A/N Sorry for the delay. I didn't want to take so long, but I was busy with school. Now I am out on summer break, so I should be posting more frequently. Just a hint, the faster I get my reviews, the faster I post. Speaking of reviews, I am very grateful for the ones I received for this chapter. Thank you so much, you really brighten up my day. This story is going to get pretty dramatic in parts as Ryan tells Marissa about his past. Look for that. I'm sorry if some parts are confusing , but it'll make sense eventually. R/R, enjoy!

Chapter 4: Flush

It was decided that Ryan and Marissa's first date would be at the annual kickoff carnival. Since Marissa was social chair, she was the one in charge of the whole ordeal, something Ryan was pretty impressed with. He'd never met a girl that not only looked beautiful, but also had good grades and was involved in extracurricular activities. It seemed that the only flaw to Marissa Cooper was her reputation as a snob, which he honestly didn't understand. She seemed like a really nice girl, so where was the problem?

Marissa's reputation was a bit of an annoying problem. Seth, for one, seemed completely flabbergasted when Ryan asked the Cohens if he could borrow the car so he could drive a date to the carnival that Friday. Everyone had stared at him with confused expressions on their faces, especially Seth who hadn't known Ryan even talked to anyone other than his adoptive brother and his friends at school. "What's her name?" Sandy had asked with a raise of his eyebrows, taking a forkful of food into his mouth.

Ryan had looked at his food and mumbled, "Marissa Cooper."

Seth nearly choked. "Wait, wait, wait, Marissa Cooper as in 'Miss I-Don't-Talk-to-Strangers' Marissa Cooper?"

Ryan shrugged. "I don't know, is there more than one?"

Sandy looked at Ryan, equally disturbed. "Marissa Cooper, as in the next door neighbor?"

Ryan nodded and said, "Yep, that's her."

"Jimmy's daughter? What are the chances of that?" Kirsten said, looking at Sandy with raised eyebrows. "Of all people."

"Is that...a problem?" Ryan asked, hoping to God that it wasn't

"No, no, not at all!" Kirsten clarified. "I just used to date Jimmy, that's all."

"You dated Marissa's dad?" he asked, with his own eyebrows raised.

She nodded. "Yeah, all through high school. Then I went to college and met Sandy..." She smiled at her husband.

Sandy smiled back and then looked at Ryan. "But Marissa Cooper? Way to go, kid."

Ryan looked at his food uncomfortably, not wanting to smile or show any emotion. "Uh, thanks."

"No, not 'way to go' dad. This is Marissa Cooper we're talking about," Seth protested. Everyone stared at him confusedly.

"I don't see what the big deal is," Ryan said, taking a bite of his food.

"The big deal is that she is a total snob. She ignores all the new kids and acts like anyone not from Newport is below her..."

"Sounds like Julie," Sandy said with a small chuckle.

"But I thought her mom was from Riverside," Ryan said, remembering a conversation he'd had with Marissa a couple of days ago. They talked on the phone and occasionally at school when she could escape from her friends and the curious eyes of the school. It had been about a week since he'd asked her out. They hadn't gone on a date that previous weekend because Marissa's relatives flew in for the weekend and she didn't want to be rude and leave them. Since she lived next door, he knew that her story was true.

"She is," Kirsten said with a roll of her eyes.

"Okay..." Ryan said, now completely confused. He didn't understand these Newport people.

"Anyways!" Seth butt in. Everyone looked at him again. "She is a bitch."

Kirsten glared at her son. "Seth, watch your language at the table."

"What?" he asked innocently. "It's true."

"She's changed," Ryan said with a shrug. "Don't read that much into it."

"I don't believe she changed," Seth said with a roll of his eyes. "People don't change. Once a snob, always a snob."

"So you don't believe in giving people second chances?" Ryan asked, his face and voice blank.

"No, I don't," Seth said with a shake of his head. "We never really deserve second chances. Especially not Marissa Cooper."

