Disclaimer: I do not own~ Naruto at all
A/N: You know what I've realized? It's kind of hard to keep Sasuke in character =/
I find myself rewriting a lot of his dialog, because when I read over whatever I've written I'm like "Sasuke wouldn't say that!" and then I have to change a lot of things, trying to keep in mind what he's like in the anime. It happens in every Naruto story I write.
Time passed quicker than she had expected it to. In just a few days she would be able to go back to training with Sasuke. She was a bit worried about what he had said, about things getting much more difficult - she wasn't looking forward to disappointing him again. But besides that fact, she actually found herself becoming a bit impatient, which was unlike her, and since the little mishap with telling a few of her family members to shut their faces, they began saying even more about her, to her face and to her back, which didn't help matters much. She ignored them as best as she could, but couldn't deny that her temper was rather short. She was really starting to look forward to training sessions again. Whether it would be difficult or not, at least it would give her something to do, and it would get her away from her family more again.
To make the time go by quicker, Hinata found herself spending a lot of her time in Konoha, away from the family and especially avoiding her father. Now that she had gotten the words out that she had wanted to say to him for so long, she actually felt really embarrassed about it, and was not looking forward to having to be around him again. She guessed that it was a good thing he wasn't so eager to be around her either.
Hinata was grateful to see her friends and teammates again. She even spent some time with Sakura and Ino in the afternoons, and then she once ate some ramen with Naruto at the ramen shop. Before, Hinata supposed that she would have been too embarrassed to follow through with something like that - she probably would have seen it as a date. However, now whenever she looked at Naruto's face, and remembered all the shy, childish thoughts she had once had about him, she shuddered away from it. She was a different girl now, a stronger girl, and she wouldn't blush and stutter for him anymore. Instead she focused on having actual conversation with him, asking him how he had been and how were things in Konoha. He answered with his usual shrugs and smiles, replying with things she might have guessed - he was happy, Konoha was doing fine, but things were a little boring since they hadn't been on any missions lately.
Hinata found herself pleased at the end of the meal when Naruto commented on how different she was acting - a little smug, even. It was a change for the good though, he quickly insisted. He had been wondering when she was going to finally lighten up.
Naruto insisted on walking Hinata back to the Hyuga house, and it was a good thing that she didn't have feelings for him anymore.... This was not a date, definitely not a date, she told herself. But still, she had to admit, she blushed a little as she asked why he wanted to walk her. Naruto looked from side to side as if expecting to see something, and it was hard for Hinata to hold back a little laugh when he said, "You never know what kind of creep shows could be out around here at night. It's not safe for you to walk alone." Somehow she found his remarks strikingly ironic. If only he knew....
"So..." he started. It was an awkward silence they held up between them. Hinata wasn't much of a conversation starter, so she'd been waiting on him to say something. "What's been up with you lately Hinata?" he asked. But his words did not sound casual; there was a hidden meaning there, another question he wanted answered, and Hinata knew what he meant. He was asking why she had changed all the sudden.
But what should she say? "What do you mean?" she asked, trying to play it up innocently.
"Well, first you disappeared on us, worrying everybody. Then you show up again, and start avoiding everyone. Whenever you are around, you act different. You're just not you anymore."
"Really?" she said faintly. She hadn't expected Naruto to be so perceptive. "I hadn't noticed."
He shrugged, as if it were nothing, and once at the Hyuga house, he grinned as she stood at the porch waved. Once he was gone, no longer visible in the night, Hinata gulped hard. It was time to finally throw away whatever was left of her old self. It was time to cast away all feelings she still held dear of Naruto. She would not dote on him anymore. She would not continue to embarrass herself around him anymore.
With a quiet sigh, she headed inside.
To her utter surprise, Hinata saw Sasuke a few days before she had planned on going over to his house. His arrival at the Hyuga house was entirely unexpected.
It was morning, early. The sun had just risen above the treetops, and Hinata was already rolling out of bed. She didn't like sleeping in late, and waking up early was just a habit now, something that she'd grown used to over the years, but on days like this she really wished that she had the will to just roll over in her blankets and go back to sleep. She was not looking forward to another day of waiting for the time to pass.
