- "She's gone. She's gone forever. She's not coming back. And it's your fault! Not mine!" [1x12 Skin Deep]
Word count: 401
There was something wrenching his insides, a nagging, nervous feeling he hadn't felt in a very long time. An annoying disturbance in his usually exaggerated manners, like a mouse nibbling at his guts. He wanted to strangle that mouse. Wring its little neck and feel its bones shatter under his grip until there was nothing left of that scrawny peasant from long ago. He desperately wanted to erase from his mind the image of that walking tragedy, with his bad leg and prematurely aged face and constant fear in his eyes, because such pathetic excuses for a person deserved to be squashed like insects. He just wished someone had had enough mercy to squash him while he was that man.
She had named him a coward before she left. While everyone else trembled at the mere thought of him, she looked him straight in the eye and gave him the worst scolding he could remember. That was the moment he realized she truly did love him. Coward. The word that usually echoed through his brain in Bae's disappointed voice suddenly got a whole new pitch. And just as he couldn't reach and hold tight enough to his son's hand, he couldn't be honest with her either. Because courage isn't measured by might. An innocent boy willing to forsake gold and power just to have his papa back and a young woman, beautiful inside and out, capable of loving a beast, they were the truly brave. It is the powerful ones who are always the biggest cowards.
After some careful consideration, he had come to a conclusion that there were ever only two people in his life that truly cared about him. Furthermore, they were also the only two people he had ever truly loved, even when he counted the years before he became The Dark One, when one could even consider him a good person. And they were both gone, both taken from him in the cruelest of ways.
But it took him many years, half a lifetime really, in this new world to finally see the whole truth. As three of Moe French's ribs finally cracked under the golden-enameled handle of his cane, he suddenly realized that this treacherous little mouse gnawing persistently at something inside of him was called Guilt. And it was there because, deep down, he had always known he was the one to blame for everything.
and if I only could
make a deal with god
get him to swap our places
Placebo – Running Up That Hill [Kate Bush Cover]