Innocent Games

I go to the place of no return,

To the land of darkness and the shadow of death

Job 10:21

I wonder why, after all this time, I still feel most comfortable in the dark.

I hate it: everything it stands for, everything it's done to me. The way you can hide in it so easily.

But stepping into the light hurts.

Sometimes change is like staring at an eclipse. The light peeks around the past so brightly you can only bare to look at it through the right lens. And if you don't, it can blind you.

Scars scatter across my retinas. Wormmon tells me I should move on, that the past is forgiven. But it's in the little things, the ripples cast by my mistakes, that I catch myself looking back and getting blasted by the sun.

There is nothing but darkness here. And, for just a moment, I don't hate it.

It gives my eyes a chance to heal.

Chapter Four
The Curtain

When it stopped, Yolei felt nothing.

The pulsing drum of her heart, the reeling bile creeping up her throat, even her panicked gasps had disappeared. Every pain was gone: her headache, the low aching cramps in her belly (why didher period always start on the weekend? Always. Curse being regular), that knot in her shoulder that never quite disappeared, the twinge in her hand from the nearly two hours of gaming at the arcade that afternoon.

Was it only that afternoon? Life felt like an eternity ago.

She must be dead. That was it. She was dead. She would have cried if it weren't for a lack of eyes. She was too young to die! She had ambitions! She was going to go to school for computer science, she was going to visit Hawkmon next weekend. She didn't want to die a virgin!

If this was death, it sucked. Because somehow feeling nothing let her feel everything.

Emotions had always hit Yolei hard, stampeding through her gut until they erupted from her mouth in irrevocable verbal vomit. But she was made of them now - a being without a body and still in so much pain. Her life lied before her in pieces, memories flashing in a whirlwind of color, lashing her with debris.

"Mom cried when she found out she was pregnant with you."

"We all have to work. Stop being so selfish."

"You hurt Hawkmon."

"I don't have time for this right now, Yolei. Go play somewhere else."

"That's the difference between you and Kari. She cares about other people."

"We have too many kids."

Every memory was one she had agonized over, conversations with Hawkmon that kept her awake at night. He always had something nice to say, even in the face of truth, something to keep her from the edge of anxiety, to ground her.

The afterlife didn't seem to have a ground.

Then her body reclaimed her.

Gravity pulled her inside out, wrenching her soul through her eyes. The aches returned, feeling shot through her limbs and the difference of nothing and everything brought her to her knees.

Her head spun and the sound of someone retching brought the bile back to the edge of her throat. Voices crept into being as her fingers slipped against tepid earth. A dry sob pushed through her lips.

Tai's voice brought her back to life. "Is everyone okay?"

The others answered, one by one.

Yolei opened her eyes. Tai stood in the dark, just a silhouette in miles of nothing. His hair, again, was the only thing that allowed her to recognize him. A dim sourceless light cast everyone in shades of gray, their bodies only featureless shadows. Yolei felt trapped and a desire to push down the walls of whatever room they were being kept in made her bolt to her feet.

"Kari, that you?" Tai asked her.

"I'm over here," Kari answered.

Their voices went on, emptied to the void. There was no echo, it just traveled, lost in unending distance. Yolei panicked. Where were they? Was there nothing but earth beneath her feet? Was it even earth?

Joe's voice came back shaken. "What was that?"

Then Matt. "Who opened the digiport?"

There was a loud dry heave.

Mimi. "Oh, Davis…"

"Leave me t' die."

The normalcy of their voices dragged tears from her eyes. Yolei tried to stifle her sobs with the back of her hand, but they grappled their way to the surface in a bout of hysterical laughter.

"Yolei?"

"Cody!" she gasped, slinging herself across him with all her weight. Her glasses hit his shoulder and bounced to the ground.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

The fabric of his shirt rubbed her nose when she shook her head. She could feel him tense under her tight embrace.

"I want to go home," she whispered.

His head jerked sideways as if her words had smacked him. "Upamon..." Cody wrenched himself from her grasp and Yolei instantly hugged her arms around herself while he continued to search.

"Upamon!"

"Motimon's gone too," said TK. Yolei could see his hunched shoulders in the distance.

Cody struggled to check his backpack and with one step, there was a loud crunch.

Yolei's heart sank. "My glasses!" She fell to the ground in search of them, hands scraping the darkness.

