Thank you so much to everyone who has read this fic, and especially to myrmidryad and interpol.. I really appreciate you taking time to write down your thoughts about the last chapters, it makes me so pleased. Hope the latest chapter doesn't disappoint.
Nick
At the day of Mr. Creevey is funeral, everyone goes their separate ways.
Nick remembers the last time they all dressed up. It wasn't that long time ago, but now he has troubles believing that bright summer's day ever actually happened. Today, the looks of their faces are still and solemn, the looks in their eyes vaguely containing the mutual understanding that reality is now somewhat changed.
It all becomes too much for him, the moment when Mrs. Creevey tears and despair drown out everything else. She's holding on to Alo's arm like it's the one thing that keeps her standing, and Nick has to look away.
He wishes he could be anywhere else, because he's afraid that this moment will remain crystallised forever in his mind's eye. But one thing that Nick Levan doesn't do is abandon others when they need him. At least, not intentionally.
So he stays there, rooted to the ground, next to his brother and thankful of his presence. But Matty looks exceptionally small and sad, and somewhere at the back of his mind, Nick makes the decision of being Matty's big brother for the day. He's not sure what exactly does it entail, this feeling, this responsibility - other than being there. Whatever fucked up nonsense the world decides to spew in their direction, at least all of them will have each other.
Somehow, Nick thinks, it just might be enough.
But it all goes to shit once the funeral is over and Alo and his mom leave the place in the back of some cousin's car. The car drives away, and soon everyone is leaving, in tiny groups of friends and relatives.
In the end, it's just them. Him and Matty, and Liv and Mini, and all the others. They just stand there, long after everybody else is gone, and Nick almost hopes someone will suggest they all go and get royally fucked up, because the silence is unbearable.
He opens his mouth to say something, and he doesn't mind making a fool of himself for the sake of breaking this still, sad sort of silence. But somehow, nothing comes out.
In the end, it's Rich who breaks it first. He tells no one in particular that he's going to walk to Alo's, and with just one look at Grace, he stalks away. She doesn't even try to follow him, and Nick kind of loves her for that. They get each other, Grace and Rich, and Nick would like something exactly like that someday.
After Rich is gone, the rest of them start walking. It's almost feels like they waited for a permission to leave. He has no clue where they're all going until they walk out of the cemetery, and then they just stand there again, looking at each other over the sunlit sidewalk by a bus stop.
Bus arrives, and Grace hops on, saying goodbye to all of them with a half-hearted smile that's barely there. Liv follows, without a single look in his direction, and a moment later, Mini goes after her. But she seems so reluctant and unsure that he really wishes to shout at her, at all of them, they don't have to go. They can stay.
Still, he doesn't.
In the end, it's him and Matty. And Franky. There's a look of sadness on her face that somehow reminds Nick of his brother, but she also looks vaguely ashamed as she walks up to them and asks Nick if she could talk to Matty in private.
Nick says yes.
He's being a good brother and Franky looks too miserable for him to refuse. They walk away, back to the cemetery, and Nick can't help feeling it's a bit of a fucked place for having a conversation.
He ends up walking into a random pub, and it's still early in the evening so the place is nearly empty. But there's a gorgeous girl sitting on a bar stool by herself, with the longest pair of legs Nick has ever seen. She is stirring her drink absentmindedly and Nick thinks she looks kind of sad, all dressed up and nowhere to go.
He doesn't try and chat her up, though. He would have, once, but he doesn't feel up to it anymore. Too much sadness for a day already, anyway.
Instead, he drinks. He orders one after another, until the familiar feeling arrives and he feels pleased enough just sitting there and cocking about. Some Polish boys burst into the pub in a happy and drunken stupor, and it's only seconds before he's raising cups with them, toasting to whatever silly nonsense they come up with together and teasing the bored and tired waiter.
He isn't sure how much time has passed when he stumbles outside, but it's already night time. He dials Liv's number, but she doesn't answer. It's a shame, because he only hoped to hear her voice, and he'd gladly even take a "fuck off, Nick."
He can hear his Polish friends singing at the top of their voices, and Nick considers going back inside and really losing it for the night. Instead, his feet move on their own accord, and he's crossing the street already, all dressed up and nowhere to go. (He vaguely remembers he didn't pay for his drinks, but he guesses it's up to the blokes now.)
There's a fair chance he'll end up wandering by himself for the rest of the evening, randomly colliding with various pubs until he faints on his bed at last. He's okay with that. Anything but going home and lying there in darkness and solitude of his room.
