Albus Severus

The row woke Albus. People were clanging up and down the stairs. He had a hangover and he was already in a bad temper. He'd been having a lovely time last night with Lavender Brown at Seamus' party. His chat-up lines had even got him a snog. She had breasts that he'd dreamed about for as long as he'd been having wet dreams. He'd actually thought that he was getting somewhere at last. And then not only had she told him that he was a child and he should get over it, but he'd also discovered from Dean Thomas, that his bloody Uncle Ron – of all people – had already beaten him to it. As a result, he had drunk himself into unconsciousness and now he was hungover as well as pissed off, embarrassed, humiliated and disgusted at the recurring thought that his tongue had been where his uncle's had a quarter century before.

He dragged himself to his door to see Lily scampering past it. Across the landing, James' door was open and he looked like he was packing. Albus got himself to the top of the stairs. Mum was bounding up them now with her determined look on. He darted into James' room and shut the door behind him.

"What are you doing?" his brother snarled at him.

"Heading Mum off. What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving."

"Uh? You got any Hangover Cure?"

James jerked his head towards the window sill. There was a knock on the door.

"James!" Ginny called through it.

Albus cast a locking charm and then helped himself to a couple of James' vials. "What have you done now?" he demanded after knocking them back, as he sunk onto James' bed.

"Nothing!"

"Bollocks!"

"Why does it have to be my fault? Dad's a wanker."

"Granted. Although everything always is your fault. What's Dad's wanking got to do with anything?" Albus looked around. His head was clearing. "Teddy's stuff's gone. Where's Teddy?"

"Dad chucked him out."

"Seriously? What for?"

"He caught us... you know. At it."

"Woah! Woah! Back up there lover boy. You finally persuaded Teddy to bone you?"

James said "Fuck off," but he said it with a shy, proud smile.

"How long's that been going on?"

"Just started last night. And then Dad walks in and starts acting like I'm Beedle's Untouched Princess and sends Teddy off to Merlin-knows-where."

"Bummer."

"Yeah."

"Poor Teddy." Albus' hangover had finally cleared and he felt like he needed a drink. "You couldn't have waited?"

James stopped throwing clothes into his bag and glared at his brother. "You're blaming me?" He yanked out a drawer and tipped its contents over Teddy's bed. "I have bloody waited! Years I've been bloody waiting!"

"I just meant why do it here. Teddy owes Dad big time. Couldn't you have taken him off somewhere else to seduce him? What's Teddy meant to do now? Where can he go?"

"I don't know."

"Where are you off to?"

"After him."

"Plan," Albus said with a sarcastic nod.

He didn't say 'I told you so', but he could have done. They had both admired Teddy when they were younger, but James had always been weird about it. He'd collected photos of Teddy for years, had even taken them to Hogwarts. Albus bet that shoebox full of them was still under James' bed. Albus hadn't actually caught him wanking over them, but he'd be surprised if it hadn't happened.

He had known that no good was going to come of James sharing a bedroom with his wet dream. When Teddy had left Finland and moved in here, even as Teddy had been walking up the garden path, Albus had still been trying to reason with James. There was no reason, though, not with James, not where Teddy was concerned.

"But this is my chance, Al," James had griped then. "Don't be a bastard. This is probably the only chance I'll ever have to get close to Teddy."

"That what you call it?"

"Why would you want him in your room anyway?"

"And then what? What happens after you've 'got close to' Teddy? What then?"

"I don't know. Come on, Al, you know how much this means to me. You're the only one who really does."

Maybe Lorcan Scamander has a clue, Albus thought, Seeing as rumour has it that you said Teddy's name at the vital moment with him. "You never think things through. The poor sod has been languishing in Santa land and the first thing that happens when he gets back is that he has some adolescent stalker throwing himself at him? I can't let you do it."

Their mum had called up at that moment to tell them that Teddy had arrived. Albus had watched James start to hyperventilate.

"He's not sleeping in here. It's not safe," Albus said then.

"I'm not going to jump him when he's unconscious."

"Wouldn't put it past you. You couldn't help yourself, the state you're in."

"I love him, Al!" James had whined. He had sounded like a teenaged girl with a pop star crush. He hadn't even refuted the charge of being an adolescent. "I'll never hurt him."

He had, though, hadn't he? Teddy had been kicked out by the only friends he had left in the country. The gossip was going to fly round like fairy dust. He'd be ruined again. Albus should have fought harder, argued longer. He couldn't remember now why he'd given in. But, the moment James had stripped to his torso before going downstairs to greet Teddy, Albus had known it was all going to go to shit.

He sighed. "Owl us a postcard when you find him," he said then left the room.

Mum was still standing outside. She gave him a quizzical, angry, disappointed look. Al went back to bed and left them to it.