Author's Note: Hello! I want to apologize again for not getting around to responding to reviews. Things have been really hectic and stressful lately. I'm also very behind on my own reviewing. So if you have a story that I normally follow and you haven't heard from me in a few chapter, know that I am going to get to it!

Anyway, I want to thank all you who have taken the time to leave a review on this story. It really motivates me to keep working on this and to get chapters out in a timely manner. So please continue to leave me your feedback! I write for you guys, after all!

Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! It actually took a strange turn because originally the flashback was written to be a separate one shot, but it just fit so well within this story I decided to include it here. Let me know what you think!

Chapter Four

Darry stood at the window, looking out onto his darkened front lawn. Despite the late hour, the porch light was on. Unless they knew someone was coming home late, they didn't normally turn the porch light on. Darry didn't like to waste the energy having the outside light on when there wasn't a clear purpose for it.

He had already decided to leave the light on all night tonight, hoping somehow it would help Soda find his way home.

"Is this what it was like?" came Pony's soft voice. Darry turned away from the window to look to where Pony sat on the couch, his knees pulled up to his chest in almost a protective way. It was hours past when he would have normally gone to bed on a school night, but Darry didn't have it in him to point that out. He couldn't argue with Ponyboy, not tonight. "When me and Johnny disappeared. Is this what it was like?"

Darry took a deep breath, thinking over his answer carefully. "It's similar," he finally admitted. He walked over to the couch and carefully sat next to his youngest brother. "But when the two of you disappeared, we at least had a vague idea what happened. We heard from the cops about what happened at the fountain, so we figured you two were scared and had run off somewhere. It still scared us to death, but knowin' the two of you were together and probably just hiding out somewhere brought some comfort anyway." His eyes wandered back to window. "But this… this just makes no sense."

They were quiet for a minute, each of them reflecting on the implications of that statement. Darry and Steve had gone out looking again after Darry had returned from the police station. They had still found no trace of their missing Greaser. Darry had finally had enough of the fruitless search and had returned home to wait by the phone for a while. He just couldn't handle anymore aimless driving tonight. Steve had never been one to sit around and wait though, so he had gone back out with Two-Bit, continuing the search even though Darry couldn't imagine another place within Tulsa they could look.

It was as if Soda had simply vanished into thin air. That's what really scared them about this whole thing.

"I'm sorry I ever put you through anything like this, Darry," Pony said.

Darry nodded. "I know," he assured him. He paused. "I blame myself for that night more than anyone, you know." Pony looked over at him in surprise at that. He had never admitted that to anyone before. "If I hadn't driven you away that night… none of that woulda ever happened."

"You didn't mean to, though," Pony pointed out. "If I had just used my head and not fallen asleep in the lot…" He let the thought hang.

"We both made mistakes that night," Darry allowed. He sighed. He didn't like talking about this, especially given their current situation. Last time one of his brothers ran off, they ended up losing two of their friends. The idea that their gang could get even smaller made him feel physically ill.

"I just don't understand what coulda happened," Pony said softly, looking down at his knees. As Darry looked over at him he saw that he was blinking back tears. "I don't understand what could possibly keep Soda from comin' home."

Darry sighed heavily. "I dunno what to tell you, Pony," he admitted.

"I mean, you and Steve went all over Tulsa twice today," Pony went on, clearly getting worked up the more the thought about it. "If he was still here, you woulda found him, wouldn't you?" Darry was silent, unable to admit that Pony was probably right. "But if he's not in Tulsa… where could he be?"

"I'm sorry, Pony," Darry said quietly. "I don't have any answers for you. I'm just as lost as you are."

"Do… do you think someone might have kidnapped him?" Pony blurted, looking over at Darry with barely contained panic in his eyes.

Darry was silently cursing Pony's wild imagination. "I think it'd be pretty hard for someone to take him and ditch the truck too," he reasoned, only feeling half-confident about the logic. He carefully put an arm around Pony's shoulder, unsure if that was the right thing to do in that moment. He was comforted when Pony leaned in to him. "Try not to think about it," he said, giving his youngest brother a light squeeze. "If you let your imagination run away with you, you're just going to keep on imagining worse and worse situations. It's only been a day since Soda went missing. There's still a chance there's a simple explanation for all this."

"You don't really believe that, do you?" Pony said flatly, leaning his head into Darry's shoulder. Tears were suddenly streaking down his cheeks.

Darry frowned and then took a deep breath. "I'm tryin' to," he said quietly.

They lapsed into silence. There was nothing more that Darry could say to comfort Pony. As painful as that was, he knew that from experience. This wasn't the first time that he had to comfort a brother while the other was missing.

The house was horribly quiet. Darry sat in the recliner holding the paper, but he couldn't focus enough to read any of it. He kept on glancing at the door anxiously. Surely his younger brother would come walking through that door any minute now. Surely after being on the run for two days, he would have come to his senses by now and come home, realizing that together they would be able to get through this.

But the door remained firmly closed.

Darry dropped the paper as he brought both of his hand up to rub his face, his exhaustion getting the best of him. He had done this. He had driven his brother away. He was the reason that Pony didn't feel like he could come home no matter what kind of trouble he had gotten into.

A crash from outside caused him to look up. He was on his feet in a moment, going to investigate, his heart in his throat as he tried not to get his hopes up too much. As he pushed open the screen door he couldn't help the disappointment that washed over him. It was just Soda.

