A/N: If the Spanish I used in here is wrong, blame Google Translate. I haven't been in a Spanish class in 3 years. Woops. R&R loved as always! One Condition will be updated soon! -Tayma
Chapter 4: Why Can't We Be Honest?
BEEEEP! BEEEP! BEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEP!
A groan escaped Emma's lips as her hand slid from beneath her pillow, hovering over the alarm clock for a moment before slamming down onto hit, turning it off and stopping the high-pitched beeping. A deep breath was taken through her nose before she flipped over and ran a hand over her face, rubbing her eyes and sitting up. Her eyes glanced at the clock on her nightstand and it read 7:05 am. Time to get up and get started with the day. She threw the blankets off of her legs and got out of bed, stretching widely.
A startled snore escaped Will's mouth as he jolted awake, a hand slipping from beneath his pillow, hovering over the alarm clock for a moment before slamming his hand down on it, lifting it up and throwing it onto the floor. Damn alarms. A deep breath was taken through his nose as he flipped over, rubbing his face with his hands. He sat up and glanced at the clock on his nightstand. It read 7:05 am. Time to make a good impression on his daughter and his daughter's mother. He threw the blankets off of his legs and got out of bed, picking up the alarm clock and placing it back on the nightstand before stretching widely.
Emma walked over to her dresser, pulling out her cute plaid pajama shorts and a grey t-shirt that said 'My Eyes Are Up There'. She laughed every time she grabbed the shirt that a friend from college got all of the girls in their small group. Her friend always had men staring at her chest and it became a running joke so she had shirts made for all of them. Walking into the bathroom, Emma brushed her teeth, then changed into the t-shirt and shorts, looping the ribbon waistband into a bow and pulling it tight. She ran a brush through her hair, securing it into a high ponytail and allowing her wispy bangs to fall against her face, throwing on a bit of mascara for good measure. She slipped into her fluffy slippers and grabbed her phone, texting Will. Pajamas mandatory. See you soon. E. She placed the phone in her shorts waistband and shuffled to Willow's room.
Will walked over to his dresser to pick out a tie and button down for the day when his phone buzzed. He grabbed it from its charging place on the dresser and opened a text, laughing a bit. It was possible that this was just Emma doing one of her jokes, but he'd comply should she be serious. He typed out an Okay. See you soon. And hit send before opening a different drawer. He pulled out a grey t-shirt and plaid pajama pants before going to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and changed into the t-shirt and shorts, looping the drawstrings into a knot and pulling them tight. He ran his hands through his hair, wetting it a bit with water, but his curls wouldn't lay flat. He slipped on his Chuck Taylors and dropped his phone into his pants pocket, heading towards Max's room.
Throwing the door open, Emma smiled, seeing Willow curled up on her bed, her hands under her chin. She walked over and crouched by her bed, kissing her forehead and shaking her shoulder gently. When Willow stirred, Emma smiled and ran a hand over her head. "Good morning, Princess. Daddy's coming to breakfast today!" That perked Willow right up and she shot up, smiling widely.
"He is?" Her face looked like it would break in half.
"He sure is, baby girl! So get on your cutest pajamas, brush that curly hair of yours, and meet me in the kitchen." She smiled widely and kissed Willow's head, watching her scramble to get her jammies. Emma made up Willow's bed quickly before leaving her to get ready, walking to the kitchen to start breakfast.
Throwing the door open, Will smiled, seeing Max curled up on his bed, his paws under his head. He walked over and crouched by his bed, rubbing behind his ears gently. When Max opened his lazy doggy eyes, Will smiled, patting his head. "Hey, buddy! We gotta get you fed because I'm going to see my other child today. My real child who talks and can use the bathroom on her own and is biologically mine. But that doesn't mean I don't love you any less, bud."
He laughed when Max barked and shook his head. Sometimes, it was like they understood each other. He stood up and clapped his hands together, watching Max perk up. "Alright! Breakfast time!" He pointed out the door and watched Max take off before following him to the kitchen.
Emma moved to the pantry, getting out the bag of waffle mix and taking it to the counter. She reached up and got a large metal bowl out of a cabinet and filled it with the powder, adding in some water and mixing it together rapidly. She reached under the sink and got out the waffle iron, plugging it in and heating up. She was just about to start cutting up some fresh strawberries when Willow traipsed into the kitchen, wearing her pajamas that matched Emma's, except her grey shirt said 'So Sweet I Melt in the Rain.'