"Careful," said Ken. "Davis was sick." His words seemed to bring on the smell of acid and regurgitated yeast.

"Oh, ew!" Yolei popped back to her feet. "Gross."

A weak mumble from the ground. "Yer gross."

"Here." Ken pressed Yolei's glasses into her hands and the dim light reflected along a web of cracks.

Cody stopped searching his bag when she let out another strangled sob. "I'm sorry, Yolei. I didn't realize you'd lost them."

When she put them back on, the frames slipped away from her ear and bent sharply to one side. She could see pieces of Ken's face crossing each other like human shards. She pressed her fingertips beneath the lenses and jammed them into her damp lids.

"It's okay," she breathed until she couldn't. "It's, it's okay."

Tai's voice shot, once again, through her panic. "We need to get moving."

"We don't even know where we are," said Matt. "Give us a second to recover."

"Izzy might not have a second."

Dread sank around them. Yolei thought of the last time she had seen Izzy, the haggard expression on his face, the way he had just given away his position in the computer club even though she didn't deserve it. She should have told someone then what he was doing. That program, that dread had touched on her at that moment, when he said nothing else was important anymore.

But she had been too selfish - too excited for the opportunity and too curious to see Izzy's work completed. It was an incredible accomplishment - what were a few sleepless nights when he could save their entire world again? She just wished he had asked her to help.

"I don't think we're all in a position to get moving, Tai," Sora said gently.

On cue, there was another loud gag.

"Joe, can you come here?" Mimi asked.

He seemed to emerge from nothing, bag bouncing on his hip. "Oh… oh great. I just stepped in vomit."

"Ewwww," said Mimi. "Wipe off your shoe!"

But Joe was already digging in his bag. "Is he still responsive?"

"No," groaned Davis.

"Well, at least it's not alcohol poisoning," Joe said dryly. "But you're probably dehydrated. Here."

There was a long sharp whine, like someone had pinched a dog's ear. Yolei felt it radiate through her entire body and her tears seemed to evaporate from sheer annoyance.

Squinting to navigate around the vomit puddle, she grabbed the bottle from where it sat waiting in Joe's hand, twisted the top off with a loud snap, and forced it under Davis's chin. "Drink or else!"

Davis's fingertips reached forward and just when Yolei thought he was going to take it, he shoved it, nearly knocking it from her grasp. Water splashed across her shirt. "Davis!"

"Go 'way."

"You stubborn..." Yolei sank to the ground and he came into focus in a dozen broken pieces. He really did look miserable. His face had fallen into his open palms and his shoulder blades shivered under his collared shirt.

"I swear, if you don't get better so we can get out of here—"

"Gonna barf it up," he rasped.

"Small sips," said Joe.

Yolei offered the water again, gently nudging his hand. With another terrible moan, Davis took it. Water dribbled down his chin. Yolei was convinced the majority of it had missed his mouth. He handed the bottle back to her, gagging.

She cringed. "Please don't puke."

"Never drinkin again."

"That's what you said last time," Ken said in his mother-hen voice. He only ever used it with Davis, but it was how Yolei thought he might speak to their kids someday. It was a dream she still nursed in the back of her mind, even though they'd been friends for years and neither had made a move. She imagined it in clarity - the way they'd confess, that perfect sweet moment, maybe once they were done with high school and going to the same college, somewhere romantic.

It was when Ken said something, his voice low and determined, that she was torn from her escape.

The world was still black.

Sora asked, "Are you sure?"

Sure, what?

"Davis is in good hands," Ken answered. He looked at Yolei for a moment and then Mimi and Joe before turning back to whatever conversation Yolei had missed.

"If we don't find anything, we'll turn back," said Tai.

"Wait. What?" Yolei asked. "What's going on?"

"We're splitting up," said Cody.

"What?" A fierce claw wrenched into her heart. "Ken?"

"I need to help them look for Izzy." Ken pulled his D-terminal from his slacks and powered it on. Then, giving a nod to Davis, who seemed to have folded further in half, he said, "Let me know how he's doing."

And there she was, being voluntold. By Ken no less. "But—"

"Don't go more than five miles," Cody said before Yolei could finish. "Make sure you turn back before the digivices are out of range or we might not be able to find each other again."

"Roger," said Tai.

Yolei muttered, "This is stupid."

