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Chapter 4- Stay To Feel.
Andy resumed her recently vacated seat as an even longer wait began after Traci managed to get her to want to stay and forget about her five minute, fresh air breather.
Oliver and Sarah had yet to return, Andy feeling bad for the way she had treated Oliver when he was probably feeling more scared and more heartache than she was right now considering that he had recently lost Jerry and now faced losing Sam.
After endless time had passed Sarah Swarek made her return alone, her features devastated as she made her way back to the waiting group, but held a safe distance between everyone and herself.
Andy heard her heels clack against the floor, but didn't look up. She didn't need to, to know that she was back.
When Andy couldn't resist anymore she finally looked up to see Frank and Noelle standing in a far corner with Sarah talking. Every few seconds Sarah would look her way making Andy wish that the ground would open up and swallow her.
Traci excused herself to use the bathroom leaving Andy alone because Gail and Dov had to return to shift when Frank sent them back to the house to make sure that all evidence was collected and cataloged. They had a few hours to go before their shift was over but they had promised to return when they were off the clock.
Andy closed her eyes and let her head find a resting place on the wall behind her as she attempted to just relax and let go of everything for ten seconds; or longer.
She heard Sarah's heels click again but refrained from looking to see where she was going. The footsteps stopped abruptly causing Andy to open her eyes to find Sarah standing a little to her left before she sat down.
Andy moved to get up, she really couldn't do this right now.
"Don't go" Sarah said, her hand finding it's way to Andy's arm to stop her before it snapped away again. The woman had killer instincts if she knew that Andy was planning on running- and she didn't even know her.
Andy's voice failed as she turned to Sarah with every intention of saying something; she just didn't know what.
"I know what he did, and I don't blame you; that's just how Sammy is".
Sarah kept looking ahead of her. For some reason she couldn't seem to bring herself to look at Andy.
"I...". Andy still didn't know what to say. What do you say to someone under these circumstances? I'm sorry? That just wouldn't cut it, or express just how bad she felt right now.
"I um, I signed the consent forms they're taking him into surgery now". Sarah said finally turning to face Andy while her eyes searched Andy for whatever it was that she was looking for.
"He um, he told me about you- well a bit anyway. Told me it ended badly too?".
Wow, Sarah definitely had no filter.
Andy nodded and looked down, she really had nothing to say to that. Sarah obviously did not know about Marlo.
Marlo.
The name made Andy cringe as she thought about it. She hadn't seen Marlo here either; now that she let the woman crawl into her thoughts.
Andy looked up, scanned the room and still found no sign of Marlo here, which frankly was surprising and shocking.
"He's dating Marlo" Andy suddenly blurted out for no reason other than the fact that she wanted Sarah to know that. To know that she should be talking to Sam's girlfriend- not his ex-girlfriend.
"He's dating Marlo? Who's Marlo?". Sarah mumbled clearly confused.
But Andy didn't answer, it wasn't her place to talk about Sam's relationship.
"But she's not here, you're here" Sarah added after a few seconds.
"Because I..." Andy didn't even know how to finish that sentence. There were too many options, so she left it without using any of them.
"You want to be?".
Andy nodded and looked away.
"If you stay..." Sarah stopped and angled herself in her chair to face Andy, her expression changing to one that was considerably harder than before.
"If you stay, then you stay no matter what happens. No matter how things turn out, or what comes Sam's way. If you stay there's no turning back. If you can't make that promise then you shouldn't stay. If you're not prepared to go down that road, then you shouldn't be here".
Andy stared at Sarah when she stopped talking, her brain failing to respond to what she had just heard.
"Look Andy, all I'm saying is that I know Sam and from what I've just heard; he wanted to keep you safe. This isn't a game, this is life and right now I'm making a decision to protect my brother because this isn't going to be easy. If you can't stay around no matter what happens then you shouldn't be here".
Andy understood what Sarah was saying, and found a whole lot of respect for her because she was doing just that- protecting Sam above all else. He would be doing the exact same thing right now, if he were in his sisters shoes.
Andy doubted that Sarah knew the details of her breakup with Sam, but it didn't really matter. It didn't make any difference now, who left who, or who said and did what. It was inconsequential to this moment in their lives.
