Chapter III: The Price Paid

It seemed like lately every time she woke up she was more and more confused. She couldn't help but question what was real. She looked over the the man changing the bag of fluid she was attached to. She had never seen him before in any reality. He wasn't wearing a lab coat. Just dress pants and a dress shirt. His tie was loosely hanging around his neck. Like he started to remove it. He had long unruly brown hair and soulful amethyst eyes. There was a certain familiarity about him but she was unclear of what that was. He looked sad, and lost like he was in some kind of emotional pain. He looked over toward her and he noticed she was awake. He just stared at her like he was trying to figure out what to say.

"Good morning Miss" The man said looking down at her. He picked up a pad of paper and pen. "My name is Tad. You've been in an accident of sorts." He explained. "You may be experiencing some confusion. This is perfectly normal. I'm here to try to help you unscramble the pieces."

"Where am I?" She asked.

"You're in Orb. Your parents are waiting just down the hall with some of your friends." he assured her. "Once you finish answering some questions I can bring them in here. I want you to know that you are safe. No one can hurt you here."

"How long have I been here?" She asked.

"Two weeks." He answered. "You've been in and out for a bit. You had a powerful drug in your system that we've been working to flush out. It's an intense process. This is the first time we've actually had a chance to speak. That's a good sign."

"What questions do you need to ask me?"

"There nothing too intense I promise. First I want you to tell me your name."

"Don't you already know it?" She asked confused.

"I know the answers to all the questions I'm going to ask you. What is important is that you know the answers. This drug that was in your body caused you to believe an altered reality. I need to know what you think is real."

She nodded and answered "My name is Miriallia Haww"

"What are your parents names?"

"Angie and Glen Haww"

"What was the name of your first boyfriend"

"Tolle Koenig"

"How did he pass?"

She looked sad. "He was killed by a ZAFT soldier"

"Do you know the name of this soldier"

"Athrun Zala"

"What military does he now fight for"

"Orb?" She said without confidence.

"Do you know who Dearka Elsman is" Her eyes shot over to the man. He could see the internal turmoil in eyes.

"He… I… don't know. I know he is a ZAFT soldier. I see flashes of him both in uniform. Red, Green… even Black. But then I also see him relaxed in jeans, a dress shirt, even a swim shorts. I'm angry and sad when I think of him. But I… can't figure out who he is."

"Thank you Miriallia. The good news is you know the concrete facts about yourself. You know your name as well as your mother and father. You know about the boy you lost and who took him from you" he stood up and placed his pad of paper on the foot of her bed. "But you don't know Dearka. I'm not sure what to make of this"

"Is he important?"

"I'm going to ask you a few more questions. I didn't want to have to ask these so soon in your recovery but I want to know which reality you believe is true."

"I said something wrong didn't I?"

"No Miss Haww. Your answers have just made me change my ideas of treatment." He walked to the window and looked out it a moment. He was deep in thought. "These questions I am about to ask you may cause you to start to question everything. I want you to answer as honestly as possible. Even if it seems crazy to you. Don't over think it. Go with what your heart is telling you is right" He looked over towards her "Are you prepared for this? Or would you like to wait until later in your recovery."

"I'm ready."

"What happened in Heliopolis January 25, 71 CE"

Mir's eyes opened wide. So many conflicting thoughts raced through her head. Some seemed real while others she wasn't sure. Did ZAFT attack that day or was it just a meteor and the attack came later? She didn't know. He thought about Tad's words. She needed to go with what her heart was telling her. "ZAFT attacked"

"Why"

"To get the GUNDAMs hidden there"

"What happened to you after that?"

"I joined the Earth Alliance"

"April 17, 71 CE what happen on that date?"

"The ARCHANGEL was attacked by ZAFT. They wanted revenge for losing one of their own. That was also the day Athrun killed Tolle"

"What else happened on that day?" he asked quickly.

"I-I don't know I don't remember!" She cried. Tears were streaming down her face. She felt an ache in her heart she couldn't believe.

"Miriallia I think you know exactly which reality is real. The drugs made you think it was fake, just a fantasy but it was the true reality. You fought the drugs and still held onto pieces of the truth. That is why you're recovering at a remarkable speed." He walked over and stood next to her "Unfortunately you've blocked out a huge part of your life. A part I don't think the drugs had anything to do with."

"What do you mean?"

"On that day you met Dearka Elsman. Do you remember this"

She closed her eyes she tried to remember. It was all a blur. She was having trouble even thinking of his face. "No I don't. Just flashes. Nothing concrete. I don't get it… who is he?"

"He was your enemy. A red elite ZAFT soldier. The pride of Februarius City, apple of his parent's eyes. On that day, April 17, 71 CE he was captured by the ARCHANGEL and became their prisoner. When the war escalated he deflected with the ARCHANGEL and fought along side to protect them. After the war he rejoined ZAFT and became a regular green uniform soldier. He remained that for a couple of years. Fighting in the second war in a uniform that was beneath him. On the day he left this world he was a black uniformed soldier. A commander in the ZAFT military. A honor he earned a long time ago."