It actually surprised Hinata a bit, when she thought about it, about the fact that she had really nothing in her life to look forward to, other than the training sessions with Sasuke. Surely there must be something else for her. Something other than this. She had all but abandoned her team by now, and yes, she regretted that, but Kurenai didn't mind, and Hinata wanted to wait until she was perfectly ready before showing off any of her new skills in front of anybody other than Sasuke. She did not want to disappoint her teammates again.
Sleepy eyed, she was on her way to the kitchen when she heard voices in the main room. Her father was talking to somebody. "I'm here looking for Hinata. I just have to inform her of something, before I set out today." That was Sasuke's voice, a part of her brain exclaimed, and suddenly she was wide awake.
Her father made no reply that Hinata heard, but he had no need to. She walked in to find him face to face with Sasuke in the open doorway. Hiashi turned Hinata's way when he realized that she had entered the room. She shot Sasuke a quizzical look as he watched her from behind her father. "Sasuke Uchiha is here looking for you, Hinata," her father said, and there was a heavy question burning in his eyes. She blushed deeply, hoping that he wouldn't get the wrong impression.
Hiashi walked past Hinata to leave the room, and the quick glance he shot her was a significant one. Almost suspicious even. Oh, what would she tell him later if he asked her about this? "Yes Sasuke?" she asked, focusing on the present.
"I just wanted to let you know," the boy started out. "The Hokage finally has a mission for us. A big one. My first S-rank, in fact. I don't know when I'll be back."
She hesitated. "Oh.... Well that's good I guess. Congratulations, Sasuke." She did feel happy for him. Never mind the fact that her heart sank slowly to her stomach when she realized that she would have to wait so much longer for him to start training her again.
"I'm sorry. It looks like we'll have to put off your training a little longer." He paused for a moment. "Maybe you should go back to working with your team and your sensei again. Show them what you've learned. I bet they'll be impressed. And, at least now you know enough to defend yourself if you ever get attacked again."
Hinata blushed and bowed her head. She wished it did not sound so much like he was talking to a child. "Hai," she said with a grimace that she hid from him.
It was awkward after that. It was difficult to know what to say to each other. They usually just acted as pupil and instructor - almost professional, if that's the way you wanted to look at it. But they'd never been much on small talk, and Hinata was not the only one to shift uncomfortably in those moments of silence. Sasuke grimaced a little, and reached out to punch her arm lightly. She blinked in surprise. It was the first real openly friendly gesture he had ever made toward her. "You've done well so far. You're strong, and I think you're going to keep getting stronger. Just don't forget what you said about next time not needing someone to hold your hand back to Konoha."
She nodded. "Yes I remember. Thank you, Sasuke, for all your help. Perhaps it will be fun to train together again sometime-" she left out the part that it would mostly be him teaching her rather than the two of them working together "-but for now maybe we should just forget about it. Go on your mission. It's not..." she bit her tongue, unsure if she wanted to say it. She didn't want to offend him or anything. "It's not like I need you here to protect me. I'm fine without you here."
As she had suspected she would, she regretted the way she had phrased her statement as soon as the words were out of her mouth. It only made things more awkward, and this time even Sasuke blushed. "Yeah," he said with a little huff. "You'll be fine. So I'll see you around."
She nodded again. "Yeah. See you." And as she had done with Naruto the night before, Hinata stood on the porch and waved him off. It was not until he was gone that she realized, with her cheeks flaming red, that she had been in her night clothes the entire time he had been there. "Oh!" she exclaimed, frustrated with herself. He must have thought she was an idiot.
Hinata was depressed.
What the hell was she supposed to do now that Sasuke wasn't around to train her? It wasn't exactly as if she could just go back to her old life and the way things were before - she was a completely different person now. It was hard to be at home, surrounded by people who she hated, people who hated her, but it was hard to be in Konoha too. She hated feeling that she was lost in a crowd, so tired of feeling as if people were watching her, expecting something from her. She had nothing to do, nothing to give to them at all. And on top of all that, Naruto was becoming an almost unbearable, irresistible company. There was no doubt that he felt something for her - after all, every time he spotted her, he felt the need to be around her for however long she was in the village, insisting on walking her home again every night. It was unbearable because she didn't want him to be this way to her, and irresistible, because it was hard to ignore all the old feelings she had had for him when they rose to the surface.