"We're matching!" Willow said happily, her hair even pulled into a messy curly ponytail. Emma giggled and walked over, kissing her cheek gently.
"We sure do and I love when we match."
"I'm your mini-me!"
Emma giggled and so did Willow. "Yep! Sure are! Would you like to set the table, mini-me?"
Willow nodded and Emma handed her the dishes, watching her go to the table. She finished cutting and washing the fruit before starting to pour the waffle batter into the waffle iron.
Will moved to the pantry, getting out the bag of dog food and taking it to the counter. He reached down and got the large metal dog food bowl from the floor and filled it with the kibbles, setting it on the floor and picking up Max's water dish, filling it at the sink and setting it down by his food bowl. He put the food bag back and stood watching Max eat all of his food and lap up some water. When he was finished, Will wrestled around with him for a bit to get a bit of exercise in before looking at the clock. It was seven-thirty. He still had to go get coffee for Emma before heading over there.
"Alright, Max. Back to your room, let's go." Will walked down the hall, whistling, holding Max's door open and letting him inside.
"I'll be back later, buddy, and then we'll go for a walk. Don't do too much damage in here, okay?" He looked at him seriously before closing the door and heading down the hallway, grabbing his keys and heading out to his car. He got in quickly and buckled up, turning on the car and pulling out of his spot, putting the car in drive and setting off towards the Lima Bean.
Emma finished up making the waffles and placed all of them into a plate, placing a cover on them and taking them to the table. She smiled, watching Willow arrange a small bunch of flowers into a cup in the center of the table. Emma and Willow had a small flower garden in their backyard and Emma agreed to let her pick some so their breakfast today would be super special. They were just finishing the table setting when the doorbell rang and Willow yelped with excitement, running to the door and working to unlock it. Emma followed after her with a smile, glancing at the clock to see that it was eight-fifteen.
Will hurried to the Lima Bean, pulling up to the drive through and ordering two vanilla lattes, one with soy and each with an extra vanilla pump. He then ordered a hot chocolate with cinnamon, asking them to hold off on the whipped cream. If Emma was still as anti-dairy as she'd been when they were younger, she doubted Willow liked dairy. He pulled up to the window, handing over payment and taking the holder of hot drinks. He flashed a smile to the woman behind the window and drove cautiously towards Emma's place, not wanting to spill any of their drinks. As Will pulled into her driveway, he looked at the clock and did a little fist pump. It was eight-fifteen; good timing. He shut off his car and grabbed the cup carrier in one hand, getting out and locking his car before walking up to Emma's front door, clad in his pajamas and rang the doorbell, bouncing nervously and excitedly as he heard the door unlocking.
Willow pulled open the door and smiled widely, stepping out of the way for Will to come in, a giggle escaping her lips when she saw what he was wearing. Plaid pants and a grey t-shirt. She looked between herself and Emma and her father, the fact that they were all wearing the same thing tickled her pink.
"We all match!" She squealed out, moving forward to hug her mother around the legs.
"Good morning, ladies!" Will said, stepping through and closing the door behind himself. He smiled widely at Willow and Emma, letting out a laugh. "So we do match. I thought you were kidding about pajamas." He said, glancing at Emma.
"Oh, no. I take pajama Sunday very seriously." Emma laughed and patted Willow's head before gesturing towards the kitchen. "Lead the way, bug."
Willow took off towards the breakfast table, Emma and Will following after her. "I got you a soy vanilla latte; I think that's what you drink at work every day." Will handed her a cup as they reached the table, picking up another and handing it to Willow. "And I got you cinnamon hot chocolate."
His daughter's wide eyes widened and her mouth dropped open, taking it from him. Was he magic? How did he know that she drank her hot chocolate like that? "Thank you!"
They all sat down and Willow scooted her chair a little bit closer to Will, looking over at him. A smile was stuck on her face as she glanced at him, watching him look at her mother with a wide smile on his face. "Everything looks great, Em. Thanks for inviting me." Em. He called her mother 'Em.' Her dad was so cool.
