I found myself curled up against my bed yet again, staring at the same blood red bedsheets I had for the last few hundred years. In my hands I felt the tattered remains of yet another stuffed bunny, its head sitting decapitated in front of what was left of it's poor, fragile body. I...I'm not sure why I kept asking for more of them. I thought maybe the next time would be different, I thought maybe If I could prove I could stop myself from hurting an animal, sister would believe I could stop myself from hurting anyone else.

I..I still cried everytime, for the loss of the stuffed toys. I had realized by then that they weren't real, yet I still mourned them. They were the only thing willing to pay me any mind, after all.

I...I used to find it comforting. I used to take solace in the fact that I now had a safe place, where nobody would be mean to me ever again. They told me it'd only be a little while, and if I did really good I'd be able to go wherever I want and make new friends. Yet...it never changed, it was the same every time I woke up. The same purple bookshelf with maybe six actual books, the same little basket of broken toys, the same dim candle by my bedside...

It made me sick, looking at any of it. I yearned to simply wake up somewhere else, wake up somewhere different. But no matter how much I begged, to no one in particular, every day went exactly the same. Except...this day was different, this day was worse. I couldn't remember being served dinner the previous night, something that had never happened in my...so many years living in that room. I was alone throughout the morning, too, leaving me with a horrible, ravenous hunger. Everyone seemed very intent on making sure I didn't get too hungry before for some reason, yet there I was, neglected of any sort of sustenance.

My mind raced with the worst possibilities. Did something horrible happen? Did they all decide I wasn't worth it and leave me behind? Were they intentionally leaving me to rot away? It was difficult for me to see any of them as unlikely scenarios, as much as I wanted to have more faith in sister and what little I knew of the other residents.

It wasn't long until I heard footsteps again. It might have been late, but it was reassuring, my mind being put at ease by the restored status quo. Perhaps the woman in the blue dress had simply fell asleep late? It would be out of character for her, but it wouldn't be that unusual.

Except...it wasn't the woman in the blue dress who came through my door.

It was none other than my big sister, Remilia.

She held in her hand the usual teacup full of blood, but her eyes were bloodshot, and she had a big frown on her face, seeming very nervous. I didn't really get why my sister seemed to sad, she was usually so confident and scary. Was she genuinely afraid to see me? Why was she, anyway? She placed the plate on my table in a rather crude fashion by her standards, resulting in a weird sounding clank.

I ran over and chugged the blood-tea, having been far too hungry to be concerned with my sister's surprise visit. Yet, as I found myself downing the glass, my eyes met with hers. I didn't know why, but it struck me how hurt and melancholy she looked, distantly looking into my eyes. I knew it wasn't my place, but...

"Sister, why are you so sad...?" I asked reluctantly.

As her appearance would suggest, her voice sounded weak and strained, which wasn't what I would usually expect from sister. "..It's nothing, Flandre, don't concern yourself. I suppose you should know that.." Her voice broke, and it almost sounded like she was going to cry. "...our maid, Sakuya, will no longer be providing services to us.

"Why is that...?" I questioned, curious. "Did something happen to the woman in the blue dress?"

"No," she said seemingly in an attempt to dismiss the conversation, "Sakuya simply did not want to be here anymore. I..will have to provide your meals directly from now on."

I wasn't...sure what else to say. I never knew the blue lady beyond anything as someone who would give me food, but it still made me sad to hear I probably wasn't going to see her again. That woman was one of the only people who ever really gave me the time of day.

"So..you're going to see me more often?" I said more optimistically, smiling.

She..frowned, an immediate look of guilt in her eyes. "Yes, I...I suppose you'll be seeing more of me than you have been."

I sighed, her tone crushing any sort of dream I could have of us having a good friendship again. Frustrated, I began to consider becoming defiant, and sought to build up the courage to actually question her. I really didn't want to waste this, and let myself sink into another different, but ultimately the same cycle.

"Big sister, I...why don't you want to see me more often? I know I'm bad sometimes but..." I held my head down, feeling a mix of self-shame and rejection. "Do you...just not like me anymore?"

Her face immediately looked hurt, making me wonder if I said anything bad. "Flandre, I'll always love you...you're my sister!"

"But, sister, it...it's so lonely down here. I can hardly remember what it's like outside. It's so boring down here, all by myself. Why do you always leave me here, all alone...?"

