Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, nor their abilities. I do envy their creation though. I wish they were mine. Anyway, I also quoted some Shakespeare and referenced it with Wikipedia. So please, nobody sue me.
A/N: I know, I know, it is taking too long. I'll try to be faster this week. I actually wrote this chapter Wednesday, but I'm only just having time to type it up. So forgive me my friends. :D. Also, please review guys! I love reviews. They make me work harder. Oh, and this chapter lives up to it's 'M' rating. Thanks, EgweneBlack.
Reality Check
I can feel Bella's nerves as we lie quietly in her bed. Her arms are wrapped around me, and one of my hands is tangled in her hair. She is so beautiful. Her face is always like an open book. I think that even if I wasn't an Empath, or whatever you'd like to call it, I could still see how she felt at any given moment. Bella makes me feel almost normal again.
She glances up at me and gives me a shy smile. It is amazing to me that after what I've seen of her in the last two days, Bella still has her shy moments. You would think that compared to love making, that cuddling would be a simple comfort. With us though, this seems more intimate than I could have ever imagined.
"What are you worried about, Bell?" I ask softly. She jumps slightly as if she has forgotten that I am here. "I don't think Edward will take it too badly." That is a lie, but she needs to calm down before her heart beats out of her chest.
Bella looks down, her guilt seeming to magnify every second. "Actually," she replies calmly. "I was thinking of Jake. I'm really worried that he'll be furious with me." This surprises me. I didn't realize that Bella still had feelings for Jacob Black.
"Why?" I ask, honestly curious.
"Well, uh, I guess Jake always thought that if I changed my mind about Edward, that he would be the one I'd run to. I think he has always hoped that we'd end up together. I guess if I hadn't fallen for you that day in the garden, then I would have ended up with Jake." she whispers. Her heart is in overdrive now, like she is worried that I'll be angry.
"I just don't want him to be angry with me." Bella says finally, not meeting my eyes. I understand now. Bella does have feelings for Jacob Black, and she doesn't want to hurt him yet again. She does love him, but it isn't enough to make a difference.
"Do you want to see him?" I ask anxiously. "Do you want to see him in person to tell him about us?" I continue, surprised that my voice is so level. I definitely don't want her to see Jacob, but I trust Bella. Her emotions give away what she is thinking, and I know that she doesn't want Jacob anymore. She just wants him to be happy, and to make sure that he is okay.
Shock spikes out from the crazy bundle of emotions she is feeling. She pulls back and gives me an incredulous look. "You would let me go to La Push?" she asks. "You mean that I could go hang out with the werewolves and you would be fine with that?" I'm starting to regret bringing up this topic. What if she decides she does want to go? What if Jacob Black kisses her again?
"Of course I'm okay with it, Bell" I lie through my teeth. "He is your friend."
"Oh," she says, still a little shocked. "Well, I don't think that would be a very good idea anyway." she continued. "I should let Jake move on with his life. He'll find his mate soon enough." Bella sounded a little sad and a little jealous on that last. It was like she could imagine what could have been, if things would have worked out differently.
I pull her close and kiss her forehead. "Everything is going to be okay Bella" I whisper softly. The ringing of my cell phone draws me back to reality. Bella laughs as she hears the ringtone. If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, come on sugar let me know! If you really need me, just reach out and touch me. Come on honey, tell me so!
"That is my favorite of Rod Stewart's songs!" she cries. "To whom does that lovely ringtone belong?"
"Emmett." I say, smiling as Bella cracks up even more. "Hello?" I ask on the phone.
"Jasper!" Edward's voice is cheerful. I had forgotten that Emmett lent Edward his phone after Rose smashed Edward's last week. Bella's face falls as she sees the stoniness of my expression. "You are still watching Bell, right?"
"Hey, Edward." I reply carefully. "Yeah, I'm here with her now." I feel Bella's nerves go haywire. I pull her tighter to my chest and run my fingers through her hair. I can feel the panic taking over as she worries that she'll be forced to lie to him over the phone.
"She is sleeping right now, Edward." I reply, making a story up as I go along. Bella calms visibly. I know she is worried about telling Edward. Quite honestly, I'm worried too.
