So you don't have to tell me that I am the worst person in the world because I ALREADY KNOW AND I'M SO SORRY WOW. Really though I am the worst and I'm genuinely sorry. I'm getting out of school soon, so while that means I'll have time off, it also means that I get a lot more work. And when I'm not working I am sleeping or eating or..tumblring...I know that's really bad but I'm getting better at it and I've already started the next chapter so DON'T WORRY! I will never make you guys wait that long again. That's a promise. Enjoy :) This chapter is pretty intense so prepare your creys ;)
That week went by incredibly fast. Blaine would come over every day at the same time, and Kurt was working longer hours, tying up loose ends as he prepared for his transfer.
They had fallen into a routine with each other. At the end of each day Blaine would be so exhausted he barely had the energy to get off the couch where Kurt found him each night, dozing while only the TV lite up his perfect face, and each night Kurt would hesitate before waking him up, staring at it a little longer then necessary.
On Friday night, however, there was a change in the air between them. It might have been that Kurt was beginning to feel more comfortable around Blaine, and vice versa, or it could have been the fact that Kurt had had a couple of beers after work with his friends. Kurt never drinks, he decided that after he had Ellie, but tonight he broke that rule. He figured that he deserved to let himself go for a night, and he was comfortable enough with Blaine there now that he wasn't worried about Ellie.
Whatever the reason, there was a change, and you couldn't argue it.
Blaine was sitting sprawled out on the couch, dozing a little, not realizing he was still wearing an apron that was much too small, even for him, from when he and Ellie had played dress up. He was just falling asleep when the door burst open, revealing Kurt.
Blaine knew instantly there was something not right about him. The way he hung on the door too long and the goofy expression on his face was enough to tell that much.
When he saw Blaine his expression immediately became even goofier and he started giggling uncontrollably. In-between laughs he sputtered something like 'Nice apron', which made Blaine look down. Embarrassed, he quickly stood up, took it off, and went to hold Kurt steady as he was now having a hard time keeping his balance.
Blaine put his arm around Kurt and started to lead him to his bedroom, but when they reached the couch, Kurt instead fell out of Blaine's arm and slouched down onto it. When he was laying down, finally quiet, Blaine decided to just leave him there because he could see they weren't going to make it to Kurt's bedroom. He started putting a blanket from the chair by the couch onto Kurt, and he looked at Blaine as if he had just realized he was there.
Blaine smiled at him, and Kurt smiled back.
"You're pretty," Kurt said suddenly.
Blaine stifled a laugh and said, "Thanks and a...so are you Kurt, but...you wanna tell me how much you had to drink tonight?"
"'Ust a lil bit," Kurt said, putting his index finger and thumb together to signal this.
"Uh-huh," Blaine said softly, going to get some water and an aspirin from the kitchen.
When he came back, he made Kurt take the pill and drink the whole glass of water before sitting down beside him on the couch.
Kurt wasn't looking sleepy anymore, in fact, he looked pretty alert, for a drunk person that is, though he was still laying down.
"So you went out after work?" Blaine asked.
"Uh-huh. My friends from work wanted to take me out, so I let them...don't really know what I was thinking, I never drink," Kurt said, slurring his words only slightly.
"Well that's nice of them, you deserve a break. You do such a good job with Ellie and your work, you deserve to have some fun," Blaine said sweetly, patting Kurt's knee.
Kurt shrugged, yawning, sinking further into the couch.
Blaine looked at Kurt and instantly was reminded of his thoughts from earlier in the week. About how he got Ellie, and why he wasn't with anyone...but they seemed too personal to say out loud. Blaine wasn't sure how to ask them or if he even should. But right now...maybe he could right now. He knew taking advantage of Kurt's state was wrong, but he was too curious. It was now or never.
"Hey...Kurt?" Blaine asked tentatively, looking up at him from he eyelashes as he moved to sit so that he was facing him.
"Hmm?" Kurt asked, barely opening his eyes.
"I know this is really personal, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to.." Kurt still had his eyes closed, so Blaine went on, "but...how did you acquire..um..." Blaine paused, not really sure how to proceed.
After a few beats Kurt gave him some encouragement, eyes still closed, "Don't be shy, I'm all hears."
Blaine laughed nervously before continuing,"Okay um...I was just wondering..how did you manage to adopt Ellie? Or was it something else? A surrogate?"
Kurt's eyes immediately shot open at this, and then slowly closed again, sinking lower in the couch. He seemed to have regained consciousness to an extend.
"Why do you want to know?" Kurt asked, a little too nonchalantly.
"I was just curious...you really don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable at all," Blaine said quickly.
"Why would I be uncomfortable about it?" Kurt snapped, finally opening his eyes to glare at Blaine.
"I-I don't know you...just kinda seem.." He trailed off.
