Master Chief + Kelly.

So, who wants to Jelly?

Also, beta reading will commence from chapter 5.

Time get the humor back on. :) :)

Two years in the future

Cairo Station

John-117, Kelly-087

UNSC Military Calendar 2658

Was it morning... or was it…

"Chief! You have a press conference with Kelly in 20 minutes. Why do you look like shit… damn it! I told you to stop drinking moonshine!"

"You're not the fucking boss of me, bitch. Plus, Kurt had a discount at his bootlegging operation."

"Kurt's… never mind. Just try not to move too much while I filter the poison from your blood."

"Fine, sissy. I bet you couldn't stomach any alcohol even if you were human."

"What the hell happened to you?"

"Fanfictions happened. Okay, I think I feel sober enough to go to the damn conference."

"Fine."

"Jun and Carter, accompany me."

Jun and Carter both said in a single, monotonous voice, "Of course, sir."

"Call me… Commander John."

"Yes, Commander John."

Cortana remarked, "I thought you promised to make them return to their normal lives, not brainwash them with neural implants and turn them into prostitutes!"

John smirked, "I prefer the term 'male escorts'. It sounds more elegant. Plus, they bring in good money, 'cause my booze doesn't come cheap, you know."

"And I bet that booze destroyed your thyroid's catalytic implant."

"Sure did. That's also why I wanted this press conference with Kelly."

"You wouldn't…"

"Yes, I would. You wouldn't know what being human feels like, so pray to Slaneesh all you want, but the damn author won't grant you a real body."

"Just… just get this conference over with. I'm done talking with you for today."

"Suits me just fine."

20 minutes later

Cairo Station

John-117, Kelly-087

UNSC Military Calendar 2658

A press reporter screeched, "Master Chief, what are your plans for the future?"

Lord Hood said through the MJOLNIR's com unit, "Remember the drill, Chief, or else ONI Section II is going to have both of our asses on a platter."

"No problemo, Hood my man. I got this covered."

"You better. And if they ask about your… conduct for the past two years, promise that it's all in the past, and that a new beginning will…" –zap

Master Chief shut off his MJOLNIR com link with Hood and interfaced with the microphone, "Ah yes, the future… I could go on a righteous journey of vengeance with commander John Shepard on the Normandy to hunt down the Reapers or keep up my 'peacekeeping activities'. Hell, I could even do both at the same time. I've got no commitments."

A reporter from Galaxy News asked, "Can you tell us anything about the… disquieting… rumors circulating about your conduct?"

John exclaimed, "Conduct?", he stretched out his arms, "Conduct? I'm the fucking Master Chief. Not even a NOVA could finish me with my plot armor. Shout out to the fanfic writer."

As most of the reporters returned his comment with blank stares, one particularly bold individual asked, "Master Chief, are the rumors about your two… prostitutes… true?"

Master Chief momentarily snapped his two 'escorts' a glance, "These two hombres? They represent my cash flow, my perfectly clear mental state, and my entrepreneurial spirit. And call them 'escorts'. Just a bit more classy."

Looking at the controller booth at the top left of the station, he could see the faces of both Admiral Hood and Admiral Thrawn from ONI growing beet red. Not that he cared about their anger.

John exclaimed, "But all of these useless questions aside, that's not the real reason why I called this meeting. The real reason I even bothered to show up," he stood up, slowly turning to face Kelly, "Is to confess my long contained love for Kelly. And I intend on asking her out right now. In public."

This drew a collective gasp from the assembled reporters, and he could see Admiral Hood fainting inside his booth, caught by Admiral Thrawn at the last minute. How romantic.

Even behind her polarized helmet, John could already feel the intense hatred and anger Kelly irradiated at him. He knew he deserved it, but he didn't care.

John continued, "Kelly," he seductively removed her helmet, "I love you."

Just as he was going in for the kiss, he found his lips not on Kelly's lips, but on the end of her magnum.

John smirked, "Oh yeah, and in case I don't make it out of this alive, my 'male escorts' have all services for half price until the end of this month. Hope this went out on live TV."

Kelly pulled John up by his temple, then growled, "If you ever try that again, it'll be the last thing you'll ever try in your insufferable life."

As he was thrown halfway across the room by Kelly, he put his helmet back on and exclaimed, "I'll get you someday! I just have to keep trying!"

"In your dreams, ass wipe!"

"I'll take that as a complement", said John, as he quickly got off the floor.

He thought, "Well, that didn't work out as well as I hoped. I need to formulate a new plan while doing some partying with my cash over at Venezia… Moa steak and large brute-run volcanic resorts, here I come!"