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Authornote: Friday January 26 2017
Hello everyone! This chapter almost didn't get uploaded today. I had a bit of a scare when my cat knocked my laptop off of my desk and cracked the screen. It sort of still works, but I ordered a new laptop which will arrive next week. :D Hopefully there won't be any delays getting the next chapter out on time. I'm crossing my fingers that this laptop will survive that long.
Thank you very much for the reviews everyone, they're greatly appreciated. :D
ChangelingRin-Aw, thank you so much, my dear! I'm really glad you're enjoying it so far. The Postman is a very fun character to write, and I love making him interact with others. He's such an awkward individual. lol
Reiz16- Glad you enjoyed the chapter! The Postman has indeed caught Ganondorf's attention, and whether this is a good thing remains to be seen. :)
To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero (Link) that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.
Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.
Thank you very much for the review, they're always greatly appreciated.
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How to be a Villain
Part 1 Chapter 4
Treason and Obligations
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Link dodged out of the way as long, sharp claws came straight for his face. Gritting his teeth in determination, he unsheathed his sword and faced the mini-boss directly. The enormous, winged Stalfos let out a loud battle-cry and took to the air, far out of Link's reach. Link watched its movements carefully, waiting for the inevitable attack. It swooped down at him fast, but Link was ready and stabbed out with his sword. The mini boss let out a howl of pain and once more took to the air, away from him.
Link fell into a defensive stance, and waited for the next attack. When the mini boss swooped down at him again, he wasn't expecting for it to suddenly breathe fire into his face. Rolling out of the way, he only got a bit singed and swung his sword, successfully severing one of the wings. The mini boss fell heavily to the ground, howling in agony, and immediately lunged at the hero intent on killing him.
Link slashed at the Stalfos just as it raised its claws to attack. The monster let out a final cry of pain as the master sword made contact, and then fell lifeless to the ground. Breathing deeply from the many monsters he'd defeated so far, Link took a long drink from a bottle of potion. Instantly feeling better, he wiped the sweat from his brow and approached the treasure chest before him. Navi hovered near his shoulder as he pushed the top open and reached inside. Inside was the Hookshot, and he held it over his head triumphantly, knowing he could now defeat the demon water temple.
"Hey! Hey!" Navi yelled beside him. "Hey, listen!"
Link looked up as she floated around the Hookshot, trying to catch his attention.
"Now you can use this to get to high platforms you can't reach!" she informed him helpfully.
Link raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. Navi seemed to have forgotten the fact he'd used hookshots many times before. This weapon was definitely nothing new.
He figured he was about half-way through the temple, since he'd defeated the mini boss, and so far it had been a really tough one. The temple seemed a lot more organized than the other ones, and the villains were stronger than expected.
Putting his hookshot away, Link exited the room, sword clenched tightly in hand. He jumped from the doorway onto a floating platform and withdrew his bow as he was immediately bombarded by Keese. Shooting as he ran along the swaying platform, he killed the Keese one by one, and then jumped onto a staircase nearby. As he ran upstairs to the room above, he pulled out his hookshot, aiming for some vines high out of reach.
His aim was true, and as the hookshot retracted, he was pulled up with it to a new room. As he put the hookshot away, Link looked up, and then froze at what was before him. Four Iron Knuckles stood, side by side, enormous axes held in their arms at the ready. They stared at him for a moment, and then slowly began lumbering towards him. Narrowing his eyes in concentration, Link drew his sword then charged.
"Hey! Mr. Link!" yelled out a voice, causing both hero and villains alike to falter to surprise.
Everyone turned to see The Postman jogging across the room, letter in hand.
"I have a letter for you, Mr. Link!"
Once in front of the hero, he presented the letter with a flourish. "Ta da! A priority letter for you."
Link simply stared at him in disbelief. How did The Postman get all the way through the temple, and how did he get to this room without a hookshot? The Postman shoved the letter directly into Link's face, and then gave the Iron Knuckles an apologetic look.
