Honeymoon, Part I

Olivia listened as Ed attempted to soothe a distressed Noah. She was in their bedroom packing for the trip to Key West, but the apartment was otherwise silent, and she caught bits and pieces of Ed's oratory. Noah picked the absolute worst time to go through a phase of attachment anxiety, and it seemed to arise all of a sudden, mostly when he left Ed. One morning, after weeks of seamless day care drop offs, he threw an all-out tantrum when he saw his Daddy leaving. He clung desperately to Ed, sobbing into his shoulder, leaving the IAB Captain with a tear-and-snot stained lapel. Tucker, always so patient, walked him up and down the hall, speaking softly until the three-year-old's sobs abated.

"Mommy will get you this afternoon," Ed assured, hoping he had the right day. He, Olivia, Brooke, and Lucy alternated pickups. "And your friends and teachers are here waiting to play with you." Noah reluctantly joined the rest of the kids, but a similar scene occurred the next morning and then the following evening when Ed and Olivia left him with the babysitter to enjoy a date night.

Everyone Olivia consulted assured her this was normal for his age and it wouldn't last long, but leaving him for five days was going to cause everyone more anxiety that she'd anticipated.

They decided to take just one large suitcase and a garment bag for the two dresses and one light weight suit Ed decided to take but doubted he'd wear. Wedging his things beside hers, she smiled and ran the back of her hand over his khaki shorts, thinking about how cute he looked in casual clothing.

In the other room, Ed sat with Noah in the rocker. "We're gonna bring you back all kinds of presents, bud," he promised. Noah remained plastered to his chest. "And you'll be right here with Sarah and Brookey, and we'll call you every night. You'll have so much fun with Sarah. She's coming to stay with you all the way from Philly."

With Jeff away at the Phillies' spring training camp, Sarah jumped at the chance to take a view vacation days to stay with Noah while Ed and Olivia were in Key West. Olivia, thinking it was too big a favor, protested at first, but Ed's youngest daughter insisted. "Omigod, omigod, I'm gonna be a mommy for a week!" Sarah gushed during the Face Time call. Ed remembered shrugging and telling Olivia not to worry about it. When she wanted something, she got it.

Ed rubbed Noah's back. "We're all having dinner together tonight, No. What do you want to eat?"

"Sarah coming today?"

"Yep, Brookey's picking her up from the train."

Noah perked up at train. "Sarah ride on the train?"

"Yep."

"I want to ride on train, too!"

"Someday we'll ride it to see Sarah and Jeff."

Connecting travel with the reality of his parents leaving, Noah's face broke into a pout and he put his head back on Ed's chest.

Olivia was just about to step into the room when she heard Ed, in a near-whisper, say, "I love you, bud."

"Love you, Daddy."

She had to dab at her eye with the back of her finger before entering the room. "Hey guys," she managed to say cheerfully.

Noah craned his neck and looked up at her, "Hi Mama."

"I heard you talking about dinner. What sounds good?"

"Are we going out?"

"Let's stay in," Olivia said, "I'm tired and we have an early flight."

"We can let the girls decide."

"Ok," she rubbed Noah's head, "Hey sweet boy, wanna go with me to get some things for you and Sarah to eat while we're away?"

"I stay here."

"Are you sure? I need your help. You know what Sarah likes."

"No."

Olivia replied with extra dramatic flair, "I just don't know what cookies she likes, or…"

Noah flipped himself over, "Sarah likes Oreos and, and, the red ones."

"Red ones? See? I don't know what those are. Please come with me."

"Ok, mommy, I go." Noah, somewhat reluctantly, dragged himself away from Ed.