It was almost as if, where Sasuke had pushed her forward to being a more outspoken, stronger individual, Naruto reversed it, changing her back into the old Hinata from before for hours at a time. Hinata could do nothing to prevent it. Whenever he was around, whenever he looked at her and talked to her and walked with her everywhere, she couldn't help but think of him, and remember how her feelings had been. She'd blush, she'd stutter, she'd stay quiet. It was agonizing. Because every day after it had happened, as soon as she was alone with herself again, she became so frustrated. It was an unstoppable force; for some god-knows-what reason, Hinata was meant to be, destined to be shy and stupid whenever she was around Naruto Uzumaki. And she might have even considered going back to liking him again, maybe even asking him out, if she didn't hate so much the person she was whenever she was around him.
So, she couldn't stay home, and she couldn't go into Konoha without running into Naruto. That left very few options for her. Every now and then she would go into the woods, to the various places where she and Sasuke had trained, far from Konoha, and practice on her own, her techniques and chakra charged with all the emotions she was feeling. Surprisingly, one of the principal emotions fueling her was rage. For some surprising indescribable reason, she just felt angry a lot. Sometimes she had to escape from her house, even in the middle of the night, or slip away from the company of others to go out to some secluded place where she could knock a few trees down. It was as if all the emotion she had kept stored away throughout her life were suddenly rising to the surface, anger most of all. She just couldn't keep it down, just couldn't hold it back.
At the rate she was going, there was some major deforestation going on around Konoha lately.
So, she was angry, she was bored, and she was depressed. She needed something, she just couldn't figure out what it was. It was frustrating to feel that burning desire inside her chest, and to have not a clue as to how to satisfy the need. She didn't even know what the need was, just that it was the reason why she kept running off to the forest so much all the time. She didn't even try to start training with her team again. They didn't seem to mind - or at least, they didn't bother her about it - and she really didn't want them, or anyone else, to see her like this. Her moments of rage were for herself. She would be too embarrassed if she were to act that way around anyone else.
And then one day, something happened. Something that broke her daily routine.
Hinata was spending a rare day at home. She was sort of moping, really. She didn't want to see Naruto today, nor did she particularly feel like seeing anybody else. She would have stayed in her room for the better part of the day, but being in the same room, surrounded by the same walls all the time, gave her a headache, and she felt suffocated by it. She walked pointlessly to the kitchen to give her something to do, but once she got there she realized that she wasn't sure how to proceed. For a moment she stood at the sink, considering what to do, and scowled lightly when one of her family members entered the room. Hinata could feel her temper bubbling dangerously, just beneath the surface, but her cousin Neji showed no surprise at the sneer. Some people in her family were just beginning to get used to this newfound temper within her, but the look of surprise never failed to show on their faces. Except for cold, steely Neji of course. In many ways, he was just like Sasuke.
Feeling another bout of rage coming on, Hinata stalked off with every intention of leaving for the forest. She decided to take the back way out - closer to the safety and seclusion of the trees. Just a normal day. Just another one of her moments. But she was stopped in the courtyard behind the house. Stopped dead at the sight of her father, Hiashi, standing across the way from her, looking every bit as if he had just been standing there, waiting for her to come out. Hinata had not seen more than a passing glance of him since the day she had confronted him, excluding the day that Sasuke had stopped by of course. But Hiashi did not seem surprised or ashamed to see her now. He not did even turn his eyes away from her. And then, he nodded at her, actually acknowledging her.
The muscles in Hinata's body stiffened as she tensed. She didn't really know how to react to this. She didn't have much time to think on it though, because before she was fully able to process the situation and consider what to do about it, she felt a presence from behind. Without thought or hesitation, Hinata spun on the heels of her feet to catch someone else's foot in midair, aimed at her face. It was her sister.
"Hanabi!" Hinata exclaimed in surprise, feeling the rage bubbling again. Hanabi sprung lightly into the air, as if her attack had not been blocked at all, and went for Hinata's face again, this time with the other foot. "What are you doing?" Hinata demanded as she evaded her sister's second attack.
