OMG UGG! I am soo sorry for the wait :( but when i was halfway through writing this chapter, I forgot to save it and I lost it...sigh. well this is the previous chapter except in Fitz's POV. Degrassi owns everything except for the character Lily.
Chapter 3: Alone Again
Fitz's POV
I woke up from the straining light shining in my eyes through the window. I got up from the couch, a little too fast, and fell on the coffee table. Ugh, I was definitely hung over. I could hardly even see two feet in front of me. I stumbled over to the kitchen drawer to take some aspirin. I squinted to read the time on the clock which read, 7:53 AM. Mom usually gets up at around eight so I had to hurry to clean up the little mess I made in the living room last night. I swallowed the aspirin without even bothering to drink some water with it and walked over to the couch and counted...twelve bottles? I don't even remember going to the fridge and grabbing another pack..
I got a garbage bag and shoved all the bottles inside. I couldn't really tell right now, but I bet the whole room reeked with alcohol. I could just blame it on Dad if Mom asked anything. I walked outside and threw the trash away. When I walked back inside, I saw Mom taking some aspirin herself. I could swear though, they were depression pills, but she's always telling me they are vitamins or aspirin. "Dad home?" I asked her, hoping she'd say yes for her own sake.
"No, hun. He left extra early for work today." She said while trying to smile, but it only came out as a grimace. Left extra early my ass. I bet you he was probably at some other bitch's house trying to start a family that wasn't as screwed as mine. Otherwise we would be rich with all the time he spends at work.
"Oh, uh sorry Mom." I mumbled kind of awkwardly. I knew at this point my apologies were meaningless to her.
"It's fine, Mark...Mark? Are you alright? You look horrible!" She said with an alarming voice while finally looking at me in the face. Crap I bet I did look like hell at the moment. I had to get away fast before she got suspicious.
"Yeah Mom..I uh..had a rough night that's all. Couldn't sleep. Well I'm gonna go upstairs and get ready to...leave or something.." Real smooth Fitzy. I was just glad that she didn't ask anymore questions. She probably already knew that I got wasted last night but she just didn't want to deal with it. Fine with me. But I really did want to get out of the house. If I am going to juvie soon, I need to at least have some fun while I can. I went up the stairs while gripping the railing really tight. I wouldn't want to be falling down the stairs. That would really make her ask questions. I walked down the hall and went inside my bathroom. Good God. Mom wasn't bullshitting when she said I looked horrible. There were dark circles under my eyes and I was starting to break out a bit. My hair stuck out in every direction and it looked like I hadn't slept in days. I tried washing my face, as if that would help. No such luck. I brushed my teeth and shaved quickly. I still looked scary but, whatever. I went to my room and grabbed a pair of jeans off of the floor and put on the first shirt I could find.
"I'm going out. I won't be gone for long," I shouted to Mom while putting on my jacket. I walked outside and instantly felt the cold winter air stinging my face. Dad obviously took the car so I had no choice but to walk to get anywhere today. I heard my stomach growl and decided that I'd go to The Dot first. I was walking down a few blocks until I heard a noise coming from an alley. I turned towards it and couldn't believe my eyes.
"Bruce? Bruce the Moose? Is that really you?" I said but I already knew the answer. There he was stealing yet another street sign, probably to add to his collection.
"Fitz! My man! Long time no see." He said while giving me a brotherly hug and slapping my back.
"I see that you are stealing another sign. And that you still haven't chopped off that hideous hair," I said with a smirk. Didn't he know that he looked ridiculous?
"Yeah I think it'd look good in my dorm room. And of course I'm never going to cut my hair!" He said while yanking out the street sign. Wait...did he just say dorm room?
"You're in college?" I said while raising my eyebrows. I mean anyone can get into community college, but I never even thought about Bruce, the former school bully, would even think twice about college. I thought he'd just live in his Mom's basement for the rest of his life or maybe even live on the streets, blowing all his money on crack.
"Yeah I know. I can't believe it either, but I got a family back at home to make proud of. And you know me. If I'm not in school, I might wind up in jail or something." Wow even Bruce had a life. Now I really feel like I'm absolutely nothing. Just then I saw a car pull up by the side of us that had Johnny and a few other people I didn't recognize in it.
"Oh I gotta go man. Merry Christmas!" said Bruce as he opened the car door. With all the crap that's been happening lately, I completely forgot that Christmas, the happiest time of year, was just around the corner.
"You too! I hope you do well, man. And get a freakin haircut, dammit!" I said as the car started to drive away. I think I heard something along the lines of "In your dreams, dick!" from Bruce, but I'll just pretend that I didn't hear that.