Olivia got him bundled up and headed out. Ed remained in the rocking chair for several minutes, coming to terms with why Noah was probably freaking out lately. The middle strip of Ed's chest, where Noah had collapsed himself, now felt cold and vacant, like there was a piece of him missing. The apartment was rarely quiet—there was always something or someone making noise, and Ed realized he was rarely alone anymore. For someone like him, used to solitude for so long, it was weird how being alone now unsettled him and, perhaps, little Noah was experiencing the same feeling. Of course, he was incapable of figuring out what that feeling actually was. Since Ed had come into their lives, the amount of people regularly involved in Noah's world increased dramatically—Brooke, Sarah, Jeff, Caroline…even, to a certain extent, Margie and John. Since Valentine's Day, though, everyone got busy. Brooke's school launched a new after-school and weekend initiative aimed at helping the most struggling students. Sarah missed several of her usual bi-weekly Face Time calls. A spate of officer-involved shootings stretched Tucker's investigative squad thin, and SVU was always consumed with the city's next sexual predator. At least she now had a full squad, but, still, Olivia was the boss and most times, she had to be there. The bustle in Noah's life had dissipated in the past few weeks, and he was probably missing it.

Ed propelled himself from the chair, raised his arms and arched his back, engaging in a full body stretch. He then spun slowly around, taking in all things Noah—his trains, books, plastic and plush dinosaurs, framed pictures of the three of them, primary-colored blocks spelling his name, the ties, the badge, and his toddler bed with the blue and green sheets, the favorite fleece blanket, and Bernie, who was wedged between the pillow and the headboard, ready to be plucked for bedtime.

Soon they would pull the trigger on a larger apartment and the kid could have an actual bedroom, not this makeshift space which was no larger than some of the enormous walk-in closets he and Olivia saw when they watched late night reruns of House Hunters on HGTV. At least Noah had a window, but even that was undersized, almost an afterthought, and the frosted pane was not especially effective at letting in natural light. Noah's things, most of them top-of-the-line and expensive, seemed out of place in this sorry excuse for a kid's bedroom.

Ed scooped a small pile of child-sized laundry on his way out of the room and deposited it in the hamper. He closed the lid and a rush of satisfaction suddenly overwhelmed him.

Bewildered, he chuckled to himself. He couldn't believe something so mundane had made him feel that way. But this was the reality of his life now—he wanted to be alone only if it meant alone with his family, and he appreciated the simplest tasks. He'd missed many of those when Brooke and Sarah were little, and now he had a voracious appetite for all things domestic.

It was an odd thing to admit the night before departing for paradise with his gorgeous wife, but Ed felt a little of Noah's melancholy when he thought about being away from him for six days.

…

Unsurprisingly, Sarah took up all the space in the room when she arrived with Brooke later that evening. She had the uncanny ability to create the illusion of being in two or three places at once. As she hugged Olivia, she was firing dinner suggestions at Ed. Hugging Ed, she repeated her I'm going to be a mommy for a week chatter. She smothered Noah in kisses and danced him around, bumping into Brooke and into the dining table. Olivia gazed amusedly at Ed who wore his I love her but she's exhausting expression which was his default countenance when Sarah visited.

"Noey," she said seriously, holding Noah's face about an inch from hers, "We are going to have the best time. Every morning I will make you breakfast, then we'll go to the playground, then we'll come back and rest up. We'll eat junk food for lunch and have cake for dinner! How's that?"

At the moment, Noah appeared to be fine with his parents jetting off for a few days. He giggled, but there was doubt in his laughter. Yeah, I'm three, but even I know you're not serious.

Olivia placed a glass of wine on the coffee table for Sarah and sat in the armchair. "He goes to school Monday and Wednesday, so you have those days free. Until six-thirty if you want."

"Does he have to go?" Sarah asked, sounding truly disappointed.

"I'd like him to at least go in the morning for the preschool part."

"Ok. I do have some things I need to get done, so that works out perfectly. But," Sarah tapped Noah's nose with the tip of her index finger, "we're still having cake for dinner."

"We buyed Oreos!"

Sarah's face crumpled as if she were going to cry, and she cooed, "Oh, my heart. My cup runneth over. You remembered!"

Noah, in fact, had never had an Oreo until Sarah entered his life. Cookies, yes, but they were usually local bakery concoctions, not the mass-produced supermarket treats.

"My cup runneth over?" Brooke asked incredulously. "What is that?"

"It's from the movie Hope Floats," Sarah answered matter-of-factly, and, also, it's in Genesis, or, somewhere in the Bible, I don't remember, it doesn't matter. We're having a moment here."

