A/N: ok guys sorry for not updating sooner but now I'm finally back with a new chapter…
Warning: Kakuzu will be swearing a bit…
IV. Kakuzu
I so hate my live!
I'm now officially sure that someone up there hates my guts. Why do I think that, you might wane know? That is easy…first of all that I got a fucking annoying partner who I can't get rid of like the others because A. he is a freaking masochist and B. he is immortal. How I know that one? Well not many cut down heads are insulting the one cutting they heads of and growling to be shawed up again. Oh and did I mention that said annoying and always bitching partner of mine is now FUCKING PREGNMANT WITH MY CHILD!!
How this could have happened that is easy to explain.
Flashback
After Leader-sama left and I tried to ignore the idiotism of my partner we have decided to go to the beach. Why I agreed? It was free what else could I want? Did you even see the prices in those public bathhouses?
On the beach I finally managed to relax by counting my precious money until Sasori, who was sitting beside me and reading, asked if I heard a scream?
"Youareonlyimaginingthings Sasori andnowletmecountmy…TOBI!!!!" I screamedinutter horror and I thinkat least three of my hearts stopped beating as I run to save my precious money from the sand in which that masked idiot was pressing it.
Let's just say Hidan laughed even on the whole ride back home until I didn't sew his big mouth shut.
After arriving back home we were a bit startled that there were no signs of a fight between Itachi and Deidara. The Uchiha was sitting peacefully in the living room and reading while Deidara strangely locked himself inside his room.
After that day I think we all noticed the changing in our blond buddle of energy. Heck if I would have got a ryu for every time he dashed to the bathroom I would be swimming in money right now. So we all decided to find out what was wrong.
After we managed to drag Sasori to Deidara's room and literally threw him inside we were all waiting in the living room as we suddenly heard Deidara scream. We all dashed like mad to his room and Hidan that bloody idiot nearly ripped the door out of his place. Does that bloody good for nothing idiot know just how much that bloody door coasted?
After we peeked inside and saw a rather confusing scene we all paled and froze down after hearing Deidara's outburst. How in the name of hell did he get pregnant from Itachi?
We were all in shock, well except for Sasori who looked about ready to kill Itachi. Well who can blaim him he just figured out that his partner is having a child. Well on one morning we were all in the kitchen and I think I was already at my fourth cup of coffee that morning as suddenly Kisame walked inside grinning with a young woman.
It turned out that she and Kisame were friends in school and that she has created a rather strange jutsu which she called 'her art'. Great one other artist, as if those to were not enough. To say the truth I nearly choked on my own breath as I saw the reward put out for her head, but then she turned saying that, that was the price for her alive so she turned the page…and then everything went black…
After I finally woke up they sent me to pick up the phone which was ringing already since ten minutes.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Kakuzu, it is the Leader, have Itachi and Deidara finished the mission?"I nearly dropped the reciever in shock.
"Ugh…well in away yes…." This was hard to tell him.
"What do you mean in a way? Got one of them injured or both?" Leader-sama sounded a bit annoyed if you sk me. What a luck that you can't use jutsus through a telephon.
"Ugh…well there was a little accident…" I managed to get out.
"What accident?" now he sounded strangely worryed. Since hen did he care?
"Well Sir…we will have a brand new Akatsuki member here in a five months…." I said.
"What! Who?"
"Well Deidara got pregnant with Itachi's child…" and then there was death silence on the other end of the line and I could clear hear when a body hit the ground. "He took the news better then I thought…"and with that I hung up.
Then we spent the rest of the day hiding behind he couch thanks to our brilliant Uchiha who managed to get a certain blond rather pissed. Doest that guy think that money grows on trees!!! Actually that would be pretty nice, but sadly this is only my dream…
I swear I nearly cried as I counted together how much money we needed to use to get everything repaired.
Later in the evening when the danger was over Konan called us and we got all the info that the child will become an Akatsuki member.
After Leader-sama com back we explained him everything and o he decided that Riako will stay and become Zetsu's partner. It was a five days after this that we all went out to drink except our soon-to-be-parents that is. Well after we returned home well…we avoided the bathroom for a while after what we saw in there. And I almost spent to fucking days to get my partner over the shock.
Oh and did I mention that Hidan's food habits begun to look as disgusting as Deidara's or even worse? I really feared that the same thing happened with us as by Itachi and Deidara. I mean Hidan is acting so after he trained once with Riako and after the training I put a hand on his shoulder and dragged him out to our next mission.
He says he only has a sympathy pregnancy because he was often the babysitter for the blond. I really hoped at that time that he was right…
On that evening we were greeted by the interesting sight of Itachi and Deidara finally acting as a family. It was in a way frightening, but also cute in a way. After that I suggested we choose as to who will go to Konoha and tell the news to the soon-to-be-uncle.
On the next morning we were all in the kitchen, minus four members, but Sasori and Riako suddenly appeared. Riako told us that the Puppet Master spent the night by her which caused Kisame to break a rather expensive knife. We all found it better to sit a bit farther away from him. Then come our two missing members also inside, talking about things I will not repeat, and we soon left to throw up.
When we returned our jaws dropped. TOBI WAS A FREAKIN UCHIHA!!!
It was later that day that we were all sitting in the living room, Kisame went to tell Sasuke and oh what a surprise we found out who that person was Riako went visiting. She visited no one other then Hiashi Hyuuga and now was she sitting there on the ground with said man's youngest child and Konan. Suddenly Deidara come in and spoke about spilled water or something like that. Suddenly my eyes widened as I understood, it looks like that some of the others understood to then blank panic broke out.
Riako then even went to get Kisame and as long we watched Deidara breaking the hand of his 'lover's' and that of said 'lover's' cousin. Now that must hurt and wow the blond artist's cursing made even Hidan blush and to know that he had even a bigger vocabulary for these words?
Then the baby was finally there, but something went wrong so Riako went in to one other room with some of the others so we needed to deliver the second child. We almost fainted when we were looking at a little girl. Those poor unfortunate losers who even try to smile at her will probably feel the wrath of the Mangekyo Sharingan…
And then they come back with the first child who was ok by now, but then Riako said something which sent me and some of the others to the ground.
"…congratulationsdaddy…"
EndFlashback…
Now I'm hiding in the closet from my pregnant and most of all, sex crazed partner. I like to be violent to the ones with who I usually sleep, but I don't want Hidan, mostly not when he is in the sixth month of his damned pregnancy.
I think after that birth I will need some new hearts.
And I can only pray that we don't get twins…
Owari
A/N: the next one up will be Hidan…