A/N: This is the longest chapter by far. It's also the most important because it's the first turning point in the story. There are three sections to this story. And next chapter we enter the second section. This is angst at it's purest, and it truly broke my heart to write it. Ugh. I wish I could write fluff.

Anyways, enjoy! Next chapter will be out Friday or Saturday. And it won't be nearly as long. Oh and thanks again to my dear Ellie for the beta.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. It's all Mr. Schwann's.

Chapter Four: Marriage

Marriage, like most things, was created by society. It was a way for those who claimed to have found their other half to celebrate. The soul had been completed. Of course, there were other reasons for marriage, economical and spatial, which should be addressed and even the most fool-hearted romantic would tell you marriage was not all about love, but marriage wasn't about setting people up with a person they hated either.

Marriage was created to ensure both parties the best and/or most suitable life for themselves. The other reasons kept us from running away with the notion that love or what we thought was love would be just enough to sustain a lifelong partnership.

Somewhere along the way we started marrying just for love or just for stability and we stopped holding out for the person who provided both. A soul mate is someone who provides the intangible love and the tangible steadiness all in one.

Marriage used to be the union of two halves; of the concrete and abstract.

Now, it's just the union of two bodies whose souls are most often still searching.

Peyton didn't remember much about the next six months. It was a blur of work and avoiding Lucas and all questions relating to Lucas. Those included "Where did you two disappear to that night?" "Why aren't you two talking anymore?" and "Why the hell did Lucas pay me for a couture dress I never sold him?"

That last question always brought a small smile to her face though, and Brooke decided she didn't want to know what had happened to that dress or in the back of her shop in general.

Avoiding Lucas had been easy. He was avoiding her too, and had taken to spending his days locked up in his house, writing up a storm according to Lindsey. Yes, Peyton still saw Lindsey because she was guilty and she had to keep up appearances. Lindsey had come to think of her as a friend.

She turned down the offer to be a bridesmaid though and explained politely that it would just feel too painful to stand up there. Lindsey understood. (Lindsey always seemed to understand.) But she kept Peyton involved, and Peyton didn't mind. She needed to accept that Lucas was marrying this woman.

It was easy up to the night before, the rehearsal dinner.

"I don't want to do this."

"You don't have a choice, Peyton," Brooke sighed as she flattened her dress.

"Brooke," Peyton said quietly, "I really can't do this."

"It's just a couple of hours. Seriously, Peyton, if you can't handle this party, how the hell are you going to handle the wedding?"

"I'm not. I probably will get five minutes into it before I burst into tears and storm out of the church."

"And you say you're not one for dramatics," Brooke said, her lip curling up in a twitch of a smile.

Looking back, Peyton could say with firm conviction that right then there was a crackle of electricity, like a blip on the radar that caused a sudden jolt in her brain. It resulted in the conversation taking a curious turn.

"I had sex with Lucas," Peyton blurted out. Realizing what she said, she threw her hands over her mouth, her eyes bulging.

The resulting smack threw Peyton off guard.

"What the hell, Brooke?" Peyton cursed grabbing her cheek.

"I'm sorry," Brooke said, her face mirroring Peyton's shock, "I just had this weird flashback to junior year. And I never did get to hit you for that."

"Yes you did," Peyton argued.

"No. I slapped you for liking him again. I never slapped you for the hotel room incident."

"A slap is still a slap."

"Thus bringing us back to the topic at hand," Brooke said, taking Peyton's hands in her own, "Sex is still sex. So we can't just blow this off."

"I don't want to talk about it," Peyton sighed.

"You think I do? You slept with an engaged man."

"He wasn't engaged when I slept with him."

Brooke's eyebrows furrowed, "Wait…when did you sleep with him?" Suddenly her eyes lit up in recognition. "Oh my God! My couture dress! The night of the…oh eww! Peyton!"

"Brooke, I-"

"Wait a second wasn't that the day before he propos-"

"Yes," Peyton said, cutting off her train of thought.

"But then why would he propose?"

"Because he's Lucas," Peyton smiled, "And I'm Peyton. And we're just not good at trying to make things work. We prefer all this angst."

"Masochists," Brooke sighed, "I feel so bad for Lindsey."

"And you think I don't?" Peyton grumbled, "I really like her."

"Apparently you didn't like her enough to…I don't know…not sleep with her boyfriend."

"Brooke," Peyton sighed, rubbing her eyes, "You and I have been friends since we were nine years old. We've been through everything together, and I love you more than my own family. You are my sister. Yet I still chose Lucas twice over you."

"Why'd you have to bring all those bad memories up?" Brooke asked, giving Peyton a sad smile. She pushed one of the curls back off of Peyton's face.

"To show you that if I could deny Lucas, I would, but I just can't. I don't think I ever will be able to."

