Light. Brightness was all I saw. Blind brightness was all that surrounded me. Nothing more, nothing less. Just white, no dimensions or shadows. Like a blank piece of paper. Like staring at the sun for too long and seeing nothing but white.
I moved my small, white, blue-veined hand so it was in front of my face, moving my thin, bony fingers, tensing and stretching them, watching the movement in sheer wonder. It made my hands feel strong and useful.
It felt amazing, like I had not felt the joys of the wonderful movement ever. Like, my whole life, I had been deprived of the natural pleasure of flexing my hand, spreading my fingers and balling my fists.
I moved my wrists in a slow circular motion, a small smile coming to my lips. I could hear the wonderful cracking sound my wrists made. I could hear the loud crack it made from where I had broken my wrist, like bone on bone, grinding.
My skin feels youthful; baby pink and soft. Flawless, no scars, or burns anywhere. Like nothing in my past had ever happened. I felt young too. Like all the sins that had happened to me, and the sins I had committed had left, leaving me flawless and beautiful.
I rolled my shoulders in union, and moved my head along with them. The muscles and ligaments began popping and cracking. Bliss. Sheer and utter and bliss. Really, I was surprised at the amount of cracks that were coming from my neck.
I began walking slowly, one foot after the other. The movement felt strange, but I could not quite figure it out. I put it aside. It would come back to me later on.
I began running. Just running, jogging. It felt great to be able to stretch my muscles to their full potential, feeling them move. Using them, knowing how strong they were, what they were made to do.
It would be better if I had somewhere to run to though, other than the nothingness that surrounded me. Blindness almost. It felt as if in any moment I might run into a white wall and hurt myself. It felt like running with your head down, watching your feet. You shrink at the tiniest of things, like lampposts and cars.
But I now entered a forest, leaving behind the white, frightening blindness. A dark forest surrounded me, tall and thick, which seemed almost as bad to me.
I was jumping over thick logs, skinny logs, rotting sticks with moss covering them and shallow holes in the hard ground. It felt heaven-like to be able to run, to feel the air going in and out of my unused lungs. It was like going for a run, and being unable to have a lungful of air, but that sheer moment when you are able a huge breathe that fills your whole body, your lungs…and gives that burst of energy.
Swirling vines occupied the thick trees that surrounded me, tightening their grip and leaving marvelous patterns in the trees. Bright green leaves were still occupying the lingering branches. The air was warm; not too cold nor too hot. Just right.
I jumped nimbly over a large dead log and into a shallow ditch.
I groaned a loud, punching the ground with my right hand. I had not been hurt this time, luckily. It was only a very small hole. Only a meter deep. I climbed out clumsily. Something was in front of me.
Leather. Dark black leather, with yellow and black shoelaces.
Shoes. Ten hole, unlaced, size 12 Doc Martens.
A pair of long sturdy legs owned the wonderful shoes, but they were covered by dark blue jeans that where neither too tight nor to baggy.
I raised my throbbing head to look at the curious person who these strong looking legs belonged to.
My eyes lingered on his molded chest for a moment too long. His abdomen was chiseled and defined, sending butterflies to my stomach. I moved quickly before he would notice, though I'm sure he already had. His neck and shoulders were intricate yet thick and tense with muscle... I moved on to his face.
I'm fairly sure my mouth made an audible pop. He was beautiful... And familiar.
His mouth was in a tight line, no emotion on his face at all. His nose was small and flaring, growing larger than smaller with every exhale he took.
Was he angry? Had I done something wrong?
His eyes. They seemed so familiar. Light violet, but they were not like before. The pupil in the middle was large and moving; growing from big to small with each breath he took, his whole body frame shaking.
But nonetheless, they were beautiful. Where had I seen them from? I knew I had not known this heavenly man in my life. He was much too good to belong in the world I came from.
'Need some help?' he asked his voice mesmerizing like silk...yet contained a whip of authority. I could almost taste the testosterone radiating off him, telling any other animal or man around not to mess with him.
I could not answer the masculine man. His eyes had me locked. I could only gap at him like a stupid little girl, and I guess in some ways I was.
'Get up!' he yelled at me, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me through the air so I was by his side, like I could fly. He pulled me to his side so I was flush with his chest, our toes touching. My chest was heaving, my heartbeat gone crazy. Would he hit me? The physical contact was thrilling, yet frightening at the same time. I had never had anyone hold me so kindly, so gently, yet so rough.
The violet was suddenly gone from his eyes that were now wide and glowing. The blackness was all that remained, the white of his eyes gone. I could only stare at him in shock. How had he picked me up like that? How was he doing that to his eyes? What was wrong with him?
His mouth opened wide like a black hole, like a kraken about to swallow me whole. He consumed me. But he was no longer a He. It was darkness. And it was cold. Pain erupted in my upper thigh, reminding me of what had happened to me. I knew it would come to me later on. I could see nothing. Being here was worse than the blindness I had endured only a little while ago.
I awoke at the sound of something shuffling against the dry earth. The sound a warm fire crackling filled my ears, comforting me. The smell of bacon and eggs enveloped my nose and made my stomach growl with hunger, provoking me.