"Sorry, this is urgent mail business. I'll just be a second." he explained.
The Iron Knuckles exchanged looks with one another, and then one of them motioned for him to get on with it.
"Your letter, Mr. Link." The Postman stated, shaking the letter slightly.
"But..but how did you...?" Link sputtered, completely confused. "You've never delivered a letter to me in a dungeon!"
"I am a postman, sir, and you had a priority letter to be delivered!" The Postman said as a way of explanation. "Priority mail cannot wait."
"But...how did you get here?!" Link asked.
"I walked." The Postman replied, evasively.
Link had always found it strange that The Postman could track him down no matter where he was, and he'd seen the man in many odd places all around the continent, but this was just ridiculous! He had never really thought about it before now, but it was kind of hard to ignore when an unarmed civilian fearlessly waltzes into a room with four Iron Knuckles. Was The Postman even human?
"Navi, tell me information about this postman." Link ordered.
The fairy obediently flew over to The Postman and hovered over his head as she gave her explanation. "The Postman: civilian, human, unknown real name, approximately 30 years-old, five-foot-four or 162 centimeters tall, and approximately 110 pounds or 50 kilograms. He delivers letters all over the provinces and is currently employed in Hyrule Castletown. Previously employed in Clocktown in Termina. Very fast, very efficient, and driven to be perfect at his job. Threat level is extremely low."
The Postman gave the fairy a curious look as she circled him, but quickly turned his attention back to Link and the undelivered letter. "Please accept your letter, Mr. Link."
"Yes, hurry up!" one of the Iron Knuckles urged impatiently.
Still rather confused, Link accepted the letter as Navi returned to her place in his hat.
The Postman gave him a salute, and then said. "Well, my business here is concluded! Onward to mail!"
Without another word, The Postman turned and ran out the far door, leaving Link feeling very conflicted. Had The Postman just taken an easy shortcut when he, the hero, had fought for hours?! He didn't have long to dwell on this however, as the Iron Knuckles began stalking towards him once again.
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His priority letter successfully delivered, The Postman whistled to himself as he headed towards the Hyrule Castletown postoffice. He'd been away from his regular route for much too long, and wondered how the replacement postman was doing. The sun was starting set and he made it back to Castletown just as the gate was closing.
It was surprising how quiet the town got once the gate was closed, and he didn't see a single villager as he crossed town to the postoffice. Pulling out his keys, he was surprised when it was unlocked. Pushing open the door, he was met with the sight of the replacement postman, sitting next to the fireplace reading. The Postman waved a friendly greeting, and hung his mailbag on a hook near the door.
"Back already from today's deliveries? Not too busy while I was gone?" he asked.
The other postman gave a disinterested shrug. "Naw, not too bad at all! There were a few letters around town and a few undeliverables while you were gone, but that was it."
The Postman froze mid-step. "Undeliverables? What do you mean undeliverables?" he demanded.
The other postman wordlessly pointed at the overflowing wastebasket near the door. The Postman's eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open in absolute horror. Pouncing at the wastebasket, he pulled out handfuls upon handfuls of letters and packages. He stared down at the pile of mail for a few seconds in a daze, and then he turned furious eyes to the other postman.
"What is the meaning of this?" he demanded. "You threw out people's mail? Why? What's the matter with you?!"
"None of them could be delivered. Just look at who, or where some of them are for! Some to the Gerudo, some to monsters, others to the Hero of Time! A few of those letters are even for Ganondorf himself! There was no way to deliver any of them!"
The Postman clenched his fists in rage. "How can you call yourself a postman?" he snapped. "Everyone gets mail, and it's our job to deliver it to them! There's no excuse, absolutely no excuse for..for this!" he yelled, pointing at the mail.
The other postman rolled his eyes. "I'm not crazy enough to put myself in that kind of danger just to deliver a few letters." he stated. "They're just villains, and The Hero of Time probably doesn't have time for mail anyway!"
