The One With The Fake Significant Others

"Aww man, what is it with you?" Joey closed the refrigerator door with a loud noise.

Monica glared at him, "What's wrong, Joey?"

"You don't have food for me anymore!" He pulled out one of his sad faces.

"Sweetie," She reached out and hugged him, "I am so sorry! Lately work stress-"

Joey's eyes grew wide as she pulled out, he said, "Wait, that's it? No squishing with your parts?"

"Joey!" She laughed, "I would cook something for you, but I got this mini dinner thing-"

"It's a date?" Joey asked.

"No! A dinner thing-"

"With a guy?"

"With Phoebe's roommate." Monica corrected.

"It's a date!" Joey grinned, "I knew you hit it off!"

"We did not hit it off," Monica protested, "And it's not a date!"

"You're blushing!" Joey said, "Heh, I sounded girly. You need a girl friend." He stopped as his mind played some erotic version of his words, and let out a giggle.

"Joey!" Monica smirked.

Chandler pushed the door and kept his coat, his eyes searching for Monica. He was glad inside that Monica chose a coffee shop as his luck with elegant restaurants were a bit off lately. He got banned from a place, and then arm wrestled at the other. He hoped he didn't mess this up. Monica waved reluctantly, she found a big orange couch next to the counter. Chandler presented her a smile, to which Monica pretended that she didn't see, and turned her head around.

"Hi." He sat down beside her, giving her a lot of place. Monica was reading a magazine, and without looking at him, she said, "Hey."

Chandler sighed and looked at the counter. There were a lot of baked goods, but he had to admit that the delicacies he devoured this thanksgiving were indeed the best he had ever eaten. He felt very awkward and nervous around this particular woman, given how she beat him two times a row. This overcompetitive side was not unknown to him, that night Monica quite blurted out her disorders as she told him about Pete.

"So, coffee?" Chandler asked.

"Already had one." She pointed at an empty cup near her.

"Are you mad at me or something?" Chandler asked.

"No?" She closed her magazine and stared at him, "What would give you that idea?"

"Seems like it." He shrugged.

"Well, you called me a bitch that night-"

"I thought we considered that being even!" He interrupted.

"You didn't apologize even. And yet somehow, I say yes to this evening. What's wrong with me!"

"I am sorry, then! Okay?" Chandler rolled his eyes, "I am sorry!"

"You don't sound like you're sorry." Monica coldly said.

"Fine, I'll just go away." Chandler said, "You don't have to be so mean for it. I just wanted to get to know you better."

Monica suddenly grabbed his hand, "I am so sorry! Actually one thing is bothering me nuts and I think I am venting out on you without any reason. I am sorry."

Chandler was surprised at her sudden change of behaviour, but she really seemed apologetic. She was staring at him, and he was staring back, until he realized that she was not seeing him, rather something behind him. Chandler followed her gaze, and mouthed 'Oh.'

"Come on." He stood up, gesturing Monica to follow him.

"What? Where are we going?" She asked, but then stood up, following Chandler. He smiled, and then led her to a painting.

"Chandler?" She seemed very quizzical to what Chandler was intending. He wouldn't guess this. Never.

"Fix this, if that keeps you calm." He grinned, motioning his hand towards the very, very, unevenly hung painting. Monica couldn't believe that Chandler exactly found out her problem and didn't ridicule her for it. Rather, he was encouraging her.

"Won't it deem awkward?" She started caressing the frame, figuring out which way would make the painting seen as a perfectly hung painting.

"Eh, we're just a couple of art lovers." He shrugged and then stood behind Monica, "I'll cover you."

Monica rotated the painting, letting out a huge grin as it seemed perfect.

"Holy crap, you gave that ugly painting life!" Chandler laughed.

"THANK YOU!" She yelled cheerfully and on the spur of the gleeful moment, planted a kiss on his cheek,"I feel so good now!"

Chandler was surprised, because that 'little' peck that woman just planted, which he could swear left lipstick marks, succeeded to bring out the thoughts he had been suppressing since last night. He felt sparks. It was just the way she kissed him- triggered something in him to kiss her so passionately- Stop it, Chandler.

"I think I saw another painting there!" He joked, Monica playfully hit him on his chest.

"You're a nice guy." Monica grinned.

This woman is so pretty. Chandler realized that he enjoyed being with her, even when they fought, he wished they would fight a bit longer. Buy time, Bing. Buy time.

"Being nice makes me hungry." He said, "Do you want a cake?"

"I don't see why not."