Sandy understood Ryan's real motive for the question too late. "May I be excused?" Ryan asked, already standing and pushing in his chair.

"Ryan..." Sandy said softly.

"I'll be in the pool house," Ryan mumbled, then walked away, leaving Kirsten and Seth looking after him confusedly and Sandy looking after the poor boy with a heart full of sadness.

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Marissa was nervous. Painfully nervous. Breathtakingly nervous. She was so nervous, she couldn't think clearly, much less get ready for her date with Ryan. The crazy thing was that she didn't understand why she was nervous. The date with Ryan wasn't a real date, just her trying to get him to fall in love with her. It was just a part of the bet, just a way to prove herself to Sarah and everyone else. Nothing else, right?

But then why whenever she thought of Ryan, her stomach felt all fluttery and her mind fuzzy? Why when she was around him did she feel like her heart would beat right out of her chest? Why was it when their hands accidentally brushed each other's, she felt like a million fireworks were popping inside her body. And even more importantly, why did she like those feelings?

She paced nervously as she waited for him, biting her lip nervously. She had gotten ready a bit too early and now she had a full half hour before he was supposed to pick her up. A full half hour! Why did she get ready so damn early? Why did she feel like she was going absolutely crazy? She caught sight of the phone on her nightstand and decided it would be best to call Summer. Summer would know what to do. She picked up the phone, dialed the number and waited. "Coop?"

"Hey Sum," she said, trying to keep her voice normal. "What's up?"

Summer laughed a little. "Nothing much, what's up with you? Aren't you supposed to be on a date or something?"

"Oh, no, not yet. Ryan's not going to be here for another..." She looked at the clock. "Twenty seven minutes. Not that I'm counting, I'm just good with math. I can do it quickly."

"How many minutes now?"

"Twenty six..." she said, then inwardly cursed herself.

Summer laughed. "You are so looking forward to this date."

"I am not!" she protested.

"So you don't want to go out with Ryan?" Summer asked with amusement in her voice.

"Well, yeah, I do, but it's completely business only!" Marissa clarified.

"So you're saying you don't like the guy at all, you're just using him to win the bet?" Summer asked.

Marissa sighed. "You know it's not like that."

"Then stop telling yourself it is," Summer said with a sigh, suddenly getting serious. "You know what I think about this, Coop. Someone's going to get hurt."

"No, no one is going to get hurt," Marissa said with a shake of her head. "It'll all work out in the end."

"And how will that happen? You're going to magically make Ryan fall in love with you and then when judgment day comes, what happens then? How do you think he'll feel when he knows that the only reason you're with him is because of bet?"

"Well..."

"Exactly. Stop thing now, before things get bad."

Marissa heard the doorbell ring and looked at the clock. He was fifteen minutes early! Good thing she was ready already. Talking to Summer wasn't really fun anymore. "He's here, gotta go, bye!"

"You better -" Marissa hung up the phone before Summer could finish. She grabbed her purse, cellphone and keys, then went downstairs. Her dad was about to answer the door, but she quickly went passed him, saying, "Hi, bye, off to the carnival!"

"Okay..." Jimmy said, looking at her like she was crazy before continuing to walk down the hall.

She went out the door, closing it behind her, being met with Ryan for the beginning of their date. He stood there in jeans and a black shirt that was tight enough to show off his amazing muscles. She tried not to stare, but found that she couldn't help it. "Hi," he mumbled quietly, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the ground nervously.

She couldn't help it, she smiled. "Hey," she replied. No matter how she felt on the inside, this was Ryan and Ryan was perhaps the most adorable boy she'd ever met.

"So, we should go..." he said, then turned and walked back towards the car. He opened her door for her – something no boy had ever done for her – and shut it gently behind her. He went around and got into the driver's seat, got in, and turned the car on. "How are you?" he asked as he started to drive.

She shrugged and said, "I'm fine. You?"

"Good," he said with a small nod. She bit her lip to hide her smile. "So how many of these carnivals have you made?" He asked, glancing at her quickly before turning back to the road.