I finally made it to The Dot and walked in to find a seat, which wasn't that hard because the place was pretty empty at this early hour. I looked around the restaurant to see if any of my friends were here. I saw a girl with a familiar blue jacket on and a few curls sticking out of the hood making a beeline to the door. I knew that girl anywhere. "Clare? Is that you?" I asked as she was halfway to the door.
"Uhh..no?" She said in the saddest fake accent ever. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.
"I want to talk to you. Let me buy you something." I said trying to make her see that I wasn't going to hurt her. She looked terrified of me, which sent a jolt of pain down my chest.
"I-It's okay. I already ate. Thanks, now I really gotta go. See ya!" She said while darting to the door. Even if I was still kind of hurt that she was probably in that little plan to poison me yesterday, I couldn't let her leave yet. I wanted to see her just one last time at least. I got up from my seat and ran towards her to stop her from going so soon. "Clare wait! Look, I'm not gonna hurt you! And last night was just to scare off your little boyfriend. I wasn't planning on killing anyone, I swear." I said desperately. I heard her give a sigh.
"Okay. I believe that you didn't try to kill Eli. But I really need to go. Now if you'll excuse me-"
"Can't you just sit down with me for a few minutes?" I said, cutting her off. I needed her to hear me out. "What if I loose the court case? Then I'll be sent to juvie with no one I know for the rest of the school year, or maybe even longer. I'd really appreciate talking to someone I know before I get sent away. And if you start to feel uncomfortable you can leave any time you want. So what do ya say?" I begged. She finally looked up at me and I think I convinced her by the looks of her softened expression.
"Well, I guess a few minutes wouldn't hurt anyone, right?" She said with a small smile, but hesitation was plastered all over her face.
"Great! Thanks so much!" I pulled her into a bear hug and realized how good she smelled. She was also so warm and soft and- "Umm you're welcome." Clare said while trying to get out of my embrace. Oh crap I am probably making her feel uncomfortable already. I quickly let go of her and gave her my "sorry" face.
I walked over to the table to wait for the waiter to come and take my order. We sat there, awkwardly for a few minutes. I never really had a normal conversation with Clare. I had to remind myself that I was wasting time, and I should be talking to her as much as possible. As I was trying to think of something to say, she broke the silence first. "So..is everything alright? With um your life?" For a smart girl, that was a pretty stupid question. Of course my life wasn't "alright." If anything it was the complete opposite. Not even a life at all. "Well considering that I might be sent to juvie and will probably be put on probation for a really long time, my life is just peachy. Thanks for asking. It also doesn't help that my dad is gone every night and my mom is going into depression because I'm a failure at life and my dad doesn't love her. How could life get any better?" I said with a hard laugh. But when I saw her face, I immediately regretted saying that. Her face started turning red and she looked really sorry. I should really learn how to not be an ass all of the time, at least not to girls like Clare.
"Oh..I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked." Clare said. She shouldn't have to apologize for just asking how my life was.
"It's okay. And you don't have to get all embarrassed Clare Bear." I said, hoping that would brighten the mood. I also gave her my signature wink that I always give to hot girls. I was surprised to see her blush even deeper. I expected her to roll her eyes.
"What can I get for you sir?" I looked up and saw the waiter look me up and down in a disapproving way. I really don't blame him though. Girls like Clare usually don't hang with guys like me. But I seriously don't give a damn about what this Pete guy or whatever his name is thinks about me.
"Cheeseburger with fries and a Coke." Not really the normal stuff you order for breakfast, but that's what I always get.
"Alright your order should be arriving shortly." Pete said with a fake smile. Then he leaned over and whispered something in Clare's ear and she whispered back. Then the annoying waiter finally left while nodding at Clare. I wonder what the hell that was all about. How did they know each other anyway? Oh well, I was more focused on talking to Clare than wondering about Pete.
"What about you? How is your life?" I asked her. As a responsible Christian girl, I bet her life was the complete opposite of mine.
"Well considering that my boyfriend of one day could've been killed yesterday and my parents are constantly fighting at home, my life is just wonderful. And it doesn't help that I have to pay the consequences of setting off a stink bomb at school in order to help one of my best friends from getting beat up when I go back to Degrassi." Okay so maybe her life isn't as perfect as I thought. Then guilt swept over me, because most of those problems she listed were my fault. I felt my face start to heat up.
"Yeah..sorry about that. I guess I need to find a better way of dealing with my problems."
