A/N: And so the crack humour begins. Ah, the endless torture a yaoi fangirl can make up… poor naru-chan Xd

"How do I get them to touch?!" Sasuke screamed in his mind, watching Sakura and Naruto sitting side by side at Ichiraku ramen stall. The only way he could determine if the 2 were soul mates was through touch. Sasuke would need to enter Naruto's mind just as he made contact with the girl and if she was his soul mate, he would feel a spark. Like a spark of chemistry, but much, much stronger. Then he would know if they were meant to be. Now as a spirit, Sasuke was limited in a number of ways. He only possessed the basic poltergeist abilities; pushing and pulling objects by using his spirits magnetic field, and above all he couldn't touch anything. It was a frustrating situation.

The raven watched as the 2 teens made polite conversation, hoping that Naruto would make his job easier and attempt to put his arm round Sakura or grab her hand. It never happened. Obviously Naruto had learned the hard way via Sakura's fists. Sasuke groaned inwardly as he realised he had only 1 option left; forcing them to touch. Summoning all his spirit energy together, he gathered it into one space, crushing it and condensing it until it was a powerful mass of energy waiting to explode. (1)

"Well, here goes nothing" he thought apprehensively, throwing his "chi" full force at Naruto's hand. Sasuke watched, satisfied, as the appendage was thrown directly towards Sakura's body without any care for the warning cry of its owner.

The problem? Naruto's hand hit the bowl of ramen along the way.

The consequence? The mouth watering, sanctimonious, God given food was upturned all over Sakura's head. Such a waste don't you think?

A deathly silence filled the air as the pinkette let the shock settle in. The calm before the storm.

"NARUTO I'M GONNA STRANGLE YOU!"

------

"Well" Sasuke thought, suppressing a smirk as he watched Naruto limp back along the village road with many cuts and bruises on his battered body. "At least I got them to touch."

The raven thought it rather ironic that the person Naruto had loved since childhood, not only wasn't his soul mate, but also beat him up for the hell of it. Or maybe Sasuke was a sadist. Doing an inner victory dance, Sasuke, erased Sakura's name off his mental checklist and turned to his next target. Hinata. This one would be trickier. The timid girl was just too shy to openly socialise with Naruto, so the raven would once again be forced to meddle. But this time, he would use tact. In fact he already had a plan, but it would have to wait until tomorrow because for now, the most important thing was to keep an eye on Naruto and observe his mood swing of the day, as much as it pained Sasuke. After all, it would do no good if Naruto became severely depressed and hurt himself or (God forbid) tried to commit suicide. It would jeopardise the mission and give Sasuke a one way ticket to hell. Not that he could do much to stop the blond, but he could always push him over or something… He was so caught up in his musings that before Sasuke knew it, he was already floating through Naruto's front door and retracing his ghost-steps to his regular haunt. Naruto's bedroom.

It was better tonight. There were no sobs or angry cries coming from the other boy, but Sasuke was a little apprehensive about attempting a mind invasion to gage his thoughts. The raven was scared of what he would hear. His best friends eyes were dull and unseeing, but every now and again he would mutter a few curses, probably from the pain of his injuries. Cautiously Sasuke moved towards Naruto's body. He knew it was his fault his friend was hurting right now, (mentally or physically) and he figured it was only right he tried to help ease the pain a little bit, even if he couldn't do much in terms of medical ninjutsu. He just wanted to take away that horrible deadened look in his normally sparkling eyes. Letting his spirit settle beside the other boys on the bed, Sasuke conjured up the happiest memory in his mind and let the pleasant feelings it provoked wash over him. He chose the memory of when he and Naruto had climbed to the top of the tree's during chakra training. It was a slightly odd choice, but to this day Sasuke still remembered fondly the sense of achievement and pride he had felt when competing with the blond that day. Those days were fun. Sasuke then set his mind on the task in hand, and gently pried open Naruto's outer mental barriers, right on the edge of his conscious (so he couldn't hear the blonds disturbing thoughts). Releasing the feel-good energy, he let the relaxing emotions he was experiencing hug Naruto's troubled mind. Like wrapping the blond in a blanket. He saw the boys eyes widen slightly and come to life as these foreign emotions washed over him, like a wave lapping the sandy shore.

"This… Is weird."

"I'm not happy, I haven't done anything today that's made me feel particularly good, so why all of a sudden do I feel so relaxed?"

"I feel… content. It's strange…"

"In fact I feel sleepy as well… I guess i feel a bit too relaxed."

Sasuke looked on as Naruto laid himself down on the bed and turned over, nuzzling his face into the pillow as the lethargic feelings overtook him. Before long he was snoring and drooling all over his bed sheets, and experiencing the best nights sleep he'd had for a long time. Suddenly Sasuke felt a second unfamiliar warm sensation within him as he looked at the idiotic sight. It was a small piece of the Naruto he used to know. Sasuke gently pulled his emotions out of Naruto's mind and smirked to himself, before gliding through the wall opposite, off to visit a certain Hyuuga Heiresses house.

"Dobe."

A/N: (1) Sorta like the idea of rasengan. Well hope u like it, Hinata'sup next. (cackles) I love torturing the Naruto chars XD