It had been a week since Christian had seen Syed and he´d gone through the whole range of emotions multiple times. No one cared how he was; his family had been strangely aloof. He had been quieter than his usual self at work but then the Mitchells had always been an egocentric bunch. He was dealing with this all on his own and, although he found it hard to admit, he felt really alone.
What made it worse was that he knew Syed was going through a similar struggle. He just hoped he was being given neither the time nor space to hurt. Then again, Christian didn´t want him to be able to run away from, or ignore, the truth. The truth was Syed loved him. It was fact. It was clear as day. It was right. If only Syed could see that for himself. Urgh, it was so frustrating!
He gave in. He called Syed´s phone but as there was no reply, he would have to go down to the unit himself. He didn´t know precisely what it was he wanted to say, nor why this time should be any different to the other failed attempts to win Syed round but he had to see him. He knew that sometimes it was just about catching him in the right mood. A week ago, he wasn´t saying no. He had to take a chance.
He opened the door to the unit and almost clattered into Zainab who was on her way out. They stood just inside the doorway, her giving him the iciest of stares. "Yes?"
"Listen Zainab, I don´t want any trouble."
"Then why are you here?" she snapped.
"I´m looking for Jane."
"Like you were last week, I suppose?"
Right, thought Christian, she knew. But what did she know? Just that he´d been at the unit. It wasn´t a crime. Neither was sleeping with her son for that matter. He stood firm. "OK, I was looking for Syed. Is here in there?"
"You think I would tell you?"
Urgh, thought Christian, the woman was incorrigible. "We´re friends, Zainab – I´ve got nothing to hide," he said defiantly. He wasn´t going to let himself be bullied by her anymore.
She paused and then laughed one of those curious laughs that made Christian uneasy. "Nothing to hide, eh? The tell me, why are you looking for him? For a friendly chat, I suppose?"
"Yes, actually."
"Well he doesn´t need you for that."
"Actually, Zainab, he does."
"Oh, you are an arrogant man!" She was suddenly irate. Christian half-expected fire to breathe from her nostrils.
"Arrogant, Zainab? You´re a fine one to talk – thinking you can control your son´s heart, as well as his head."
"How dare you speak to me like that!"
"How dare you speak to me like that!"
"What´s going on?" Syed had presumably heard their argument escalate from the kitchen and it was Christian and Zainab´s turn to feel like the naughty schoolchildren. Neither rushed to protest their innocence upon danger of sounding the mouthiest and accused as perpetrator. It was a trait they shared, letting their mouths run away with them, but it was no way to win over Syed and both so wished to have him onside.
"We were just talking, Pappu," said Zainab, delicately.
Syed looked from his mother to Christian, waiting for him to challenge this clearly false statement. Christian in turn looked at Syed, waiting for him to call his mother on her lie but he just seemed to stand there and accept it. She really did have a grip on him, didn´t she? He gave Syed an incredulous look and left mother and son to consolidate whatever messed up relationship it was that they had.
Christian sat in the square wondering where he´d gone wrong. He began to think that there was a dark dynamic underlying the Masood family. Is this how things worked with them: Zainab protects the family name from shame and judgement and Syed protects his mother from any outsider that should question her method or motive? What a pair! He replaced his ill-feeling towards Amira with pity. The poor girl didn´t know what she was up against. Was anyone in that family actually happy?
"Christian."
Christian didn´t have the will to acknowledge Syed, not after all that had gone on. He was joined on the bench and could see Syed fidget in his peripheral vision. It was quite clear after a few seconds that Syed didn´t know what to say but Christian didn´t help him. He was seething – with Syed, with Zainab, with himself for letting it get this far.
"I…"
"Save it, Syed."
"Mum shouldn´t have spoken to you like that."
"It´s not your mother´s reaction to me I´m bothered about. In fact, I´m not bothered about anything anymore so run along now, be a good boy." Each word dripped with resentment.
"I´m sorry, OK? I never meant for it turn out like this."
"Well, it has, so why don´t you get back to mummy before she…"
"Stop it! Stop it, Christian. And will you look at me!" Christian couldn´t bring himself to look at him – it was hatred he felt, for real this time. Hatred.
Syed tried again. "Christian, can we at least go back to your flat? I need to talk to you."
"For fuck sake! To say what, huh?" To say what?!" He´d gotten to his feet, his voice carrying a little more than he´d wanted and people were staring.
His anger then carried his legs towards his flat and, once inside, he kicked anything that would smash until all his fury was a thousand pieces of glass and ceramic on the floor. He sat amongst it all crying his eyes out, eventually exhausting himself into an uneasy sleep.