"We'll be right back," Sora called over her shoulder. "Don't worry." And because she was Sora, Yolei actually worried a tiny bit less.

At least until she was gone.

...

...

The darkness enveloped the others too quickly.

Tai could feel it creep in around them even though nothing had changed but their absence. The same sourceless light hung over the bare earth and there was nothing else to see. No life, no plants, no structures, just their feet disappearing into the dark.

His digivice flashed in his hand, little red lights blinking in two groups, one moving slowly away. Tai ran his fingertips along the side of it, carressing buttons bound in smooth cool metal. How long had it been since he had held it like he needed it?

"Did I just make a bad call?" he asked Kari. She flanked his side, still and quiet, and he hoped that asking for her opinion might bring her back to life. She looked up at him, eyes blank, and tried to force a smile. Her lips barely went flat.

"I think you're doing the best you can right now," she said.

Tai slung his arm around her shoulders and tugged her to his side.

"It's a good call," she affirmed in a way that made him sure she wanted to avoid his wandering into a new subject. "If we move, we might catch Izzy's signal."

Nodding, Tai released her, but not before the mandatory big brother hair ruffle.

"He's here."

It was almost as if Tai could feel his presence. The tired, determined aura that seeped around Izzy in dark waves when he obsessed or (if you wanted to get closer to the truth) escaped. If you gave Izzy a problem, he wouldn't let it go until it was solved, but if he had a problem, well, then it never stopped.

"I should've dragged him to that stupid party," Tai muttered.

"Then he'd definitely be here," said TK.

Tai's dry chuckle helped to cover the way Kari went stiff at his voice.

"Better together," he said.

"Says he who decides we should split up," said Matt.

"Ah, was wondering how far into this new adventure you'd start the naysaying." Tai rubbed a fist over his chest and made a show of observing his knuckles. "Shooting for a new record?"

"Would hate to disappoint."

Tai's laughter slid into the darkness, wandering far into nothing - like it would never come back.

"I don't think we're in Digiworld," Ken said. His voice came low and strained. Tai wondered if it was because he had left half of his team behind or if it was because of the way every part of himself he hated had come to the surface when they had left their bodies in the portal.

At least that's how it felt to Tai. A whirlwind of regret and loathing piling on him without distraction. If all his memories, his cowardice and jealousy, had rehashed in those moments, he couldn't even begin to imagine how terrible it had been for Ken.

Sora stood beside him and when her eyes found Tai's, he made sure to look through her, as if he had been listening to Ken all along.

"There was something there," Ken was saying. "Something used the digiport to transfer us somewhere else. I think…" His fingertips slid beneath his hair, pressing his temple.

"Are you okay?" Sora asked even though her eyes were still touching the corner of Tai's gaze.

Ken gave a nod. "I think we're in Izzy's program."

"In it?" Tai asked. He glanced at Matt, memories of their venture into the internet parading to the forefront of his mind.

Matt frowned.

"More accurately," Ken continued, "I think we're in the world it created."

"I was sorta banking on this being a really long, dark room," Tai said, "preferably with an exit."

"Motimon said everything was gone from Izzy's computer," said TK, earning another nod from Ken.

"Someone is trying to build a new world."

"Knew that program sounded to good to be true." Tai glared at the darkness around them. "Unlimited resources, ha!" He kicked the ground. "Is this even dirt?"

"Last I spoke with Izzy, the program was still far from finished," Ken said. "This may be all it's capable of."

"How do we get out of it?" asked Sora.

The silence that answered made Tai finally dare to meet her eyes head on. It was only then that he could see the pain that had surged beneath her smile at the party - the mask she wore even though he had told her she didn't have to. He wished he knew why her own decision hurt her so much.

Cold blue broke their line of vision. Matt's stare had always been tangible. It could fill a room like high tide, slowly seeping in until you were in over your head.

Ken broke the silence. "I don't know."

Tai took a deep breath and still felt like he was drowning.

"Maybe that way."

They all turned to where TK was pointing.

He had found the light.

...

...

"What is that?"

Joe turned at the sound of Cody's voice. There was a sharp tug on his head when he tried to turn, his hair caught under Mimi's palm. "Ow."

"I miss it long," she murmured, working her slender fingers through the strands. "I wanted to braid it."

Heat rose through Joe's cheeks. "What's what?" he squeaked, pulling himself free of her grasp. He saw it the moment he tore his eyes away from her: a light - shining like a beacon in the distance.