One of The Postman's eyes twitched and he took a very deep breath. "Out." he ordered, pointing at the door.
"What?"
"I said out."
The other postman gave him a look of disbelief, and set down his book. "You're kicking me out just because of that?! Just because I refused to deliver letters that could have gotten me killed?!"
"Yes, now get out!"
"Are you serious? It's nighttime and the gate is closed. Where do you expect me to go?"
"I don't care." The Postman snapped. "Get out of my postoffice now, Haru, you're fired!"
"You're firing me too?!" Haru cried out in disbelief. "Seriously?!"
"You don't deserve to wear the badge of a postman!" The Postman said, hand still pointed to the door. "Now, get out!"
"But I'm your brother! You can't fire me!"
"Out!"
"This is ridiculous! You're such an idiot!"
"Out!"
The other postman gave him a look of death as he slowly got up from his chair. He was a big man over six and a half feet tall, and he towered over The Postman in both height and girth. He could have easily flattened The Postman, and for a moment it looked like he was considering it. His hands clenched angrily, and his teeth were bared, but surprisingly, he didn't lash out. Instead, he harshly shoved The Postman out of his way, and stomped out the door, muttering swearwords under his breath. Giving The Postman one last look of loathing, he slammed closed the door with enough force to rattle the windows.
Once he was gone, The Postman locked the door, and let out a heavy, frustrated sigh. He knew he should have been more careful with whom he selected as his replacement. Now he had two weeks worth of villain-mail to catch up on. He'd have to leave a few hours early in the morning to get them all delivered on time. He grimaced down at the large pile of mail, and then knelt down to begin sorting it, hoping none of the villains would notice their missing mail.
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Link defeated the last Iron Knuckle with a final swipe of his sword, and then collapsed to the floor, panting for breath. As he wheezed to catch his breath, he then remembered about the strange letter. Pulling it out of his tunic, he ripped open the envelope and unfolded the piece of paper.
"Hero Of Time,
Once more you're proving to be a thorn in my side. I know you've been destroying the magical relics hidden within the demon temples, but your efforts are all for nothing. You will never be able to defeat me, and Hyrule will fall, and I will watch it all burn.
You are nothing but a weak, and pathetic child compared to me, and you will be crushed like the insect you are! Even if you do manage to destroy the relics, it won't make any difference. You're only giving me more time to put my plan into action. The only honourable thing you can do at this point is kill yourself.
Yours,
Ganondorf"
Link looked up at Navi in shock. "Ganondorf just sent me hate mail!"
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Ganondorf was beyond furious. He was so livid, his entire body shook from the repressed rage. Drawing his sword, he stabbed the Dinolfos messenger through the chest before the creature had time to jump out of the way. Using his boot to push the dead Dinolfos off his sword, he turned blazing eyes on the other minions in the room. They immediately ran for it, closing the door after them. Having no one else to vent at, Ganondorf let out a yell of fury and kicked his desk over.
The blasted Hero of Time had not only managed to defeat another temple, but was now already in the water temple as well! Clenching his teeth, Ganondorf knew he'd have to try even harder to reinforce the next temple. What did it take to kill that boy?
Righting his desk, he took a few deep breathes, trying to calm himself, and then bent down to pick up his fallen papers. Setting them back on his desk, he pulled out the map of his ice temple. As his eyes scanned the different dungeons, looking for weaknesses, he was startled when the door opened with a bang.
Closing his eyes in resignation, Ganondorf didn't even have to look up to see who it was.
Sure enough a moment later, came the inevitable "I have a letter for you, Mr. Ganondorf!"
Ganondorf looked up with a scowl, and The Postman held out a whole wad of letters.
"Well...actually, I have twelve letters for you!"
Ignoring the offered letters, Ganondorf demanded. "Did you deliver that priority letter I gave you?"
"Of course, Mr. Ganondorf! I always get my mail delivered!"
