Chapter 4
A/N Juicy, juicy. I wanted to say that I went back over the previous chapters and did some very minor tweaking on spelling and a few details. Also, I'm aware of the underlined formatting errors in chapter two, and that has been fixed, apologies for the annoyance! READY!SET!GO!
Ed's house-9:34 A.M.
Double D is curled up in an ambush of sheets on the edge of the bed, resting soundly. His predisposed instinctual alarm goes off in his head; he stirs, then pops on eye open. His unfamiliar surroundings tremor uncertainty, and rap at his conscience. Something is out of place. No; something is very wrong. He's in Ed's bedroom. In Ed's bed. It's so…early? He sniffs. It's, so smelly. Suddenly, he snaps upright, alarmed. The sudden realization--as well as a throbbing, pounding headache hits him like Rolf's 40-pound championship potato (A freakish gardening accident that won Rolf several awards and recognition in Peach Creek, not to mention major street cred from his relatives in the Old Country back home…).
He looked down, analyzing himself. He wore nothing but Ed's huge t-shirt--and, well, a sock. Just one, on his right foot. Oddly out of place, Double D peeled it off, for the sake of cohesion.
A loud snore ruptured the peace of the room, and Double D turned his head, horrified to see the disaster rumbling beside him. It was, the one and only…Ed--'s feet? Double D blinked at the sight of Ed's feet sprawled next to him, his front end faced the other direction at the end of the bed. Double D writhed at the dirty toes, curled up in nightmarishly close proximity.
Double D could take it no longer; the disheveled room, the splitting headache, Ed's dirty, crusty toes... It was far to much for his OCD to manage. A frustrated scream exploded out of him, at such an oddly high octave for his age, that it rang through the house, which rang through the cul-de-sac, which we see being echoed through Peach Creek, the US, then the world. A balding sheep, somewhere in the Old Country is startled by this shrill cry, and causes a stir in the herd, causing the entirety of the herd to spook, then stampede the corn fields, in the peak of harvest.
A native sheep herder looks up at the sky, with remarkably similar blue hair to our beloved Rolf, shaking his herding staff angrily in the air and declares:
"WHY MUST MAIZE GODS OF SKY CHOOSE TO FORSAKE INNOCENT SHEPARD! HE HAS COMMITTED NO ILL DEEDS, YES?!"
Cut back to Ed's room. In the event of the scream, Ed jumps 3 feet in the air, practically scaling the wall
"RUN DOUBLE D! GUT-NINJAS FROM BENEATH THE SINK ARE AFTER OUR TASTY FLESH AND POTATOE SPUDS!" Ed jolts awake, his eyes spring open, wide in fear. He blinks for a moment, and then turns to Double D.
"Double D! How did you get here so fast from my dream?!" Double D looks around, panicking.
"Uhm..uh, Ed…Well… I don't know how to explain…erm…" He gave up. Ed furrowed his brow, looked from Double D, to himself, to the Strippers From Planet Doom DVD case, and back to Double D. He gasps.
"OH no! Did we--"
"I Don't know!"
"AH!"
"AHH!"
"Double D! I have tainted you!?" Ed cried out in a doomed voice
"Now, now, Ed, let's not jump to such extents…" Ed burried his head in his pillow, his bare hind-quarters sticking straight up in the air. Double D giggled.
"Where is your decency, sir," Double D chuckled, forgetting the moment for a second.
"Sarah stepped on it," Ed murmured. Just then, the boys heard the front door slam, and thundering footsteps trudging up to Ed's room. The two looked at each other, eyes wide. Double D dove for the closet, and Ed tumbled off the bed.
"Are we in trouble Double D?" Ed whispered
"SHHHHHH!" Double D hissed, as they scrambled around the room for something, anything that looked productive and completely unsuspicious.
Eddy burst into the room with an I-had-the-craziest-time-last-night expression.
"Greetings, Eddy!" Double D grinned, trying to mask his shaking by reading the credits in the Strippers From Planet Doom case.
"That's intelligent, sockhead. Since when do you watch corny 80's soft-core horror flicks?"
"It contains a well-developed plot-line, EDDY!" Double said more shrill than he intended. Eddy raised an eyebrow suspiciously.
"And what the hell are you doing, doofus?" Eddy said to Ed, sitting in a corner, fully clothed, with a book (A book…in Ed's room?!) lay open, face down on top of his head.
"I am hiding, Eddy, shhh."
Eddy stared.
"Why are you wearing Ed's clothes, Double D, and why, Ed, why the hell do you have a book on your head?!" Eddy narrowed his eyes. Double D thought of something to say quickly.
"Do not ask, do not tell," Ed grinned. Double D swore he would faint any moment.
"What? What are you guys doi-"
"Details, details, Eddy! Your expression upon entering the room seemed to convey information needing to be exchanged, hmm? About last night, perhaps?"
Eddy snapped back into his crude, self-absorbed self.
"Oh that's right!" Eddy snickers, "while you ladies were bobbing your heads to music I was having a grand 'ol time with not one, not two, but three of the Peach Creek's finest chicks!"