He misses being around a bunch of people, so he follows some group into a club he kind of remembers from before. It's a fun place with lots of flashing lights and cheap drinks, and he thinks it might be just what he needs now. He fools around for a bit, dances around a sexy, plump girl for a bit, but he soon grows bored of it all.
So he abruptly walks away from the dance floor, leaving the plump goddess in the middle of a complicated dance move. Maybe he's getting old, he thinks. He slumps down into a futon and watches people as they move together in the darkness, their bodies rolling about and filling the space, bouncing off each other.
Suddenly, there's a sound and when he turns his head, Franky is sat next to him. She looks exactly like she did that afternoon, and somehow Nick isn't even surprised to see her there.
"You like doing that, don't you?" He grins at her confused face. Of course, she hasn't got a clue. "I mean, appearing out of nowhere in one's darkest hour."
"Oh," she says, and shrugs. "Actually, I'm here with Grace and Mini. Liv is somewhere around, too. Grace said she couldn't bear being by herself anymore, and everyone kind of agreed. But no one's really feeling up to it."
There's a pause, in which Nick feels a bit left out. But he doesn't say anything.
"Is this your darkest hour, then?" Franky asks.
He's not sure how to answer that. So, he opts for changing the subject.
"Hey, weren't you with Matty?" It's just a simple question, and he doesn't mean anything by it, but Franky's face drops a little and she doesn't say anything. He wonders if he should leave it, but curiosity gets the better of him. "Is he here?"
Franky shakes her head. "I don't know where he is."
"Did something bad happen? You can tell me, we're mates, aren't we?" He says it like it needs confirmation, like it's more than just a rhetorical question.
Franky nods at him and smiles, and it dawns on him that he might not be the only one who needs reassurance. "Yeah, sure we are," she says.
"So?"
Franky looks uncomfortable, but she goes and says it anyway. "So, I told him I'm not the one who can give him all those things that he needs. And that he deserves better than that." She looks away, lifting her head to gaze at the millions of little specks of light swirling on the ceiling. Nick looks up, too. "We both do," she adds, but Nick doesn't think she's really speaking to him anymore.
They sit in silence for a while, both lost in their own thoughts."You know, someone told me the same thing once," Nick says finally, and Franky turns to look at him. He laughs, "Although she wasn't as polite."
Franky smiles, but she doesn't say anything. So he goes on, and this time, he's the one that's speaking to the sparkling ceiling. "Maybe she was right, after all."
He turns to Franky, and now they're both smiling at each other. It's nice, this being mates thing.
But their moment of bonding is interrupted by a magnificent scene of Mini and Liv dragging the absolutely smashed-looking Grace in their direction. Mini places her unceremoniously on the futon, before flopping herself down on the tiny space between Nick and Franky.
"Scoot over, princess," says Liv, before sitting herself down and lifting Grace's head on to her lap.
"She just tried to gulp down the entirety of Bristol's booze supply," Mini says.
"And then we went to the toilet to have a little puke, didn't we, Gracie?" Liv smiles, stroking Grace's sweaty forehead with her hand.
"Lies," comes Grace's mumbled reply from somewhere below and Liv lets out a little laugh.
No one speaks for a while. It's like they don't have anything to talk about.
"This is terrible. We should get out of here," Mini says softly.
"Agreed. I really don't feel like partying," Liv sighs. "But, I also don't want to be by myself."
Nick doesn't think he ever heard Liv say something so exposing, never in front of him. It makes him kind of glad. And he agrees wholeheartedly. None of them really want to be alone tonight.
Nick stands up on his feet and bends at his knees to gently scoop Grace in to his arms. Grace's head falls back, and Liv quickly gets up to place it on his shoulder. It's only seconds before Grace makes herself comfortable, squirming a little in his arms until she apparently feels cosy enough to fall asleep.
"Any ideas?" he says, turning to face them. He's very aware of the soft way that Liv is looking at him.
"We can go to mine's," Mini pipes in. "Mom's out with her latest man meat."
"We can polish each other's nails and talk about boys," he says, and Mini smacks him.
"You'd love that," she says, following him through the crowd of people, with Franky and Liv in tow.
So, at the day of Mr. Creevey's funeral, everyone goes their separate ways. But at night, they somehow manage to get together.
But much later, after they smoked the last of Franky's weed on Mini's balcony and watched the street lights turning off one by another with Grace's soft snoring in the background, Nick thinks that maybe he should have called Matty.
Tomorrow, Nick decides, tomorrow he'll be a really good brother.