"Good." Ganondorf muttered, with a nod. "I should have put a bomb in it."
"Oh, no, Mr. Ganondorf, dangerous goods are not allowed to be mailed. You'd have to use a courier service for that!"
Ganondorf let out a sigh. Then, with an odd calmness to his voice, he asked. "Did you tell the hero where this castle is?"
The Postman gave a gasp of indignation. "Of course not, sir! I value my customers' privacy! Unless you put your address on the return portion of the envelope, it's none of anyone's business where it came from!"
Ganondorf let out a snort. "You better be telling the truth, postman. If I find out you really are a spy, I'll skin you alive."
The Postman put his hand over the rabbit-shaped crest on his shirt and held up his other hand. "The strict code of postmen conduct does not allow confidentiality to be breached!"
"Why was that policy put in place?" Ganondorf asked, thinking the policy would open a lot of opportunity for mail crimes to occur.
"We have a lot of customers who have 'magazine' subscriptions. They prefer to remain annonymous."
"Whatever." Ganondorf said, losing interest. "I want you to deliver another priority letter for me."
"Yes, sir."
Ganondorf grabbed his quill and parchment and began writing fast and angrily. After a few minutes, he placed it inside an envelope, stuck on two stamps, and handed it over.
"Take this to The Hero of Time. Priority mail."
"Yes, Mr. Ganondorf! You can count on me!"
"Good, now get lost."
The Postman gave him a salute, and then ran out the door, letter clutched in his hand.
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Link had completely forgotten about the letter during the chaos of fighting his way through the rest of the water temple. The main boss of the temple had seemed extra keen to kill him, and it barely gave a pause between attacks. Link quickly saw the monster's weakness however, and lopped off its tentacles every time one came too near him. After cutting off all the tentacles, there was just a head left floating on the top of the water, not very threatening at all. It glared and hissed at him sadly, but could do nothing to attack. Link destroyed the relic with a swipe his sword as the monster howled in protest, and without hesitation, he killed the monster to gain the heart container. The temple now defeated, Link crossed the room and stepped into the teleport to get back to the entrance.
Once outside and safe, Link let out a breath of relief, finally sheathing his sword. That's when the letter fell out of his tunic and fluttered to the ground. Now remembering the strange encounter again, he picked the letter up, and read it through once more, frowning. What did Ganondorf hope to accomplish with this? He must know by now that The Hero of Time wouldn't just quit! They'd been battling each other for ten years now! Sighing, he stuffed the letter back in his tunic and turned to gaze out across the fields.
Knowing he had to hurry and find the ice temple, Link played Epona's song on his ocarina and waited for the horse to find him. One of the ancient demons he'd found in the last temple had hinted that the next temple was far to the north, so he mounted Epona and headed in that direction.
After a quick stop in Hyrule Castletown to refill his items, he rode across the field with a fierce determination, knowing how serious the situation was. Only a few more temples to go...
He only rode for a few minutes however, before a very familiar figure appeared on the horizon.
"Mr. Link!" the figure yelled out, running towards him.
Link slowed Epona to a stop.
When The Postman was almost to him, he called out. "I have several letters for you, Mr. Link! Six in fact!"
Looking up at the hero, he held up the pile of mail proudly. "Here you go, Sir."
Link accepted the large pile of mail, surprised that he had received so many at once. As he was flipping through them, The Postman gave him a salute and turned away.
"Well, my business is concluded here! Onward to mail!"
Link didn't even look up as he was too focussed on one letter in particular. The envelope simply read "To the Hero of Time" but he recognized the elegant handwriting.
Blue eyes narrowing, Link ripped into the envelope and pulled out the letter. As he read, his expression settled into a frown.
"Hero of Time,
It has come to my attention that you still have not given up this futile attempt at heroism. Since you seem so determined to be a nuisance, I will give you an ultimatum: Stop now, or it will be your loved ones who pay the price.
