Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BELLA

Rosalie puffed small breaths that fluffed her golden hair around her face as I tucked her into bed. While she was usually capable of doing this herself, tonight had been a pretty big night for her; the horridly blue-ish bruise forming on the side of her head testified to it.

She was going to rage-quit life when she woke and saw that greeting her in the mirror.

Served her right for jumping boys behind the bar.

Emmett had been the perfect gentlemen; helping me get her to the car and casually joking with me as I said goodbye. For someone who I had just met, I liked him immensely. Despite his egotistical exterior, he was kind-hearted, had a light sense of humour and was fun to be around.

He was good looking, too- just not in my sort of way. Dark, curly hair, broad shoulders, muscular: no wonder Rose had headed straight for the bar.

I had no idea where Alice had gone, but I was assuming it was somewhere with that crooning and mellow jazz boy: still yet to be introduced and named. For someone so chatty, Alice was pathetic with introductions.

As I turned off Rose's light, I realised I was happy that Alice had finally come across someone who captivated her attention and managed her so well at the same time. While she'd had several flings over the few years I'd known her, they'd always ended in disaster and Alice deserved to be happy. I had a good feeling about this smooth-talking crooner, and just hoped he'd be the guy she needed.

Unfortunately, my own love life, or lack thereof, became clearly apparent as I settled into my own bed alone. I'd never been the girl to search for a future partner, nor had I ever taken the slightest interest in marriage. In fact, I generally enjoyed being single. It was only in moments like these that I'd ever admit to myself that it would have been nice to have an interesting guy interested in me.

Or even just a guy who wasn't interested in spilling coffee all over me.

God, today had been horrific.

And Edwina, or whatever other name Emmett had called him, just didn't seem to get the hint.

What was worse, dickwad had a girlfriend.

Blondie, busty, and positively infuriatingly stupid. Plus, she liked fish.

Gah.

Fish.

And then he'd started flirting with barely-there-red-hair-waitress-girl. Not that she wasn't good looking; she was adorable. Incredible, even. But that didn't make it ok to cheat on blonde-chem-girl. Even if she did eat fish.

And the worst part was, I couldn't figure out why I was so annoyed about someone else's boyfriend being such a dick. Surely that shouldn't be something that had to play on my conscience.

I sighed as I pulled the duvet over my cold and frigid body.

Tomorrow, I promised myself. Tomorrow would be a better day.

EDWARD

A distinctive knock at my door announced Jasper's arrival. I flung the door open to see tousled hair, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, and the tell-tale shit eating grin.

Jasper got laid.

His matching strut confirmed it.

I smiled, happy that for once in his life, Jasper hadn't come off second best.

'Good night, last night Jaz?' I gestured for him to sit down, while I walked back to my kitchen counter and continued pouring a bowl of cocoa pops for myself, before adding milk and finding a spoon.

Jasper arranged himself on a chair, giving me only a noncommittal murmur as a response.

I plopped myself down on the couch and stared at my best friend, who was still happily gazing away at an old magazine I had left on the couch.

'Soooooo….' I prodded.

'You don't expect all the details, do you?' He smirked, drawling the sentence in his exaggerated Southern twang.

I nodded, which earned me a fist to the shoulder.

I ignored him, and continued. 'I want the who, what, where and how. Don't pretend like you're not eager to spill.' I shoved another mouthful of cocoa pops into my mouth and hummed.

'Gosh you're a vicarious slut sometimes, Edward.' Jasper laughed, glancing over at me. 'Her name is Alice, and we didn't have sex.'

I stopped eating and quirked an eyebrow.

'What?'

'God, Edward. Don't act like it's such a crime to keep the dick inside the pants.'

I snorted, and continued eating. 'I'm sorry,' I replied. 'I don't recall being the one who was found naked outside Juliet's apartment last semester when she wouldn't let you inside.'

He huffed at the mention of Juliet; the girl who had been on the recieving end of his endless pining for an entire six months before he realised she was a lesbian. Not that it really came as a surprise to the rest of us, but Jasper tended to be a little blind-sighted by girls who covered their walls in Fleetwood Mac posters, wore Rolling Stones shirts and owned the entire album collection of the Strokes.

I raised my hands in surrender. 'You know I'm only kidding, Romeo. Now tell me who the lucky lady is.'

He stole another glance over at me and chuckled. 'She's amazing, Ed, I can't even begin to describe her.'

'Pixie from last night?'

'I'm going to marry that girl.'

'And I'm going to marry Alf Stewart.' I retorted.

'No, really, Ed. She's going to be my wife someday.'

