Hey guys, it's AliceSwift with an update of Consider Me Drafted.
enjoy!
lots. of. love.
PLT!
~AliceSwift
"Being fearless is not being 100% unafraid, it's being terrified but jumping anyways."
~Taylor Swift.
I woke up the next morning to the warm air coming through the window. It spread across my face and let me know that it was time to get up for school.
As soon as I opened my eyes I was hit with a sense of nausea, it was in the deepest pit of my stomach and made it cramp. It was like my the middle of my torso was my of ropes and someone was pulling on them. Making them twist and turn, intertwine with each other and tighten to the point of pain.
I stood up and tried to stretch, it only made the pain worse so I just stopped trying. I decided to switch to the mental healing strategy.
I knew what I was worried about, and I knew that there was nothing to get this worked up over.
I hadn't seen Edward yesterday, except in the morning, and besides the few times we would whisper to each other, we hadn't talked in church. So, even though I knew he wasn't gone, he was just a few blocks away, and I could call him, it felt as if he was. And that scared me more than anything. Would I really be able to handle being without him for so long, especially if this was happening after only one day when I hadn't seen him.
We had always made a point of seeing each other. If we didn't stay close than we would've fallen apart.
We had known each other since we were born, him being only three or so months older than me, we had always been put together, and so far hadn't gotten sick of each other.
It really all started with our mothers.
In high school, my mom and Charlie were already steadily dating. They were far too focused on each other so my mom didn't have any real girlfriends. When it came to Esme, my mom wasn't the best of friends with her, but they were friendly. Saying hi to each other in the hallways, lending each other history notes, helping the other out if they needed it, but other than that they didn't really have any real friendship.
Pretty soon, the time for college came around. My dad had decided not to go, he figured that he could find a decent job with as much education as he had, and clearly, as chief of police, he had. My mom, however, loved learning, and even if she never found a job, she wanted to know as much as possible. So she went to college to get a degree in teaching. Charlie was still living at my grandparents house, and was, surprisingly, fine with it. My mom, of course, felt as though it was time to earn some independence. So while my dad went out job hunting to get money to buy an apartment, my mom stayed in a dorm on campus.
When she got there, she was pleased to see Esme had chosen the same college, and major that she had. My mom was even happier when she found out that they would be sharing a dorm, as was Esme. They had both had the fear of hating the person they lived with, and were relieved to find that it was someone they knew and could stand being around.
Throughout college, they stood up for each other, stayed together, grew closer as friends, and eventually graduated in the same year.
My mom had been pregnant with Emmett her last year of college and had given birth just three months before graduating, though it was tough, my dad was able to keep Emmett with him long enough for my mom to finish college. After that my parents bought an apartment and so had Esme.
The year after college Esme had moved fast. She had met Carlisle-most called him Dr. Cullen and I had too until he insisted I call him Carlisle, though if I was talking to anyone but him, Edward, Esme, Alice, or Emmett, I still called him Dr. Cullen because it helped his image as a doctor who was to be taken seriously. I had heard that Esme loved Carlisle more in heart years than she had anyone her entire life. Two months into their relationship they got married, about a month later Esme got pregnant with Edward, and my mom with me three months later.
Edward was born June twentieth, and I was born September thirteenth of the same year.
Instead of letting their growing families get in the way of their friendship, they allowed that to play a part in making their bond stronger. They had Edward and I together before we could voice, or for that matter think, an opinion.
As we grew both of them got jobs, teachers were needed at both the elementary school and high school. Esme accepted a job as an English teacher and my mom got a job taking care of kindergartners.
They stayed the best of friends and seemed to have the balance among work, play, and family down to a science. Since they still wanted 'girl time' they went shopping and to see movies. When they did they asked my dad or Carlisle to watch Edward and I.
Since we never really had a break from each other, ever, there was never an awkward 'nice to meet you my name is-' introduce yourself day. We really just had to learn to interact with each other, because if we didn't we would both be bored out of our minds.
From diapers, to daycare, from elementary school to junior high, we had been the best of friends.
Edward and I had started going steady only three months before my mom died.