Chandler and Monica headed to the counter, paying the weird peroxide blonde man and taking a bite from the cake, when Chandler heard someone calling his name. He looked at Monica, but she wasn't calling him.

He looked around and found out who actually was calling him. Out of billions and billions people, it couldn't be anyone else.

"Holy crap." He forcefully smiled and whispered, "Kathy."

Monica saw the attractive lady and asked Chandler, "Who? The nasal one or the sexually frustrated one?"

"The frustrated one who put a curse on me." He waved at Kathy who was coming over.

"You poor thing," Monica caressed his shoulder, "I've got an idea. Ever heard of improv?"

Chandler stared at her, not quite able to understand what she was saying, until she linked her arm with his, and he suddenly got a hint what role Monica was supposed to be playing.

"Chandler, hi!" Kathy put her arms around him, but Chandler didn't hug her back. He was too busy forcing a grin. She looked surprised, but then she saw his arm linked with Monica's.

Chandler said, "Good to see you. Kathy, meet Monica."

Monica understood it was her cue, and she forwarded her other hand, "Hi, I am Monica Geller." Kathy seemed puzzled while shaking hands, when Monica clarified, "Chandler's girlfriend."

"Wow," Kathy looked at him, "You moved on fast."

"You know, the Chan-Chan has still got it."

"Honey," Monica put all affection in one word, "Don't repeat the word, please?"

Monica's improv skill impressed Chandler. Maybe she has picked something from her neighbour.

"So, where's Nick?" Chandler asked out of curiosity.

"We broke up." She said, "I am actually here for a date. You know the guy who played Dr. Ramoray in 'Days of Our Lives'?"

"You are waiting for Joey?" Monica asked.

"You know him?"

"He's her best friend, actually." Chandler sounded proud of the fact for once.

"Wow, the world really is small." Kathy laughed uncomfortably, "I run into my ex, who's dating my current's friend."

"Wait, wait, Joey is your current?" Chandler asked, because he heard lots of Joey's 'adventures' from Phoebe, and calculating the time she spent, "Nick's gone in like a week?"

"That's none of your business." Kathy's voice seemed loud.

"I'm doing a lot better then," he shrugged, "Because this one here," he puts his arm around Monica to prove his point, "Is a keeper."

Monica was dumbstruck at his words. She dated various people, from people twice her age to people, well, younger than her. Nobody ever had wished to treat her, or even say nice things about her like Chandler just did. Even though they were pretending to be dating.

"This silly girl has no idea what she lost." She thought, but she jumped into reality, pinching Chandler as a sign to not overdo it. The way he was holding her gave her goosebumps.

"So I was not a keeper?" Kathy shot a death glare. Chandler couldn't understand why she was being so angry as she was the one who pushed away the idea of 'them'. He could feel the heat rising, a perfect moment for him to run away, he even moved, but the feisty woman standing beside him wouldn't.

"Maybe he'd consider you if you considered him, right?" Monica smiled, "Nick was a keeper, ha! I am not quite sure if you guys broke up yet, is Joey the new Nick?"

Monica had definitely hit some boundaries, but what amazed Chandler that she herself remembered a good deal of details.

"You are so mean!" Kathy welled up and looked at Chandler, "And you told her about us? Everything?"

"Hmm, I guess, but I couldn't help myself modifying the story." Chandler said, "You know, your eternal love for me part-"

Kathy grunted, "I might had got carried away that one night-"

"Monica?" Joey entered the scene, "You are having your date here?"

Chandler stared at Monica, "Date?"

Kathy faced Joey and said in a cold voice, "I can't deal with this. Don't call me."

Joey looked confused as Kathy left Central Perk. "What the hell just happened?"

"Date?" Chandler asked, ignoring Joey.

"I didn't tell him it was a date!" Monica defended herself, "Dude, come on, I made her cry."

"The amount of pain she gave me, she deserved it a bit, I guess. But I do not quite feel happy about making a person feel low. Although, I couldn't thank you enough- for standing up for me."

"I think we'd be great pals," She grinned, "I'd do it for Joey too."

Joey was standing, trying to understand why they were being oblivious that he was around, and what they had to do with Kathy dumping him.

"You two sent her away?" Joey angrily asked, "First you deprive me of food, now you are depriving me of sex?"

"Wow, what's with the fancy words?" Monica laughed, "Okay, I will make you dinner. Homemade food, what do you say, Chandler?"

"Dinner? Could I be anymore intrigued?" He stopped, "It's kind of wrong that Pheebs is missing it."

"You two go up, I'll invite her." Monica patted on Joey's back, as they left she went to the payphone, to invite both Phoebe and Ross.