"Here," he said to Yolei, handing over a power bar he had pulled from his bag. "See if he can stomach this."

Yolei took it reluctantly, shoving it into the ball that was Davis. It disappeared through the crack between his arm and lap.

A terrible grotesque noise came from the ball, sounding something like, "I hate food."

Yolei's wrist wiggled. "Just eat it."

Rolling sideways, Davis uncurled himself and face-planted into her thigh, letting a muffled "nooooo" sink into her skin.

"Get. Off."

Joe joined Cody before he felt the need to break them apart. The light shimmered a welcome.

"We better tell Tai," Joe said.

Cody immediately set to sending a message on his D-terminal.

"Do you think it's a way out?" The words hit Joe's neck as Mimi tiptoed to look over his shoulder.

He froze.

"Tai said they see it too…" Cody checked his D-3. "But they're moving in the wrong direction."

Joe's voice struggled out of his throat. "What do you mean wrong?"

"They said they were going to check it out, but they're moving away from it."

Sure enough, the dots of Tai's group seemed to be going the opposite direction of theirs. They took a few steps forward and the signals moved further apart. Joe looked ahead. The sliver of light still peeked through the darkness, like a crack in a door.

"Maybe there's two of them," said Mimi.

Cody nodded. "We should check it out."

"What?!" Yolei's shriek pulled their attention away from the light. Davis had clung onto her leg when she tried to shake him off and half his back had worked it's way under her ribs. His grip seemed surprisingly tight for someone who had passed out.

"You should probably let him sleep it off," said Joe.

Yolei tried to squirm from underneath him, but Davis only tightened his grip. "You are not leaving me here like this."

"Aw, but you guys look so cute," said Mimi.

This time, Yolei froze. "You did not just say that."

"We'll just go as far as we can to make sure there isn't a mix up in the signals," Cody said. "It'll take less than five minutes."

Yolei's face looked like it might crack her other lens. Violet hair spun like a whip when she turned to face Mimi in a final plea. Joe watched as Mimi unmistakably pointed at him, but he couldn't quite make out the silent words that formed on her lips.

Yolei seemed to sink with understanding. "Fine," she sighed. "Cody?"

"I already have the light targeted on my D-3."

An angry pink flushed Yolei's cheeks, but Joe didn't dare volunteer to stay. He wasn't sure Mimi would have allowed it anyway.

"Five minutes," Yolei demanded. "Two and half and you turn around and book it back."

"I'll send you a message in five," said Cody.

"You—" Unspoken words crowded Yolei's mouth until her cheeks looked like they couldn't hold anymore. Two hissed through her teeth. "You better."

After exactly five minutes of walking, the light hadn't changed. Still just a sliver, still without answers. Mimi's hand had slipped from her side to Joe's bag. "It's dark," she had explained, pulling herself closer. Her hand slid along the strap finding a place to rest. Fingertips grazed his knuckles. Joe's hand instinctively jerked upwards. He adjusted his glasses, even though they were fine.

Mimi chewed on her lip. "Did Izzy seem bad when you saw him?"

Clearing his throat, Joe answered, "A little. Borderline manic. You know how he gets."

Still clinging to his bag, Mimi gave him a nudge, her dainty shoulder pressing his ribs. "Did you make him drink water?"

Joe gave a silent nod.

"Thanks for taking care of him." Her head hung and the sourceless light cast its heavy shadow beneath her draping hair. "I should be home."

Even with a hint of light, the darkness seemed never ending. He wondered for a moment if they'd all been affected by it the same.

"I shouldn't have even been at the party…" he groaned. "Finals are next month."

"I mean with you," Mimi said. Her hair still hung over her face and Joe was glad it was dark enough that she couldn't see the blood rush to his cheeks. "In Japan. You all clearly need me back."

He finally saw her lips, curving into a smile as she lifted her gaze. Memories resurfaced in its wake, with all their dread and self-doubt, the image of his father's frown. Joe suddenly felt like they shouldn't be there, trailing behind Cody together. He rubbed his mouth, trying to find words.

"You don't want me back?" she asked.

"No, that's not…" A long sigh. "Of course we do."

A loud beep cut through their conversation, followed by a series of unpleasant chirps. Cody stopped and opened his D-terminal.