I gagged. 'What happened to 'My-favourite-girls-are-those-who-are-liberal-with-their-vagina's?'

'Suck my dick.'

'You'd like that, wouldn't you.'

'When was the last time anyone sucked yours, asshole?'

He had me there.

This dry spell was a bitch.

He snorted. 'You've been such a good boy lately I'm surprised that you haven't started attending church and signing hallelujah choruses.'

I rolled my eyes in his general direction.

'Maybe I'm just discerning in who I sleep with.'

He raised an eyebrow as if he'd never heard anything so ridiculous, and continued. 'Anyway, doucheward, the reason I'm here isn't to reaffirm your current bout of celibacy. Alice has invited us over to her house for dinner this weekend. I know how much you love lasagne, and she's got some cute housemates which I'm sure you can invite to Bible Study.'

'Fuck you.'

Jasper put his hands up in surrender. 'Whatever, Holy One. I'm just extending the offer. But this girl is lovely, and actually means something to me, so it'd be nice if you decided to show a tiny bit of support and a little less of your body… And don't even act like you're not remotely interested in meeting the housemates…. Unless of course you've taken a vow of abstinence in which case…'

'Fuck you.' I huffed.

'I'm just saying.' He laughed.

He'd made his point, though. The dry spell needed to be broken, and a housemate was a perfect distraction from Brown Eyes.

God, for a two-time encounter, she certainly wouldn't get out of my head. Or my dreams, for that matter. Last night had left me alone and sexually frustrated after Emmett caught me making eyes at red-head-bartender and ordered me upstairs, muttering something about needing to keep his employee's, not lose them to a one night stand. What was worse, my dreams had been plagued by a cute little body dressed in a small, thread-bare, revealing jacket. And in a true mirror of reality, dream girl was a tease.

God, I needed to stop thinking like that or I'd end up with the same large problem I'd woken with this morning.

Jasper smirked at my lack of retaliation.

I finally conceded defeat. 'Fine, I'll come. But don't expect me to become besties with the housemates while you and pixie sneak off to her canopy bed upstairs, like last time.'

Jasper had the decency to look guilty. 'I won't.' He promised.

'And don't you dare pass out naked outside her front door.'

He sighed. 'God Edward it was one time…'

'Aaaaand,' I added, grinning mercilessly. 'I know you two weren't just playing nice last night. Clearly you didn't just exchange words last night. I want the deets.'

He smiled and playfully punched me in the arm as he stood up, grabbing an apple from the fruitbowl and tossing it up in the air, just as a massive bulk of human barged through my open front door.

'I heard the word 'deets'. Dude,' he said looking at Jasper as he sagged into the other side of my couch. 'Spill.'

'Emmett, you ogre. Do you know how to actually use a doorhandle?'

'You ain't hearing nothing from me, Woodstock.' Jasper grinned and continued playing with the apple.

'I don't believe it then, Jazzy. As far as I'm concerned, you're still swooning over this sexy piece of meat. Which, by the way, you can't have.' Emmett gestured to his body, gyrating his hips into the couch like the ridiculously inappropriate animal he was.

Jazz threw the apple at Emmett's head, hitting with a thud.

'What the…' Emmett turned around and smirked at Jasper.

'I'm starting to believe nothing could have happened even if he'd wanted it to. The way he's acting, he's about as moody as a teenage girl.' Emmett stood up, helping himself to some biscuits in the fridge, shovelling them into his mouth and chewing loudly.

'God, you're a pig Emmett. Remind me again how you survived natural selection.'

Emmett grinned and returned to the couch. 'I'm the latest product of evolution, baby!' He exclaimed. 'You're just jealous that you're kind will be dying out soon.'

I stood up and slapped the top of his head. 'I struggle to believe that you're the latest product of evolution, when you eat like a fucking caveman.' I replied.

Emmett just snorted and turned on the football.

'You better learn to eat more politely if you intend to come to Alice's this weekend.' Jasper added.

'Alice?'

'The future mother of Jasper's children.' I replied.

'Ahhhhh… little pixie?' Emmett questioned.

'That's the one. Cute, isn't she?'

Emmett chose to ignore me, turning instead to face Jasper and smiling in delight. 'Jasper, my man! She's the one you did the dirty deed with!'

I chuckled.

Jasper rolled his eyes at us. 'You two are both as bad as each other. Does either one of you contain the mental capacity to have a respectable conversation?'

Emmett made his way back to the fridge, softly humming the melody of 'Get Low' by Little Jon and the EastSide Boyz.