She was crushed, literally, by a drunk driver. She had stayed late at school to talk to the principal about something, and the other driver had a hard day at work. One red light was passed through, and that was it. The beginning of the end had begun and it was a downward spiral for months from there.
The first time I had met Carlisle and Esme, no longer as Edward's best friend who was a girl, but as his girlfriend, was when I went over to his house to deliver the news of my mother's death.
We were only thirteen and I wanted someone to comfort me. My dad had gone numb already and while his friends, Harry Clearwater, and Billy Black, tried to get him back to normal, I snuck off to Edward's house.
Of course, nothing happened, as you might have presumed. With me in such a vulnerable state and needing someone to tell me it was okay, you might think I trusted his words more than I should have. But with the memory of my mother thick in my mind and strong in my heart, her words echoed in my head. Don't do anything that you wouldn't want to talk to me about.
My mom and I were close. She would go shopping with me after school, stay up late and watch funny movies with me when I was upset. Stay home with me, even, if I was sick. We were very close, and distance, in this case at least, definitely made the heart grow founder.
I could try to explain it hundreds of times to my dad, Emmett, Alice, even Edward, but the only one who seemed to understand was Esme. Something that my mom hadn't told me about her was that her mom had died when she was only ten, without any older sisters that made life harder for her, without an older female role model to look up to she truly had to find herself.
I could tell her everything that I felt.
I told her of how every dream I had of my mother would never come true, and she understood. How I had dreamed of going dress shopping for dances, and one day even my wedding with her. How I dreamt of coming out of the dressing room at the shop and having her give her opinion. How I wanted her to show me how to wear makeup and do my hair. How I had wanted her to be the one to guide me through life until I was old enough to move out on my own. How all of this was ruined by one slip of the foot by some idiot who had too many drinks at some lousy bar with his friends.
And for once she didn't tell me it would be okay. She didn't look at me with forgiving eyes and tell me life would go on for me and that my mom was in a better place. She just said that I could still do all of those things, and that, even if I didn't want her to be, she would be there for me because she cared about me too much to watch me suffer through those things with my dad.
So she did help me shop for dresses, help me the first day of high school when I had worn blush, went shopping with me after school sometimes, and even watched movies with me if I was upset. While this should have felt wrong, like she was taking my mother's place and doing all the things she wasn't supposed to, it felt exactly right. Hardly ever did I see Esme as my boyfriend's mom, not once did I think that it would've been cliche` and that she hated me for stealing her little boy, because she had done for me what no one ever could have. No, I'm not saying that my mother would've have done all of those things for me, I'm just saying that I don't think anyone else could have helped me move on. While I still missed my mother, and how I wish she could be here with me now, Esme was there to take her place. She was just one dash on the dial over from perfect. Perfect being what my mother was.
I would never forget my mother, and I don't think I'll ever get over her, but if I have to, I'm glad Esme if the one to guide me along life's path.
I was in the kitchen, getting an apple from the fridge for breakfast. While I normally would've sat at the table and had cereal, or toast, today was different. I needed to get to school, I had to see Edward, and soon. If I didn't, I didn't know what would happen.
I grabbed my books off the table and glanced at the clock hanging above the sink, telling me that I was leaving almost an hour early than I normally would. I rushed out of the front door and onto the sidewalk, half running to the school only to find the doors locked and the parking lot empty. All I had to do now was sit. Sit and wait for someone to show up. The principal to come and unlock the door, allowing me into the heat, other students to show up, conversation filling the silence, Edward to come and calm my nerves.
"Bella." I heard the voice from the corner of the building, my heart stopped.
"Edward." I said, putting my things on the ground and running to see him. When I reached him I met his embrace for the countless time, though it felt a thousand times more comforting now than ever. He pulled my chin up so my eyes could meet his gaze, and he leaned his neck down so our lips could meet.
"Why are you here so early?" I asked once he had pulled away.
"The same reason you're here." he said and caressed my face.
