Chapter 4: Deidara
To: Masashi Kishimoto
From: Deidara
I found this in Sasori-danna's pocket when he died and decided to find out about the joys of technology.
1. My Appearance:
Would you please make up your mind about my gender! Am I a boy or am I a girl? Decide already! Why give me feminine features and a deep masculine voice? You would not believe the stares I get when I shop in the men's department. And now with my new partner Tobi drooling over me like a goddamned horny dog, I can barely stand it!!
2. My Choice of Words:
How are you today, un? Would you like fries with that, un? My grandmother got hit by a car then rabid llamas devoured her carcass, un. I drive a lime green Porsche, un. Un. Un. Un. Un. Un! Un! UN! UN!
See how annoying it gets.
3. THE HANDS:
Simple things. To me these things bode ill for me for I find myself unable to do them because of my hands! I know, I know. Other members of the Akatsuki have equally weird appendages, take Zetsu for example, but really, there are real-live mouths with razor-sharp fucking teeth implanted on the palms of my hands! I spend roughly an hour each morning brushing each set of teeth alone! I have to be careful when I eat because one slip of the fingers and my chopsticks are shoved halfway down my hand-throat and then my mouths begin to gag and let's just say it's not a pretty sight.
Sincerely yours,
Deidara
P. S. Art is a bang!?
Thought that one up all on your lonesome, didn't you?