Hanabi ignored her, and suddenly the smaller girl was attacking with furious determination, kicking harder, hitting faster, spinning in the air, pushing Hinata and their fight out into the courtyard. By the time they were that far back, Hinata was seeing red. The anger she felt was boiling in her veins, chakra flowing throughout her body - her rage had hit its peak. Apparently a fight, an honest fight, without anybody holding back, was what Hinata had been craving for all along.
Suddenly Hinata forgot that her father was there, and that people could be watching. She forgot everything else. All that was important now was Hanabi. The only thing she knew was their fight.
Abruptly Hinata changed up her game. She was grinning as she switched from defensive to offensive mid-step. It was satisfying to see the slight surprise on Hanabi's face, but with that Hinata's sister's determination only seemed to grow. Hinata didn't know why - maybe it was the words she had spoken to their father that day that pressured Hanabi to fight her - but she didn't really care either. She would beat her sister. She would win this fight. In that moment, on that day, it's what she lived for.
Everything was in rhythm, their fight was like a dance, and a well choreographed one at that. Hinata got in a few hits here, Hanabi a few there. Hinata could feel bruises begin to form. She ignored them. Hanabi was doing the same; she treated Hinata's blows as if they were annoying flies buzzing around her head. Neither was wearing the other down much. For a while, the fight was going nowhere, close to the edges of pointlessness. Hinata wondered if it would all come down to who was most determined, who would last the longest - it had to be her right? She had to be more determined than Hanabi was.
Without thought, Hinata decided that it was time to really get serious. She pulled out a move that Sasuke had taught her during the first week of training. Chakra and anger surged through her as one, leaving her body, and flinging Hanabi's tiny body into the air. Without pause, Hinata chased after her sister's flying body. She had never really practiced this move on a moving object before, but Hinata still knew what to do. She leaped into the air, not feeling the sweat that was running down her forehead at all. She caught Hanabi's ankle in midair, but the girl was better than Hinata had expected, even knowing before hand how strong her sister was. Hanabi's body twisted in the air, and she spun to hit Hinata in the face with her foot, and it was Hinata's body that went flying this time. Her move had backfired.
Hinata hit the ground, and rolled until she hit one side of the house with an "oof!" Without hesitation she rolled back away from the wall, and sprang to her feet, breathing hard. It was somewhat gratifying to see Hanabi breathing and sweating just as hard. They stared one another down as if they could communicate with glares. They were at a standstill now, about thirty paces away from each other Hinata guessed. Vaguely Hinata was aware of the fact that there were more people around now, but she hardly noticed them.
Hinata and Hanabi stood unmoving, both of them struggling to catch their breath. Now was her chance. As she activated her Byakugan, Hanabi did the same. Now they were staring with new eyes....
Hanabi reached into her belt pouch and pulled out a kunai. Hinata pulled out one of her own on instinct. So things were really getting serious now. She wondered, was Hanabi trying to kill her? Surely she wouldn't do something so extreme in front of their family. ...unless the family had told her to of course, which was entirely possible. In fact, Hinata thought her family might actually encourage such an attempt, and she had to wonder how they might feel if she ended up killing Hanabi instead. Of course, the Hyuga family hadn't known about Hinata's training with Sasuke. They didn't know how good she had gotten. They must have been surprised when they saw that she was an actual threat in this fight - her father must be the most surprised of all.
However, outside of her battle strategy plans, Hinata knew that she didn't want to kill her sister. She and Hanabi had never been very close, but they had still grown up together. Hinata had always hoped, and hoped in vain that one day she would find a friend in her younger sister. And also, now that it came to this, Hinata was proud of herself for sticking out the battle this long, but she wasn't sure if she was yet good enough to win. Her sister had always been so much stronger than her, and Neji even stronger. Hinata wondered, could she really be at Hanabi's level after just two weeks of hard training? Could she surpass it? The thought bewildered her, seemed impossible - but she knew that she would try.
