"You do realize I will not go through with this without some sort of division of tasks?" Sheldon stated.
"Sheldon, what tasks are there to divide? You knead, I stir, you give it a few poundings, and then we heat it up? Seriously, I did this all by myself and I was fine. Why don't we just 'wing it'?" Amy suggested, motioning her hand at her obsessive compulsive boyfriend.
"'Wing it'? Did Albert Einstein 'wing it' when he calculated the formula for his theory of relativity? Oh no little lady, if we are going to do this, we are doing it by the book" Sheldon countered, refusing to budge.
"I hardly think this is comparable to the theory of relativity."
"Did you actually try my Meemaw's Christmas cookies?"
Amy sighed.
"I suppose you're right. Alright, do you think you can handle licking the bowl while watching me bake the cookies?"
Sheldon's face lit up.
"That's exactly how Meemaw and I did it!"
Amy could do nothing but roll her eyes as Sheldon positioned himself on one of the stools in his kitchen, his chin resting in his hands and his elbows on the counter, his eyes glowing with expectation. Not that it wasn't better this way: her boyfriend excelled at many things, including baking, but despite their shared aversion to disorder, she was happy to have him 'out of her hair' so to speak. Even she needed to be able to improvise from time to time, which was close to impossible if Sheldon were to be in charge.
Amy carefully measured up ingredients, spreading flour on the counter to prepare it for the kneading, and began working on the cookie dough. She had always enjoyed working with her hands (she did cut up brains for a living after all), and found that performing physical tasks had a soothing effect on her. The batter was soft, following the commands of her fingers as she worked the air out of it, and reminded her of the times in her childhood when she had played with dough and mud. Perhaps not the most hygienic thing to come to mind as one was preparing food, but still.
Sheldon watched her work her way around the kitchen. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and the sleeves on her floral blouse were tucked in above her elbows. Little flecks of flour were spattered across her apron, cheeks, and the tip of her nose. How lovely she was, this girlfriend of his, with her scrunched eyebrows and pursed lips.
Lips. He had kissed those lips. When he kissed her on a weekend morning as she came to pick him up to go to the zoo or an exhibition, they tasted of Listerine and toothpaste. The Date Night kisses tasted of her home cooking, perhaps tomatoes from the pasta sauce, a hint of white wine and basil… Her drunken kisses tasted of shame and intoxication, and something else, something musky and raw. If he had been more experienced he would have called it 'desire'. He found himself wondering what they'd taste like if he kissed her right now?
He swallowed, trying to ignore that damned surge in his stomach. Here she was, making his grandmother's Christmas cookies, and he was ogling her as if she were a stripper at a Tijuana sex show. He felt like he was watching himself from a distance. It was him: he recognized his features, his blue Superman t-shirt, his khaki pants… and yet it was someone else. Someone entirely different.
"Sheldon?" a voice called from the other side of the universe.
"Hmm?" he replied, slowly feeling himself return to the real world. There he found Amy, holding a bowl and a dough-scraper, one of her dark eyebrows arched in confusion.
"I'm done with the batter. Do you want to scrape off the rest of the dough from the bowl?" she asked, silently wondering which zone her boyfriend was in today.
He blinked, feeling a slight tingling in his limbs. Had he really been gone that long? It felt like seconds to him, but judging from the way Amy stared at him, it must have been closer to ten minutes.
He stretched his hand out to grab the bowl and scraper.
"Yes, the dough. Thank you" he mumbled, freeing his bewildered girlfriend from the kitchen utensils.
He scraped the dough from the bottom of the bowl, absent-mindedly nipping it off the scraper. The sugary batter was crunchy and soft at the same time, slowly melting on his tongue. The likeness to this and his Meemaw's cookie dough was astonishing.
Amy regarded him out of the corner of her eye, while she began work on cutting out the cookies. There was something very child-like and serene about this entire scene: her making the cookies, and his dreamy features as he licked the bowl. At the same time, she couldn't help but feel that something was troubling him. Ever since last Tuesday, he had acted strangely: he was more reclusive than ever, often zoning out and shutting her off. At the same time, he had begun casually touching her, occasionally putting his hand on her shoulder, and grazing her fingers with his own when they were sitting next to each other on the couch.
She had no idea what to make of it. She was grateful for some of the positive changes, but she was no fool. When it came to Sheldon and changes, they often came with a prize. She wondered what it would cost her this time.
Amy cleared her throat.
"Sheldon? If you're done, you can come and help me garnish the cookies?" she offered, holding up a paper cone filled with green icing.
"Oh, that was always my favorite part!" Sheldon called out excitedly, immediately jumping off the stool and joining her on the other side of the counter.
Amy couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm, and she gently nudged him with her shoulder.
"Put on your apron first! You wouldn't want icing on your Superman t-shirt" she reminded him, pointing at a white apron hanging on the wall next to the refrigerator.
"Of course not. Thank you for reminding me Amy" Sheldon nodded courtly, proceeding with putting on his apron, tying it at the small of his back.
They took turns garnishing the cookies. Sheldon made big business of the task, lining the cookies at a painfully slow pace, neatly tracing the edges. Amy watched him amusedly, chuckling to herself as the corner of his left eye started twitching when some of the icing ended up on the counter.
Sheldon looked up from the cookies, his face flushed and his expression that of a frustrated man.
