4. Shove

"What's been going on with you lately, Bella?"

Tanya sat back in her office chair and folded her hands over her lap. The ease of her contentment was off-putting. Normally, a superior would chastise and belittle an employee for poor work quality, but Tanya's staunch concern was unexpected given how she usually handled things with staff. She had an iron fist on good days. I had made it a point not to get into her crosshairs but over the last couple of days, I had let my work performance slip. Another thing to blame on Edward. Ever since he had cornered me in the copier room I've been a combustion of oversexed thoughts and paranoia. Edward had left me panting and didn't return until Monday morning. It was like Friday never happened in normal aspects. He still went for his walk in the morning, got his coffee at the same time. He talked to our coworkers like it was any old Monday at the office. But when he would catch my eye, it was all dark looks and sly glances. What I thought I had learned about him up to that point was moot. He wasn't just the sunshine and breeze of the day; he was the shadows and stealth of the night. A total contradiction.

"What do you mean?"

Tanya shared a warm unnatural smile as she leaned forward in her seat. I wiggled in mine; preparing myself for the load of bullshit about how well she understood me when she really didn't.

"I know your history with Jacob Black, and since then I have put special attention to watching you." She tipped her head like she was going to tell me something I didn't know. "Making sure your behavior… stays even."

I nodded. Even? Is that what people called it? How about stark raving lunatic? I, of all people, wanted to stay even, as she put it. Of course, she would be well versed in my history with Jacob. She was editor-n-chief. It had been stupid of me to think otherwise. I thought I hadn't been obvious, but it's clear Tanya had suspected I was out of sorts lately. I knew I was. Missing deadlines, typos I had let go when they were clear as day, forgetting to make sure the copy got to the production on time. Since sunny Edward had taken a backseat to the midnight version, I felt all discombobulated. Plus, he had yet to speak to me.

But he watched me now. Every step I took, his eyes were on me. The tables had turned and I wasn't too comfortable letting Edward examine my every move. Letting him, being the easiest way to explain what I was doing. I let him watch, let him spy; let him take me down to my very marrow. I could see he enjoyed it just like I enjoyed being on the other side for once. There was no explanation for the turn of events other than I had lost my upper hand and he had gained control of my desire.

It was getting to be too much. But it sent a thrill down to my core that Jacob never brought out.

"I would never let anything happen again. My private life will never affect my work life. " It was a solid promise and a fact. Jacob Black was behind me and he had made it final the last day I had seen him. He shooed me away like a nuisance. Edward was different. Well, I thought he would have been different before he locked me in with him strong eyes and husky whispers. My stomach fell out when he said he had seen me, when he said we all have secrets. I have been a pile of nerves ever since.

Tanya settled a look on me. "I noticed you have a distant interest in Edward Masen. I wondered if history is repeating. Especially after I got a call from Production…"

I shook my head, adamant. "No, Tanya. I'm remaining professional. You can trust me. It's not what you think."

"I know I can, Bella. You're one of our best copy editors. I would hate to lose you for such… unusual indiscretions. But I do have limits. Jacob Black was one strike. I don't tend to hand out any more passes. If you let yourself go again, I would have to resort to termination. One scandal is enough."

I bowed my head. "I understand." This whole meeting felt like a child being scolded for taking a piece of candy without asking.

With a keen smirk, Tanya dismissed me and I headed back to my cube, piss mad the whole way. No one knew the real story about Jacob Black. All they knew was what he told to cover his own ass. To make himself look like the martyr. I was forever branded after him. I had sworn to myself that I would never let myself be victim to my obsessions again. With Edward, I had kept it quiet. Or so I thought. The past week had been madness and it was all his fault. Only if he didn't change into this… monster. Only if he would have stayed good, I wouldn't be so aware of him. He was affecting my work and I had to put my foot down. From here on out, he was invisible. The side-glances, the lip bites, the devious presence… Done.

I flopped down on my office chair. My mantra of "Jacob is not Edward" should be, "Stay away from Edward" because I could lose my job if I let things get out of control again. I knew of all people how screwed up I was. It was a given. My past dictated it. This job, though, was a lifeline I hadn't dreamed I get after my parents died. I wasn't sure where to go from here if all of it fell apart. I didn't know any better. Not that I didn't try to know better with Jacob. But it was too dangerous to let it all go again. Edward from far away was one thing, Edward up close and all-knowing he was up close was another. My well-oiled machine didn't deserve Edward's wrench in my spokes. Not after Jacob had run it ragged, and I had finally repaired the broken bits. Tanya noticing a change in me was only the first warning bell. If anything with Edward escalated, I would be in some serious shit.

I banged on my keyboard for a couple more hours before calling it quits for the day. Edward had remained scarce around the floor, which I was so grateful for. I actually got some work done, and Tanya had complimented me on my fast turnaround of an edit for Wednesday's issue on her way out the door. I had been so caught up in work that I didn't have time to think of Edward once and patted myself on the back for ridding him for a couple of minutes. It was a baby step.

The line at the pizzeria was long, but Mondays were takeout day so I waited. When I finally got to order, I opened my mouth to speak when I was interrupted.

"A large Italian sausage and mushroom with extra cheese, please."

Like out of a horror movie, I turned slowly around, dreading what lay behind me. Edward stood, winked, and shoved money around me to the cashier.

I batted his hand away and gritted through me teeth. "What are you doing? No!"

"Ordering pizza for us. What are you doing?" The smirk he gave me made chills run up my spine.

"Rejecting that thoughtless idea," I said a little too bluntly. Surprising him and me both. I thought better of if once it was said when a smidgen of pain crossed his face. What in the hell had come over me? Any interaction with him I had been bold and unrestrained. I was starting to not recognize myself anymore. It confused me. "Sorry," I said in a tiny way.

"But it's your favorite," he said as a matter of fact and not ashamed.

How did he know Italian sausage and mushroom with extra cheese was my favorite? I froze when the meaning became clear. Where we more alike than I thought? The revelation threw me for a loop and I stepped aside as he paid for our food. Edward guided me to some chairs to wait for the pizza to cook.

We stayed quiet as I let whatever it was happening between us to stew. He threw an arm behind and I let myself lean into his body. It was warm and unassuming. Natural. Weird. The process of understanding what Edward had so knowingly shoved in my face felt akin to a dawning light bulb above my head.

The only question I had was, "How long?"

"It took you awhile to figure it out."

Next: Breath

Thank you for all the nice words you've been sending me. This is really just a writing exercise for me. Like first draft stuff to get me out of my box and writing again. I don't have a beta, I'm only self-editing—which you know if you self-edit you can never find all your mistakes—and I'm just throwing this up here. It's not superstar writing or anything, just playing around. Hell, it may not make sense all the time either. LOL! It's my goal to finish a writing project and not give up midway through. So, if I can conquer that, I'm calling this a win. Is this story for everyone? Nope. Will it make the sense all the time? Nope. Will it be interesting? I hope so. Will it have a happy every after? Of course. It's just not typical and not canon at all. But, hey, I love those types of stories.