Hinata crouched and ran forward at the thought, shaking off her doubts as power flooded her system. She could feel her rage, her chakra, and she would win this fight. Hanabi stepped forward to meet her. Again and again they clashed, kunai on kunai, steel meeting steel and making a slight ringing as it hit. Hinata threw her kunai at her sister, the first daring move, but she knew that the girl would easily dodge it. Before the first was out of her hand, Hinata already had another weapon in the other.
Hinata decided to use another move taught by Sasuke. Concentrating heard, feeling even more sweat beading on her forehead, she channeled her chakra through on of the kunai. She wouldn't have to concentrate so hard, if she weren't trying to prevent the death of her sister. But as it was, perhaps she could unarm her and get an extra hit in. When weapon met weapon again, Hanabi's kunai flew out of her hand as if they had been holding powerful magnets at opposite poles. In the same instant, Hinata hit Hanabi in the stomach hard, ducking down to kick her sister's feet out from beneath her. Hanabi's eyes were wide as she began to fall, and in that second spun to land on her feet like a cat falling from a tree.
Hanabi had out another weapon, and they fought at a close range for a little while, until suddenly Hanabi flipped back, turned and ran up one of the walls of the Hyuga house. Hinata could see it now. She could see the effort clear on her sister's face, that Hanabi was actually struggling to find a way to beat her. Maybe a victory would not be as difficult to obtain as Hinata had thought.
Hanabi did not immediately attack again as Hinata expected. Instead, she just stopped, staring at Hinata with those piercing eyes as she stuck to the wall like a fly. Up until this point, their battle had been going on in such a quick motion that Hinata's muscles twitched, eager to keep up the pace. "Why did you stop?" Hinata demanded when her sister still didn't move. She could feel the rage slashing at her insides now, dying for the fight to continue. She wanted to win. She wanted it so badly.
Hanabi didn't answer. Instead, she pushed herself effortlessly from the wall, flipping so as to land easily on her feet back on solid ground. Hinata was still ignoring their onlookers, but it was more difficult now that the fight had suddenly stopped. Hanabi stood, still as stone, face expressionless. "There is hate in your eyes," she said quietly. And without another instant, the girl ran at her again, straightforward into Hinata. They clashed once, and for a moment Hinata thought that the fight was really on again. However, Hanabi seemed to have different ideas. She slashed once, Hinata blocked it easily, and then backed off again, stalking around like an angry cat. She was trying to buy herself time, Hinata realized. Trying to come up with a strategy. Stalling.
Was she trying to break Hinata's resolve? Hanabi's words from a moment ago hit her harder than they should. She could feel the sneer on her face, and inside, the fire burned. Hate? a small voice wondered. Not hate. She couldn't imagine ever hating anything. Or maybe that was just her old self talking. Maybe something else had happened to her, that day in the woods when those men had grabbed her. Maybe that was when the rage within her had actually sparked to life.
If there is any hate within me, Hinata thought angrily. It is only because they, my family, put it there! She wanted to scream it at Hanabi - wanted to scream it right into her little sister's face. But somehow, deep inside her, past the fire and way down into the charred region of her heart, Hinata knew that she was wrong. Not in the sense that her family might be to blame. It was true they had hated her, and they had looked down upon her and said awful things about her, even when they bothered to acknowledge her at all. And that did make her angry, it did make her want to hate.
But Hinata was afraid of this rage inside her. One day, it was going to consume her heart completely, and she didn't want that. Everything she wished for screamed against it. She wanted justice in the world. She wanted to make right all the things that had managed to go so wrong. But she could not accomplish that by fighting her sister for revenge. No, if she was going to do this, Hinata was going to do it the right way - respectfully, but she would win. And she would win to prove herself, not to gain personal satisfaction. She would show her family who she really was. But she would not hate them.
In the fifteen seconds it had taken all this to flash through Hinata's mind, Hanabi was ready to spring again. Hinata saw it as if in slow motion, her sister's movement forward to meet her. Hinata knew that this would be the final move of the match. She prepared herself, taking on a defensive position. She recognized the glint in Hanabi's eyes when the girl saw by Hinata's body movements that she was not going to fight back. A half second before they clashed, Hinata changed her game so quickly that Hanabi could only register, but couldn't change her own direction to avoid the attack. Actually, Hinata was a bit disappointed in her sister. If she was such a great fighter, she should have seen through that.