"Jasper, it is noon." Edward says, sounding concerned.
"I know," I say, trying to think up an excuse. I see a book lying in the corner of the room. "She stayed up late last night reading the last Harry Potter book." There was a pause.
"Oh, okay then. Well, have her call me when she wakes up then." he answers, finally. "Have you heard from Alice?" He tosses out. It makes me wonder if he knows something.
"Alice?" I ask. "No. Why do you ask? She knows that I'm watching Bell for you." I feel Bella stiffen when she hears Alice's name. Her guilt returns tenfold.
"Did you just call her Bell?" Edward asks, sounding startled.
I cringe at my mistake. "I guess I am a little distracted. Sorry. Now what was that about Al?"
There is another pause. "Well, I called Carlisle this morning and he said that around 11:00 last night that Alice had a very strong vision. Carlisle said it lasted for almost five minutes." Edward sounded worried. Guilt seizes my throat. "Carlisle said that she just took off after that. She didn't even explain where she was going. Carlisle tried calling you, but he said your phone wasn't on."
I have a sudden flashback of the night before. My clothes piled on top of my phone beside Bella's bed.
"Oh," I say lamely. "You know Alice. She probably just ran off to check on someone." I feel terrible. I don't like hurting Alice. She was my companion for decades. I may not be in love with her anymore, but I still care for her. I feel so guilty.
For some reason, I can't make myself regret falling in love with Bella. She is everything I've ever dreamed of. I suspect I dreamed of her even when I didn't realize I was dreaming of anything. I made some stupid excuse to get Edward off of the phone. I can feel Bella's anxiety increase, and I think she may be worried about me.
"Wha-what is wrong with Alice?" Bella stutters out miserably.
"I think Alice had a vision," I begin slowly. I know Bella will be just as upset as I am. "About us."
"Oh." she responds quietly. I can feel her guilt eating away at her. Her eyes are beginning to fill with tears. She'd like to think she only cries when she is mad, but everyone knows that isn't the only time. "Jasper," she finally continues. "I don't regret this. Us, I mean. But I never wanted to hurt Alice. All I ever do is ruin people's happiness."
"Bella, honey, you don't ruin people's happiness." I insist, trying to break through the layers of guilt she is suffocating in.
"Yes I do!" she answers wretchedly. "Alice, Jacob, Edward; how many others have I made unhappy?"
"Bella," I whisper. "Bella, please look at me. You do not ruin things for everyone. You cannot help it that so many people fall in love with you. You cannot help who you fall in love with. It is not your fault." I pull her face up until she is looking at me again.
Bella stops sobbing, but tears still stream silently down her face. All I want to do is make her smile again. I gently press my lips to hers. At first she is hesitant, but then she pulls me to her as if I can erase all of her sorrows. I deepen the kiss and pull her closer, never wanting to let go. Bella tangles my hair in her hands.
I feel her longing. It matches mine. My hands fly to the buttons on her shirt, and her hands jerk down to help me. I manage to pop a few of the buttons on her flannel shirt. I hope she knows how to sew. My lips find her neck and I hear her gasp beneath me. Shivers of pleasure run down her spine. I smile at the look on her face.
Love and pleasure radiate off of Bella, exciting me even more. Then I feel it: the rage that is coming from a few steps behind me.
I disentangle myself from Bella's arms, noticing in horror that I've managed to remove her shirt and bra. She gasps in shock as she sees Edward's terrifying face; her hands jerk the sheets up to cover her bare chest. Edward has never seen her this way.
I have never seen Edward this angry. His face is contorted in a fierce snarl and his eyes are pitch black pools of fury. When I see him crouch down as if to fight me, I spring to the foot of the bed in a flash. I make sure I'm between Edward and Bella. I hope for Charlie's sake that Edward gets control of himself. I will not let Edward get near Bella, but every step farther from her leads to Charlie.
Sheer panic is coming from Bella. I suddenly realize that I haven't used my ability. I quickly calm the room, which works on Bella, but only slightly for Edward. Finally Edward seems to realize that he is on the brink of monster-like behavior.