"Three. I got elected as social chair at the end of freshman year and I've been doing it since," Marissa said, remembering the thrill of being elected. "I thought it was a pretty cool job, and was really surprised to get elected."

"It's quite an honor," he said, looking at her with a small half smile that melted her heart.

She nodded. "Yep. But not quite as big an honor as being asked on a date by the mysterious Ryan Atwood."

"Mysterious?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrows.

She giggled a little. "That's what everyone says at school. You're the hot, mysterious Ryan Atwood. Everyone wants a piece of you." She thought of the disgusted look of all the guys. "Actually, scratch that, all the girls want a piece of you."

He rolled his eyes. "People need to seriously get a life. There are better things to do than talk about me. Believe me, I'm nothing special."

"I beg to differ," she said softly before she could stop herself.

They stopped at a stoplight and he looked over at her with a shocked expression. She blushed deeply and looked away, trying to find a distraction out the window. "Thanks," he said quietly, then drove ahead again on the green.

"Don't mention it," she muttered back. She was too embarrassed to turn and see, but she was pretty sure he was smiling.

When they got to the carnival, she could already see people had arrived and were having fun. She got out of the car and walked with Ryan to the entrance. He looked around and then at her. "I've never been to a carnival before," he told her before looking back at the scene before them in amazement. With the lights against the night sky and water in the background it looked like a scene from a movie.

"Really?" she asked, her eyes widening.

He nodded and said, "Yeah, really."

"Why?" she asked curiously.

He shrugged and his eyes clouded over, the defensive mask coming over his face. She had come to know what it looked like when he didn't feel like talking about his past, and she figured this was one of those times. "My mom had better things to do," he said, looking at her with those empty blue eyes. She hated it when he looked at her like that.

"Well, I'll do my best to give you the best experience ever," she said, reaching out her hand for him to take.

He stared at it for a moment, then took her hand and laced their fingers together. It felt like a million sparks were going through her body and her heart started beating hard in her chest. "Sounds great," he said with that half smile of his she loved.

They walked around and she showed him everything from the games to concession stands to the rides. He took it all in with a curious expression and she could tell he was actually enjoying himself. After a while he seemed to loosen up and shed his usual reserved attitude. He smiled more and his eyes even sparkled as he spoke to her. More than once she just wanted to lean in and kiss those lips of his and see if they tasted as good as she imagined, but she would chicken out at the last minute.

Finally, after about an hour of walking around, he looked at her and said, "You know, this is the first date I've ever been on?"

She looked at him with a shocked expression on her face. "Really?"

He nodded. "I never really dated girls in Chino. I hung out with them, but it was never exclusive."

"Is this...exclusive?" she asked softly. She stopped and tugged on his hand so that he was facing her. She stared into those blue eyes of him and found she was really hoping he said yes.

He shrugged and shifted in his spot uncomfortably. "I guess, I mean, is that okay?"

She couldn't believe what he was hearing. "So you want to be my boyfriend?" she teased softly, squeezing his hand so that he'd look up into her eyes.

He looked into her eyes with a shy expression on his face. "Yeah, I mean..." There was a loud sound as someone banged down on the metal piece a game with the huge hammer as they tried to see how high they could make the thing go up. Suddenly his eyes glazed over and he doubled back like something had physically hit him.

"Ryan?" she asked worriedly. He didn't seem to hear her, just stared off into space like he was lost in thought. She squeezed his hand and softly asked, "Ryan? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

He blinked quickly and then looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time. "Sorry, I just..." He got that distant look of his and then said, "I need to go. I need to get out of here."

He started to walk away but she couldn't let him leave her. Not only was he her ride, but he also seemed like he was in a bad state right now. She couldn't leave him when he was like this, not if she was trying to protect him. "No, you need to stay here. Talk to me, tell me what's going on with you."

He shook his head and said, "I need to go. I can't be here, not when I'm..." He paused abruptly and then said, "Just let me go. Please."

