Chapter 4: Rinoa

I don't remember much about my 3 years at Balamb Garden, because the training which involved using Guardian Forces have erased most of my childhood memories there.

But somehow the amnesia effect hadn't affected the memory of the events before attending the Garden.

It must have been held intact because I haven't been using Guardian Forces ever since I left the Garden when I was twelve.

It was there where I had learnt the basics of combat and weapon skills.

I also found out that I was more naturally compatible with my Blaster Edge weapon more than swords or other types of weaponry.

The only few memories I have of the Garden are those of boys chasing and teasing me, tagging my long black hair.

But I also remember someone protecting me from their silly advances when they crossed the line.

I just don't remember who that person was.

I also remember one scene in particular, which I sometimes dream about to this day.

I was in a flower patch, more vast and spacious than the eyes could see.

I was in a heaven of sunshine of grass and yellow petals.

I still feel the silent scent of flowers warming my emotions.

I hadn't felt such a carming pool of divine emotions in a long time, ever since my mum passed away.

A boy with greenish blue eyes had picked a white flower for me.

I can't recall any other feature of the boy, like what he looked like or what he said.

All I remember is how happy I felt as a young girl in that moment.

A rush of joy and energy heated my heart to remind me that I wasn't alone and that I was still somehow… loved…

Perhaps that was my first crush.

I left the Garden after three years of attending, once dad realized that I never wanted to come back home.

Maybe he sensed that he would lose me forever if he let me say, or maybe it was because he never intended for me to stay and become a SeeD like the others in the first place.

I was the daughter of Galbadia's General Caraway after all.

I knew even then that if I stayed, there were hundreds of people out there who would use me to get to him.

I simply never belonged in a place where I could be treated as a normal child.

So during the end of the third year, father forced me out of the Garden.

I was sent to my old private school in Galbadia city where I commuted from my old grand mansion.

My mansion was located in the heart of the city, so there was no place where I could escape to from my dad's watchful eye.

He recruited more bodyguards more than ever in fear that I might one day run away to become a SeeD.

School kept me busy for a while, and my nostalgia for the Garden faded pretty quickly due to the spellbinding effects of the Guardian Forces.

My personality changed from an introvert to an extrovert, which I attribute to my Garden experience.

I learnt independence, bravery, strength, stamina, agility and social skills there.

But above all, I learnt how to hide my real inner emotions so that I appeared bright, cheerful and happy all the time.

Indeed most of the time I was, as what I acted out gradually overrided my inner self.

The fear of being left alone, being abandoned again was still there, but constant dreams in my sleep of that mysterious boy who seemed to give his honest heart through the flower, gave me hope and inspiration.

As I grew older I resembled my mother more and more, but I also developed my own traits.

My childlike appearance attracted a lot of guys and thus I was always popular at school.

But I never got myself involved in a serious relationship with any of them.

Ultimately I was always aware that all relationships like the one with my mother came to an abrupt close.

And I feared and strayed away from experiencing such unexpected tragic break-ups.

I also somehow feared ignorance and rejection.

I was always subconsciously aware of the fact that I was neglected and rejected from the people who were meant to love me the most: my parents.

I had no siblings or extremely close friends.

Dad sensed this somehow (probably through spying with his bodyguards) and bought me a Shepherd dog, whom I called Angelo.

I spent a lot of my leisure time walking her out of the city.

I always wanted to escape the compacted and busy life of Galbadia.

Dad and I rarely had any father to daughter individual times.

So he never had much time to talk with me one on one, and thus he never really knew what was going on in my personal life.

There were always political guests at Dad's dinner.

I always had to play the well behaved and cheerful daughter of General Caraway, when important and powerful guests arrived.

I had all the royal designer dresses, bags, jewelry, make-up and perfumes a girl could want.

I was served only the most organic and healthy menus to preserve the beauty that I received from my mother.

All my life just seemed so planned out for me, too strict, straight and ordered, with not a thing out of place.

My maids made sure my bed sheets and room were always clean, that all my clothes were washed and ironed.

In the house library, I realized what was out there in reality for normal people through reading books.

Their lives seemed much more interesting than mine.

They were unprotected from the wild monsters that roamed the land.

They had to fight to defend their homes and families and had to raise their own crops or go shopping for groceries by themselves.

Meanwhile, the plates at dinner were always served in front of me without an effort on my part.

I always had bodyguards when I left Galbadia to explore the countryside.

Normal people were responsible for their own survival against monsters in the field, and above all they were free.

This is what I soon began to envy and want.

No one could understand what I decided next.

I left my perfect life behind in Galbadia and went to live in Timber, a small vintage town known for its rather antique and humble environment.

I left school and behind it I left my near perfect grades and all hopes of a higher education.

I had no dream in particular other than being free, but most of all I wanted to discover a life for me in which I can love and be loved for who I really am.

Not loved and respected for my family ties of being rich, royal or powerful, but for the capacity to love.

Before I left for my rebellious journey, I visited the Galbadia city's greatest cathedral.

I prayed to God that I wanted to find my fate and destiny in this journey and that perhaps I may even meet the boy who gave me that flower and hope many years ago.

That night, my prayer was answered.

I dreamt of an angel, with white wings as pure as winter snow come down upon me.

She gave me a yellow flower just like the one that lingers on in my deepest memory.

I thanked the angel with all my strength.

When I woke up, I decided that I wanted the wings of an angel engraved on my light blue cloak.

I wanted a sign, and symbol that would somehow lead me back to the person who had given me that yellow flower, the angel of my childhood.