Chapter 3

Bella pov.

All I could see was total darkness. I tried to reach out, to move and get away, hoping to find light or something other then the pitch black that surrounded me but I couldn't. I had no control over my body, I was completely paralyzed. I used all my energy but I couldn't even move my finger an inch. I tried to thrash and turn but nothing worked. After what seemed eternity I stopped and just began to sob but nothing would come out. I was alone, completely alone; my tearless sobs were the only source of noise. I was trying to figure out a way to get out of this but I couldn't, my mind was completely scattered and all I could do was scream. It was how I had awoken from previous dreams and I was most certain this was a dream or hell. I screamed as loud as I could. It then came to my attention that I was screaming Edwards name over and over again in till I heard something, something sweet and velvety, it was beautiful. The darkness began to fade and became nothingness and I could start to make out the words. It was my lullaby, in the most amazing voice, the one of my Edward. I tried to move again but I was still paralyzed. I screamed once more immediately my surroundings changed. The first thing I saw was my Edward Singing my lullaby with his head hung only inches from mine. I looked around to see that he was sitting on a huge bed taking most of the room up in a room that I was vaguely familiar with. Then I saw the black leather couch pushed back in the other corner of the room along with a stereo and a rack of CD's. This was Edward's room, but what was this bed doing here? What was I doing here?
I looked back at what I could see of Edward's face, his eyes still closed, and realization hit me. I remembered Edward leaving me at the forest while I begged and pleaded. The 3 months of isolation and then going back to school with only my golden retriever, Mike, and Angela to talk too. But I met Jake, my Jake, who tried to bring me back to normal with the bikes and the cliff diving. In the end he kissed me and even though I still didn't feel the same I went along with it. We ended up dating for the next month which was when I lost my golden retriever but I had enough dogs with Jakes pack. It stopped there but I could tell there was something missing or was it all a dream? Even if it was a dream there was something that was closed off as if there was a brick wall dividing my mind. I pushed and pushed in till eventually the wall was broken and I regretted it. The memory of me and Jake sitting watching the sunset in till Lauren came into view and… UGH. I broke down and I started to cry but it wouldn't let me, I closed my eyes and waited for it to come but it wouldn't. I opened my eyes and wondered if I had gone dry by crying all yesterday. But I couldn't be sure my memory was cut off again right after seeing Billy's house and then it went blank with no sign of anything else happening. Was it all a dream? Had I just completely made that all up in my mind? What did happen and how did I get here? I began to wonder if this right here was a dream. My upper arm was pinned to me by Edward but my lower arm was still able to move. I brought it to his nose and poked it, as if to see if he was a hologram, even though I new well that I was sitting on his lap this moment.
"Edward?" I whispered knowing he would hear if this really was real.
His eyes opened with a surprised look. He lifted his head just the slightest bit so I could see his whole face clearly. He then took his arm that had been supporting my legs and moved it to my cheek. He stroked my cheek and opened his mouth as if to say something but no words came out so he shut it again. We sat there completely motionless other then his thumb tracing my cheek for what were probably a couple of minutes in till out of instinct spoke and ruined the moment.
"What happened?" I blurted out.
He looked up towards the sky as if the answer to my question was writing on the ceiling.
"What happened when?" He looked back at me.
"Did you… leave?" I eventually choked out and I could feel my eyes getting watery.
"I'm sorry Bella. I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what I can do to make you forgive me but I promise that if there is anything, anything I can do I'll do it for you. Bella I love you and you are my life and if you leave me I don't know what I would do." He hung his head and tried to go on but I had enough of not knowing what had happened.
"Ed-, what happened?" I tried to say his name again but this time it stung.
"I wish I knew." He stopped and looked at me and saw that I had no clue what he was talking about. Of course he knew! "I left you. Saying I didn't love you hopping that you would move on because I had already caused you enough danger. I thought that even without me saving you from the disasters that you commence yourself that you would still be in less danger. I had no clue Victoria had come to Forks for revenge, especially on you. But when I left you I couldn't do anything. The only reason I could get out of the forest to the house was the fact that I could always turn around and take you back. I sat in dark allies just hopping that somehow you would call me. When I had enough and came back half hopping you had moved on and half hopping that you would for some stupid reason take me back I found you sleeping on the mutt's bed."
I looked at him in confusion while I put his words into sense; my mind was working as if I had mental disability.
"Bella, my dear I know you can't love me anymore and I know you have moved on but I can't control myself at this moment knowing I'll regret this if I don't do it for the rest of my life; I'm not even sure how long I might last. I want you to know how much you mean to me because, Bella, before you my life was a moonless sky. There were stars, points of reason keeping me alive, but when you came along it was like, like a meteor and everything was on fire with passion and brilliancy. When I left you everything went black and there was nothing, there was no reason to live." That hit me right away and I couldn't believe it.
What he said sounded like something right out of Romeo and Juliet but I knew the script by heart and that was definitely not in it. Again my eyes started to water and I felt like crying but I did not expect anything any tears to come out, I still thought that I was dry but then a single tear flowed down my face. Edward looked at me and I could see the pain in his eyes. He then took his hand and wiped the tear way. I saw him bite his lip as if trying to hold back from something. I pushed myself up so I was now sitting on his lap, nearly hitting him, and examined myself for any sign of blood. Suddenly I felt a finger on my chin and it turned me to face him. I got so lost in his pitch black eyes that I hardly noticed him getting closer and closer. He crushed his lips to mine and even though it was quite anxious and going past the boundaries he had made before it was loving and beautiful. When I kissed him back he pushed away and next thing I knew he was standing head against the door with his fingers tight around the knob and I was sitting on the bed itself.
"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked completely clueless.
He turned around but not letting his fingers leave the knob.
"Bella, you're with the mutt."