Where was I? What had happened? My head spun with confusion and my vision was blurred and fuzzy. I wanted to sit up and face Xcallion, but my body would not comply. My muscles were twitching and having contractions.
My body felt limp, yet stiff and heavy at the same time. My muscles were tense and hard, and I was having tiny convulsions throughout my body. It felt like a current of electricity was coursing through my brain, electrocuting me.
'Fayte?' asked Xcallion, his voice showered with concern and worry. 'Are you all right?'
I nodded my head, not wishing him to worry. I knew what was happening. It would stop soon enough. They always did. I was perfectly safe, here with Xcallion. Wasn't I? He seemed to be true enough.
'Fayte? What's wrong?' His big hands skimmed lightly over my body, shaking, nervous and uncertain on what to do. I could see his face out of the corner of my eye. It was sketched with worry and concern. 'What's happening?'
Realization clouded over his face and he pulled me into his arms patting and rubbing me on the back. Xcallion hugged me close to his body, my right shoulder to his chest, his hands interlocking on my left shoulder.
'It will be all right. You will be okay, Fayte. I'm here. You'll be fine,' he whispered reassuringly into my ear, rocking me back and forth in his lap.
My mind was spinning though. All I could see was my father, storming towards me in one of his rages. I could see him pulling my hair and hitting me, throwing me across the floor, hitting me with the white picket fence paling one day when I went to get the mail. A shudder ripped through my body and the shakes only got worse. I was on the verge on unconsciousness.
'Fayte!' Xcallion yelled, shaking me in his arms. He sounded so distant, yet he was leaning over me, his frame much larger than my own. 'Come on. Wake up. It's all right. I'm here.'
My body was shaking. I could feel my muscles having twitches, could feel them tensing and releasing. But they were less. I could see Xcallions worried face looking down at me. My body was beginning to relax and my muscles were sore and limp. 'Fayte,' Xcallion said slowly, releasing me slightly, putting some space between us. 'What was that?'
He picked me up and held me in his arms as he readjusted the swag beneath me. He lay me down then covered me in the thick material. 'Fayte,' he whispered, placing one hand on the side of my head and wiping my red fiery hair out of my face. Beads of sweat occupied my forehead and he wiped them away too with the back of his sleeve.
I closed my heavy eyes and focused only on relaxing my tired body. Once I was sure I was calm and relaxed, I opened my eyes and looked up and Xcallion, his face etched with worry, concern and a hint of anxiety.
Bits of white, fluffy clouds floated above me, teasing, saying that they were free. I was not. The light blue sky was mesmerizing, a sure beauty of a sight to look at. It seemed so vast and large, overwhelming, almost.
'Fayte,' Xcallion said calmly, placing one of his big hands lightly on my thigh. 'What happened just then?' A bit of anger was showing on his face now. He wanted to know what had just happened. It was nothing, really. But his grip on my thigh tightened and I winced.
I took a deep breath. 'I thought it wouldn't happen again. With the usual cases, it only ever happens once. I hate it. I've had it since I was small. Father used to-' I stopped myself just in time. Xcallion did not need to know about my past. He didn't need to know all the awful things that had happened to me. I couldn't taint him with my father's sins.
'What, Fayte? What did your father do?' He seemed very worried. But he could never know. I had started a new. No one could ever know my past again. I had moved on from all that.
'Don't worry about it,' I whispered, although I knew I should be worried. It shouldn't have happened again. That meant it was more serious that I had thought. 'All that matters is that I have generalized tonic seizures. Or Grand Mal seizures, really. It's nothing.' I kept my eyes to the blue sky. Perhaps I didn't have Grand Mal. I had to find out.
Xcallion was silent for a moment. I could hear a bird in the distance, calling to its mate, its children. I could almost hear the clockwork in his head spinning and turning. He was smarter than I had thought. Her obviously new enough about my disease to know that something would have had to happen for me to have the convulsions.
He shook his head, trying to shake away the confusion and uncertainty that seemed to be swirling inside his skull. 'What happened to you to get these seizures? If my knowledge is correct-'
'Don't worry,' I interrupted, my voice rising in annoyance. He needed to just forget about it. I knew it was no small thing, my seizures, but they didn't concern him at all.
Xcallion was quiet again. I could see the muscles in his jaw working, tensing in annoyance I guess. 'Very well then.' He stood up from his place at my side and over to the dimming fire. 'I'll make you some breakfast. I'm sorry.'
Why did he feel bad? I was the one who had lashed out at him. He had nothing to be sorry for. He wasn't in the wrong. Although he had tried prying into my past, they gave me no reason to get frustrated and angry with him. I suddenly felt bad for lashing out.
Xcallion piled two round eggs and three strips of juicy bacon onto a white paper plate and handed it to me. 'I hope that's enough for you to eat.' He then stood and walked off towards the forest and just stood there, staring off into the thick dark woods.
Was he angry? Oh well. It wasn't his business what had happened to me. I looked down at my plate and began scoffing my mouth full of eggs. 'Mmmm,' I moaned.