I have kidnapped your beloved blood-brother, Darunia, and unless you want me to start mailing you pieces of him, you will stop all acts of heroism. You do not want to cross me this time, boy, you will lose! This is the last warning you'll get on the matter.
~Ganondorf~"
Link looked up, feeling uncertain. He had no doubt that Ganondorf was telling the truth about Darunia, but he knew he couldn't stop the quest, all of Hyrule was depending on him! He had to find Ganondorf and end this once and for all! Hoping he could save Darunia in time, Link let out a deep breath of worry. If only he could find Ganondorf right now, so he could just end this! Ganondorf was like a snake in the grass, however, and no one knew where the Gerudo King had gone, he'd just seemingly vanished.
Link looked down at the letter once more as a thought occurred to him. Where did The Postman get the letter? In fact, where did he get the other one from as well? Did The Postman know where Ganondorf was? Link looked out towards the horizon but The Postman was already long gone. Glancing down at the letter again, he knew this was something he'd have to bring to Princess Zelda's attention. Shoving the letters inside his tunic, he turned Epona and rode back towards Hyrule Castletown.
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Princess Zelda to say in the least, was surprised when Link told her about the letters. She read them both then furrowed her brow in thought.
"This is very strange..." she admitted. "If The Postman does know where that demon Ganondorf is, wouldn't he have told you?"
Link honestly didn't know and gave a shrug. "I'm not sure, princess. Maybe the letters were left at the post office for him?"
"If Ganondorf has been using a minion to deliver the letters to the post office, why not just deliver them directly to you?"
Again, Link gave a shrug. "Maybe he didn't want to chance us interrogating the minion?"
Handing the letters back to Link, Zelda rubbed her chin in thought. "We need to speak with The Postman." she said decisively. "And find out exactly what's going on."
"Where would he be at this time of day?" Link wondered out loud. "He could be anywhere!"
"Well," Zelda began. "It's been a few days since I've received mail, so I imagine he'll be coming here soon. He usually delivers the castle's mail sometime in the morning."
"So we just wait around hoping he'll show up?" Link asked, feeling like he should be making some sort of effort to find the man. "Couldn't I just stake out the post office?"
"You might miss him if you leave." Zelda pointed out.
Knowing this was indeed possible, Link sighed and took a seat on the steps beside the princess.
"I've never been very good at waiting around." Link explained.
"No," Zelda agreed a bit sadly. "You've been on adventure after adventure ever since you were just a boy. You've never had a chance at a normal, quiet life."
"There's so much evil in the world, I don't think Hyrule will ever be truly safe." Link stated sadly. "No matter when or where, there will always be some boy with a destiny to fight evil. Right now, I suppose it's my turn."
"With men like Ganondorf, nowhere is safe." Zelda stated. "His evil spreads like a disease."
Link nodded, his gaze settling on the small garden in front of him. He watched a bumblebee as it lazily hovered over one of the flowers, and then he let out another sigh. Zelda too was quiet in thought, and both sat in silence as they waited for The Postman to arrive.
They didn't have to wait long before he arrived, letters in hand.
"Good morning, Princess Zelda" he greeted. "I have several letters for you, today! Thirty-five in fact!"
He held out the large stack of letters to Zelda, as the princess stood to her feet.
Zelda was used to receiving large amounts of mail, so she took them without a word and set them down on the step behind her.
"Well, my business here is concluded!"
As The Postman turned to leave, she called out after him. "Postman, wait!"
He paused and turned around. "Yes, Princess Zelda? Did you have something you wish to have delivered?"
"I have something extremely, extremely important I need to talk to you about."
His curiosity piqued, The Postman hesitated. "I have a lot of mail to deliver today, Princess. I don't really have time to talk."
"This is much more important than the mail!" she informed him.
The Postman crossed his arms impatiently, wondering what could possibly be more important than the mail. He glanced over at Link, seemingly noticing him for the first time, and raised an eyebrow at the other man. The hero quickly stood to his feet and cleared his throat importantly. Zelda took a step forward, now that she had The Postman's attention.