"Seem what, Blaine?" Kurt asked, raising his eyebrows and glaring at him for a minute longer. Then he sighed and leaned his head back, closing his eyes once more.
"I didn't adopt her alone," Kurt said in an emotionless voice.
Blaine was going to ask something else but then decided better of it and waited for Kurt to go on.
"I'll give you the Reader's Digest version." Kurt sighed.
"His name was Julian. I met him the summer after my senior year of high school," he continued in the same dull tone. "I hadn't had a boyfriend all through high school, so he was my first...everything," Kurt laughed bitterly.
"We met at a supermarket when I came up to New York for the first time to look for apartments close to where I was going to school. In our first conversation, when we realized we were both going to the same school, that was it. We were together. He was too charismatic for his own good, and mine too I guess," Kurt laughed that cold laugh again, and Blaine hated it. It wasn't the usual adorable, chiming giggle that he always had, it was like Blaine was seeing a whole another side to Kurt, one he didn't know existed.
After a pause, Kurt went on.
"We rushed into it, yes, but it felt right. I felt more right about him than I had about anything. More than myself, or my abilities, or anything. Looking back, that probably should have scared me. But in that moment, I was blind, blind to him and his lies, and blind to everything that wasn't Julian. We got through college in one piece, still madly in love, because of my blindness and because Julian had a way of worming his way out of every fight and every confrontation we had.
"When we got out of college I was ready to pursue my career. I was still blind, but I knew I wanted that. But Julian had other plans, and he always got his way. I had learned that a long time ago.
"He wanted to get married right away. It was right after marriage had been legalized in New York and he said that he wanted to celebrate by making me his forever, officially," Kurt paused, finally showing a bit of emotion in the telling of his story. He didn't look at Blaine though, even in his drunken state he still knew that once he had started telling the story, there was no going back.
"So I agreed. I hardly even thought it over, I just went along with whatever Julian wanted. It didn't matter that I still wanted to perform, it didn't matter that I could lose my dream. All that mattered was that I never lost him.
"It was no where near my dream wedding. The ceremony was one step down from eloping. I didn't even tell my dad about the wedding until after we had signed the papers," Kurt shook his head to clear it as best he could.
He realized that he hadn't thought about these things in years, and to be talking about it now, in front of the one guy he had felt attracted to since his ex, that should have blown his mind. But he shook it off quickly.
"After the wedding, things got surprisingly better for us." Kurt continued. "We hardly ever fought, and Julian was acting like he never had before in our relationship, not that I ever really saw any of his flaws in the first place.
"Only about a month had passed before Julian started talking about children. I was shocked to say the least. The topic had never come up and we were still so young...it was just all happening so fast. But after two more months of begging from him, I gave in. Like I always did.
"So we started looking for surrogates. And we found one within two months. She was a twenty year old beautiful woman who shared my love of acting and I instantly liked her and knew she was the one. Julian was more hesitant, but with some things I was good at persuading if I needed to.
"I actually find it funny, now, that the two people that probably should have never been together in the first place got the best luck out of anyone else that would make great parents," Kurt shook his head and smiled an unhappy smile as Blaine continued to listen intently, shocked by Kurt's story and being curious and a little anxious about where it was going.
"About six months later, Ellie was born. I had been hesitant about being a father but when I saw that little face, I was walking on water," Kurt genuinely smiled for a moment before moving on. "Once we took Ellie home, however, Julian started acting strange.
"He started working more and more at his full time job at his Dad's law firm and I had to stay home with the baby. On his days off I would try to get him to help me out, and at first he started just telling me he was too tired, but after a few months he started things started getting stranger and stranger in regards to him.
"He would come home much later than his office hours, smelling like alcohol, and immediately go to bed. I never saw him, and when I did it always resulted in a shouting match.
"My days and weeks went by in the same routine. I would stay with the baby all day, Julian would come home every night black out drunk, I would try to confront him about it, and we would end up yelling so loudly our neighbors complained.
"He would tell me that I don't do anything all day, that he's doing everything for this family and I wasn't do anything, and I would come back with a response that left him huffing, until finally he or I went to bed and the other slept on the couch.
"Finally, one night, after a particularly exhausting day, Julian came home, drunk as usual, and we started in. I don't know what it was about this fight, it may have been the names he called me, or maybe I had finally had enough. Something set me off though, because in the middle of one of his drunken responses to my compacts, I screamed out that 'we're done' and when he looked confused, and annoyingly amused by my outburst, I told him that I wanted a divorce. That's when he first hit me," Kurt said.
Uh-oh! So what'd you think? I know my chapters are really short but I just NEEDED to get this out! Reviews are very much appreciated! Thank you so much for your feedback so far and for sticking with me through my ups and downs! :D