"Just, ah, get some protein in him," Ed instructed, mostly to Brooke. Unlike Noah, Ed wholeheartedly believed Sarah's promises.

"Don't worry you two," Brooke said, "I'll monitor both children."

Sarah scowled at her sister, "You have to go to work sometime," she warned ominously. "But, speaking of food, are we eating? I'm starrrvvvvved. Can we get Burrito Box? You can't get good Mexican in Philly."

Brooke smacked her lips, "There must be one good Mexican place in the city."

"Nope. Not one. Those disgusting cheesesteaks are on every corner, but I can't get a freaking decent order of chili con carne anywhere."

"What's everyone want?" Ed asked. "I'll call it in."

Olivia used the wait time to give instructions to Sarah and Brooke.

Emergency numbers on the side of the fridge.

Always have his inhaler with you, he hasn't needed it in a while, but, just in case.

Bedtime routine starts at eight. Two stories, tuck him in and give him Bernie. He usually goes to bed easily, but he's had this separation thing lately, so it could be ugly. Sorry.

Preschool starts at 9:00, but you can drop him at day care as early as seven.

You know how to work the TV and everything and you have the wifi password.

Noah and I bought snacks and things for dinner, so you don't have to order in or go out if you don't want to.

We'll call every night.

Thank you.

So much.

Sarah did not look at all daunted. "I'm so excited! Omigod, it's gonna be so great."

Brooke nudged her, "Practice?"

"No way," Sarah snapped, "I told you, no babies for a looooooong time."

Ed was out of earshot, so the three ladies engaged in a little unrestrained girl talk.

"I thought you and Jeff compromised?"

"We did. I said five years. He said one. So we settled on five."

"That's not what you told us before the wedding."

Sarah let out a frustrated breath, "He hasn't said anything, and if I'm not ready, then, I'm. Not. Ready. And it's not like he's ever around."

Olivia's eyes widened, "What do you mean?"

Sarah's tone became tinged with gloom, "He's always somewhere else. It was the offseason so he was skiing a lot, and now he's in Clearwater. Why? I don't know. He says he's training their stadium staff, but from what I see on Facebook, he's golfing most of the time. And even when he's in town, he's always doing something—going to a game or a concert and most of his friends are still single, so I'm never invited."

When Olivia heard Sarah's gripes about married life, she couldn't help but feel grateful that her own marriage and child had come in the latter part of her life. At first, this reality frustrated her and she constantly asked, both in her mind and in therapy, the same question over and over. Why did it take so long? But, realistically, taking so long was a blessing in disguise. Sure, she and Ed would never celebrate a golden wedding anniversary, but the years they spent together would be quality years; they would glean every ounce of happiness from the time they had. The problems common to young newlyweds didn't apply to them, they had never had a serious argument, and Olivia even had a hard time imagining a scenario that would lead to a nasty spat. Yet, none of this was going to make Sarah feel better, so she did her best to learn more about Sarah's angst.

"Have you talked to Jeff about it?" Olivia asked.

Sarah collapsed onto Noah's bed, smothering Bernie with her hair. "No, I mean, it's not like I'm not out doing things too, but it's like we have these two separate lives. And maybe I'm a little worried because it doesn't bother me as much as it should."

Olivia traded a quick, worried glance with Brooke who silently urged Olivia to take over the conversation. Brooke's eyes didn't lie. She had no clue what to do or say.

"Sarah, you really should sit down and talk about this with Jeff. Maybe make a concerted effort to spend more time together. But, if you're questioning whether or not you want to be married…sweetheart, that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. And before you have kids."

"I know, I know. It's just…Livvie, I bet you really miss Dad when he's not with you. I don't mean, like you're texting him every minute and miserable, but you would always, rather be with him."

Olivia admitted this was true, but she also acknowledged how out of character it was for her to feel this way and it took her some time to adjust. "Most of my life I've been on my own," she explained, "and I was proud of how independent I was. I never understood what it was like to have a true partner until your Dad came along, so, yes, I always would rather be with him. I don't feel…whole…without him. But that was a little frightening at first."

