Chapter 4
Day 2: Discussing Cakes and Passing Notes

"Hikaru-sama," The maid's voice feels like a knife going though my brain right now. I didn't get any sleep last night. It felt empty without Kaoru; without his warmth and sweet little sighs he makes when I get restless and mess with him, usually poking his sides to get such reactions. I miss pulling him close and taking in his scent that's his alone. All I have is this stupid pillow that I've been holding since I laid back down last night.

"Hikaru-sama." I groan a bit when she persists. I'm not use to her voice alone in the morning. Kaoru's usually the one to get me up; shaking me and yelling in a playful way until I give up and finally roll out of bed, taking him with me. We'd laugh together, goofing off until the maids would scold us again to get ready for school.

"Hikaru-sama!" I bolt up, and glare at the woman, clearly giving her the warning that I heard her the first time. I'm tired. Dead tired. As I'm rubbing my eye out of habit in the morning, I take notice of the maid's situation. It's the older one and just her. The other one that's usually with her is absent, and that perks my interest. Those two are usually together taking care of us. Why is there only one? Oh, right. She's the one who's in charge of watching and tending to me. The other's in charge of Kaoru. Since we're not together, they're not. Damn it, this is effecting more than us. I didn't think it would.

"Please, get out of bed, Hikaru-sama." This maid is persistent and I guess I understand why. I can be a little stubborn some times. "You need to get ready for school. Kaoru-sama has already left. It is getting late." I turn towards the clock quickly, seeing the time. It's already around 0700. What the hell happened? Where'd time go? I can't seem to keep track of much of anything without someone there. It's too lonely. I finally look up to where the maid was, but she had already left, slamming the door behind her. I'm left by myself again and it's a real reality shock. I almost feel like crying. God, I hate this…

The whole school is a little busier than it normally is when I get there. I'm usually here earlier. Kaoru is probably in the classroom already. Probably flirting around with Haruhi. I don't know why he would want to, but he has been known to do that. I wonder why sometimes. I can't really complain too much as I trust Kaoru, and I know he wouldn't make a fool of himself like Tamaki-sempai does. Tono can be really annoying sometimes.

I can hear distant high pitch "squees" as I head toward my classroom. Some are from my fans, others are from our fans. There are a few that sound disappointed, and I can only assume it's because my brother isn't with me. I sometimes just stop and think about a lot of things. Why do these girls here act the way they do? I've never really cared (and I still don't in a way) as long as I was having fun and so was Kaoru. At least when I think he's having fun. He never complains too much. Of course he has before, but it was never anything major. It usually was something that I should change in a script I wrote or when I would accidently push him out of bed during the night. I always feel so bad when that happens. I do have to admit; I think it's kinda funny how he reacts.

When I finally reach homeroom 1-A, I slump down into my desk and don't bother to take notice of my surroundings. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll lock eyes with Kaoru, and then not be able to look away. That look he gave me before he ran off last night almost killed me. It looked so pained, like he couldn't bare the sight of me. I can't blame him. He's upset with something, something I did. I keep saying that, yet I've made almost no effort to find out what. I just can't do too much because I don't want to see him look like that ever again. It crushed my heart.

There's a light tap on my shoulder that makes me bolt up from my desk that I was laying my head on. My gold eyes lock with brown, and I mentally sigh with relief that they're not another pair of gold. Haruhi looks a little surprised by my jumpy behavior, and I don't blame her. I'm usually calmer than this. Lack of sleep and too much worry will put my nerves on end.

"Um, you okay?" There was a bit of a pause before she speaks up. I'm not too sure as to what to say. Do I lie and say everything is fine? Or tell the truth that I'm falling apart at the seams and make her worry? I decide against both and just go back to leaning my arms against the desk again and shrug a bit, remaining silent for the time. I just don't know what to say to her.

"Well," her voice drags off for a moment. I'm still staring at nothing in front of me, unnaturally quite. "Kyouya-sempai wants to know what your favorite kind of cake is. I was going to ask Kaoru, but he's busy with—" I look up at her after a moment when she cuts off. She seems to be thinking about something. It's not what she's thinking about that catches my attention. First, why would Kyouya-sempai want to know what kind of cake I like? Second, what's Kaoru so busy with that he can't answer a stupid question like that? Haruhi seems to have found what she was saying, "Well… It's not that he's busy… It's more like… I wanted to hear it from you. I guess." Half of what she was saying, Haruhi wasn't looking at me. Her eyes were at the other side of the room the first half. Before I answer her, I glance over at where she was looking, but there's nothing there of particular interest. Except that girl with an outrageous hairstyle that so doesn't fit her. Haruhi wouldn't be too interested in that, though. At least her attention is back on me and I have someone who will listen.

"Uh… Kaoru and I like—"

"What about you, Hikaru?" Haruhi cut me off and it's a little shocking. Not so much as when Kaoru did it, but I wasn't expecting it. I look up at her from my desk she's standing next to, a lost and questioning look on my face.

"What about me?" My voice comes out more monotone than I wanted. I'm just (almost) worried that she's wanted to get to a certain point I don't want.