"It's okay. You aren't the only one at fault. I told Eli weeks ago to just drop the whole war between you two, but he just wouldn't listen." She said while bringing her eyes to the floor. So maybe she wasn't in his little plan after all, but I still don't have a freakin clue why she would date that guy! I don't think Saint Clare usually goes for the Gothic emo boys and especially the ones that poison people. I've literally sat down and thought long and hard of any reason why she could like him and couldn't find a single one. It was time for me too find out her reason. I just hope she wouldn't get offended by my nosiness.
"Clare, can I ask you a personal question?"
"Well, it depends on the question." She said while leaning forward a bit. Now I can be slow and be more sensitive about the question or just flat out get the answer, because I was dying to know.
Here goes nothing.."Why do you like him?" I guess I went with the straight forward way.
"Excuse me?" She said, a little confused and annoyed.
"What is it that makes you like Eli?" I repeated, while tearing my eyes away from her beautiful blue ones to the table. I really hope I'll be able to listen to her answer without grimacing.
"There are lots of reasons why I like Eli. I mean he's smart, helpful, mysterious, cute, funny, he understands me like no one else I know-"
"C-Clare? What are you doing with him?" No. Effing. Way. Did this kid seriously have to show up right this second? And I thought I hated him as much as possible but I guess I was wrong, because I was seeing red as I looked up at Eli. He gave me a venomous glare and I shot him a deadly one as well. If they weren't already broken up, I hope this does it. I know that sounds selfish because I know how much Clare likes him, but it was for her own good. She deserved a man way better than that bastard.
"Eli! I can explain!" Clare said as she stood up. She sounded like she was about to cry.
"Just save it Clare. I don't want to hear it. I thought you liked me. Why would you betray me like that by hanging out with the guy who tried to kill me just yesterday?" He said while stepping back.
"I could have easily killed you if I wanted to smart ass." I growled, but I doubt anyone heard it.
"But I do like you, Eli! I was just talking to him! Just give me a second and let me explain!" Clare begged, but he shook his head and walked out the door and ran across the street, dodging cars. I think a taxi missed him by 2 inches. If only the car was driving a little more to the left...
Clare gave me an apologetic look before she ran after him and left me alone again. The heartbreaking look on her face made my stomach wrench. I always wanted her to leave him but I never wanted him to break her heart. Clare didn't deserve that at all.
Pete walked up with a tray in his hands and placed the food on my table with a loud thud. Too bad I totally lost my appetite. He then looked at the empty chair that Clare was just sitting at. "Why is Clare gone? If you did something to her, I swear I'll k-"
"Relax, Pete. She just left to run after her boyfriend. I didn't try kidnapping her or anything if that's what you think." I spat.
"Oh well in that case, please enjoy." He said not even bothering to give me a fake smile. "And it's Peter not Pete, Mark." He said while walking to another table to take some chick's order.
"It's Fitz." I said under my breath while gritting my teeth. As some of my anger went away, I was able to think about what Clare's reasons were for why she likes Eli. He's smart. Smart? Haha. No. If he were smart, he wouldn't mess with me in the first place. Helpful. Yeah right. What did he ever do to help Clare? If anything all he's done is help her with English homework. Other than that, all he's done is set her up for heartbreak and drag her into the war between us two. Mysterious. Umm..I guess? But who the heck cares if a guy is mysterious or not. How is that attractive? In my opinion, it's just plain creepy. Cute. No comment. Funny. It was pretty funny when I kicked him in the balls. He understands me like no one else I know. I stopped and thought about this one for a while. She was once again wrong on this reason. I understand her, and she knows me. She just doesn't know that I get her. I get everything about her except for the fact that she is in love with Dr. Doom. I get what it's like to have a shitty home life. I know how it feels to have your parents at each others' throats all the time. But most of all, I understand why she probably hates my guts.
I just picked at my food for five minutes until I saw Bianca walk through the door looking as slutty as ever."Fitz! I see that you aren't in jail! You had me worried that I was going to have to find a new partner in crime!" Bianca shouted while taking a seat next to me. "Hey, are you alright? You look more pissed than when you told me the tranny kicked you in the balls." She said while putting an arm around me.
"I'm not really in the mood to talk about it." I grumbled as I took my first bite of my burger.
"Aww Fitzy. I hate seeing you all sad and not your usual douche bag self. I know we are just friends and all, but do you want me to help make you feel better, just this one time?" Bianca said seductively while putting a hand on my thigh.
