Sarah's POV

Diary Entry #2

Tonights dream was different than any of the other recent dreams. Kira and I were at Niagara Falls. Kira was older, maybe 12 or 13. It was just the two of us at first, we laughed together and walked together until we met up with the rest of our family. Before I could see the rest, I was waking up. It was just a spark, but I think it's enough to keep me going.

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Felix woke up in Sarah's hospital bed next to her. The previous night all came flooding back. Delphine's call. The feeling of panic as he dismissed the client in his bed and quickly dressed himself before rushing out the door and to the hospital. He arrived just as the medics were rolling her into the building. He caught just a glimpse of her before she disappeared into the hands of doctors. Felix really thought that he wouldn't have to fear for his sister's, any of his sisters, lives. Apparently he was wrong. Felix sat up and took in the room. There was a cot set up next to Sarah's bed. The nurse must have brought it in after he had fallen asleep last night. Sarah hadn't moved at all since he had first seen her in this bed. Deciding that she was still sound asleep, Felix pulled his phone out of his pocket. 10 AM already. There was also a text from Cosima. It read "Alison knows, I told her you'd call her when you got the chance." Felix sighed. Sarah began to stir and Felix took her hand in his. "Hey, Sarah." he said, with tears springing to his eyes once again. To that, her eyes fluttered opened and she cracked a small smile. "You alright, fee?" Sarah asked, her voice rough. He nodded. "I am now, yeah. You scared us Sarah." said Felix, seriously. Sarah looked down. "I know. I'm sorry." She mumbled. "I'm sorry too, I knew you weren't okay and I didn't even do night months and months ago when you almost tried to off yourself, I should've done something then. And now last night, we almost lost you, and I-I feel responsible!" Felix cried. "Hey, no. You're not responsible, you had no reason to think that this were any more than my usual Sarah shite storm, k?" assured Sarah. Felix nodded. The pair stayed silent for a few moments until Sarah broke the silence by changing the subject. "Where's Kira?" Sarah asks. "She stayed with Cosima last night." Felix says.

Just then, the door creaked opened and a nurse walked in. "Oh, you're awake. Good morning." The woman smiled. Neither Sarah nor Felix recognized this nurse from the previous night but she seemed to be very peppy. "Yeah." said Sarah. The nurse smiled and turned her attention to Felix. "Somebody is here to speak to you." she said. Felix furrowed his brow for a moment and then swung his legs over the edge of the bed, stretching as he stood up. "I'll be right back, darling." Felix bid to Sarah. He paused at the small mirror on the wall, fixing his shiny black hair before following the nurse from the room.

In the hallway, stood a very professional looking woman. She wore a fitted grey skirt and blazer, coupled with a dark purple blouse. Her wiry black hair pulled tightly into a low puff. As Felix approached her, she extended her hand. "Hi there, I'm Doctor Leon, I am a psychiatrist and I was sent down to speak with you about Ms. Manning. You must be Felix." she greeted. Felix shakes her hand. "Yeah, I'm Felix. Hi." he responds. "So we need to talk about your sister's next steps. This hospital's inpatient program is very good, of course the wing in which Sarah would be treated will only take up to 24 patients at a time. The spot is being held for her right now. If Sarah consents, there is a bed there waiting for her, but they'll only wait for confirmation for so long. After a suicide attempt, inpatient programs are the best thing for the family. The program takes about six weeks to complete for most patients. It is definitely something to talk about." She hands him a card. "That has my number on it call me as soon as you decide." Doctor Leon offers Felix a smile and bids him farewell.

Before going back into Sarah's room, Felix takes this opportunity to call Alison, and by extension, Helena. "Felix!" she picks up. "Hi Alison." he says. "What is going on? Is Sarah okay? Cosima told me she was going to be okay but-" Alison rambles, with tears in her voice. Felix cuts her off. "Alison, Sarah is okay. She's awake and talking now. I'm just... " Felix begins to choke up. "I'm just trying to figure out what to do." he finishes. "I'm on my way, Felix. Helena and I. She been in a frenzy since I told her this morning. She refused to eat!" Alison sobs. "No, no. Don't come, not yet. She's not ready for visitors quite yet, love. Tell Helena that she is just fine. I will let you know the moment she's ready. " said Felix. "Okay. Tell Sarah we love her." Alison says reluctantly, now fully crying. "I will darling, I will."

Felix shoves his phone back in his pocket and heads back into Sarah's room. Before he can reach the door handle, his phone rings. Delphine. Felix picked up. "Hello?" he says. "Bonjour, Felix. How is Sarah? Is she up yet?" Delphine asked. "Yeah, she's up. Is Kira doing okay?" Felix asked. Delphine paused. "She didn't sleep much, neither did Cosima or I. But that's not why I called. I know a psychiatrist who can help Sarah." the french woman says quickly. "Delphine, I-" Felix begins, but is quickly cut off. "No, listen. She worked at DYAD for a long time, certain scientists began including her in project Leda. Of course, she didn't know what she was working on. Eventually she started digging and found out. She left DYAD and started working behind the scenes for me. She is a qualified psychiatrist, and aware of Leda. Sarah can open up to somebody unbiased about everything she's been through." Delphine explained confidently. "Okay, call her." Felix said, hanging up the phone. Felix rolled his eyes and smirked at Delphine eagerness.

When Felix came back into the room he found Sarah sitting up on the edge of the bed, swinging her bare legs. "What going on?" she questioned. Felix sighed and tilted his head. "If it's about me I want to know." Sarah demanded. "They want you to go in the inpatient program here. They say it's very good, Sarah, and, well… I think you should do it." said Felix. Sarah looked away from him, down at her bandaged arms. She breathed a long sigh "Okay, I… I'll do it. I'll go." Sarah agreed. Initially, Felix is shocked by her cooperation. "Really? That's it? You'll go? No kickin' and screamin'? Nothing? Sarah you must have gotten brain damage!" Felix joked, his eyes wide. Sarah chuckled a little bit. "No, Fee. I really do want to get better. I don't want to die, we've all worked way too hard to keep us alive for me to kill myself, but last night, I felt so hopeless, and dying was my only way out. I still feel hopeless, and I don't know how to be happy, not yet, but there is a spark of something, I can feel it. I have to get better for Kira. I want her to have a better childhood than we did, and for that, she can't lose her mum. So before I change my mind, sign me up for whatever the hell it is you want me to do." Sarah said quickly, with a few tears running down her cheeks. Felix reached down and wiped her tears away, before wrapping his arms around her. Felix held her there for a few moments while they cried into one another's shoulders, just as they did when they were little kids, on their own. "Thank you." Felix mumbled.