'God, Em. No 'dirty deed' was done, you psychotic sex fiend.' Jasper continued, sighing exasperatedly. 'We met up, we hung out, and we talked a lot… the end.'

'Whatever, Cowboy, just because you're a prude and don't like spilling the goods doesn't mean the goods didn't happen.'

Jasper smirked knowingly in response, but remained silent- refusing to retaliate.

I sighed and took my seat at the foot of the couch and ran my hand through my hair. Alice's dinner was the perfect opportunity to scrutinise and evaluate Jasper's latest obsession, while her housemates would provide a fantastic distraction to my week of sexually-orientated angst. While it wasn't my place to decide what was best for Jasper, this 'relationship' or 'hook up' or whatever was out of character for him. He'd been hurt a lot in the past, and it took a lot for him to trust someone. I only hoped that this girl would be good for him.

And that her roommates could potentially be of benefit to me.

God, when had I turned into such a bad person?

I internally chastised my libido and sunk down into the couch, hoping that tomorrow night's lasagne and housemate-greeting would end in happiness for both me and my uncomfortably pent-up situation.

BELLA

I slung a string of inappropriate words together as the soft object hit me in the face again for the second time.

I rolled over and peeked through the covers to see a bout of spiky, black hair propped up next time, happily smiling down at me like she was the motherfucking queen.

'Morning!' Pixie chirped.

That girl needed to be exterminated.

I rolled back over and shut my eyes, only to feel a slight breath behind my ear.

'Beeellllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaa', she whined.

She was a merciless gremlin.

I pushed her head away with my hand.

She slapped my arm.

'Bella. It's eleven AM. Get the hell up, and help me in the kitchen. I need you to cook.'

'I didn't realise I was a slave.' I mumbled.

'Don't be immature. Jasper is coming for dinner, and we need to start cooking. Well, actually, I was hoping you wouldn't mind, but I've nominated you as head chef. The last incident I had with taco birthday cake wasn't exactly edible, and I need this to be comfortably digested.'

I cried internally at the endless torture of her high-pitched instructions. 'Why is it necessary to discuss dinner at breakfast time?'

She tossed my sheets and duvet onto the floor.

Oh, my cold and tender body!

I wanted to strangle something.

Preferably Pixie's neck.

She grabbed my feet to pull me out of bed, but I'd already grabbed onto the headboard and was holding on for dear life.

After a minute of grunting and struggling, she gave up and stomped down the stairs, muttering insults as she retreated.

I tried to turn by body on 'snooze', but after 10 minutes of staring at the ceiling I realised I could no longer prolong getting out of bed. I hopped up; grumbling about how today was supposed to be a 'better day' and generally hating on miniscule people who enjoyed jumping on those in deep slumber.

I wandered downstairs mumbling the repetitive mantra of 'today will be a better day, today will be a better day' to see Rose woefully rolling around of the couch watching some cheesy morning TV show, and Alice going manic in the kitchen with an egg.

'Morning, Rose.' I shuffled down next to her, taking in the big lump of blue that had formed on her head. 'You sure are looking pretty this morning.'

She glowered, and turned her attention back to the TV where a well-timed make-up advertisement promoting concealer had filled the screen. Rose groaned.

I began to hum the chorus of 'Blue' by Eiffel65, while standing up to get a bagel.

Rose threw a pillow at my head.

I sat at the counter, watching Alice look at a raw egg with odd fascination, before deciding to cut it with a knife. In an almost poetic fashion, the egg broke, spilt across the counter, and dripped onto her feet.

She huffed, before slouching against the counter and crying in outrage. 'My feet are yellow!'

I decided to step in. 'Alice, enlighten me. What exactly are you trying to do?'

'I'm making lasagne.'

I took in the circular bowl currently filled with some grated cheese, a little bit of mince and half a tomato.

'Are you sure?'

She flounced down on a kitchen stool. 'I have no idea.' She wined. 'I have been trying so hard and this is as far as I get. Jasper's coming for dinner and I told him we'd have lasagne but…It looks more like some form of minced cake.'

She was right. It looked hideous.

'AND MY FEET ARE YELLOW.'

I decided to sidetrack her from her soggy, yellow feet. 'Tell me more about Jasper.'

She flounced down upon the bench chair, her yokey feet suddenly forgotten. 'Oh Bella. He is amazing. A perfect gentleman, in fact, he even offered to go to the faculty's fashion party next week.'

I wasn't sure if this made him sadistic or naïve, but I decided to let it pass. Instead, I decided to grab hold of my inner martyr, and within the space of five minutes I'd taken control of the kitchen and the beginnings of a respectable lasagne was finally beginning to take shape.