"What is it?" Joe asked, relieved for the interruption.

Cody frowned.

"It's Yolei."

Mimi let go of Joe's bag and tiptoed to read over Cody's shoulder. "She says she hates us all."

"Should we turn back?" asked Joe.

"She's just being overdramatic," Cody said, although his mouth seemed to drag further down in the corners. He keyed in a couple of lines.

Joe looked at the light. "It's been more than five minutes."

The three stood shoulder to shoulder, watching.

When it burst towards them, blinding and bright, Joe felt Mimi grab his hand. He squeezed back.

...

...

"They disappeared."

"What?"

Ken stared at the screen of his D-3 in disbelief. Where three blinking lights had been, there was only darkness. He pulled out his D-terminal and immediately sent a message to Yolei.

"How are they just gone?" Tai asked, staring at his own digivice.

Sora asked, "Who else was with Cody?"

"Maybe they went out of range," TK said.

The speculations continued when a message returned on Ken's D-terminal.

FROM: Yolei Inoue
TO: Ken Ichijouji
SUBJECT: RE: Where are you?

I haven't moved since you left us. Davis passed out. Can you choke on your own snores? If so, I'm concerned. Also, Mimi and Joe went with Cody, so I'm kind of alone here. It's dark and weird and I'm pissed. What's going on?

FROM: Ken Ichijouj
TO: Yolei Inoue
SUBJECT: RE: RE: Where are you?

I think he'll be OK. Can you check your D-3? We're not seeing their signals.

Ken stared at the light, it's sliver now ominous in the darkness. Had the one they had been headed towards look the same? He thought of Yolei and wrote another quick line.

FROM: Ken Ichijouji
TO: Yolei Inoue
SUBJECT: RE: RE: Where are you?

Don't panic.

FROM: Yolei Inoue
TO: Ken Ichijouji
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: Where are you?

I'm panicking! Where the hell did they go?

Ken's D-terminal became a blur of messages. Every time he started to respond, another came in, more desperate than the next. He erased his words when he realized "calm down" was not going to cut it.

"They aren't responding," TK said, looking up from his own D-terminal. "Did you get anything?"

Ken shook his head. "Just from Yolei."

Tai ran his hands into his hair and dragged them down his face. "Shit."

"We have to go back," said Matt.

"I know!" Tai spat.

Kari touched his back. "Tai."

Ken returned to his D-3 to let Yolei know. Her last message wrenched into his chest.

FROM: Yolei Inoue
TO: Ken Ichijouji
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: Where are you?

Please come back for us. I'm scared.

FROM: Ken Ichijouji
TO: Yolei Inoue
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: Where are you?

I'm coming. You're going to be okay.

The light swallowed them before he got a response.

...

...

It was the same as someone turning a switch.

Whatever strange sourceless light that had allowed her to see in the nothing had vanished. The black that surrounded them was so thick it felt solid. Yolei felt trapped.

The backlit screen of her D-terminal was the only thing to combat it. Her hand dropped and it silhouetted Davis's face, illuminating the line of drool on the corner of his mouth that had begun to pool through her skirt.

Yolei said a mental ew, too afraid to speak, and used the sleeve of her sweater to wipe it away. She rubbed it into the back of his shirt in retaliation.

"Davis," she hissed. "Wake up."

When he didn't budge, she hammered him in the back.

"Nnnnnn." His shoulder blades hunched as his face buried further into Yolei's thigh. The light of her D-terminal cast shadows under his clenched brows.

His lack of any real response had her shaking him by the shoulders. Davis batted her away and finally slunk from her lap, landing on the ground with a low thump. After a second of silence, he continued to snore.

Heat burned behind Yolei's eyes. "GET UP!" She shoved a heel into his ribs. "GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!"

Davis only let out a long low whine.

Yolei's own empty voice was lost in the void. When she looked up, desperate for the sign of the others, she found a sliver of light. It stood, like a strange break in a curtain of black, just waiting to open.

"It's on the wrong side," she whispered to herself, batting the tears that were running from beneath her lenses.

She sent a message to Ken and held her breath.

The D-terminal beeped.

FROM: Mail Delivery System
TO: Yolei Inoue
SUBJECT: Undeliverable mail returned to sender

Your mail could not reach the intended recipient(s):

Ken Ichijouji

Sent: 04/10/2006 2:16AM

SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Where are you?