There was a moment of silence where Brooke and Peyton just sat together, hands intertwined; Brooke absorbing the new information, Peyton thinking about how twisted her relationship with Lucas was.

"Peyton, you can do this."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Peyton groaned.

"You can do this because you are Peyton Sawyer. You've survived two dead mothers and a psycho stalker. You love this man, and you are going to support his decision because you are strong enough to live without him," Brooke affirmed, before letting out a deep breath, "And if you don't think you can do this yourself, it's okay because I'm your date for the night, and hell, we'll do it together."

She smiled at Brooke. Her best friend always had a way of making her feel like she was capable of anything.

"I don't deserve you, Brooke Davis."

"No, but I don't deserve you either."

Peyton eyebrow's furrowed, "Somehow I don't think that makes any sense."

"You're probably right, but just go with it. We're having a moment."

Lucas sipped from his glass of cheap champagne. The liquid burned as it slid down his throat, but then maybe it wasn't the champagne that was burning. Maybe it was the sight of the woman across the room, the woman he hadn't caught a glance of for six months.

Peyton Sawyer, the constant headache for Lucas Scott.

Lucas forced his eyes back to Lindsey, laughing at some joke her father made. He hated this, hated his future father-in-law, Mr. Strauss. The man was a chauvinistic pig, always putting down Lindsey because she was nothing like her brothers. He found Lucas' writing shallow and pedantic. He had literally scoffed at the love story Lucas had told in his first novel.

Maybe what was even more unsettling was he was without a doubt Team Peyton. Silly, Lucas knew, but Lindsey's father had assumed the relationships Lucas wrote about in his book were fake, or in the least exaggerated. He saw Lucas's character as an idealistic dreamer with no future ahead of him, as long as he let go of the only source of inspiration he had. That, Mr. Strauss had said, was foolish. The main character would have never given up that easy. 'Wasn't this a love story?' he had asked, and when Lucas had reassured him, he quirked an eyebrow, 'Then where's the happy ending.'

Lindsey had stuck up for him saying not all love stories end happy, but somehow that answer satisfied neither of them, and to make a long story short, ever since then, Mr. Strauss had decided that Lucas was not only a terrible writer but a terrible romantic and shouldn't be marrying his daughter.

Lucas could have told Mr. Strauss that he shouldn't be marrying his daughter, but he knew that conversation would not bode well.

Marriage was supposed to last forever, and while he could see himself with Lindsey down, the road the thought of growing old with her scared the crap out of him. He had only ever envisioned growing old with one person, and it wasn't Lindsey. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out whom.

Peyton clutched tighter to Brooke's arm, her fingernails digging into the tender flesh of her inside elbow. Brooke hissed quietly.

"P. Sawyer, you're hurting me," Brooke whispered.

"Sorry. If you want, we can just leave."

"Nice try."

"It was worth a shot," Peyton sighed as she straightened herself.

"Listen. We'll just say hi to Lucas and Lindsey, down a couple flutes of champagne, and then sneak out the back door."

"I like that plan."

"Okay so then let's go find the happy couple."

"Wait, right now?" Peyton asked, her eyes darting around the room.

"Yes right now," Brooke said, "The faster, the better, right?"

"True," Peyton answered, "But they're busy with Lindsey's parents. I think we should hit the bar first instead."

"It's even better if they're preoccupied. It means we don't have to have a long, dragged out, awkward conversation."

"Fine." Peyton sighed, eyeing the bar regretfully before she followed Brooke's lead. They approached the happy couple, fake smiles in place.

"Hey guys," Brooke greeted poking Lucas in the side. He turned to face them, his eyes immediately locking with Peyton's. They stayed that way for only a second before Peyton's returned to the ground and Lucas' stayed staring at her head of curls.

"Hey!" Lindsey chirped, "Glad you both could make it."

"Glad to be here," Peyton said, happy to make eye contact with someone other than Lucas.

"Oh dad! You'll love this," Lindsey mused, "This is Peyton Sawyer and Brooke Davis. Peyton, Brooke, these are my parents."

"The Peyton Sawyer?"

Oh God. Lucas thought. He could already see the smug look forming on Mr. Strauss' face. Why in the hell would Lindsey mention such a thing?

"Umm hey," Peyton awkwardly extended her hand, "Nice to meet you both."

"Here, I always assumed Peyton Sawyer was made up, but may I just say Lucas hardly did you justice in his book."

"Oh…" Peyton mumbled, her head ducking so that her curls fell into her face. Lucas felt his chest tighten at the sight. She was so beautifully modest.

"But we'll just chalk that up to bad writing," Mr. Strauss smiled.

"Ha!" Brooke blurted out, before blushing, "Sorry. It was funny."

"Indeed," Mr. Strauss replied, "Ms. Sawyer, would you mind if I bought you a drink? I'd like to know what my daughter's getting into marrying your ex."