Alice busied herself by cutting up the salad, and then decided it was better to retreat to her room once she's accidently butchered the lettuce beyond recognition.

I finished the lasagne, wrapping it up in cling-wrap before placing it in the fridge to cook later. Alice came and went, nodding and giving instructions as if she actually understood what I was doing, and I found myself also baking some chocolate brownies for dessert.

Once she was satisfied that I had reduced the risk of her dinner guests getting Salmonella, I was dismissed and made my way upstairs with some green tea, grabbing a romance novel that was lying on my floor and retreating to the balcony, submerging myself under the cushions and blankets in the chilled Autumn weather.

A quick glance in the old, mosaiced mirror reaffirmed that my appearance had gone from clean to floury in the space of a few hours, and my hands smelled like tomato and mince, but I decided I could shower later and instead turned on my ipod, opened my book and lost myself in the cliched romance of someone elses characters.

The old, whining sound of the doorbell startled me to consciousness about an hour later; according to the rusting clock across from me on the balcony floor. As I glanced at myself in the window, it became very apparent that I'd decided to have a nap: my hair sprouting from six different directions, my face indented with the pattern of my selected cushion, and a very unattractive line of dribble that had dried on the side of my lip.

It was times like this I wondered why I didn't have a boyfriend.

Confused about the doorbell, I peeked over the railing.

Unfortunately, the porch was out of view thanks to the wild, intrusive and untrimmed leaves of the vine. Sighing, I planked myself across the railing of the balcony like the unfortunate creeper I was.

Mellow-Jazz boy was standing on the porch, looking casual and the slightest bit delicious in jeans and a polo shirt.

I leaned over a little further, edging my head around the vine and noticed mellow-man was carrying some form of brown paper bag, perhaps containing alcohol. God, I hoped so- if I was going to get through tonight's insufferable coupleliness, then I was going to need a lot of booze.

Said just like a classy lady.

Mellow-Jazz boy stood, tapping his foot impatiently, as if he hadn't seen the Pixie in days. He turned around and mumbled something, and I adjusted my line of sight just in time to hear a car door slam.

Loudly.

Really Loudly.

I startled at the sound and felt myself begin to lose my foothold.

Shit.

'No, no, no, no, no!' I mumbled, grabbing onto the vine for dear life. The only thing that could possibly be worse than being caught creeping, was to be caught face-down eating dirt on the front lawn.

I tried to grab onto the balcony railing, but I was already facing upside-down, and there was no way I could grab on well enough.

Instead, I settled for grabbing at the branches of the vine.

I reached out for what appeared to be a stronger branch, but was instead greeted with leaves in my hair, mouth and hands, before gravity decided to be an absolute bitch and tooss me through the vine, screaming and plummeting into the pit of lost dignity and endless mortification.

Fuck my life.

The freefall was short, and softened by my brief detour through the vine, but the impact was painful.

And every bone in my body felt it.

A soft 'fuck' flew from my lips, and I took a deep breath, counting to ten before chancing a peek out of the corner of my eye.

Mellow-Jazz boy was standing above me, assumedly trying to decipher if I was a) alive, and b) functioning properly. Which, considering my free-fall extravaganza, I clearly wasn't.

As I turned to my left, I was hit with a whole new wave of mortification.

Keen-kid-number-1 was back.

Aaaaand standing high and mighty like god himself, judging all those who hang off railings and stalk potential dinner guests.

I rolled my eyes, only hating myself more.

I shuffled over and spat out some leaves, in addition to half the lawn which I had eaten on impact, righting myself and wiping the dirt of my arse.

The future father of Alice's children politely extended a hand.

I glanced at him quizzically, assuming there was no way he intended to have polite introductions after that horrific performance. In fact, I couldn't even smile, because there was so much dirt and organic-y goodness in my mouth that it would have looked as though I farmed worms in between my front teeth. I saved him the trouble, and instead turned to open the front door.

'It's Bella. And you'll have to excuse me while I go and clean my teeth.'

Good, Bella. Word vomit is definitely the right way to go.

I heard someone chuckle, and glanced over to see that KKN1 was still standing there, with a mixture of concern and amusement- but mainly amusement- covering his face.

I flipped him the bird and stalked inside.

It was going to be the longest of long nights.

A/N. It took me a while to put this one together. I've had a lot of ideas, but working some of them together is sometimes more difficult than planned. I was on struggle street for a lot of this chapter, so hopefully it's not too horrific. Please keep in mind I'm still new to this, and so feedback is always appreciated.