"Of course, Will. Thank you for coming." Emma placed waffles on all of their plates, along with fruit, her eyes flitting towards Willow every so often. The nervousness from last night seemed to have disappeared as her eyes bored into her father's face, her cheeks turning pink every time he caught her staring and flashed her a brilliant smile.
As they started eating, Emma giggled a little bit and shook her head. "Wills, he's not going to disappear, honey. Eat your breakfast."
Willow quickly complied, but her eyes kept falling to Will's.
"So, Willow, any dreams of being a ladybug last night?" He asked, glancing at Willow as he continued to eat with them, causing her to giggle.
"No, Daddy. That was only once, but I did dream about waffles. I always do on Saturdays because Sundays are the best breakfast days. My mom's a good cook, huh?" She asked, forking a blueberry and a strawberry, popping both of them in her mouth and chewing quickly.
"She's a great cook." Will smiled at Willow and Emma who muttered a thank you, not wanting to interrupt their conversation. "So are you glad it's summer?" Will asked, taking a sip of his latte and watching his daughter nod. God, she was so perfect. How did he manage that?
"Yeah, I love summer because Mommy's always home. She doesn't have school, and sometimes she has work, but we always get to be together." She smiled widely at Emma who returned the sentiment, continuing to eat, finishing up her breakfast a few minutes later, but continuing to remain silent. "Do you like summer?" Willow finished eating and turned in her seat to look at her dad.
"I do. It means that I don't have work which is pretty nice. Unfortunately, my summer doesn't start for another week."
"That's when Mom's starts, too!"
Will and Emma laughed. "Well I work with your mom."
"You're a counselor, too? So you understand that everyone's feelings are okay and never wrong? That's what Mommy always says." Willow smiled and took a drink of her hot chocolate. It tasted better than it usually did and she wondered if it was because it actually was that good, or if it was better because her dad bought it for her.
His head shook and he sat back, folding his hands over his stomach. "No, I'm not a counselor. I'm a teacher. I teach Spanish and Glee Club, which is a singing group at school."
Willow's eyes widened and she smiled widely. "That's so cool! My dad is so cool! Can you speak Spanish?" Both Will and Emma started laughing at her enthusiasm and it took Will a moment before he could speak again.
"I sure can. Would you like me to say something?"
Willow nodded. He thought for a moment before smiling at Emma and then turning to look at Willow again.
"No te he conocido por un día entero, pero yo ya te quiero tanto mi hermosa hija." Willow giggled at his words. They sounded so different and he changed his accent and his tongue was rolling, and it just sounded so funny to her, but by the look on his face, Willow knew that it was something serious.
"What did you say?" She asked, glancing at her mother. "Do you know what he said?"
Emma nodded, her eyes brimmed with tears. She did know what he said, having minored in Spanish at Columbia, hoping that being somewhat fluent in the language would improve her chances of getting a well-paid job after graduation. Willow's eyes moved back to her father, her eyes curious.
Will bit his cheek for a moment before clearing his throat, looking at Emma, wondering if he crossed a line. When he saw her smiling, he knew that he hadn't and he turned to Willow, speaking out the sentence in English. "I haven't known you for a whole day, but I already love you so much my beautiful daughter."
Her eyes fell on his as he spoke and she swallowed, thinking over his sentence. That was something big to her. She got to meet her dad and he loved her? And Emma hadn't made him tell her so? It meant that he actually loved her and not just because he had to because that's something that dads are supposed to do. Willow took a breath and smiled widely, playing with her t-shirt gently. "How do you say I love you, too, Dad in Spanish?" She asked.
"Te quiero tambien." Will said, smiling at her.
Willow attempted the Spanish, but had difficulty rolling her R's, stating, "Te keddo tambien." She smiled proudly at herself and sat back, drinking her hot chocolate again. "Hey, how do you know I like cinnamon on my chocolate? Did Mom tell you?"
"No, I just guessed. I know your Mom doesn't like whipped cream so I guessed that you didn't either, and then I like cinnamon in mine and your mom and I used to make it like that when we were small, so I figured you liked it the same way." Will shrugged a little bit, but Willow looked at her mother, propping herself on the table.
"My dad is magic, Mom."
