'll know where to hide when the chief is on a head hunt. Thanks for including me, guys. Have a safe weekend."

His departure signaled more following, filling the room with chatter and cans clanking as they were dropped in a trashcan. Finally only Horatio and Ryan were left.

"I hope you're not disappointed in me," Ryan said.

"Why would I be disappointed?" Horatio asked.

"Well, I… I'm guessing you didn't know all those things I've done."

"I knew about some of them, and I'm not disappointed, Ryan."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Ryan smiled, turning in his chair to look at the television. "Does that TV work?"

"It does."

"Does it get all the channels we get here? Even the movie channels?"

"It does."

"I think I'll see what's on. How about you?"

"I'm going to head home. Have a good evening, Mr. Wolfe."

Ryan watched him leave and the trap door close behind him. It clicked, a very audible sound in the silent room. Ryan got up and climbed the ladder. At the end he reworded a quote from a television show he used to watch:

• Good beer. Nice wall.

Ryan stabbed the last period with a smile and climbed down. He grabbed another beer, pulled off his tie, and settled in for a slow night of cable movies.