It took a moment before Darry realized something about the middle brother was off. He had his back to him, his shoulders slightly hunched. Darry's gaze swept the area around him and saw that the trash cans were knocked over, which had probably been the source of the commotion.

"Soda?" Darry said carefully as he walked more fully out onto the porch. But it was as if Soda hadn't heard him. Darry descended the porch steps and stopped beside his brother, craning to try and get a look at his face. "Soda?" he repeated.

Soda finally looked up at him. His eyes were wide and haunted looking and an unlit cigarette hung from his lips, trembling a bit. In fact, as Darry really looked at him he realized that his whole body was trembling.

Darry felt his stomach plunging as his heart twisted at the sight. "Soda, what's wrong?"

Soda held up the lighter in his hand. He flicked it a couple times, but his hands were shaking too much and he couldn't get the flame to ignite for more than just a moment. "I… I can't get this damn thing to light," he mumbled around his cigarette. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears. He tried a couple more times before he let out a frustrated groan and threw the lighter to the ground.

Darry looked at him curiously. He had been relatively composed when he had left earlier that day to go visit Sandy. Sure, he had been upset about Pony's disappearance and been exhausted from not getting any sleep in two days, but Darry figured a visit to his girlfriend would have calmed him rather than caused something like this.

Darry leaned down and picked up the lighter. "Here," he said.

He flicked the spark wheel and was able to get the flame to jump up on the first try. He held it out, cupping his free hand around it to protect it from the breeze, so that Soda could light his cigarette off of it. Soda leaned forward to put the end of the cigarette in the flame, but he was having a hard time holding it still and couldn't quite inhale at the right moment or with enough force. After watching him struggle for a minute, Darry felt his concern growing. Something was very wrong.

At still not being able to light his cigarette, Soda looked quite close to completely breaking down. Desperate to do anything he could to make his brother feel better, Darry did something he never did. He reached out and took the cigarette from Soda's lips and placed it between his own instead. He had tried smoking when he was younger – everyone in their neighborhood had smoked at one time or another – but he hadn't taken to it. He put too much stock into his athletic ability, something few other Greasers did, to be a regular smoker. Still, despite that, he did know how to light a cigarette.

He flicked the spark wheel again and put the end of the cigarette into the flame. He sucked air through the stick and into his mouth, but was careful not to actually let the smoke go down this throat into his lungs. As soon as the cigarette was lit, he blew the small amount of smoke out of his mouth as he handed it back to Soda.

"Thanks," Soda mumbled, immediately taking a long drag.

"C'mere, come sit down," Darry implored. His brother looked like he was about to collapse despite the fact that the cigarette was supposed to be relaxing. When Soda didn't immediately respond, Darry took him by the arm and gently led him over to the porch steps. "Tell me what happened."

Soda took in a shuttering breath. "I went to see Sandy," he said quietly.

Darry nodded. He had known this much. "Did somethin' happen between you and Sandy?" he prodded.

"She's pregnant."

Darry could only stare as his heart practically stopped in his chest. It wasn't that he didn't know that Soda was doing that kind of thing with girls. It was just that he had thought Soda was more careful than that. Soda wasn't even seventeen yet, he was far from ready to settle down and have a family.

Darry opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Soda swallowed, staring straight ahead. "It ain't mine." His voice was hoarse and barely audible. It took Darry a moment to really grasp what he was saying. It wasn't his baby. Darry couldn't help but feel a wave a relief washing over him, although it was accompanied by growing pity for his little, heartbroken brother. Soda blinked a few times, a strangely blank look on his face as if he were barely aware of what was going on. "Her… her parents are sendin' her to Florida to live with her grandmother."

"Oh, Soda," Darry sighed. "I'm so sorry. I know you liked her."

"I loved her," Soda said flatly. He paused as he took another hit off his cigarette. "I love her." Darry didn't miss the change of tense in the second statement. But he didn't get a chance to comment on it. The last shards of his self control crumbled as Soda dissolved into tears.

Darry wound an arm around Soda. "Sh, it's okay," he tried to soothe. "It's gonna be okay, Sodapop."

"F-first Pony…" Soda murmured. "N-now S-Sandy…" Darry felt his heart twist in his chest. Pony and Sandy both meant so much to Soda. To lose them both so close together was too much for his middle brother. He didn't deserve that.

"I'm so sorry, Soda," Darry repeated, not sure what else he could say.

Soda tried to take another hit, but he was shaking so bad at this point that he couldn't. "W-what if Pony doesn't come back? W-what if w-we've lost him f-forever."

Darry desperately wanted to reassure him. But he couldn't. Because he didn't know what was going to happen. All he could do was sit there and let Soda cry, lending him the comfort of his presence and hoping that made some kind of difference.

Now Darry sat with his youngest brother, listening as Pony's tried and failed to contain his breakdown and he realized just how eerily similar the circumstances were. Just like when it was Soda here and Pony missing, Darry had no comforting words to share. He closed his eyes almost as if he were in physical pain as the feelings from the week he drove his youngest brother out of the house came rushing back at him, threatening to suffocate him. Part of him wanted to breakdown right along with Pony, but he knew that he had to be the strong one. That was his job as not only the big brother but the guardian.

And he realized something with a newfound perspective. This feeling of helplessness didn't get any easier.