"What do you mean the day he left this world?" She didn't know why hearing that crushed her so much. "Why don't I remember him, and why don't you think the drugs have anything to do with it?"

"I think it is your heart and mind trying to protect itself. You don't want to deal with the pain of it all. But that wall won't hold forever. Someday soon it will come crashing down and the pain will engulf you." He explained. "There was a discussion to leave the memories that the drugs created for you. Or to even alter the truth so that you would never feel this pain. Some believed it was better for you to live the lie then to experience the truth. But we couldn't do that. The woman they made you into couldn't exist. The real you is the one that belongs in this world."

"What happened to him" She asked her voice shaking.

"All you need to know is he saved you. You are still breathing because he saved you from the monsters that took you"

"I want to know the truth!" she yelled.

"I'm going to go get your parents now." He said calmly walking towards the door. "Lay down and relax. It won't take long."

He walked down the hall. He was angry. He felt an uncontrollable hatred for the girl. But it wasn't actually her he hated. It was the Extend version of her. The her that tried to kill his son in cold blood. That wasn't the real girl. The real girl was the love of his son's life. And it was because of that he chose to do whatever he could to make her better. He entered the room where both his wife and Miriallia's parents were. Seeing him enter the all stood up.

"How is she" Angie asked quickly.

"She's awake. She seems very aware of when the true her is, however..."

"However what"

"She doesn't know who Dearka is. Even when I explain who he was without mentioning of their true relationship she didn't seem to know. I think she may subconsciously know. But her mind has put up a wall to protect herself from it." He explained.

"What makes you think that Tad?" Dearka's mother asked.

"I implied to her that Dearka pass away"

"Tad you didn't!" His wife was outraged. "Why would you do that to her!"

"Because first of all it's not far off from the truth. He's only holding on to life by a thread. Beside it was part of a test to see what her level of recovery was. It was very concerning that she could answer every question but ones about him. I needed to know if the damage was permanent."

"Do you think it is"

"For her sake I wish it would be. But it's not. She will eventually remember him and what she did. Right now I think it's best she spend time with her family and friends. Let her experience some happiness before her whole life comes crashing back to reality." They all nodded in agreeance. "Angie, Glen you can go and see your daughter now. If you need me my wife and I will be in watching over Dearka."

Miriallia's mind was going haywire while she was alone. Slowly she was starting to sort through the reality of everything. Which was the drug induced lies and what was real. Kira was her friend. He join ZAFT to protect Lacus Clyne, his girlfriend, after she became Chairwoman. Athrun killed Tolle, but she did forgive him. It wasn't a vicious attack. It was war. Yzak Joule was a jerk. But he was a jerk she cared about. She could remember arguments with him, but it was their way of showing their mutual respect. Cagalli was one of her best friends who would have never abandoned Heliopolis. The truths about everyone was becoming crystal clear… all except Dearka. She didn't remember much of him in either reality. But she felt empty when she thought about him.

"Miriallia?"

"Mom!" She said looking at the door surprised. Her mother rushed in and embraced her in a tight hug

"I'm so glad you're awake. How are you feeling"

"Confused. The last thing I think I remember I working on my laptop. I was working late because I needed to finish earlier than scheduled. I don't remember why. I think there was somewhere I had to be. Then there was this ticking. I went to check and then everything went black"

"You're safe now sweetie"

"Mom who was Dearka? That man, he wouldn't tell me who he was too me. He not telling me anything even if I ask."

"Mr. Elsman is doing what is best for your recovery."

"Elsman?" She said confused.

"Are you forgetting the doctor already?" Her mother asked concerned.

"No… he never told me his last name. He told me his name was Tad." Her mother felt bad. She shouldn't have said his last name. "Is… is he related to the Dearka guy?"

"Yes… he's his father. Listen Mir don't keep prying about this. You don't want to know more. That boy… that young man he's gone. There is nothing that can be done now. Knowing who he is or your connection with him won't change that."

"Your mother is right. Just focus on getting better." He kissed her on the head. "Were going to go back in the waiting room. Get some rest. We'll be back in an hour or so"

"Why does everyone keep telling me to rest. I don't want to rest." She cried.

"Just close your eyes. Relax a little. Forget about Dearka Elsman" he urged her.

"Okay" she replied. She closed her eyes and pretended to do as he asked. When she heard them leave the room she opened her eyes. She sat up, got out of bed and pulled out the plugs from the machines. Next she pulled off everything attached to her. She started to leave the room. She looked down the halls. She could see guards from ZAFT and Orb guarding the elevators. It wasn't going to be easy to sneak around. Lucky for her the elevator whooshed open distracting the guards. It was Cagalli. No doubt coming to check in on her.