Emma laughed, shaking her head a bit. "He's just really smart, Wills. He didn't go to Hogwarts."
Willow laughed. "Well, duh. Only people with those cool accents can go to Hogwarts. It's a rule."
"Did I mention she's a huge book worm?" Emma asked, looking at Will. "She started reading when she was four years old, and hasn't stopped since. She's at a twelfth grade reading level."
"Wow, that's amazing, Willow. What's your favourite book?" Will looked over at her with his eyebrows raised. That was definitely impressive, and all credit went to Emma for sure. How did she manage to be such a great mom as well as get an education and do it all on her own? It baffled Will.
"Well I just read this book called Wuthering Heights. It's Mom's favourite, and I like it the most because I want to be like her. What's your favourite book? I can read it!" Her eyes glistened with the thought of having new reading material.
"I really like this book called A Separate Peace and another book called Death Be Not Proud." Will nodded. Both of them were sort of serious books, but they were his favourites, and he wasn't going to lie to her.
"I can look at them when I get back from my grandma's next weekend!" Willow smiled brightly at him before looking at Emma. "Mom, how long until they get here?"
Emma glanced at the clock. "About half an hour. Go change quickly and you can spend time with Dad until they get here." She smiled, watching Willow hop up with a quick 'be right back' thrown Will's way.
"Your parents are coming?" Will asked, looking at her. He hadn't seen her parents in ten years. "Should I be here?"
"Oh, yeah! You're fine; they're over the whole thing. I think they got over it the moment Willow was born. They love her more than anything in this world." Emma smiled and stood, starting to clear the table. "Oh, Will. No, you don't have to help." She headed to the sink, shaking her head as he started picking up a few things.
"I don't have to, but I want to." He smiled and set his dishes by the sink, helping her clear off the table. "So she's going with them for a week?"
"Mhm. They're going to Virginia for a week and offered to take her so I could work late if I need to during this final week." Emma shrugged a bit. "She'll be back next Sunday night, though. You're welcome to come visit her when she gets back, or even take her to spend time with her."
"Really?" He asked, looking at her. She nodded hesitantly.
"I know you won't put her in danger, I know you'll watch after her, and I know you care about her. You've always been that kind of guy, so I trust you."
"Why the hesitation, then?"
"I'll explain later." Emma smiled, starting to wash the dishes as Willow entered the kitchen, ready for her trip to Virginia.
"Hey Dad, want to go play catch outside? I have this pink ball and Mom says if I'm careful, I can play out there, but if it bounces out of the gate, then I'm out of luck." She laughed and Emma nodded, pointing at her.
"That's right, kiddo. Front yard is gated for a reason. Keep the cars out and my sweet girl in. Come get me when Grandma Rose gets here."
Emma watched them leave before cleaning everything up in the kitchen. She finished up just as Rose and Rusty drove up, parking on the driveway and hopping out of the car. Emma walked out into the front yard as Willow squealed out, "Grandma!" and ran towards her, hugging her tightly.
Rose smiled and scooped up Willow, hugging her tightly. "Dear Lord, Willow Jane. You get bigger and more beautiful every time I see you!" She set her down so she could say hi to Rusty who kissed her cheek.
"Hey, kiddo. Ready for a whole week in Virginia?"
Willow nodded, pulling Rose and Rusty towards Will and Emma. "Grandma, Grandpa. Look. That's my dad. His name's Will and he's known Mom since he was my age!"
"I know," Rose said, nodding. "We knew him when he was your age, too. How are you, Will?"
"I'm doing great, Mrs. Pillsbury. Looking good, Mister Pillsbury."
They both smiled and looked at Emma, hugging her gently. Rose gave her a look that said they'd need to talk about this at some point and Emma nodded, a small smile on her face.
"Alright, Wills. Ready to go?" Rusty asked, ruffling his granddaughter's hair.
Willow nodded, running to get her suitcase from her room, dragging it out behind her. "Ready to go, Captain Grandpa!" She hugged Emma tightly, kissing her cheek. "Bye, Mommy. I love you!"
"I love you, too, baby girl. Hey, listen." She crouched down at looked at her. "Listen to your grandparents and be a good girl. Don't go too far into the ocean and wear your sunblock. Call me whenever you get a moment and eat your vegetables." Emma glanced at her father. "Dad, I'm serious. No babying her about it. Make sure she eats them."