She shook her head and held onto his hand tightly, dragging him with her to the ferris wheel. "No, you're staying here, and we're going to talk."

"I'm afraid of heights," he said with an empty voice.

"I don't care."

They sat down and got the safety bar put over them. He remained silent as they started moving, clutching the bar tightly. She put her hand over his and rubbed his knuckles gently with her thumb. "Now, are you going to tell me what's going on?"

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Ryan couldn't stand the yelling.

It was the same every night and he was sick of it. He was sick of the cussing and hurtful words thrown carelessly between both of the adults in the other room. He was sick of the way he heard bottles breaking as both of them threw their beer bottles at each other's heads, or at least attempted to before missing it completely and hitting the wall five feet away instead. He was tired of the glares he received from the neighbors when he went out for walks or rode his bike to school. He was tired of the looks of pity Theresa and her mom gave him when he arrived at their house at three in the morning because he just couldn't stay in the house anymore.

He was sick of the way his mom's boyfriend, Julian talked about him like he was a stupid, worthless piece of shit, of the way he mother would just stand there and not defend him. He was tired of the way the house would get quiet except for the occasional snort of cocaine or burp emanating from Julian after he took a large gulp of his whiskey.

He was sick of the drugs; of the cocaine, marijuana, heroine, ecstasy and LSD. He was sick of the tattooed, balding men that arrived at their front door looking for Julian, their hands twitching and their eyes darting around crazily as they waited for their next fix. He was tired of turning his head the other way and pretending like his mother wasn't dating a drug dealer.

Basically, he was just plain old tired.

He didn't know why tonight was different than any other night, but he got to the point where he just couldn't take it anymore. He decided he was going to do something; he was going to make things better. He was going to put an end to this endless cycle of pain and yelling. He was going to make things okay for his mom again. He was going to make their life easier. He was going to get rid of the drugs.

He decided to sneak into his mom's bedroom where he knew Julian kept his stash: the nightstand and underwear drawer. He'd seen the guy get them from those two places and those two places only. He wasn't sure if these were the only two places, but he figured it was worth a shot. Julian and his mom were out and due back in about half an hour so he had to work quickly. He opened the nightstand and was met with bags upon bags of cocaine and countless other drugs. It baffled him how Julian could get a hold of all of these drugs, but it confused him even more why they were still living in this poor excuse for a house if he was able to get any success from this.

He stuffed his pockets with the drugs and then went over to the underwear drawer. He picked out all of the bags he found in there and then quickly made his way to the bathroom. He dumped it and flushed the toilet, watching the drugs slowly disappear from his view. He imagined this was supposed to symbolize how his life was going to be from now on: all the bad was being flushed down the drain and in its place was a clean new slate, just like the clean water in the toilet. People always told him how you have to get rid of the bad in your life so you can make room for the good, and he figured that flushing these drugs was a smart decision.

He never heard them come in.

He never heard Julian walk to the bedroom to look for his stash so he could snort some before heading out to make a deal with a potential client, only to realize his stash was gone.

He did hear the yelling and the breaking down of the bathroom door.

He did feel his body being picked up and thrown into the living room in a rage.

He did feel his body being kicked, his ribs breaking as Julian's boots made contact with them over and over again.

He did hear his mother yelling at Julian to stop, but Julian shouting, "You little bitch! Do you know how much money you just wasted me?! Do you?! I'm going to make you pay you little fuck!"

He did feel Julian's hard fists making contact with his face, and the pain associated with being beaten to a pulp by a man much older and bigger than he was.

He remembers the sound of a gunshot that forever changed his life.

He remembers thinking, "I never should've tried to make things better."

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Ryan looked down at his tightly clenched fists and tried to keep his breathing even as he told the story to Marissa. When he finished, he refused to look at her. He'd never told anyone that story before except for Sandy, and that was only because he was Ryan's lawyer and basically forced to. After Marissa was sure he was finished, she softly said, "I'm so sorry, Ryan. I never knew it was that bad. I never thought you went through something like that. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like..."