"What do you like?" It's a simple question that, for some reason, gets to me. I don't know why, but it almost bothers me. Kaoru and I like the same things, so why would she need to ask something like that and interrupt me? "He wants to know."

I'm silent for a moment as I try to understand what she means. For whatever reason, I get the feeling that this "he" isn't Kyouya-sempai anymore. I don't know what made me think that. Maybe her tone of voice? Whatever it was, I don't think it matters anyway. I mean, it's just cake, right?

With a small sigh, I look out the window next to me and lean forward again on the desk. We're making such a big deal about cake. At least I am. Is this what Kaoru meant when he said I could be childish?

"…German Chocolate," I'm blunt, and probably sound like some snotty little kid. When I glance back up at Haruhi, there's that cutesy little smile only she could ever pull off. I don't know how other people haven't figured out that she is a girl. Well, I guess I can't say too much since almost everyone in the Host Club thought she was a boy except Kyouya-sempai. Even Kaoru and I. Tono is just an idiot, so he doesn't count.

She thanks me and as she's going to her desk, she pats my shoulder. I'm still facing the window and I'm thankful for that because my eyes widen a bit and I can feel my face heat up a little. My body tenses up a bit, but it's not from discomfort. I actually like this feeling. It's different from all the other sensations I get and only Haruhi can give me them. I know it sounds selfish, but I don't want Tono to have her.

Classes are painfully slow today. It's not helping that I keep looking at the clock every two seconds. I don't know where I want to go so badly, but just knowing that my dear brother is only two chairs away on my right is driving me over the edge. For once, I'm happy that they put Haruhi between Kaoru and I. I'd probably snap right about now if he were next to me. It's hard keeping my head cool, but I've managed by doing little things to keep me distracted: doodling in my notebook (that I had to stop since most of the doodles where headed toward being about Kaoru and it was taking up more space then the actual notes); paying attention (which stopped almost immediately since Kaoru decided to start answering all the questions out loud, and in math, nonetheless); and tapping my pencil on the desk, trying to drone out my brother's voice (but was stopped after about half an hour as the teacher finally had enough and told me to stop about five times). With nothing to distract me, I start to worry that tonight will be just like last night. I don't want to be alone knowing something's wrong between us. If everything was fine and he's just being around different people than me, I'd be okay with it, more or less. At least more than this. This is horrible.

I'm about to walk out of class and go to the bathroom to scream. Anything to get rid of this frustration for even five minutes. A small piece of paper stops me, though. I glance at the teacher then take the folded paper and examine it. I look over at Haruhi a little confused that she would pass a note in class. My thoughts about that are put to rest when she looks back and shrugs, signaling to me that's it's not from her and that she probably doesn't know what it's about. I flip it over to see if there's anything that shows who it's from. All I find is my name. In Kaoru's handwriting. Why would he write me a note? I glance up at the teacher again to see if he's watching, then quickly unfold it, running my eyes over his neat handwriting. Before I actually read it, though, I lean forward cautiously to look at my brother for the first time that day. I'm totally caught off guard. He's looking back at me with eyes that I just don't recognize on him. Kaoru seems a little pissed, and our eyes lock together. Gold meeting gold. Some say that golden eyes are a sign of corruption. I'm not sure if I can believe that or not. He sighs a little then turns towards the front of the class, his hands fold together in a non-caring way that hurts and pisses me off.

I look back at the note, finding it more crumpled than when I got it. I guess I accidently got a little nervous when Kaoru stared me down. I've never seen that look in his eyes before. At least not pointed at me. I look back down at the note, and actually read it this time, instead of admiring the handwriting. It's too simple and to the point.

I'm Jealous.

Jealous? Of what? This may be my only chance to find out what exactly the hell's going on with him. I glance up at the front once again, and then quickly write down my question as to why he feels that way. I find it almost funny that Kaoru's handwriting is a little neater than mine. It's no surprise if you think about it. For a split second, I debate if I really want to ask. The decision doesn't take long. I fold the paper again and shove it toward Haruhi. I'm keeping my eyes in front of me on my desk, but I can hear her sigh after a moment and take the note from my death grip I had on it. Being nervous is such a weird feeling.

Each second that passes that I don't have a reply from my brother, I can feel myself start to lose it even more little by little. I can't even concentrate on the lecture the teacher is giving about how much math means to the human race. I don't even know how I know what it's about with my lack of attention today.

I'm snapped out of my own little world that I usually share with Kaoru by a soft voice calling my name. It's Haruhi. Turning my head toward her, she "stealthfully" plops the note on my desk, trying not to be caught by the teacher. Seriously, she's too cute sometimes. I quickly grab the note and read it. It startles me more than the last one. Under my question of why he's jealous, his answer is beautifully written and just as painful.

Haruhi.

Haruhi…? Our Haruhi? The Haruhi right between us that the great Suoh Tamaki has fallen for and the one that we, the Hitachiin Twins, see as our new toy? That Haruhi!? Why the hell would he need to be jealous because of that tanuki? If anything, he should like her. She's incredibly smart, sensible, and downright cute to not—

Oh, God. Is Kaoru jealous of me because I spend so much time on Haruhi? He's feeling left out; left behind because I never give him the chance to be with Haruhi. If that's true…

Some older brother I am for not noticing sooner.