"Why the hell not?" Peyton joked, "I'll give you all the details." Only Lucas saw the evil glint in her eye.

"Lead the way," he gestured toward the bar, and the two of them walked off.

"That can't be comfortable for her," Lindsey frowned.

"I know I'd hate it," Brooke said, "No offense Lucas."

"Offense taken. I'm still not over you laughing at his comment about my writing."

"You're such a baby," Brooke rolled her eyes.

"He's just sensitive," Lindsey laughed, patting his arm. A loud laugh jarred through the room, and the group turned to see Mr. Strauss nearly falling off his stool at the bar, while Peyton tried to contain herself.

"I'll go rescue her from your dad," Lucas said, giving her an apologetic smile. Brooke almost smirked. Clearly, Lucas was paranoid about the two interacting because there were no signs from Peyton that she was uncomfortable. Internally, she cheered for her friend.

"That's a good idea," Lindsey nodded.

"Well, that wasn't awkward," Brooke drawled, as soon as Lucas was out of sight.

"You know it's not meant to be when your father is rooting for your fiancé to be someone else."

"You've read the reviews, Lindsey," her mother said, "Half the country was rooting for them."

Mrs. Strauss didn't say another word, just took off, her champagne glass in hand. Brooke noticed the tears Lindsey tried to hide. She knew what it felt like to be Lindsey. She too, had loved Lucas Scott at one time and she too, had to deal with the constant pressure to live up to the presence of Peyton Sawyer. But, she had learned that she would never be able to actually do it, and now she felt for Lindsey, who was too fragile to walk away, too blinded by Lucas's sweet words to see the truth, the one that had been spelled out for her in Lucas's book. Peyton was always going to be there.

"It'll be okay," Brooke said patting her on the arm. A necessary lie.

"Thanks," Lindsey smiled. A necessary smile.

"Mr. Strauss, do you mind if I steal Peyton away from you for a second?" Lucas asked.

"Go ahead…Rakeboy," Mr. Strauss let out a bark of a laugh before ordering another drink. Peyton smirked at Lucas, trying hard to contain her giggles. Lucas glared and led her away, his hand like a vice grip on her upper arm. She expected him to steer her back to where Brooke and Lindsey were but instead he took her out back, where the waves were crashing gently against the shore and an orange haze was settling as the sun set. It was a beautiful sight.

"You just had to tell him about that, didn't you?" Lucas muttered, amusement unable to be contained in his tone.

"Well he asked if we had any pet names," Peyton shrugged.

Lucas let out a low groan, leaning against the balcony and rubbing his eyes, "This is so embarrassing."

"Kind of," Peyton admitted.

Lucas turned his gaze back to the beach. The sandy shore looked so inviting, so calming. He turned to look at Peyton and saw her admiring the scene, and he knew that what he was looking at now was much more beautiful then any beach.

"Come with me."

"What?" Peyton asked, her eyes snapping to meet his. He offered her his hand.

"Come with me down to the beach?"

"Lucas, I—"

"Just for a few minutes, Peyton," Lucas begged.

Peyton's eyes flickered back and forth from the outstretched hand and his eyes. Finally she nodded accepting his offer, and felt her fingers slip into his hand. He led her down the beach, far from prying eyes. With each step, it became more real to him that this would be the last day with her. His last day of freedom. Why, then, did freedom feel so damn oppressing?

They sat at the edge of the shore, both of them removing their shoes and tossing them behind them. When the task was done, Lucas recaptured Peyton's hand, placing the intertwined limbs on their touching legs.

Peyton wanted to smile at the gesture, but she couldn't. It hurt. All of this, it hurt.

"This is wrong," Peyton finally spoke, breaking the silence which had settled over them, "And I don't know what's worse Lucas, the fact that is wrong or the fact that you know it's wrong, and you keep doing it."

"Doing what Peyton?" Lucas said. Her voice was so tired and weak it made Peyton's heart break even more.

"Holding onto us, keeping me so close to you, and yet so far away. It's breaking my heart Lucas."

"You think I want to do this, Peyton?" Lucas whispered.

"Sometimes yes," Peyton answered, her voice just as quiet, "Sometimes, I feel like you want to have your cake and eat it too. Lindsey's successful and smart and rich and she can give you everything you want. And I'm that back up plan-"

"You're not a back up plan. You're everything, and you'll always be everything. You know it."

"Then why the hell are you marrying her?" Peyton cried.

"It's not that easy, now, is it? We keep walking away from each other, Peyton. It seems like we'll never be enough for each other."

"But Lindsey's enough for you?" Peyton hissed.

"No," Lucas replied honestly, "Not even close. She's not you. But I'm enough for her, and that's good enough for me."

"You were enough for me."

"I don't think so," Lucas sighed, his eyes peaking up at hers. Both of them were tearing up.