"Thanks, but no thanks, B. I'm not really in the mood." I said while setting down my burger. I just couldn't stomach it. What I needed was some beer. I took out a ten dollar bill and put in on the table, leaving a very low tip for Peter.
"Suit yourself." Bianca said, looking kind of offended. She shouldn't expect every guy to want to get laid by her. Bianca and I have did some things in the past, but that was before I knew Clare. I noticed her eyeing my burger. "You gonna finish that?"
I rolled my eyes as I slid the plate over to her to eat my barely touched meal. "Thanks hun." She said with a smile. "Damn I'm gonna have to take some diet pills after this.."
After she finished, she spoke up. "Wanna go to the Ravine or something? Grab some beer?"
"Sounds great." I said while getting up. We walked to her car and I heard her cuss under her breath when she saw the ticket she got for parking in the handicap parking spot.
"You know what? Screw this shit." She said while tossing the ticket on the ground. "If the cops ask me any questions, I'll just say I've never seen that ticket in my life and it probably just blew off my windshield before I saw it." I was laughing as I got into her car. I guess this is why I hang out with her. She is a great person to drink with and laugh at. Especially with her insane driving. On our way to the Ravine, she ran two red lights, made an illegal U-turn, and nearly rear ended a Mercedes Benz. Everyday I wonder how she isn't dead or in jail yet.
"Next time, I'm driving. It would kinda suck if your driving was the reason why I died." I told her as I got out of her car.
"No way Fitzy boy. It's my car and I'll drive it. You're free to walk home if you'd like." She snapped back. I just rolled my eyes. Now I remember why I don't hang out with Bianca sometimes.
Bianca led me to a group of people. It was then when I realized that the group of people were some of my old friends. "It is such a small world." I said as Johnny and Bruce turned around and greeted me. I guess this is where they left to go to earlier.
"It's a good thing you came. It's only been an hour and Bruce was already crying about how much he misses you." Johnny said while looking up from his book. I never understood how a tough dude like him likes reading. But then again, I never understood how a sweet girl like Clare could like an emo boy like Eli.
"So not true, Johnny." Bruce said as he punched him in the arm.
"Here. Take as many as you want. We'll party all day if it takes your mind off things." Bianca said as she handed me the first of many beer cans. After last night, I thought I should stop drinking so much, but right now my time is limited. So I'll live it up until I get sent off to juvie. Before I took my first sip, I heard a female's voice crying from behind me. I turned around and saw no other than a heartbroken Clare Edwards crying her heart out by herself over a stupid boy. I remember how Lily would get all emotional over boys too, and I would always be there for her. This was no different. I walked over to the bench she was sitting on. "Hey." I said quietly.
"Hey." She sniffed.
"I take it that things didn't go well with Eli. Want to talk about it?"
"Not really." She said while looking down. I haven't gotten a chance to look at her face since I first sat down with her. I don't like that.
"Clare, I'm truly sorry. I should have never made you sit down with me at breakfast. I'm sorry that I ruined everything."
"It doesn't matter what you did, Fitz. Eli didn't even give me a chance to explain. And when he finally let me talk, he wouldn't believe me. What kind of boyfriend is that? Like I said before, the worst part is that I actually fell for him. How stupid of me. He's no different than K.C.! I mean Eli didn't ditch me for a blonde bimbo but he stole my heart and stomped on it, just like K.C. Ugh! I am so done with boys! I should have stuck to my policy from ninth grade! Go to school to learn not for boys!" She sobbed. Her tears were flowing like rivers now and I had to calm her before she had a breakdown.
"Shhh it's okay. Those guys aren't even worth crying over," I said as soothingly as possible as I rubbed her back. "If you ask me, I think those guys are idiots for ever leaving you. If I had you, I wouldn't even care if you yelled at me everyday or even shot me in the foot. I would love you and keep you until the day you told me to leave." I said truthfully as I wiped a tear off of her right cheek. She finally looked up at me and I stared into her baby blues. They were red from all of the crying but still beautiful, nonetheless.
"Y-you really think so?" She asked. I nodded and looked at the ground. Great. I probably just creeped her out and now she is going to leave me all alone again. "That might just be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, Fitz." She smiled and then leaned closer to me as she pressed her lips on my left cheek. My eyes widened but then closed as I took everything in for that quick moment. But she didn't pull away as fast as I thought she would. She lingered for just a few more seconds and the slowly removed her lips from my cheek and stared into my eyes. At that moment my brain completely stopped working, but I knew this was going to be a big mistake. I didn't care. I closed the gap between us and I crashed my lips onto hers. I was astonished when she didn't pull away and slap me in the face. She actually started kissing back. I had to resist slipping my tongue inside because I had to remember that this was Saint Clare I was kissing. After a few more seconds of pure ecstasy, she pulled away, breathing heavily. Her face showed remorse all over it. I knew it was a mistake.
