Cat o'thwind: Getting a hint of somethings? So maybe I can foreshadow after all!
Regrem Erutaerc: There will be more b/r don't worry.

Up for Air
By: Catty Engles

Anxiety

Raven concentrated then chanted, "Azarath Metrion Zynthos."

Slipping into herself again, she found her mindscape relatively unchanged. It had never been a charming place before, but had been frequented by manifestations of her emotions. They were absent.

Makes sense, they're a part of me now, not something that I try to keep at bay.

Raven took a moment to enjoy the fact that she could be a whole new person. But why did it happen now? What happened? She was concerned about the length of time this change would be. It seemed permanent but considering that she had no idea how it was brought on, that could be changed in a heartbeat.

Raven was momentarily at a loss as to what to do with her meditation. Normally, this would be a time of contemplation and repression. She would perfect the mask she presented to the world and shoot down any rogue emotions that were rejecting her punitive regime.

She opened her eyes, breaking off her chant and repositioning herself on her bed. As a habit, she had been levitating, but as she came out of her trance she lowered herself onto the mattress.

"If I can't meditate…"

Raven stared at her hand meaningfully, after a drawn out moment, the white fire circled it. Unlike her previous black power, this white was actually more fire-like. The black power was generally geometrical with a strict and not at all abstracted shape. The white power flickered and morphed constantly. It molded itself into the hills and valleys of her palm, ebbing and flowing incessantly. Raven concentrated then threw the fire at the clock again, extending a small bit of herself along with it.

Slower this time, she focused on lifting the clock off the nightstand. It obeyed, wobbling less, then dropped after only a tad longer than before. Frustration boiled inside her and she gritted her teeth, throwing her powers more forcefully at the clock. It rose immediately off the table and stayed hovering steadily. Raven realized her mistake by rote and squelched the heated emotion on impulse. The clock dropped. Her frustration subsided, but her wonder grew.

"Now why did…" She discontinued the thought verbally. Why did feeling frustrated help my powers, before, any emotion at all hindered them? But that was before. Now my powers must be aided by my lack of control.

No. She chided herself. Not lack of control, lack of restraint. She had to feel to use her powers. Like Starfire.

After a few more tries, she could sustain the clock's levitation as long as there was some emotion involved in the process. For the first time, she actually looked at the clock. 8:15. She had started somewhere around seven thirty. And she was hungry. Not eating for a day and a half wasn't at all enjoyable.

She exited the medical bay and swung by her room for a cape and belt that had been removed during her extended "sickness." After a quick glance in the mirror she resolved to take a shower immediately after she got some food in her. Making her way down to the kitchen nook, she lowered her hood. She had raised it on routine to discourage any contact that could provoke an unwanted emotion. That was no longer a danger.

She slipped into the dining area and made her way to the fridge. "I, uh, made you something." Raven stopped, very aware that her head was down and her butt was up as she bent over to examine the refrigerator's contents. She straightened stiffly and tucked her hair behind her ear as she whirled to face Beastboy. He had been concealed by the sofa's back, but now he was walking towards her.

He smiled as he opened a cupboard, revealing a plate packed high with, "Pancakes, for the early bird." Beastboy said amiably, producing butter, jellies, jams, and maple syrup. "I didn't know how you took them."

Raven sighed, taking the plate and placing it on the counter again, "What do I have to do to convince you that I do not eat anything cooked with soy milk or tofu?"

"Anything short of a death threat is a waste of breath." Beastboy quipped, searching for a knife for the butter, "But seriously, this is 'real' food. I made it the way you carnivores like it."

"You know, if you weren't already, I would warn you that eating so many vegetables would turn you-"

"Green, I know, it's not like I haven't heard that one before. Cyborg's said it often enough."

"I wouldn't have noticed, I don't pay attention when you two get started on your pros and cons of meat vs. tofu charade."

"Touché." Beastboy muttered. "So," He said regaining volume, "are you going to eat that disgusting slop that I toiled day in and day out over? You know, it's morally unjust to the cows that were put to hard labor to produce the milk needed for such an avoidable luxury. Such a loathsome, repulsive, sickening, lump of-"

"Could you please describe my food elsewhere? I'm anticipating eating it." Raven took the butter knife from Beastboy's hands and got to work.