"Bella," he says, sounding dejected. "How could you? We are supposed to be married in two weeks." I can sense that Edward had no idea what he would find here. Alice hadn't called him, as I had feared she would. He sounds shaken.
Bella lets out a strangled sob. It is killing her to hurt him. I knew from the first that it would. She loved him for so long that she didn't want to let go at first. By the time she had realized that she didn't love him anymore, it had been too late to rekindle that flame of what they had.
"I am so, so sorry Edward," she sobs. "Please forgive me, but I cannot marry you. I don't love you anymore. I haven't for months now. "Bella looks like she wants to say more, but her mouth freezes at the distraught look on Edward's face. I remember what she told me about how she fell out of love with Edward. How he was so overprotective and pushed her farther away.
As soon as I think it, I try to push the thought down where Edward can't see. It's too late though. He already has. His head whips around to stare at me. Shock, anger, and hatred try to break against my induced calm.
"I only wanted to make sure you were safe, Bella" he says, turning back to look at her. His voice is pleading. "I love you Bella! We can work this out." Bella just turns over in her bed, putting her face in her pillow to muffle the sobs. It doesn't really help.
Too quietly for Bella to hear, Edward whispers, "Et tu, Brute?" Edward asks miserably.
(A/N: That phrase is supposedly the last words of Julius Caesar. Shakespeare makes it the most well known in his play Julius Caesar, by the first half of a macaronic line "Et tu, Brute? Then fall Caesar.")
"Why did it have to be Bella? Why did you have to fall for my Bella? How could you do this to me? How could you do this to Alice?" he whispers.
"I am sorry, Edward." I try to answer his questions truthfully. "Neither Bella nor I planned this. It just happened." A sudden picture of Bella and me in her bed flashes through my mind. I am too late to suppress it, again. His complete rage breaks my induced calm. Bella sobs louder, and Edward growls. He had seen enough, felt the passion and love we have for one another in my memory.
"Tell her goodbye, from me." Edward snarls nastily. "I hope the two of you enjoy your time together." And then he is gone. I am holding Bella in the blink of an eye. Her eyes are red rimmed and beginning to swell.
"Jasper!" she chokes out. "I can't believe I've done that to him. Edward has never been that hurt or angry before." Bella sobs.
"Bell, it is okay. He will be okay. Just give him some time to work through it, honey." I whisper. "He is more furious than he is heartbroken. He will find someone else."
"Are you sure Jazz?" she asks, looking hopeful for the first time.
"Positive, Bell." I answer honestly. "He will get through it, with time of course."
My cell rings again, this time it is Esme's tone. I am a little surprised by this. Esme rarely calls anyone.
"Jasper," Esme sounds sad and disappointed. "Edward told us what happened. How could you do something like that to your brother?"
"I'm sorry, Esme." I don't know what to say. I have always treated Esme as a mother, and I love that I actually think of her that way.
"Jasper, I think it would be best if you laid low for a few years. I love you, I do, but that would be for the best. I think you need to go away for awhile, son." If Esme was human, she would be crying right now. My heart breaks. Esme and Carlisle are like my parents. What can I do though, but respect their wishes?
"Of course, Esme." I am surprised at how calm I sound. It sounds unnatural. "I will do as you ask. Don't worry, I understand completely." With that, I crush the phone in my hand, allowing the dust to fly out Bella's window.
Bella looks shaken. "What did she say?" Bella asks quietly.
"She wants me to stay away for a few years." I answer, trying desperately to control my emotions. I didn't want to break and let Bella deal with my nutcase emotions.
"Oh Jasper, I am so sorry." She sobs into my shoulder, hugging me tightly. And she is sorry. I can feel her pity and love overwhelming me. I am so thankful that she loves me. What would I do without that?
I suddenly realize that her shirt is still off. My intake of breath is cut off when Bella crushes her lips against mine. Her kiss is fierce, as if she thinks that she'll never be able to kiss me again.
"Bella," I try to whisper. She stops her attack on my lips.
"What is it?" she asks nervously, suddenly self conscious.
"This is not your fault. You don't have to make up for anything, because you haven't done anything." I answer. "I love you. You love me. That is enough for anything."