"But Emma, she doesn't like them, and I only want my Willow Tree happy."
"Don't care. She'll be happy when she isn't breaking bones because she has nutrients."
"Fine, she'll eat them." He looked at Willow and shook his head slightly, causing both Will and Willow to laugh, but Emma just rolled her eyes.
"Drive safely, you guys." Her parents nodded, taking the suitcase to the trunk of the car. Willow followed after them before turning and running to Will.
"Woops. Forgot something." She hugged Will gently, smiling up at him. "See you in a week, Dad! Bye, Mom! I love you guys!" She waved and ran after her grandparents, hopping into the backseat and closing the door, buckling up and waving out of the window as they started driving away. Emma and Will both waved, Emma letting out a small sigh, glancing over at Will.
"Got anything planned today?"
Will looked at her and shook his head.
"Want to hang out?" She asked, looking at him. "I know it's been ten years and it may be awkward, but I'd like to hang out with you. Like we used to."
"That would require hammocks, tea, PB&J sandwiches and laughter."
Emma nodded, smiling. "Good thing I have all of the above. But only if you're interested."
"Of course," Will smiled, looking down at himself. "I'm in my pajamas, though."
"Well you're free to go home and change, but Sunday really is pajama day for me. Unless we have something major to do, Wills and I stay in our jammies all day."
Will laughed and nodded. "Well in that case. Sure. I'll stay." He smiled at her and followed her inside, watching her as she closed the door and moved to get them each a large glass of sweet tea. She led him to the backyard and hey moved to the hammocks, Emma smiling over at him.
"When she was a baby, my grandparents had hammocks in their yard and when I couldn't get her to sleep, I'd lay down with her in them and she'd fall asleep like a charm." Emma sat down on one hammock, handing him a glass of tea. She took a sip of hers and set the glass on the ground by her hammock, laying on it on her stomach. She looked over at Will as he mimicked her on the other hammock.
Will watched Emma, a smile on his face, but his heart a bit sad. He'd missed so much about Willow's life. It upset him a bit and made him jealous, but he couldn't complain. Emma only did what she did because she felt like it was for the best. "Can you tell me about her?" He asked, looking at her.
"Of course, Will. What do you want to know about her?"
"Tell me anything about her that you want to tell me."
"Okay…" Emma nodded, closing her eyes and thinking. "Alright, well she's loved cookies as long as I can remember. Even before she was born. I ate so many cookies it was ridiculous. Her first word was actually 'dada.' It sort of hurt my feelings because, hello, mama, but it was the sweetest thing ever." She opened her eyes looking at him. "I have videos if you want to see them. I recorded every moment of her life that I could."
"Yeah, I'd love to see some."
"I can send you home with a bunch of them. I have copies of each, just in case." She smiled and closed her eyes, enjoying the sun on her back.
"How did you do it, Emma?"
"A lot of pushing for twenty-three hours. No medication. That's how."
Will's eyes widened, looking at her. "No, not that. I mean, that's…wow, Emma. That's tough. I just meant…you went to school, you got a degree – a Masters of all things – you raised Willow, and neither of you are suffering. You're an ideal mother to her and you can tell that she just admires you. How did you do it?"
Emma laughed. "It wasn't an option. I wasn't going to put my life on hold and I wasn't going to take more away from her."
"And you did it all on your own?"
"Yep. I learned the hard way that guys can't be trusted." Emma nodded and sighed, reaching for her tea and taking a sip.
"Which is why you hesitated earlier?"
She just nodded, setting her tea back down.
"Care to explain? I'm still your best friend, you know."
"I know you are." Emma laughed and nodded. "Uhm, basically, when I was twenty-five, I started dating my dentist. He was a pretty sweet guy, but he didn't understand, you know? He didn't understand that I was a mother and I couldn't just drop everything to be with him. I had a daughter and he needed to work her into his life if he wanted to work me into his life. Easier said than done, apparently. He took her on an outing after we'd been together for six months and he lost her for three hours, then came back and said he can't handle me and my life. I said I understood and I let him go."
"He lost her?"