Monica's whole day passed by cooking, but nothing matched the feeling when she served her friends and family. Looking at Phoebe, Chandler and Joey, she felt like they were the family she never had. Though Ross was obnoxious sometimes, he really cared about everyone around. He asked Monica and Joey regularly how Phoebe was, after he heard her tragic origin and how she managed to overcome the bizarreness of being homeless. That's why she decided, everyone should get to know each other, especially Chandler and Ross. Despite having a seemingly rough history with him, she liked the Chandler on Thanksgiving and coffeeshop. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was an amazing, incredible kisser. She even understood why Chandler behaved weird at her restaurant, as Kathy seemed to be annoying and honestly, just as Chandler described, sexually frustrating.

She grinned automatically remembering Chandler's hiding attempt on thanksgiving, he recognized her, and though he shared a lot of things, he carefully avoided their verbal encounter the previous day at her restaurant. And he told her himself, he wanted to get to know her better. So, probably he wanted to hang around too.

Her thoughts which Chandler occupied ended when Ross entered the apartment, he was surprised seeing everyone. Chandler immediately stood up and went near Monica, to get necessary protection from Ross.

"Man, you broke the crystal duck-" Ross said.

"Ross! You are still holding a grudge against that?" Monica rolled her eyes, when Chandler came forward and brought out his wallet. He counted some money and handed Ross some.

"What?" Ross exclaimed.

"Twenty seven dollars. For the duck."

"Wow, really?" Ross grinned, "I thought you were going to ignore."

And since then, all five were an inseparable unit.

(After some weeks) It was a regular dinner session at Monica's. There were laughters, Phoebe and Chandler visited, but Phoebe seemed to be tensed from the beginning. Monica noticed that and asked her, "What's wrong, Phoebe?"

"Nothing." She stared at Chandler, "Nothing."

"Phoebe, tell me." Chandler urged.

"Uh, my grandmother found me."

"That's great!" Joey said, "Finally you have a family member who knows you!"

"She wants me to stick around. So, uh, I will be moving."

"What!" Chandler stood up, "Phoebe!"

"I really hate myself now for doing this, but I spent a whole lot time without my family, and I want to know her."

"If you choose a roommate, please send the hot rejected ones here! I'm looking for a roommate." Joey winked.

"You should move then." He sighed, then walked to the balcony. Everyone stared at him, not figuring why he would take this in such way. Monica decided to talk to him.

"I hate to be alone. I don't want to be alone." Chandler blurted.

Monica said, "You don't have to be alone. Didn't you hear? Joey is searching for roommates. You can talk to him. He'll be around, I'll be around. You can come with Joey to have dinner- I'll even have a chair for you-"

Chandler laughed, "Okay, woman. Stop dreaming." Monica laughed as Chandler continued, "But Joey wanted hot roommates. Am I hot enough?"

Monica nodded, "Nah."

"Wow, thanks, Monica."

Although the decision was a bit rushed, Joey was quite excited about Chandler moving in, as he found a new partner in watching Baywatch. They all hung out in Monica's apartment, sharing their stories. Ross and Phoebe dropped by frequently. As Monica predicted, Joey and Chandler were found in her apartment during meal times.

Life seemed a bit higher than the average line for Monica, until she was fired. She was strong, and she didn't want to show anyone how broke she felt, but that insecure Chandler, seemed to literally hunt her insecurity and they ended up sharing bitter experiences in workplaces, when Chandler had to joke, "So, Mon, if you are not a chef there at Alessandros anymore, does that mean I am not banned?"

She smiled. Chandler loved seeing her smiling. He'd continuously joke more to show off to her until she smacked him.

"I can't believe it!"

It was a quiet Sunday morning, the guys were having their breakfasts while Monica was reading the newspaper. The guys stared at her to know what made her shriek.

Chandler raised his eyebrow, "Did the zoo bring another specimen of Joey?"

"Spe- cimen." Joey enunciated and slyly smiled until he realized what Chandler meant, "Hey!"

"There's a chef opening at Javu's!" Seeing the guys not reacting as same as she, she explained, "It's a classy restaurant, and kinda my dream workplace. It's already Monica clean there!"

"You should go for it." Chandler smiled.

"It's not easy, Bing." She sighed, "Not impossible, also. I need to blow their minds off-"

"Blow something else." Joey grinned, "That worked for another chick."

"I need this job in a decent way, Joe. I need to practice a classy recipe. I need to shop. Anybody wants to come with me?"

"I have auditions today. I need a big break." Joey said.

"Mon, I'll go with you then. I have the day off." Chandler said.

