It's a long road.
And it's all hers. There's nobody she has to listen to. Nobody she has to think of. Nobody she has to remember. Nobody she has to think of. Nobody to take into consideration. For the first time in her live she can do what she wants. She doesn't need to think of her father. Doesn't need to think of her friends. Doesn't need to do what others want her to do. Doesn't need to think of anyone but herself.
It's a great feeling.
For the first time she can do what she wants. She can sing out loud if she wants to. She can cry if she wants to. She can eat what she wants. Sleep when she wants. She can live the way she wants to live. She can be who she always wanted to be. Nobody to hold her back. Finally free of all the burdens. Finally free of everything but the memories. And the pain.
Still as she looks at the long road before her, she can't help but smile.
She's happy.
She stops at a small diner.
She's hungry. She knows she should have eaten before. But she didn't want to stop at just any diner. Despite being free she had to be careful. She had seen with Lilly what could happen if you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. And she had seen with herself that she couldn't trust anyone. Not even the people that had once been her friends. She pushes the thoughts of that party – she feels dirty, violated- to the back of her mind.
She orders some eggs. The diner is quiet.
The lady behind the counter is friendly. Veronica is sure she has worked here her entire life. She has probably never been outside this town. One look at her and Veronica knows she doesn't need it. She's happy. She radiates happiness. She smiles and Veronica can't help but smile back. It seems that the further away from Neptune she gets the easier it is to be happy. The more she can be herself again.
She should have left sooner.
The women introduces herself as Katie.
Veronica doesn't know why. She has seen it in movies. People always talk in diners. Perhaps it's the knowledge that they don't know who you are. They don't know if you tell them the truth. And they don't care. You're just a passing costumer. You're nothing more than a part of their day. They'll forget you as soon as you walk trough the door. Maybe that's why people open up more easily.
There's no need to hold back. Because they don't care.
She tells Katie her name without hesitation. She tells her that she has lost her friends. And is out looking for herself. That she feels that she has lost something important. And she needs to find it. Katie tells her that everybody feels like that sometime in their life. That it's good to get out and search for it. Just remember, she says, that home is always waiting there for you honey. An hour later Veronica pays for her food.
'Do you know where you're going?' 'No.' Veronica answers truthfully.
'Than how will you know if you get there?'
'That's a good question. Have a nice day.'
It's three days later.
Three days and a number of towns. She didn't count them. It wasn't important. She hardly stopped in any of them. Just to eat and sleep. She keeps driving but she knows something is wrong. She doesn't know what it is. But something is wrong. With her. At first she's afraid. Afraid it might be that something happened to her father. She called him.
He was glad to hear her voice. He told her he was alright.
She doesn't make it to the next town. She has to stop the car and run out. She feels sick. Everything she has eaten comes back out. She sits down next to the car. Resting her head against it. She takes deep breaths. Trying to make herself feel better. She feels dizzy. She doesn't know what's wrong. It takes a while before she feels well enough to get up. She gets behind the wheel and slowly starts to drive.
She'll stop at the next town. And search for a hospital.
The next town is three hours away.
By then the dizziness has faded a little. So has the stomach pain. Still she sets out to find a hospital. She needs to see a doctor. She doesn't want to find herself stranded in the middle of nowhere. And sick on top of that. She hopes there's a free clinic in this town. She doesn't have enough money to go to a normal one. She has money. Just not a lot. She wonders if the help Jake offered her included loaning her some money if she would end up truly needing it.
Luck seems to be on her side. There's a free clinic.
She parks her car. She checks five times to see if the car is parked correctly. She can't afford a ticket. Or worse to lose the car. She makes sure the car is locked. She doesn't want it stolen either. She takes her bag with her just in case. She makes it just trough the door. That's when she throws up again. A nurse is by her side instantly. Nobody says anything about the vomit on the floor. She guesses it's not the first time.
Veronica is brought to an exam room. She's sure to feel better soon.
First it's a male doctor.
She thinks it will be alright. She has no problem with it. Until he wants to do a physical. To check if she's alright. She knows he's doing his job. She knows he won't hurt her. She still refuses. The doctor looks at her questionably. Veronica is sure nobody has ever come to a hospital and refused to be threaded. Their eyes meet and he must have seen something in hers because he immediately softens.
He asks her if she would prefer a female doctor.
She's happy she didn't have to say it out loud. She feels dirty. Guilty. They know. They all know why she doesn't want a male doctor. They know what happened to her. She's never felt so sick. So violated. She wants to run. But she knows she can't. The female doctor is kind and understanding. She asks questions. Questions that are not answered. It's to late. This happened weeks ago. Nobody can help you anymore. You'll never go to the police.
She did go. The sheriff laughed with her.
She has Chlamydia.
When the doctor tells her she stops breathing. She knows what it is of course. She just never expected to have it. She's never had sex. She's innocent. A virgin. Tears shine in her eyes as she realizes the harsh truth. She was raped. Somebody violated her. Somebody took away her innocence. Somebody destroyed her. And gave her an illness as well.