"I so love Rolf's blue-ribbon chickens as well, Eddy, they are the plumpest, roundest in all of the land!" Ed exclaimed
"Can it, big guy, or your hiding spot will be sought," Eddy grumbled
"Gasp! You're right! I refuse to be soughted alive!!
Double D pressed his over-dramatic interest, "Sought, Eddy? My word. Have you been…dare I say… studying?!" Eddy gave his infamous crazed laugh.
"That's hilarious, Double D," Eddy didn't further the subject, "Anyhow. Where was I?"
"YouWereAboutToElaborateOnLastNight," Double D said quickly, so as not to distract Eddy from his probing initial question.
"Oh, right, right. So, I while I was whispering sweet nothings to Lee--"
"LEE KANKER!" Ed shuddered
"--Yes, Ed. Lee…Kanker…"
"She will suck your soul from your ears!"
Eddy snickered and was about to spit back an innuendo-charged response.
"Leave it alone, Eddy," Double D interjected holding up a palm.
"He walked right into that one," Eddy grumbled for a moment, then returned to his ecstatic story. "Me 'n Lee, we were about to leave to go to her place, to, ya know, talk about current events and stuff," Eddy winked at Double D, who rolled his eyes in response "And then, May follows us out right? And she's all 'Where ya guys goin?! Can I come too?' And I said 'I guess, if you want,' and both of them said 'Ohh, Eddy you're so dreamy and witty and tall, lets have a big fantastic orgy!' And I respond with, 'May, it's not an orgy unless it's four or more people.' AND THEN! She sais 'Oh, well, my friend from Thailand is down to visit, she can go! She's a contotionist!"
Double D sits, with his arms crossed, looking extremely concerned.
"That's…that's fascinating, Eddy. Truly. Really painted a picture right before my eyes."
"Did you hear what I just said? A contortionist!"
"I do comporponism all the time, Eddy, see?" said Ed from his 'hiding spot' and began to place his palms in thin air, all aroud him as if he were trapped in a glass box. He pressed his face up against the 'glass' so it appeared smushed. Ed looked like he was laughing, but there was no sound.
Eddy just stared.
"He never ceases to perplex me," Double D noted. He turned back to Eddy. " When it comes down to it, Eddy, you know all you ended up with is two manipulative monsters and a circus performer," he scolded. Eddy shrugged.
"Tits and ass, Double D, tits and ass. And a very thick pair of beer goggles," Eddy smirked. Double D gave him a look of disgust.
"You're so perverse."
"Est. 1988, and still servicing post-adolescent needs today!" The two heard a noise over by where Ed was, and turned to look at him.
"What's the bonehead doing now." Eddy said completely uninterested.
"I'm not really sure this time," Double D replied. Ed looked uncommonly distressed, his palms pressed against the 'glass box'. he appeared trapped.
He exhaled, and with his little finger wrote 'Help!' in the steam vapor, only it was backwards and the two read it as '!pleH'
Eddy chucked the obscene DVD case at Ed, and surprisingly, it was deflected.
"Do something, so we can go bug Rolf or something," Eddy urged. Double D walked curiously up to Ed, and held up an imaginary scalpel. He carved an Ed-shaped outline into the air and popped it out. Ed propelled out of the glass box, tackling Double D in the process.
" I thought I was gonna die in there, guys!" Ed gasped
"Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing, Ed, you might've come back as a tree and been a little more useful," Eddy said, speculating the mysterious invisible box Ed flew out of just moments ago. He felt around where Ed had sat. Nothing.
" I love trees Eddy!"
A muffled voice came from beneath Ed.
"ED! Please remove yourself from my head! Mmmph!"
"I think my butt is talking," Ed observed, and stood to find Double D coiled under him, Ed lifted him up. "Double D! You should be more careful, mister!" Ed shook a finger at Double D, spots popping around his head.
"I'll keep that in mind," He said, dazed and rubbing his head.
"C'mon, lets go see if Rolf got lucky. I saw him with two hot foreign blondes last night," Eddy said, and began to lead out of the room.
"Onward and upward to a distant universe of clones and chickens!" Ed exclaimed, heaving Double D over a shoulder, Double D responded with a giggle. Bobbing gently, as the boys ventured the cul-de-sac, Double D felt safe on Ed's broad shoulder, despite the distance from the ground. He faced Ed's house, growing more distant as the boys progressed. He wondered if he should say anything more to Ed after what happened.
They hadn't had much of a chance to talk, due to Eddy's unknowing intervention. He went over the night before, trying hard to remember the fine details, which usually came easily to him. But he was at loss. The night was vaguely pieced together, of dancing, drinking, and, kissing Ed? He thought hard. Could it have been a dream? He never did remember hitting the pillow, or even falling asleep.
But, even if it was, why on Earth would Double D's subconscious even materialize such a suggestion?
A/N- Oh, cliffy after cliffy. Guess you guys will just have to check back for the next installment, which, will answer a plethora of questions. Or, will it! evil laughter