There was silence. I simply stared at her, feeling a mix of reluctant trust and betrayal. I wanted to believe sister had every reason to lock me up, and that it was me who was in the wrong for questioning her. But more and more as I went on, it became difficult to believe.

She spoke up again, taking on an understanding yet stern tone as she usually would, or at least as much as I could muster such a thing this time around. "Flandre, you...you're a danger to those around you, and to be frank, that's not really what I care about. But Gensokyo is very harsh to those who hurt others, and I don't know what would happen to you if you let your strength get the best of you."

"But..why don't you give me a chance?!" I cried. "Even if I'm dangerous, don't you think it'd be best for everyone if you could help me be better?"

She..sighed, looking down somberly. "Flandre, I..I don't trust them."

"What do you mean...?"

"Even if..even if I told them you were safe. Even if you were safe. Everyone in this godforsaken land fears that which is stronger than them, and they would hurt you no matter how kind you are to them."

I had heard similar explanations from my sister before, but they were always confusing. Why should I have been afraid of the residents of Gensokyo? Sure, I hadn't met many of them, but the few I talked to were always very nice to me. I always looked foward to seeing that blonde witch Marisa, even though sister always spoke lowly of her.

"I bet...I bet people would like me! I bet we'd get along just fine! And I bet you're stopping me from reaching that potential happiness!"

"Flandre, please!" She cried, in a more distressed, somber tone than I usually heard of her. "I can't risk it. I can't lose you...I can't lose you like I did her. I don't know what they'd do to you."

"But why won't you try?! Why won't you bother trying to help me?!" If you care about me so much I why don't you want me to be happy?!" I could feel my heart beating, my face heating up..and after missing breakfast, the gnaw of hunger hadn't entirely gone away. I couldn't stand the thought of being in this room any longer, it made sick to my stomach to think of waking up to those god damn red bed sheets again.

Her head sunk, and she shook her head. "Flandre, I can't even help myself. I don't know what would make you okay, I don't know what would make anything okay. I don't want to expose you to the dangers of the world, I don't..want you to experience what I've experienced. "

"I don't care!" I cried, finding it hard to restrain myself from shouting now...it was scary. "That should be MY choice, not yours! I want to see the world, I want to make friends who will actually CARE about me! I bet Marisa or Reimu or anyone else wouldn't treat me like this!"

"What have they done for you that I haven't?"

"TALK TO ME! I'M TIRED OF YOU SHELVING ME LIKE I'M ONE OF YOUR MANY MISTAKES! I'M NOT WAITING FOR YOU TO LET ME OUT ANYMORE!"

She looked shocked, as I had never defied her like this before. Yet, infuriatingly, she still held her ground, managing to make it seem like she didn't even care as always. "This chat is over. I will be back with your breakfast, as always."

I couldn't stay in this room anymore. I couldn't do it. As every second passed by, I felt control of myself slipping from my hands. I tried my best to hold myself back, I didn't want to prove her right, but it was too late.

I lunged at my sister, slashing her across the chest and smashing her into the floor. Fear like I'd never seen from her before covered her face, but I didn't care. I didn't bother stopping myself, I knew it wasn't worth it.

Everything went red.

I layed across the nasty couch, resting my head in my lap. I tried my best to drown out my sister's screams and cries, but it was so difficult to ignore it. I was so tired, so scared, and yet I still couldn't find comfort in even the one person who had always been in my life. She just wouldn't stop screaming. I didn't want to be in this broken building I didn't even recognize, I just wanted to go home. All I wanted was to wake up from this nightmare, and go back to the way things were.

But I knew in my heart that home was gone. I knew we couldn't go back, and I knew it was unlikely anyone else would ever take us in again. I couldn't block it out anymore, I sobbed and sobbed, not caring anymore who heard it.

It took a bit, but my sister caught on and halted her rampage dead in her tracks. She looked at me with the deepest remorse I had ever seen out of her.

I spoke up, my voice strained..."Sister, it..it's not going to be okay this time, is it?"

I expected her to give me a huge lecture about how we're supposed to be better than that, to chastise me for being weak and tell me to do better.

But she didn't. Instead, she pulled me into a warm embrace and wiped off my tears.

"Flandre, I don't know what's going to happen. But I do know I'm going to fix this for you. Some day we're going to be safe and happy together, I promise."

I cried and cried in her arms..it was one of the few times I felt truly safe.