That she could have still dealt with.
The next part was worse. Pregnant. She was pregnant. She was sixteen years old. On the road. In the middle of nowhere. She was all alone. Her best friend was dead. Her mother had abandoned her. All of her friends had turned their backs on her. She abandoned her father. One of her so called friends raped her. And now she is pregnant.
She thinks she might be sick again.
The doctor gives her medicine for the Chlamydia.
He tells her she should return. She tells him she can't. She's traveling she explains. She has to get somewhere at a specific time. He relents and tells her what to do. He gives her a letter to give to the doctor in the next hospital. He tells her she should go. He asks her how old she is. She lies. She tells him she's eighteen. He doesn't ask more questions.
He gives you information about the pregnancy.
Veronica only notices when she leaves that the female doctor disappeared. Maybe they had just switched while she was being checked out. It's not like it matters. Not at all. Veronica feels dirty. She stops at the first sign of a motel. She rushes upstairs and stalks in the shower. There she stays for hours. Violated. Hurt. Betrayed. Pregnant.
She sinks down. She pulls her knees against her chest. She places her head between her legs.
And she sobs.
Jake goes in his daughter's room.
He hasn't set foot in here since his daughter died. But tonight he felt he had to. He had lost her. He had loved her so much. He had tried to protect her. But he had failed. She was taken away from him. It's not his son's fault. He knows that. Duncan needed to be protected. No matter the consequences. How the town reacted was not his fault. Not his fault at all.
He's not the blame for their actions. He's not to blame for their pain.
He sits down on the bed. The bed on which his daughter should be sleeping. But she is not. Nor will she be ever again. His eyes wander to the bedside table. There are three pictures on it. The first is of Lilly and Veronica. He feels a pang of guilt as he looks at the two happy girls. He hasn't seen Veronica smile since that night. It's not his fault. He had to protect Duncan. It needed to be done. The next picture is perhaps the worst to look at. Veronica and Duncan. So happy. So in love. So perfect together. Destroyed because he wasn't strong enough. He had Leanne. He loved Leanne. Duncan and Veronica had paid for it.
He puts the pictures down and walks out of the room. He can't handle it.
He runs away from what he's done.
Veronica calls her father.
She calls him to tell him she's alright. She calls to see how everybody else is doing. She calls him just to hear his voice. She needs to hear it. It's what makes her calm down. She doesn't tell him what's going on. He doesn't need that. He'd kill every boy just to get the right one. Her father should be free of this burden. She hangs up and stares at the phone.
She doesn't know if she should.
She dials Wallace. But he's out. She leaves a message. Telling him she's just checking in. That she's alright. She hangs up. She dials another number. It rings twice before somebody picks up. 'Duncan Kane.' She's silent. She doesn't know why she called. Nor does she have anything to say. She just need to hear his voice. He doesn't say anything either. She doesn't know if he knows who it is but he's silent. There are so many things she wants to say.
She doesn't. She hangs up before she can say a word.
She calls Jake Kane in the morning.
He picks up immediately. Veronica assures him everything is alright. Even though it's not. Jake offers him her help again. She doesn't know why he offers it really. It's not like he was so keen to help her months ago. When she needed it. When she still might have been saved. Had he stepped in she wouldn't have needed to run. Her father was only doing his job after all. It was not his fault.
She doesn't tell him this. She asks him if he could loan her some money.
He tells her of course. Immediately. He asks how much. She tells him. It's not much. She knows that he will never miss it. He's a billionaire after all. She doesn't need a lot of money. It's just in case. In case something happens. She needs a back-up. Just in case. Veronica doesn't tell him of her problems. She tells him where to send the money to. She thanks him and hangs up.
She doesn't know if he does it because he really cares or because he feels guilty.
She finds she doesn't care either way.
She lies down and stares at the ceiling.
She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know how to deal with this. Being raped was bad enough. She barely made it trough that. The laughter of the sheriff still rings in her ears. But she doesn't know what she'll do now. If she's pregnant. If she keeps the baby. She'll never return to Neptune. Her rapist will laugh at her misfortune. She can already hear Logan's remark. She doesn't know what to do. She feels dirty. Guilty. This is her own fault. She shouldn't have gone to that party.
She never thinks about terminating the pregnancy.
It's not the baby's fault. That is the only thing she's sure of. It's the innocent in all this. Not for the first time in the year she wishes for Lilly. She knows she can't return. But for the first time she truly needs her best friend. She needs her advice. Her support. She needs to be the person she was before she lost her. Care free. And innocent.
She falls asleep eventually. She dreams of white dresses and laughing sheriff's.
She drives off the next day.
The long road stretches out in front of her. But she's not happy anymore. She's in pain. She's dirty. She has been betrayed. By the people she trusted. She doesn't turn on the radio. Doesn't want to hear the songs that will make her remember. Instead she stares at the open road.
She still doesn't know what she'll do.
How she'll deal with this. She knows she probably can't. The happiness has faded away. Tears shine in her eyes.
She's not free.