Mir took this opportunity to rush down the hall before anyone could see her. All the patient rooms seemed to be empty. They must have cleared the floor to eliminate threats. It was no surprise. Remember the protest she broke up a few months before. When passing by the nurses' station she noticed the computer. It was still logged in. "Are people really that careless?" she thought. She walked over and sat at the computer. Tad Elsman told her that Dearka saved her. If he was hurt doing so and died later he would have be taken to the same hospital.

She typed in his name. A patient file popped up and she clicked it. She was shocked. Tad had basically today her that Dearka had died. But according to his file he was alive and in critical condition. She took note of his room number. No surprise it was on the same floor. She got up from the computer and head towards the room. Before long she was there. Seeing Tad and an unknown woman coming out of the room she ducked into an empty patient room. She listened to their footsteps as they walked by. Her heart felt like it was pounding out of her chest. It was a rush, an excitement almost.

Once they were around the corner she walked into his room. There was a young man. Bandages covered several parts of his body, but not his face. Looking at him it all hit her like a freight train. She stumbled back against the door. Tears fell from her eyes like waterfalls. She struggled to breath. "Dearka… no… how… could I do this to you" She cried. She fell to her knees.

She remembered why she was rushing her work. She was going to be meeting him in the PLANTs for his honorary dinner. He was being promoted and he wanted her by his side. But instead she was attacked. Just like the hero he was to her he saved her. Sadly she didn't have control of herself. She was trapped believing the lies that were implanted in her brain. She looked up from her place on the floor. She leaned herself against the wall and watched the heart monitor. There was barely anything. Just enough… enough to say he was still fighting.

She sat there on the floor for several minutes before getting up and walking over. She placed his hand in hers. She felt the nervous butterflies that made her know it was all real. She examined him closely. It had been a long time since they had seen each other face to face. Even though they had been speaking again she hadn't seen him since they broke up. She couldn't help but notice how much more mature he looked.

"Look at the two of us. You know you took my breath away the first time we kissed. I felt that I could live being yours forever… Now I feel I'm suffocating. You're laying her and it's all my fault." she said through tears. "Love can't save us now. Sometimes all that's left is crying. I broke something I can't fix. When I think of us, I remember how it was before I did what I can't undo. I can never let it go, I can never forget. Dearka if you die it will be all my fault. If I had been stronger… if I fought the drug harder… maybe you wouldn't have gotten hurt."

He just laid there. All signs of life barely visible. She looked over to the tray sitting on the nightstand beside her. There shining on the tray was a knife. It reminded her of where this all started. The first moment she started to feel anything for him. She reached over and picked it up. She held it in front of her. She watched the light bouncing off it. She held the knife back and started to pull it towards herself.

"MIRIALLIA NO!" Someone screamed. They ran in and grabbed her hands just in time. She tried to fight them to get free.

"Stop! Let me go! It's my fault! It's all my fault! Yzak please… please let me go. He's dieing because of me!"

He forced the knife out of her hands and tossed her against the wall. "How dare you! Don't take this away from him. He is laying there because he wanted to protect you. He paid the price of saving you. Don't let that be in vain"

"I don't deserve it"

"Stop it! It wasn't your fault. It wasn't you! You would never hurt him… you love him." Mir started to cry uncontrolable. Yzak slowly released her arms and wrap his around her. He pulled her in tight into a hug. She cried into his chest. "He didn't blame you." He said. "do you remember on of the last things he said to you?" he asked. She shook her head no. "He said that he will always love you, no matter what happens between you. He said that after you shot him."

She cried for a long time in his arms. She was surprised how comforting Yzak was. She started to remember the time when she was drugged. She remembered every agonizing moment of attacking Dearka. She also remembered Yzak wanting to shoot her. If he had done it Dearka would have only been shot once. Maybe they could have both survived.

They both sat against the wall in silence. They listened to the beeps of the machines in the room. Watching Dearka's chest moving up and down. "Why did you do it?" She asked calmly. He looked at her strange, he didn't know what she was talking about. "Why didn't you ignore Dearka and shoot me?"

"I wanted to. The only reason I volunteered for the mission was to kill you if I thought it was the only way. You were and Extend you weren't yourself anymore. I was ready to end you. But Dearka asked me to stop. You shot him and he still believed you were in there somewhere. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't watch him lose you because of me"

"Instead I killed him" She said trying not to cry again. "Do you regret it? Sparing me"

He looked her in the eyes "When you die you should die knowing who you are."

"I can't live in a world where I know I killed the man I love"

"That why they wanted to erase you memories of him permanently… but I wouldn't let them"

She looked at him surprised. "When someone dies they never truly are gone. They live on in the memories of those who loved them. If they took that away from you it would be like they were taking away a part of him."

"Is… is he going to die? His father told me that he had already"

"With injuries like that he can take a sudden turn at any moment. There are so many complications that could happen even now. But… we can hold onto the hope that he will pull through."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Don't you want to live to find out there answer?"