And then Hinata struck her. It was a good thing that she had reeled in her rage before that instant, because if she had still been angry enough, she might have gotten careless and hit her sister with enough force to snap a tree. Hanabi grunted a little, when the final blow of chakra hit her stomach. Without hesitation, Hinata spun to deliver one last to the back of her sister's neck. Eyes rolling back into her head, Hanabi collapsed, and Hinata's knees buckled, as if her body wanted to collapse along with her. She let go of the Byakugan almost without realizing it.
She felt no pain then, though there was blood running down her face. She and Hanabi had simply ignored the hits that their weapons had connected. Luckily, that had not happened so much. And as she knelt there, with her knees pressing into the cold stone of the courtyard, realization struck her like a bolt of lightning. She gasped quietly. She had beaten Hanabi. She had defeated her sister in a fair fight. And suddenly, it didn't matter that any of their family had seen or not. More than that, it was not until that moment that Hinata realized, she had wanted to prove her worth to herself. She was just at that moment realizing that after all the years of being told that she was worthless, she had been beating herself up and blaming her for it, pitying herself and putting herself down - and they had been wrong.
Relief washed over her, and goose bumps ran up her arms. With a shaky hand she wiped some of the blood from her forehead to keep it from getting into her eyes.
Breathing hard, Hinata felt tears rising to the surface. She barely noticed that the rage from before had finally burnt out. She was so overcome with emotion, so proud of herself, as if she had passed some kind of test. But she could not push away thoughts of her family for long. Hanabi was conscious. Hinata could hear her throwing up somewhere behind her. Slowly, she turned her head to look to where her father had been standing before the fight had began. The man was still standing there, shock clearly painted across his face. He seemed to flinch back a little when Hinata's eyes met his.
In that moment, a single thought bubbled to her mind in the midst of all that overwhelming emotion. "Are you proud of me now father?" she cried out, and she made it sound like an accusation. Hinata wanted to sob, but it was as if she had forgotten how. She did not turn away from her father's face, or even blink. What would he do now? What could he say to that? Hiashi's answering reply was so quiet that she couldn't hear him, but Hinata saw his lips form the words. "I am," he said. Only those two little words.
Feeling somewhat cold inside, Hinata turned her eyes away, and began to see the faces of the others around her. Nearly all of the Hyuga family was there. How had they known? How had they all shown up in such a short time? Had her father left to fetch them in hopes of humiliating Hinata, to show off what he thought would be her defeat? Had he called on them? She didn't know. She hadn't been paying attention. But when her eyes turned to Neji, his expression was more puzzled than surprised. Had he guessed that she could do it? Had he ever known how strong she could be? He acknowledged her with a slight nod, and then went to her sister's side. Hinata watched in awed silence. She still couldn't believe it. She wondered idly if her family would hate her even more now.
"Hinata." She looked back over to her father. He had called to her, but he looked like he didn't know what to say. His brow was furrowed, and there was an expression on his face like none that she'd ever seen. Then, hesitantly, he raised his hands, half reaching out to her. "Come here," he said, his voice still carrying a tone of shock. Hinata eyed him a moment longer before standing upright on her shaky legs. The fight had taken more from her than she'd thought, and she was surprised. Suddenly she felt totally exhausted. Perhaps it was the after effects of her fire burning out. In any case, Hinata was half stumbling as she made her way over to Hiashi. When she tumbled forward at his feet, Hiashi knelt down to help her up.
When they were standing again, Hiashi did something that he had never before done by what Hinata could remember. He caught her in a sudden, but awkward, embrace. "I am sorry Hinata..." he breathed. "I should have realized long ago that family is so much more important than foolish pride.... I saw that look of hate in your eyes, and I couldn't believe that I was to blame for it being there. I am so sorry."
For some reason, Hinata didn't care if his words were lies. She was convinced that he wouldn't be saying these things to her if she had lost the fight to Hanabi, but still, when she heard him speak apologies to her, the dam broke, and Hinata began to sob.