He shook his head and bluntly said, "No, you can't, and you're lucky. Let's keep it at that."

She felt the sting of his words in her heart, but she knew he didn't really mean it. He was just vulnerable and unwilling to be made to look like the victim. She sighed and gently said, "Ryan, look at me."

He shook his head and said, "No, I can't. I can't look at you after telling you that, and you shouldn't want me to. I ruined everything."

She shook her head and gently said, "No, you didn't. So you flushed a lot of money's worth of drugs down a toilet. How did that ruin everything?"

"It's what happened afterwards," he said with a sigh.

She looked at him and asked, "Well, what happened afterwards?"

He sighed and looked at her with pain-filled eyes. "Can we talk about this some other time? Please? I can't take this much in one day, much less in a few minutes."

She studied him for a moment and decided what he was saying was true; he looked horrible. She nodded and gently said, "Okay, but you aren't a horrible person, no matter what you tell yourself." He rolled his eyes and snorted, looking away from her again. She sighed and placed a hand on the side of his head, turning it to face her. "I barely know you, but I know enough about you to know that you're a great person that cares a lot about others."

"How could you possibly know that?" he asked incredulously.

"Because I agreed to go on a date with you," she said with a large sigh. "And I wouldn't do this if I thought you were some psycho, creepy guy..." She leaned in and pressed her lips against his. He was surprised, but soon started to kiss her back. And soon she found that there was nothing better than kissing Ryan Atwood.

His lips were slightly chapped yet so soft and delicious that she didn't want to ever pull away. He slid his hand up her arm to the side of her face, cupping her cheek tenderly in his hand. He gently sucked on her bottom lip, eliciting a small moan from her throat. She pulled back a little and said, "You're a really, really good kisser."

He smiled and murmured, "So are you." He brushed his lips against hers again and slid his tongue along her bottom lip, tasting her strawberry lip gloss. They were interrupted by the guy working the ferris wheel asking if they wanted to go another round. Ryan nodded and then turned back to Marissa, earning a small giggle from her. He pecked her lips one last time, then softly said, "Thanks, for everything."

She smiled at him and said, "You're welcome. Who knew you were so easy to manipulate?"

He rolled his eyes and said, "I am not easy to manipulate."

She laughed and said, "I just got you to calm down with a kiss. I must be really good."

He smiled a little and said, "Whatever you say, Cooper."

She just smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder. She took hold of one of his hands and played with it as they sat in silence. Then she finally said, "So we never finished talking about our current status in this relationship." She turned and looked at him with a shy smile.

He looked out at the people walking around the grounds and even though he was afraid of heights, he decided with Marissa next to him, he could deal with it. He thought back to the way she made him feel better about his past and decided he would eventually tell her the whole story about that night when he was ready. But until then, he wanted her to be a big part in his life, and he right now with her by his side he felt like he could face the world. He looked at her and their eyes connected, just like they'd done many times in the past couple of weeks. He gave her a half smile and softly asked, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

She grinned widely and leaned in to press her lips against his in a happy kiss. She kept her forehead against his as she said, "Of course," and then leaned in to kiss him again and again, forgetting about how she was supposed to be winning over Ryan's heart, not Ryan winning over hers.

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So, I'm going to try to start replying to you guys again. Here it goes:

Juzzy88: Thank you.

Elly: I'm glad you enjoy it.

Marissa Davis: I don't think the question is whether or not she will win, but what will happen if she does. Oh, and the name of the song for 'Say the Words' is 'Say the Words' by dc Talk.

Ninpinpin: Thank you.

oc_bunney: It hasn't gotten to the good part yet!

Kellybby: That's good, I'm glad.

Bwunnies: I will : )

snowwygirl4: Thank you. The movie version is kind of different from the book. I personally love the book, and Jodi Picoult is really nice and funny as hell.

G: Why thank you!

Georgie: Okay, if you say so.

RJ: Thank you.

Hopelesslyhalfhearted: I like your username, it's different. I'm glad you like it.