"I know that this is already hard, and I'm sorry for making it harder, but I need to know that you're staying because you want too, or because you feel something for Sammy, not because you feel like you owe it too him, or because you feel guilty about what happened. I don't know what happened between you, but you being here, looking that broken says a lot Andy. And I don't even know about a Mary or whatever her name is, you're the only one that Sam has ever talked about. If you stay as his friend that's fine too, but staying now and walking away later isn't something I'm going to let happen. It's all or nothing".
Sarah kept quiet for a few seconds, letting her words make sense to Andy before she said her final words.
"Think about it".
Sarah got up as quickly as she had sat down and walked away, her footsteps carrying her back over to Noelle and Frank.
"She okay?". Noelle asked Sarah when she came to stand beside them.
"No" Sarah said looking at her one last time before pulling her eyes away and refusing to look back at Andy.
"Is she really worth it?". Sarah said looking Noelle in the eye. They had know each other since Sam joined the academy, so Sarah knew that she'd get an honest answer.
Since she had arrived here, everyone had told her about what Sam had done, and pointed out who Andy was. She knew some of Sam's history with Andy, but not enough to really know anything about her.
Noelle had told her to go easy on Andy, and Oliver had told her the most important thing that she had heard today- 'That's Sammy's McNally'.
Just hearing Oliver say that made her understand that this woman was accepted into their ranks as Sam's partner, and Sam's more; something that was regarded as an honor. They didn't just let you in, you had to earn your place. And Andy seemed to have earned the right to have her place between them as a friend as well as whatever she was to Sam now.
Sam had told Sarah that things had ended badly with Andy, and that was all- no clue as to what had happened or how it had happened. He simply refused to talk about it. She had asked when he was bringing her home, and that was the answer she had been given.
Sarah surmised that one of two things had happened; either this Andy had cheated on Sam, or Sam had walked away for his own reasons. But she didn't know for sure, she didn't know Andy. It was the only reasons that she had as to why Sam wouldn't tell her what happened. Their entire lives he had told her virtually everything; except the reason behind what he termed 'badly'.
Sarah left her question to hang in the air, her eyes squinting as she waited for Noelle's answer.
"She is, Sammy thinks so, and so do we". Noelle said as Frank wrapped an arm around her.
For the first time since Sarah had arrived, Andy looked up to find her smiling right at her. It was a sad smile, one marred with emotion. But a smile, was still a smile.
"I need to go to Sammy's while he's in surgery can you stay?".
Noelle nodded, but didn't ask why Sarah had to run off. It was understandable that there were things she needed to take care of right now.
Andy watched as Sarah made her way towards the main entrance before she saw her leave, which considering the circumstances really seemed out of place to her right now.
...
Sarah found Sam's house just like she remembered it.
Everything was in exactly the same place, the same curtains the same well just everything. As usual it was neat and tidy too.
She dropped her bag on to the couch and went to the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and took a long sip, allowing the fluid to quench her thirst. The drive down here in the heat had left her parched.
She grabbed her bag and hit the shower next, taking a quick scrub before ditching her heels for sneakers and jeans.
When that was done, Sarah made her way into Sam's bedroom and headed straight for the closet.
Tucked away on the top shelf she found what she was looking for and lifted it down, it's weight feeling heavier than she remembered.
Setting Sam's lockbox down on his bed, she sat down next to it, her hand holding the key trembling slightly.
Sam had given her the spare key the first time that he went under, telling her that if he didn't make it back, she'd find everything she needed, and what he wanted locked away in that box. Hopefully he had kept it updated over the years.
This was her promise to Sam.
He had made her promise to do this, and it was the only thing that he had ever asked of her. Even though she had wanted to, she couldn't refuse, she couldn't not give him this.
If anything ever happened to him, she had to come home and get the box, his instructions would be inside, and after thirteen years- here she was.
Slowing her breathing down, Sarah slid the key into the lock and turned it; the lock snapping open in one fluid movement.
Lifting the lid Sarah felt reality set in as her eyes shifted over the contents.
There were new items in the box, things she hadn't been anticipating.
The first thing she saw on the top was a photograph of Andy who had her head turned to the side, a carefree expression on her face as she let out a loud laugh at something or someone.
Sarah picked it up and set it down on the bed, the picture of Andy far from the Andy she had just met. She must really mean a lot to Sammy if he kept a photograph of her locked away, she knew exactly why he didn't have any of her in his home.
Under the photograph were several documents, including a copy of Sam's will, but she didn't read that- she just picked it up and set it down on the bed too.