I felt like crying tears of happiness and reunion, but I knew I couldn't for two reasons. One; it would have completely ruined the moment. Right now we were both supposed to be happy and glad to see each other, I didn't want to have to deal with the puffy eyes and red lines down my face because of my pathetic emotions. It wasn't that I was embarrassed to cry in front of him. I had multiple times and for reasons that were far less serious than this. That lead me to my next reason. Two; I didn't want him to know how much being away from him, short time as it was, hurt me. If he was going to be leaving for months at a time then I couldn't have him feeling guilty about leaving me behind. I didn't want him to have any distractions while he was away for obvious reasons. Reasons that if I thought about would surely make the emotions swell even more, forcing the tears, that I was trying so hard to hold back, to the surface.
I pushed my emotions back, pushing them into the deepest pit of my body, and fell into him again, wanting nothing but to feel his warmth. Know that he was here with me now, and that all the awful dreams that I had dreamt were nothing but that. Dreams. Or would nightmares be the correct term?
And so there we stood. The haunting echo of unsaid words being drown out by the sound of our beating hearts. It was an odd picture-to me at least, and I'm sure it was for him as well. We had stood outside of the school so many times together. Talked, kissed, held hands, hugged. But this was so much more than that-it wasn't just him whispering 'I love you' in my ear, nor was it the good morning embrace that got me out of bed. It was the thing that were being told by our eyes and breathing that made this moment special, unique, and, like I said, odd. The tension that was between us in our familiar surroundings made it strange, but in an amazing way.
Even though it was probably better this way, not saying what needed, so badly, to be said, I did want to talk about it. I wanted to tell him about the dreams I had last night. To confess of my fears and hopes and everything that I was terrified of. Then I thought, he has all his own, why bother him with mine? Why clutter his already blurred mind with my own insecurities? And really, were there any words that could fully and completely describe what I felt? I had to admit, I was at a loss for words myself.
What do you do when something needs to be said but no one is speaking? What do you say when you want to express something but there are no words to describe the emotion?
The best conclusion I had; nothing. And so there we stood. Leaving the unsaid words as they were. Unsaid.
"I don't want to go to school today." he said, breaking the silence and making my heart skip a beat.
I'm not quite sure where the words came from, but I knew that they were sincere.
"Me either, but you know that we have to." I said, his hand was smoothing down my hair on the back of my head. I couldn't remember if I had brushed my hair this morning or not, thought it didn't really matter, it would've been helpful.
"Why? Why should we have to go and sit through hours of school-hours wasted, hours waiting." He asked, now slightly irritated.
"Edward, you don't want to miss these days." I said, the reason hung between us, more words spoken with silence. He was holding my face in his hands, one on each cheek. Placed carefully on my skin, as if a slip of his finger could break everything that had been established in our silent exchange.
"Then let's ditch. Ditch school with me. If someone catches us then it was all my fault, I tricked you into it, seduced you into the car and out of the parking lot. I forced you to come with me and made you have fun all day. Just please come with me?" He asked, his eyes moving, studying my face carefully. Reading my expressions and looking at the meanings of the faces.
"You can't be serious." I said, voice starting to break, not from tears but from the glimmer of hope I felt that I might get a full day of him to myself. No interruptions, no one to come and destroy the wall that we tended to build up to block the world out, no one to say don't go out of town.
"I'm completely serious Bella. Entirely." he said, voice taking on a begging tone.
"You have too much to do before you leave." I said, silently praying the tears wouldn't come now. "Besides, you have all next week off to get ready for departure. And tomorrow is an inservice day, so we can spend time together then." I said.
"I'll do it Wednesday, after school. It'll all get done, I promise." he said. I saw a light in his eyes and I could tell he knew that I wanted to.
He still looked at me, this time his eyes just gazed into mine. And I stared back at his, counting each and every shade of the beautiful green emeralds they resembled.
"Fine," I said finally and he beamed at me. Scooping me up into his arms and twirling me around in a small circle before setting me down and kissing me. I was surprised at the amount of passion the kiss held. The feeling of excitement and the hairs raising on the bak of my neck as our lips molded together.
It ended all too soon.
"Let's go." he said and grabbed my hand. We fearlessly ran of to enjoy our day together.