Monica didn't prefer shopping at such overpriced places, her unemployment was already paying off. Luckily Chandler, being the generous gentleman, offered to lend money for the ingredients if she had found shortage. She prepared a list, with multiple categories and they were just strolling around.

Monica's eyes stuck on a familiar looking brunette, who was waiting near a Porsche, having a disgusted look on her face.

After all these years, could it be?

She handed the list to Chandler, and went near the woman.

Just as she thought.

"Rachel!" She called, "Hey!"

Rachel Green, her former best friend, turned around, struggling to remember who the stranger was.

"Do I know you?" She uttered, attempting to hide the I'm-disgusted-by-everything look stuck permanently on her face.

"It's Monica. Monica Geller?" She chuckled nervously.

Rachel grinned, "Oh! Monica!" And then went for a reluctant short hug. Pulling out, she showed her hand to Monica.

What am I supposed to see? Her expensive manicure? Oh, no. An engagement ring.

"I'm engaged." She grinned.

Monica stared at her. This was just like at the end of high school. She loved to show off her boyfriends, unconsciously reminding Monica that she'd always be a fat girl, alone and virgin. Being incredibly challenged inside, she grinned along her and asked her to wait.

She went back to Chandler, who was checking off the stuff he bought from the list. What a spouse alike thing to do. Rachel Green, you're going down!

"Where were you?" He asked, "Some of the items are not available here."

"Hey, remember how we tackled the Kathy fiasco?" Monica asked.

"I really owe you one for that. But all of a sudden, why are you mentioning? Is she here?"

"If you owe me one, here's a chance to get even." Chandler looked confused, so Monica explained, "There's this high school classmate, Rachel."

"You told me. Is she here?"

"Yeah, and she makes me more insecure than ever. Like that time, I had atleast a reason, though being incredibly lame, but using that I could explain around why I was single. I was fat. But now, I don't have a reason to be single."

"That bothers you for why, exactly? I mean, aren't you quite happy?"

"She's ENGAGED!" She hissed, "I can't let her win!"

"You want me to be what?" He freaked out, "Your fiancé?"

"No, no-" She saw Chandler letting out a sigh of relief, "I was thinking like, spouse?

"No-no-no-no, Mon!" He stammered, "No."

"You owe me, Chandler." She reminded.

"Crap." He sighed, "Okay, we are just pretending. Lets get it over with."

Rachel was still there, wondering why Barry wasn't yet there, when she saw her former friend coming towards her, with a tall guy with her.

"Hi, Rachel. Meet Chandler." Monica said.

Rachel, taking a good look at him, asked to herself why she would have to forcefully meet a guy.

"He's my husband."

How easily she lied. Chandler forced a smile and shook hands with Rachel.

How could Monica, Monica Geller get married before her! Rachel couldn't believe it. Monica patted Chandler's back, appreciating his endeavor to stay as calm as possible. Chandler shot an affectionate look towards her and she did the same.

How are they so happy? Rachel asked herself, but that scene obviously made her melt a bit.

"Where's your ring, Mon?" She said.

Monica became startled at Rachel calling her 'Mon', so Chandler decided to lie in, "We got rings, but we didn't think a simple metal piece could symbolize our love for each other. We wear them in formal events."

This man's on fire. Monica thought, she didn't know he was that good with words.

Wow. Rachel mouthed, almost welling up.

"Well, honey, we left little Joey alone, shouldn't we leave?" Chandler uttered.

"You have a kid?" She asked.

"Two. Joseph and Phoebe Geller-Bing." Monica said while Chandler gave her a look. He couldn't decide if he would be nervous about the family name she used or laugh out that she had to state Joey and Phoebe as their kids.

"I think we should head home." Monica smiled, "Well, Rachel, it was great seeing you. Good luck with your wedding."

"Thanks." She said with a dry voice. She saw as the two walked away from her, chatting about something while Monica laughed. Like crazy.

She forgot the last time Barry made her laugh. Where was he? Where was Mindy, her bridesmaid? They had a lot of planning to do. But, they were late as usual. She automatically let out a sigh.

Could she and Barry be as happy as Monica and Chandler? She wondered.

A/N: Terribly sorry for updating late! I was being a bit picky, and I had to change the draft for more than 3 times, because I myself didn't like the previous ones. Oh, and Rach's here! She's during her spoilt phase, that's why she was not friendly first. I hate rushing things, so maybe we'll have to wait for mushy stuffs :p I really want to establish them as friends first. (Which I may have done a bit)

So anyways, feel free to review, rebuke or suggest. I really appreciate all the reviews.