"Well, you were," Peyton sighed too, reaching behind him for her shoes. Their hands sliding from each other's grasp. She pulled on her shoes, all the while Lucas watched in silence. She looked over at him one last time, placing a tender kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye Lucas."

She turned her body to get up, but felt it being pulled back to the sand, a hand yanking at her wrist. She turned to look at him, and her mouth was immediately covered by his. His tongue barely skimmed over the back of her lips before he pulled away so that they were just grazing each other.

"Good bye, Peyton," he murmured.

And at those words, Peyton did what she did best. She ran.

The next day Peyton was dressed early, ready to go to the chapel. Brooke was surprised to see her friend so content, but then Brooke didn't know what to expect from Peyton. She loved Peyton, she did, but she couldn't read her. She never claimed to be able to either. She didn't know what was going on under those curly locks, and sometimes she was glad she didn't. All she could do was offer Peyton support.

And when Peyton grabbed her hand when they approached the chapel, Brooke didn't even hesitate to clutch it tightly.

Peyton was on a mission. Today was the day she was going to give Lucas an ultimatum, just like he had tried once before with his proposal. Only this time, this would be for good. She wouldn't be fooling herself into thinking otherwise. Once Brooke had settled in the second row, Peyton shook her off, saying she needed to get a little air before the ceremony. She walked into the narthex, towards the back room. Outside, Skillz, Mouth and Nathan were waiting.

"Is he in there?" Peyton asked. The boys exchanged looks, making Peyton roll her eyes. "I'm not here to stop the wedding. I just need to talk to him."

"Go ahead, P. Sawyer," Skillz shrugged. Peyton just nodded before knocking on the door.

"Who is it?" Lucas's voice rang out through the thick door.

"It's Peyton."

There was a long pause, a good forty second at least. "Come in."

Peyton slid into the room. Lucas was adjusting his tie.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hi," Lucas said meekly. He glanced up from his task and smiled, "You look nice."

"Thanks. You look good too."

"It would be better if I could get this stupid tie to lay right."

"Here. Let me," Peyton offered. He nodded, releasing the silk strip from his fingers and stepping closer.

"Thank you," he said.

"I need to tell you something," Peyton said.

"Peyton, I-"

"I need you to promise me you won't say a word, not even when I finish, okay?"

"I love you, Lucas, you know that. And you know I came back for you. And you know I will always love you and that I'm tired of running from you. And in your heart, you know that you've always been enough for me. You know all of this and I don't know what more you need me to tell you to show you that I want to be with you…now and always.

"But, I want to make something clear before you go up that aisle. You have a choice, Lucas. I'm going to sit in the back row of the Church. I'm going to listen to your vows, and if you decide that you don't want to marry Lindsey, then we'll go from there. But if you say I do, it's over, for good, okay? Because if you commit yourself to Lindsey for the rest of your life, I have to respect your decision, and I don't want to be the 'other woman' ever again. If you say 'I do,' I'm going to walk out of that church and I'm not going to see you again. Not in person, not in pictures, not through letters. And I want you to respect that."

She felt a tear slip down her cheek, but she kept going, her eyes briefly glancing up to meet his.

"And since I probably won't ever see you again if you do go through with this, I just want to tell you…thank you. For everything you've done for me. And I wish you nothing but happiness."

She finished her speech with a sad smile on her face and saw in his eyes the confusion billowing and building. He opened his mouth to speak but Peyton placed a finger over his lips, quieting them.

"Think about it." She reached up and gently kissed his cheek before heading into the church and taking her place in the back aisle.

A few minutes later Lucas charged up to the front. His eyes doing a good job of hiding the emotional turmoil he was feeling, but Peyton saw it. He took his place and released a deep breath, and Peyton knew they were losing this battle.

The beginning of the wedding went by in a haze. Peyton didn't even notice Lindsey, in her puffy taffeta filled dress. She was too busy focusing on Lucas and her own sweaty palms. She saw how his eyes kept flickering to the back row, to her very own before glancing back at Lindsey with what could only be described as an apologetic smile.

It came to that moment. The I do's. Lindsey said hers without a flinch and then the question was turned on Lucas.

This time his eyes locked with Peyton's for good. It was as if he was memorizing every feature of hers, every tiny detail. When the priest's question was finished, Peyton was able to make out the small tear that slid down his own cheek, and she knew without even needing to hear him say the words.

"I do," Lucas whispered, his eyes going back to meet Lindsey's, a forced smile coming to his face.

Peyton closed her eyes and took in a breath before slipping out of the church.

She would have loved to say she didn't look back, but she did, at least three times. She would have loved to say she drove to the airport to take the first jet to L.A., but she didn't. She drove home to the house she shared with Brooke and locked herself in her room.

She'd love to say she didn't shed one tear for him, but she cried for days.