"I thought you weren't going to eat it."

"Well, now that you've made it such a big deal, I'm looking forward to spiting you." She grabbed the maple syrup and the plate of pancakes and made her way to the table.

"I should have known." Beastboy didn't seem spited as he happily returned the jellies and jams to their places. Raven retrieved some utensils and then slathered the pancakes with syrup proceeding to down the meal with extra appreciation.

"You did well." She said after swallowing.

"You like it?" Beastboy said, still busy cleaning up.

"I'm only saying it's not what I expected."

"From you I guess that's a compliment, although I was expecting more, since, well you know." He stopped, closing a cupboard carefully. Then slowly walking towards the table, he positioned himself across from her. Raven set down her knife and fork and reached for a napkin, momentarily debating on raising her hood. She wasn't used to confrontation, and she didn't want to start now. If not now, when?

Raven gulped.

"What's happened to you … well it must have changed you. I just want to say that … you're still my friend, no matter what." He shifted uncomfortably, grabbing for words, trying to fit a sentence together. "I know that you know that I am not very, um, discreet when it comes to my emotions, and you and I are very … oppositical. But now, maybe being opposites is a good thing. I mean, well … you know what I mean?"

"Seldom if ever, go on."

"Well, I, uh, want you to know, I don't expect you to change just because you can. You can still be our Raven." He bowed his head, obviously finished, but waiting for a response.

Earlier, Raven wouldn't have responded to such an emotional speech, well, considering Beastboy's vocabulary it was at least moving. She would have walked away, not risking any reaction, good or bad. But now she didn't have to worry, but like he said, she was still Raven. And Raven was sarcastic.

"Well, now that I have your permission." She drawled. Beastboy's head jerked up, ready for an indignant response. "But I do know what you mean for once." She said soothingly. "I'll still be 'your Raven.' Didn't Starfire say that? Where did you guys get in the habit of owning me, did I sign a release form in my sleep?"

"You, well, no. We needed a way to tell the difference between you and, um, you." Beastboy leaned his head on his hand, looking as pensive as he could.

"And 'old Raven' was too derogatory, right?" She started in on her pancakes again, glancing up to make eye contact now and then.

After a pause Beastboy said, "I don't know what derogatory means, but I'm not going to sit here and watch you eat while I starve." With that, Beastboy hopped from the table and trotted over to the kitchen nook, intent on emptying it of its contents.

"Don't eat quite so much as you usually do, I want to keep these pancakes down. Or at least eat somewhere I can't see you." Raven took another savory bite of the pancakes.

"I haven't had a good meal since you woke up, you are not talking me out of this." Beastboy grabbed at random things from both cupboards and fridge.

"Raven could talk herself out of a sunburn if she had the mind to." Robin sauntered in, holding a cup of coffee, obviously of the batch he made- he grimaced every time he took a sip.

"Raven? Sunburned? I mock the day." Cyborg lumbered in at Robin's heels, a sweat towel draped over his shoulder; he had been working out.

"You'll make yourself sick, Beastboy." Raven cautioned, still picking at the remains of her pancakes.

"Oh, I can see that conversation." Cyborg said, laughing. "Starfire," He put on an imitation voice, " 'Maybe it was something he ingested.' " Smirking, the big teen continued, "Raven, 'Like that would narrow it down.' "

"Hey!"

Robin chuckled and set his coffee on the table, taking a seat in the place Beastboy had previously occupied. The morning passed quickly, with Cyborg and Beastboy jokingly making jabs at one another. Robin updated Raven on current events, the movement of bad guys and so on until Starfire put in an entrance. Robin was thereafter engaged by the Tamaranian's playful flirtations. Raven watched the display with new eyes, unafraid to put her two cents in, and rewarded with looks of gratitude or surprise that repaid her in full.

When Cyborg left, she followed him, aiming to quiz him on things Robin hadn't relayed to her.