Brooke and Sarah both gaped at Olivia. They knew they could count on her for advice, guidance, and an objective ear, but when she offered such deeply personal information, they were not only fascinated with the romance of it all but also flabbergasted that the romance involved their father and had transformed him from steely workaholic to devoted family man.

Olivia knew what they were thinking and apologized for waxing philosophical. "Too much information?"

"Oh, Livvie," Sarah sighed, "I wanna be you."

Brooke rubbed her eyes in exasperation. Every time Sarah was face-to-face with Olivia she said something along these lines. "Oh, Sare…" She sighed.

Noah plodded into the room and moved his eyes curiously from Olivia to Brooke and then to Sarah. "You sleep in my bed, Sarah?"

"I guess I could…or maybe…" Sarah sat up and surveyed the room, "We'll make a fort in here and camp out!"

Ed poked his head in, "Noah was supposed to inform you that the food is here."

The girls and Noah filed out, eager to tear into the packages of burritos, quesadillas, and Sarah's chili con carne. Ed reached out his arms to Olivia and pulled her to a standing position. "This time tomorrow," he whispered, "we'll be in the Keys."

"I can't wait."

"I wanna dance with you at one of those outdoor tiki bars where they have the fire pits and the ukulele music."

Olivia took in the adorableness of his face and the specific request. "Do you have a place in mind?"

"No, I think I saw it in a movie once."

"We'll find one."

"Yeah. Let's make sure to do that."

….

Ed and Olivia stowed their carry-ons and settled into their first class seats.

"Sure you don't want the window?" Olivia asked as she lifted the shade.

"I'm good."

A flight attendant came over to take drink orders.

"I'll take a vodka tonic," Ed ordered, "and, my wife," he nudged Olivia who was peering out onto the tarmac, "Liv, whaddaya drinking?"

"I'll have a chardonnay, please." She leaned into Ed and murmured, "Your wife."

He pursed his lips and looked at her innocently, "What?"

"I like it when you say that."

"I like saying it."

Their drinks were delivered and they took contemplative first sips after toasting to the honeymoon. Ed had a book and Olivia brought a stack of magazines she never had time to read, but they put their reading materials aside and sat in silence, holding hands, as the plane taxied and ascended into the blue sky. The early March morning was clear but chilly, and in a few hours they would jettison their heavier layers in favor of shorts and t-shirts. Ed was even considering trying the flip-flops Olivia bought for him. Tucker was not typically a flip-flop kind of guy.

Ed ordered a second round of cocktails and massaged Olivia's thigh. "Whatcha thinkin' about?" Her gaze hadn't shifted from the window since takeoff.

"A lot of things," she said sweetly, not minding the interruption, "You, us, Noah, Sarah and Brooke, how excited I am to explore Key West with you."

"Wow. That's a lot."

"What were you thinking about?"

Ed leaned over and whispered something into Olivia's ear.

"Captain."

He laughed at his ability to make her blush, "You asked."

Olivia felt the need to change the subject, "I hope Noah is ok for Sarah."

"He was fine this morning." Indeed, Noah had not, as predicted, thrown a tantrum when Ed and Olivia said goodbye earlier that morning. They hugged and kissed him, promised to call, and grabbed their luggage. Noah, unfazed, curled up with Sarah on the couch and watched calmly as his parents left.

"I was sure he would freak out."

"Yeah, well, I think having Sarah there is good. And Brooke, too." Ed explained his theory about the root of Noah's anxiety-that he was reacting to the sudden withdrawal of the people he loved. It made sense to Olivia, but she was curious as to how Ed arrived at the conclusion. "I, uh, yesterday when you and Noah left…it was weird."

"Weird?"

"I realized…I don't like it when you're gone."

Olivia laughed, saw hurt in Ed's eyes, and quickly clarified her response, "I told Brooke and Sarah almost the same thing about you last night."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"We're on the same wavelength."

"We are. And I love it. I feel so…optimistic."