"Fitz I-"
"No Clare. Don't say sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm the one who should be sorry. I get it if you want to take it back." I said while turning the other way. Keep it together, Fitz. You can't cry in front of a girl.
"Fitz, I still love Eli. No matter what, I always will. But that doesn't mean I'm getting back with him." She said. Well what is that supposed to mean? "And like I said earlier, I'm done with having boyfriends, so Fitz I can't go out with y-"
"Clare I am not expecting you to go out with me. We just got caught up in the moment. I myself, wouldn't want a girlfriend, except for you. They all just hurt you in the end, so that's why I just might hook up with a girl one time, and never see her again. It saves the heartache but it keeps you from being lonely."
"Are you saying that I can just randomly make out with you without you being my boyfriend, and you are okay with that?" YES, I shouted inwardly.
"Well, yeah I guess." I said trying to keep it cool on the outside.
"That is a very nice offer, but I'm afraid that isn't what good Christians do." Darn. I probably wouldn't ever see her again anyway.
"Well, does this mean we can be friends?" I asked hopefully.
"Of course." She said while flashing her teeth. I looked down at my hand and realized that I have been holding the beer can this whole time. I took my first sip and saw Clare looking at me.
"Want a sip? It will help you feel better." I knew it was a dumb question though, because Clare would never drink. I was shocked when I saw her hesitate a bit, but she finally said, "That's okay. But thank you for the offer."
"No problem, Clare bear."
"Fitz?"
"Yeah?"
"Please stop calling me that. I've always hated that name." I felt kind of bad now, because I have been calling her that and I hate it when people call me Mark.
"Sorry, Saint Clare." I said with a smirk. She just rolled her eyes.
"I really should be going soon." She said while playing with a skull ring that had to be Eli's. Her eyes looked painfully sad. I could see that it was because she missed him, even after such a short time. It was then when I finally understood. I didn't exactly know why, but I could just see that she truly loved him. That there will never be anyone who she'll love more than him, and I'm just going to have to live with that. She got up and said goodbye to me but I had to tell her. It was now or never. "Clare, wait." She turned around and lifted an eyebrow.
"Remember how you said that you didn't want a boyfriend?"
"Fitz I told you I can't be your girlfriend." She said, jumping to conclusions.
"No Clare. What I'm trying to say is...is...be with Eli!" I can't believe I actually said that. Her jaw dropped and she was speechless. "I can see that you are happiest when you have his heart. Eli will take you back. Just give him some time. Just promise me that you'll win him back. Promise me that you'll be happy. I want to know that when I'm all alone in juvie. I want to know for sure that you'll be happy." I saw some tears form in her eyes and she walked closer to me.
"I promise that I will get Eli back. I promise that I will be happy, Fitz." She said as she gave me a goodbye kiss on the cheek.
"Good. I hope to see you again, someday." I said as she turned around to leave. I felt a tear come out of my left eye. Man, I was such a pansy. Before she took another step, she turned around and said one more final thing to me.
"Oh, and try to be good Fitz. I expect you to do good in life." Then I watched her walk away as I processed what she just said. No one's ever expected me to do good in life since Lily died. Just that one simple sentence will put a smile on my face everyday as I serve time in juvie. And even though I might not have a life, the girl I love has one and that's enough to keep me going. Because if I know she's happy, I know I'll be happy too.
I walked back to find Bianca stepping out of some dude's car while buttoning up her shirt. Typical Bianca. "Did you have fun, B.?" I asked her jokingly as I put an arm around her as we sat down on a log.
"You know it, Fitz." She said as she handed me another beer. I was completely heartbroken yet absolutely happy. I decided to drink whether I was happy or sad. As it got dark, all my friends and I laughed around the bonfire and starred at the stars. By the end of the night, Bianca and I were so wasted that there was no way we could drive back home, so I just slept in the back of her car like I usually do when we get wasted. "B.?" I said.
"Hmmm?" She grunted as she adjusted her front seat to make it flat to sleep on.
"I might be going to juvie, so we might not see each other for a while." I decided to break the news to her now while she was drunk so she wouldn't overreact.
"Thasss not good," She slurred.
"I know, but we'll still be best friends?" I yawned.
"You know it, Fitzy." She said with a hiccup.
And with that, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Took me forever to write this chapter so I hope you guys like it!