He was heading towards his room but Raven stopped him with a light hand on his shoulder. "Can we talk?" She questioned quietly.

Cyborg turned around, smiling at Raven. They shared a bond that was different from the rest of the team's. As an unspoken agreement, they went to each other first for the unembellished truth. Raven could drop her act around him and he could relax around her. They were mutual stress relievers.

"Mmm hmm." He said and opened the door to his room, motioning that Raven should go in first. She complied, seating herself on a workbench in the far corner of the room. Cyborg threw the sweat towel in a corner then readied a plug and modem. "Do you mind if I recharge while we talk, I'm kinda low." Raven waved her hand in compliance, waiting for him to finish. When all was ready, Cyborg seated himself on his bed, "Ready. Okay, shoot."

Raven crossed her ankles and folded her hands, apparently not sure where to begin. "Wow, it's a lot different when you can look nervous. I usually had an idea when you were, but now…" Cyborg smiled, his statement wasn't accusing or judging, just pointing out a fact. That's what Raven loved about their talks. Cyborg, despite his front, was a great listener and a rock of good sense. He analyzed situations in a heartbeat and pointed out solutions to problems that Raven hadn't even known existed. They talked so easily because they thought so differently.

"Cyborg, I don't know what's changed around here, but it's not just me. What happened when I was out?" She leaned forwards. "Beastboy cooked me pancakes- with real milk, what is up with that?"

Cyborg looked at her dreamily, lost in thought, but she was sure he had heard her question the smirk on his face was obvious. "Your face is so much different now that you can use your emotions."

"Um, thank you?"

"Welcome. But really, the time that you were unconscious was stressful for all of us. We had no idea what had happened, and after hooking you up to the life machines we had run out of options to help you. Everyone took it hard. I don't think Starfire smiled once, but the really strange thing is that Robin didn't notice. You know how he jumps at any chance to have her cry on his shoulder."

Raven grunted, her eyes widening.

"Robin worked out almost continually. I followed boy wonder's line of action, I worked on the T-car and a few other projects in the garage almost nonstop." He paused. "You should really come down and see how everything's progressing. I know you enjoyed it before."

It was true. Raven had developed an affinity for mechanics, not only because the concentration needed was refreshing, but also that was when most of Cyborg and her talks had taken place. He's not telling me something. Or he's stalling; he wouldn't talk about the garage when I needed him to be upfront. "What about Beastboy?" She asked cautiously.

"Beastboy took it the hardest." He sighed. "Rae, he didn't leave your room the entire time. We had to take up his food for him, and he didn't even eat most of it. Everyone else took turns at your other side, but Beastboy would not give up his place. Robin even went off on him, wanted to come down and do something. You know what Beastboy said to that?" Raven shook her head, entranced. "He said, 'Don't shout so loud. Rae's got it tough enough as it is.' "

"He said that? To Robin?"

"Kinda wild, huh?" Cyborg leaned back and looped a hand around his middle. He pulled the plug on himself.

"But… but why?" Raven couldn't sit still anymore. She jumped up and started pacing, babbling and waving her arms, "I don't understand. All I've ever been to him is cold and indifferent, except when…"

Cyborg was smiling as he eased himself off of his bed, "There are a lot of exceptions, aren't there, Raven?" He knelt down before her so that their eyes were level. Raven lowered her head and nodded. "You know how it's so obvious that Robin and Starfire are crazy about each other that everyone else can see it except them?"

Raven's head jerked up and she fixed Cyborg with a hard and even gaze. "I don't think I want to hear where you're going with this."

Cyborg's face was softened from its usual hard countenance, " 'Cus you already know, don't you."

"No, I don't." Raven said with an edge in her voice.

"Yeah, well ignorance is dangerous." He patted her on her shoulder and started to tinker with something on his workbench.

Raven knew that she had been dismissed, but she couldn't help shooting over her shoulder, "Yeah, well try knowledge sometime." She stomped down the hall to Cyborg's chuckles.

So… what did you think? Please leave a review, they're a big part of my motivation.