Emma nodded. "Scariest three hours of my life. He called me and said 'Ems, don't freak, but I lost Wills.' So of course I freaked out and I just kept thinking, my God she's so tiny and what if she gets taken or hurt? She ended up going back to the last place they'd been together and sat there, waiting for him, but it was stupid of me to let him take her on an outing."
Will looked at her, shaking his head slightly. How could you lose a child? That just didn't make sense to him. "And after him?"
"Nobody. I realized it was so selfish." She shrugged. "It wasn't fair to any guy and it wasn't fair to Willow."
"Why not?"
"Because I hadn't even introduced her to her birth father. Who was I to bring a new man into her life, and allow him to pose as her father when she never got the chance to know her real one? It was selfish of me to want to have a relationship when I was keeping her from an important one. Further than that, it wasn't fair for me to date a man when I was in love with someone else, even if he didn't love me back."
Will thought over her words a few times, nodded. "Me." He said, looking at her. "I've held you back, Emma, haven't I?"
"No, I held me back by allowing myself to hold out for you. But I had to. It kept me in check."
They fell silent, lying on the hammocks, each of them thinking of different things, but both enjoying the feel of the sun on their bodies. After a few minutes, Emma cleared her throat, taking a deep breath. Her throat was a little bit tight, and she'd been thinking back over their last night together.
"Why didn't you ever tell me how to love you?" She asked quietly, swallowing the lump in her throat.
"What…?"
"I told you that I could love you as a best friend, as a girlfriend, as whatever you wanted me to. All you had to do was tell me." Emma opened her eyes, looking at Will, tears filling her eye rims. "Why didn't you ever tell me how to love you?"
Will sat up and shook his head, his feet planted firmly on the ground. He sighed and looked at her. "I don't know, Emma. I wanted your love in so many ways that I didn't know which to choose. I still love you in too many ways."
"You've been divorced for a year. Why in the past year have you not told me how to love you?"
Another shrug. "I didn't know how you wanted to love me. I still don't."
Emma looked at him, sitting up. "I carried your child for nine months and raised her to be a great kid. Is that enough of an answer of how I want to love you? How I want you to love me?" She sighed. "I've been making my feelings very clear since I got here, Willow or no, and you are still just as blind as you were at eighteen."
"I'm not blind."
"Then why didn't you ever tell me? How come you never told me how to love you? Why can't you tell me how to love you?"
"For the same reason you never told me about Willow. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair for me – a married man – to tell my best friend that I wanted her to love me as a girlfriend, and then a wife, and then the mother of my children, which, SPOILER ALERT! You're already that one! It wasn't the right time, Emma. I thought now was the right time, but I didn't want to just tell you I love you and want to be with you after you tell me that we have a kid together because I don't want you thinking that I only love you because I want her. But I don't I want you both. I have met her twice now and you know, I feel like she's my world. She's this perfect little piece of me that you managed to keep perfect in spite of keeping her away all of this time. But I was not about to dump that on you and make you think I only wanted you so that I could be with her." Will took a breath, looking around, having stood when he screamed 'Spoiler Alert.' Emma remained silent, looking at him. She didn't know what to say anymore, so she remained silent, biting on her lower lip. Will looked back at her after a moment, letting out a breath. "I want you to love me like nobody else can, Emma. I want to be with you."
She smiled brightly, looking at him. He took a breath and shook his head. "But now…now just isn't the right time. I'm sorry."
Emma's face fell and she looked at him, confused. "Wh…what?"
"Willow needs to get used to me before she can get used to us."
She nodded, swallowing. He was right about this. Willow had to come before either of them or their relationship. "You're right." She looked at him. "Just tell me when. Really, this time. Tell me when."
Will nodded, "I will." He said, looking at her for a moment. "I should probably go." He smiled and walked over, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "I'll see you at school tomorrow?" He asked, smiling at her.
"Of course. I'll be the one with the coffees."
Will laughed and nodded. "See you then. Thanks again, for breakfast."
"Anytime."
Emma waved, watching him walk out of the back gate and head to the front yard. She heard his car start and drive away and she took a breath, turning to look up at the leaves hovering over her hammock. Tears started to flow silently and she wondered why she hadn't just told Will about their baby the day she found out, or the day she was born.