"Good." she whispers back. "Then kiss me already."
I lower my face to hers, but instead of kissing her lips I pull my head to the left. She lets out a little growl of outrage, but I ignore her. I kiss her neck gently, picking up where I left off before Edward interrupted. I didn't want this to be like the last two times, the frantic, hurried sex that was nice, but not as intimate. I wanted this time to be special. After all, this was the beginning of our forever.
"Pretend that this is our first time, Bell." I whisper cheesily. She lets out a little giggle that quickly turns into a shiver when I run my tongue up her earlobe. My hand snakes up her stomach and caresses her nipples. I gently tease each one while I trail kisses across Bella's collarbone. She gasps in delight as I take one of her nipples in my mouth and suck tenderly.
Her hands weave into my hair, sometimes clenching tighter. When I reach a hand to unbutton her jeans, she stops me with a hand.
"Wait," she whispers softly. At my questioning look, she adds, "This has to be even. You are way overdressed." she finishes, eyeing my too tight Kansas shirt. I let her rip the shirt over my head. I feel her fingernails as they scrape my back. My shirt lands on her lamp. When I make a move to retrieve it, Bella grabs my arm. I happily turn back to her body.
My fingers move back to her jeans and this time she lets me slide them off. I kiss her stomach and her legs, loving the feel of her shivering against me. She stops me again when I start to take off her panties. I hear her muttering about 'being even again, so I take care of that myself, as fast as I possibly can. Bella gasps when she realizes that I'm not wearing anything.
Her eyes roam my body greedily, apparently appreciatively. I press my lips against hers again, this time allowing the kiss to deepen more quickly. Our hands roam each other's bodies wildly. Bella caresses my cock, not even noticing as I tear her panties off. This is going way to fast, I realize quickly. I want this to last.
I pull away from Bella, making her groan in annoyance. I shut the curtains in her room and turn off the lights. In the dark, I can hear her breathing as it accelerates. She doesn't know I'm there until I press my lips to hers. Her arms snake around my back and pull me close. Our bodies press against each other perfectly.
"Jasper," Bella whispers only my name, but I understand. I push inside of her slowly, wanting to savor every moment. She gasps and shivers. I am surprised at how our bodies react to one another. It is like a magnet, like we couldn't keep them apart even if we wanted to.
Bella pushes against my arm, and I realize what she wants almost immediately. I let her roll me over and take control. Something about this time is different. We are more full of love than lust now, and my heart feels ready to burst with it. I know Bella feels the same. I wonder how it can be so sweet and almost painful at the same time.
Bella lowers herself onto my cock, gasping again as she molds her body to mine. She presses as close to me as is possible. I think she may be trying to have every part of her skin touching me, no matter how impossible it is. I realize that I want that too, and I moan in pleasure as she moves against me.
Her lips find mine in the dark, and I feel perfection. I help her position herself better, and she pants into my mouth as she rides my cock. I can tell that this position is much more sensual to her, and I can feel her orgasm building even though we've only been going for a few minutes. I slide one of my hands down to find her clit and rub. She puts a hand in her mouth to stifle her moan of pleasure.
"Oh, god, Jasper!" She moans. Watching her like this pushes me closer to my climax.
"I don't think god has anything to do with this, love." I reply huskily as she falls onto my chest. I roll us back to our original position and pump my cock into her. It is amazing, feeling her orgasm I mean. I can feel every wave of pleasure as it rolls off of her. It is a surprise when I feel a second orgasm building inside of her.
A few seconds after she reaches that second climax, I explode into her. I think briefly how grateful I am that we don't have to worry about birth control. I start to pull out of Bella, but she wraps her arms and legs around me again. Instead of pulling out I roll to the side and we lie there as one, Bella still breathing as if she's run a marathon.
"Jasper," she begins, smiling into my eyes. "Let's get out of here." I look at her curiously.
"Where do you want to go, love?" I ask.
"Let's leave Forks. We can go somewhere else, somewhere you can change me and we can begin our life." My heart swells, loving how she intends to spend our lives together. Then my mouth comes open in shock. I don't know if I can change Bella without killing her. Carlisle is out of the picture, so what am I going to do?