"Me too." He gave her one of her favorite kisses-the outwardly innocent quick kiss on the lips, but the one where he let his lower lip linger on hers for an extra second, foreshadowing something more intimate and passionate. "I'm so glad we're doing this." Prior to becoming involved with one another, neither Tucker nor Benson, had burned many vacation days. Even after Olivia took custody of Noah, she relied on Lucy and day care and rarely took time away from work. Not only had they found each other, they also were experiencing a new sense of adventure and a craving for time away from the job. They made no apologies for this; in fact, they vowed to take more trips as Noah got older. But this vacation, this honeymoon, was all about them. Surely, Noah would be missed like crazy, but both Ed and Olivia were looking forward to uninterrupted husband-wife time.

After an hour-long layover in Atlanta, they boarded a smaller plane for the two hour flight to Key West. When they began to descend, the two of them admired the aerial view of the keys. Olivia snapped a few pictures and snickered about taunting her squad with them when they landed.

"So, we'll check in…then, what do you want to do first?"

Olivia thought about the whisper. "Well, I know what you want to do," she flirted.

"Yeah, well, maybe, you know, we can work up an appetite and then grab some lunch."

His shyness made him irresistible. Olivia kissed him, keeping her eyes open and locked on his, "Sounds like a plan."

…

Noah and Sarah spent part of the afternoon ice skating and the other part of it seeing the latest Disney movie. Sarah made sure Noah was loaded with popcorn and candy, and the two of them fit right in with the boisterous mass of little kids and their caregivers. On the way home, Sarah decided to pay Brooke a visit. She had been at school overseeing the tutoring program that morning, but surely she would be home by now. They could hang out and then grab dinner before Sarah attempted her first solo bedtime routine.

Sarah babbled with Noah, wasn't completely aware of her surroundings, and bumped into Carisi as he exited Brooke's building.

"Omigod, omigod, I'm so sorr—" Sarah realized the person was not a random stranger. "Hey! Sonny! Long time no see!"

Carisi shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Yeah, uh, it's been since the wedding, right?"

"I think so," Sarah's stare bore into him as she came to the realization that he was Brooke's secret. "What's up?"

"Just stopped by to say hello to Brooke. On the way to the precinct."

"Well, stay safe out there." Sarah looked up at Noah who was slung over her back, "Tell Sonny to get the bad guys, No!"

"Get em, Sonny!" Noah exclaimed gleefully.

"Will do. Have a good night."

Sarah could not get to Brooke's apartment quickly enough. She burst through the door without knocking, and poor Noah had to cling tightly to her neck to avoid being flung across the room.

"Well, well, well," Sarah chanted, "The cat has been let out of the bag, sissy dearest."

Brooke played it cool, "What do you mean?"

"Noah and I just ran, literally, ran into a certain Detective Sonny Carisi."

"So?"

"Oh, spill it sister. You're caught. Over. Done. You're dating Sonny?"

"I wouldn't call it dating. We've been hanging out."

"Is that what you kids are calling it nowadays?"

"Oh, puh-leeease."

Sarah finally put Noah down on the couch and tossed him her phone. She'd downloaded a few games for him, but he opted to take photos of the girls instead. "Why are you so worried about Dad and Olivia knowing?"

Brooke shrugged, "We're not serious. And…it's just a little awkward because he works for Olivia. So I want to keep it on the down low."

"At least tell Livvie."

"No. Then she'll have to tell Dad. I can't ask her to keep that from him."

Sarah frowned. "Oh, sister. You're too dramatic."

"I'm dramatic?"

Sarah called over to Noah, "No, who's more dramatic? Me or Brookey?"

"You damatic, Sarah."

The sisters cracked up and piled on Noah, tickling him and blowing strawberries on his exposed stomach.

"What are we doing for dinner?" Brooke asked.

"Well, since Sonny is working, I guess you're joining us?" Sarah teased.

"Very funny. No, you wanna get pizza?"

He nodded.

"Ok. We'll get pizza and then I bet Mommy and Daddy will call."

"Mommy and Daddy on ba-cay-shun."

"Yes they are Noey-boey-goey," Sarah sing-songed, "But Brookey and I are gonna take the best care of you. We shall guard you with our lives."