His personal gun was in there, Sarah cringing at having to touch it. She lifted it out and made sure that the safety was on before setting it down. Sam had taught her how to shoot and handle a gun so she wasn't scared of it, she just didn't like them and what they stood for.
Sarah saw another photo next, one of Sam, Ollie and Jerry from years ago. They all looked so happy back then.
Loosing Jerry was hard on Sam, and she had wanted to come down but she had been unable too. When she spoke to Sam she could tell that it was killing him and that he wasn't handling his grief very well.
A small velvet bag in the corner of the box under a stack of papers caught Sarah's eye. She reached in and pulled it out, her fingers loosening the draw-strings and tilted the bag to empty it's contents into her hand.
Finding something that she had never expected Sarah felt her heart break for Sam. Putting the contents back into the bag cautiously Sarah set it down on top of Andy's photo.
Next Sarah saw an envelope with Andy's name on it so she set it down with the velvet bag.
Soon Sam's lockbox was empty, Sarah having set aside a few items and the envelope with her own name scribbled on it had been placed in her lap.
Packing everything back into the box except the velvet bag, photograph of Andy and the envelope marked for her attention as well as the one with her own name on it, Sarah locked the box and returned it to it's rightful place.
She scooped the items up and made her way back to the lounge, the items placed into her purse and her letter still clutched in her hand.
She was taking the things for Andy just in case they were needed sooner than she hoped they would be.
Sarah grabbed her water and sat down on the couch before tearing open her own envelope and reading over Sam's last requests.
It took her ages to work through the pages, her eyes skipping over the parts that dealt with UC, his body never being found and only reading what she thought was important now.
When she was through reading, she shoved the folded papers into her purse, locked the house and drove back to the hospital.
The doctor had told her that Sam's surgery could take up to six hours, but wouldn't last less than three. She had only been gone for an hour and a half, when she returned to find everyone that she had left still here.
Noelle was sitting next to Andy, Frank pacing up and down the hallway to the side of them with his hands in his pockets and his head hanging low.
Oliver had gone back to his room as soon as the doctor had briefed them on Sam's condition earlier, so Sarah decided to take a detour to his room first.
Sarah found Zoe laying with her head on Oliver's shoulder when she entered Oliver's room.
"Hi" she said when they both jumped up and stared at her in panic. "He's still in there..." She carried out in a bid to settle their panic as her hand waved up in the air over her shoulder.
"You doing okay?" She added when relief graced Oliver's face.
Oliver nodded, he was okay. He had a burst eardrum and would need to stay over night. Physically he was okay; emotionally and mentally he was a mess.
"You staying?".
Sarah nodded at Oliver's question. She really didn't want to be anywhere but here.
Sarah had numerous questions that she wanted answers too, but now wasn't the time to ask. Her biggest questions had to do with Andy, who surprisingly, was still here.
Sarah managed a weak smile as she turned to leave, satisfied at knowing that Oliver was okay.
"Sarah?". Oliver called out just as she reached the doorway.
"Yeah?" She gave him her attention when she turned around.
"Don't be too hard on her?". Oliver repeated his words from earlier.
"I won't".
Sarah lifted her hand up and waived before leaving Oliver's room.
It wasn't hard to get who and what Oliver was talking about, she just hadn't figured out why he would say that yet.
When Sarah approached Andy noticed that her mass of dark unruly curls had been tied into a messy ponytail, her clothes far from the sophisticated outfit she had been wearing earlier. Now she was clad in jeans, sneakers and a sweatshirt.
She crossed the hallway and made a beeline straight for Andy, who's insides became unstable again when she realized that soon she was to be the object of Sarah's attention again.
But this time when Sarah sat down next to her, she was smiling and looked a little calmer than she had before.
"You're still here" Sarah whispered after a while.
Andy nodded blindly, she wasn't intending on leaving soon.
"I'm glad" Sarah added looking at her, her face wrapped up in a warm expression.
"Yeah...I'll be staying". Andy said after taking a long breath.
After Sarah's harsh words Andy had sat contemplating leaving and staying.
Her mind wafted over the worst possibilities imaginable, and she allowed heartbreaking thoughts to consume her, but each time her answer was the same.
She didn't want to leave, she didn't want to be anywhere else.
What she wanted; was here.
*****Thanks for spending time with me here! Let me know what you thought? Any guesses as to what Sarah found in the velvet bag? That will be answered in later chapter.
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Jelly Bean Jenna©