"What are you laughing at?"
"I just think you're cute."
"Oh, here we go with the romantic nonsense. Why do you have to ruin a perfectly good baking session?" Sheldon sighed, shaking his head at his, in his mind, overly attached girlfriend.
"Need I remind you that this was your idea?"
"My idea was to have you bake me cookies, not to listen to your girly tittle-tattle" Sheldon muttered under his breath.
Amy stifled a groan, and returned to her batch. There were days when she was convinced she would spend the rest of her life fighting this battle, that there was no end to this constant bickering. She enjoyed it from time to time, appreciating the fact that there was more to their relationship than just mutual adoration. They were equals, two odd souls who held on to each other for dear life in a vast sea of normality in which none of them knew how to swim. She adored him – but there were times when she just wanted to leave him in that sea and let him figure out how to tread water on his own.
"We'll need to get these in the oven if they're to be done before seven o'clock" she informed him, choosing to ignore his condescending complaint. She carefully balanced the trays, while motioning her head in the direction of the oven door to get him to open it.
Soon, the rich smell of ginger and cardamom wafted through the apartment, gently teasing them as they quietly waited by the counter, none of them speaking. Normally they both enjoyed the silence but today it was heavy, pregnant with unspoken frustration and suspicion. Amy was sure Sheldon was keeping something from her, and Sheldon knew he was.
"Amy" Sheldon began, feeling his mouth go dry and the sweat build up at his temple, "Do you…that is, am I right in assuming… I mean…" he paused, distracted by the bespectacled brunette's bewildered facial expression. He never rambled. But then again, he never spoke of these things. Correction – he spoke of them, but he was never the one initiating the conversation.
"Does it bother you that we are not in a physical relationship?" he finally let out, the shame rippling through his body like a tidal wave. It was strange, he knew it. He had often scoffed at other people's embarrassment, deeming it irrational and a result of social codes he didn't adhere to anyway, but this… this embarrassed him.
Amy briefly considered calling the police… or Leonard. This was obviously not Sheldon – this was an impostor, a stranger, a con artist. What could possibly have brought this on?
She watched him where he was sitting in his white apron, hands clasped tightly in his lap, hair slightly muzzled. He looked like he tried to make himself smaller. What a punishment to be tall when all you want is for people not to look at you, she mused, deciding to answer his question, carefully but honestly.
"I first and foremost consider our relationship to be one of mutual respect and admiration. I enjoy spending time with you, and I find great pleasure in our conversations and shared interests. I feel very happy and fulfilled" she began, seeking his gaze and finding it. "I understand if we can't be intimate, and I'm perfectly fine with that. That doesn't mean I don't wish for intimacy, and that I'm not hoping that one day we'll be able to take our relationship to the next level. Au contraire – I'm always hoping" Amy continued, determined not to forget herself in this conversation. Her needs mattered – that much she was sure of. They were two in this relationship.
Sheldon nodded, biting his lower lip, chiding himself for being so stupid. He had known all of this, she had told him before. Why had he felt the need to ask her a question he already knew the answer to?
"Does it bother you?" Amy countered.
Sheldon's head snapped up, reminding Amy of a deer caught in the headlights.
"W-what?" he stammered, once again feeling as if he were outside of his body.
Oh. Perhaps that was why.
Amy scolded herself mentally, angrily chastising herself for asking such a thing. Sheldon was still a flight risk! There was no way he'd let her watch that documentary on neuroscience now, she'd be forced to sit through one of his Star Wars Trek thingies for sure. But there was a part of her that needed to know.
"I said… does it bother you?" she repeated softly, challenging him with those emerald green eyes. They were undisputedly her most attractive feature, with their swirls of amber and green and that black rim around the irises. He tried not to get lost in those deep pools but it was hard.
"I…I haven't decided yet" he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. He pictured his sanity, how it taunted him from the other side of the room, threatening to jump out the window. A doctor had once told his worried-sick mother that there was nothing wrong with him, but people who weren't insane didn't imagine their sanity sticking its tongue out at them.
Slowly, as if he were afraid he'd be burned, he stretched his hand out towards her, feeling his entire arm tingle as his right index finger made contact with her soft, warm skin. Amy's eyelids fluttered shut as he gently traced her jaw line, not daring to question this sudden act of intimacy, afraid that she'd break the spell.
Softly, he brushed his lips against hers in the gentlest of kisses, noting to himself that she tasted of ginger and cardamom. 'She must have tried the cookie dough' he mused as he broke away from her.
"Why did you do that?" Amy queried, knowing that he usually kissed her by the end of their date.
"Because I'm not crazy."
"I never thought you were."
Sheldon looked around the room, noticing the clock on the wall.
"I think the cookies are done" he declared, finally feeling himself return to reality.
"So it seems" Amy agreed, still lightheaded from the unexpected kiss.
"Well? What are you waiting for? The trays aren't gonna take themselves out little lady" Sheldon lectured, ushering her off her stool, acting his normal pompous self.
This time Amy did groan.
A/N: So this is what you get when you write fanfiction while watching a documentary on The Doors... space cookies. *Drum roll* Oh, well, I hope you enjoyed the update! I will try to post the next chapter later tonight if I manage to finish it, otherwise, I'll update as soon as possible! Thank you so much for all the reviews, you guys rock! I'm glad so many of us dig the Shamy :-D