"Link has brought it to my attention that you delivered some letters to him from Ganondorf." Zelda stated, seriously.
The Postman nodded. "I did."
"And where did you find those letters?" she asked
"I didn't find them, they were given to me to be delivered!" The Postman responded.
"By whom?"
"Ganondorf." The Postman answered, wondering why this was so important. "He paid for the stamps if that's what you're worried about."
"You know where Ganondorf is?" Link cut in, his expression serious.
"I do."
Zelda clapped her hands together, relieved they would finally be able to track down the Gerudo king before others got hurt.
Link too was relieved as he asked. "Where is he? Where has he been hiding?"
The Postman shrugged evasively. "Sorry, can't tell you that."
Both Link and Zelda paused.
"...what?" Link said, not sure he'd heard correctly. "Why not?"
"It is against the rules."
"What rules?" Link snapped. "What are you talking about?"
"I can't tell you where he is. If he didn't put his return address on the envelope, then it's none of your business."
"What do you mean 'it's none of my business'? I'm the Hero of Time! I've been looking for him for weeks! He's a monstrous villain trying to take over the world!"
"That is none of my concern, I'm just a postman following the rules."
"Link's right!" Zelda put in, not understanding why The Postman would keep it to himself. "If you told us his location, Link could fight him or you could even spy on him for us!"
The Postman's mouth opened and closed a few times in both anger and indignation, before he managed to find his voice. "I am a postman, not a hero, not a spy, not anything else! I would never disrespect my customers' privacy! Postmen can always be trusted for their discretion, and I won't break that trust! To ask me to spy on one of my customers is insulting!"
The Postman turned away from them, nose in the air as he crossed his arms, looking affronted.
Zelda and Link exchanged looks in shock.
"You're refusing to help us?" Zelda demanded.
"I deliver letters, nothing more." he stated,stubbornly. "The policies of my services are quite clearly marked on the post office door. If you wish to make a complaint, the postmistress is located in Clocktown."
"You won't tell us just because it's against company policy?" Zelda questioned.
"That's correct. If I break the rules, I could lose my job."
Link looked like he had something to say about that but Zelda held up a hand to quieten him.
"So, if the policy was changed, you would follow the new policy?" Zelda asked.
"Yes." The Postman confirmed. "Of course I would."
"So, if I contact your postmaster and get the policy changed, you could then reveal Ganondorf's location?"
The Postman shook his head.
Zelda gave him a frustrated look. "Why not?"
"Policy changes can not be applied retroactively. I would still not be able to tell you any information regarding those two letters because when they were written, it was under a policy that protected identity."
Zelda was beginning to get annoyed. "You will help us, this is an order."
"I will not."
"Don't you understand? Ganondorf is going to destroy Hyrule, destroy this castle, destroy me!"
"That is none of my business."
"You don't care that you have the capability to put an end to this war?"
"As I said, that's none of my business, I'm just a postman. I don't get involved in politics."
Zelda put her hands on her hips in growing anger. "Don't you understand what you're doing is treason! You're betraying Hyrule, your own country! What kind of Hylian are you?"
"I'm not Hylian, I'm Terminian." The Postman replied. "I've only been contracted out to Hyrule due to work shortages."
Zelda hadn't known The Postman was Terminian, but she didn't let that deter her. "I order you to tell us where he is! Right now, or I will have you imprisoned!"
The Postman adjusted his mailbag impatiently and then said. "I have mail to deliver. Have a good day, Princess. Have a good day, Mr. Link."
Without another word, he stomped out of the garden, looking peeved.
Zelda narrowed her eyes at his retreating form. Link glanced over at Zelda.
"Shouldn't we be arresting him?"
"No...not yet." Zelda replied, thoughtfully. "I'm going to mail a letter to Ganondorf, and I want you to follow The Postman right to him."
Link gave a nod. "Understood, Princess."
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