Noah smiled, pointed the phone at Sarah, and she made funny faces for the camera. Noah laughed hysterically and snapped away.

…..

Ed and Olivia stepped out of the shower and came together for another prolonged kiss before toweling off. Ed delicately dabbed at the water droplets on her face, tempted to ask her if she wouldn't mind just going back to bed and staying there with him for the rest of the day and evening. Their ocean-front room was practically on the beach anyway. Why bother going out when they had the best of both worlds, especially with the balcony doors open, letting in the sea breeze and the sounds of gulls in the distance?

"You want to grab a drink downstairs and figure out where to eat?"

Ed replied playfully, "Not really, but, if you insist."

"I do…and…I promise, more of, you know," Olivia motioned towards the king-sized four-poster bed, "That later."

"Ok then," Ed oozed with cooperative spirit, "Whatever you want."

They dressed, found the bar, and parked themselves at one of the large tables. They sat side by side so they both had a view of the pool and the ocean in the distance.

The hotel was a historic Bed and Breakfast. Olivia raved about the ornate architectural details and breathed a sigh of relief because Ed had initially balked at her choice. To him, "Bed and Breakfast" meant shared bathrooms and communal meals, but Olivia assured him this was not the case, and it wasn't. Even though the hotel was over 100 years old, the rooms were updated with modern, private bathrooms, and the only meal provided was a continental breakfast. She wasn't sure where Ed got the idea that they would be forced to mingle with strangers at appointed times during the days and nights.

So, it was a little amusing when, after they'd toasted, shared a kiss, and started working on their drinks, a couple took seats next to them and immediately struck up a conversation.

"Where ya from?" The man asked. He was tall and thick, probably chiseled and athletic in his younger years, but now softer around the edges.

"New York," Ed muttered, trying to clue them in that he and his wife wanted to be left alone.

"Oh! Ok, we have friends in Utica."

"We're from the city. Manhattan."

The woman chimed in, "Manhattan? Wicked busy there."

"Where are you from?" Olivia asked, trying to be polite.

"Orono, Maine. Just outside Bangor."

Neither Olivia nor Ed was surprised. The couple had thick northeastern accents.

"I've never been to Maine," Olivia said, "but I've heard it's beautiful."

"We like it. We've been to New York a few times, but we prefer the peace and quiet."

"Nothing wrong with that," Ed chimed in a little too quickly.

The guy didn't get the hint, "Didja just get here?"

"We did."

"Well, piece of advice, you gotta make sure to get to Mallory Square for sunset. That sun just disappears into the horizon. Gorgeous."

"Yeah," Ed said, "I think, Liv, you have that on the list right?"

"I do."

The woman smiled, "We're probably going to see it every night. Breathtaking!"

"Also," the husband added, "You gotta try the conch fritters. They have all kinds of places of lobster rolls…but you need to come to Maine for the best lobster."

"We'll make sure to do that," Ed downed the rest of his drink. "Ready Liv?"

Olivia nodded and finished her wine, "Well, we're heading out to look around."

"Yeah, see ya around, ah, we didn't get your names. I'm George and this is Amy."

"Ed," Tucker shook the man's outstretched hand, "this is my wife, Olivia."

"Nice to meet you both. We'll see you around, maybe later for a nightcap."

Olivia smiled and reached for Ed's hand. "Enjoy your afternoon," she said graciously.

The two of them walked up Duval Street, stopping occasionally to peruse menus at restaurants and pubs that drew their interest. Olivia flipped through her phone and suggested a rooftop bar on the opposite end of the island which offered "breathtaking sunset views." Ed checked the time, they had a little less than two hours until sunset.

"Let's do it," he said eagerly, "and we can Face Time the kids from there." That reminded Olivia of the pictures she wanted to send to her squad. She fired off a few texts to Rollins, Carisi, and Fin, and relinked arms with Ed. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and murmured insistently, "After that, remember—"

"I know, I know. I haven't forgotten the promise." Olivia flashed a grin at him and shook her head, pretending to be annoyed.

Men.

….

Thanks for reading! More soon!

#Tuckson