'Hello and welcome to the first annual League of Extraordinary Evil Ultimate Evilness competition! I'm That-really-hot-CBBC-presenter-who-was-also-on-those-two-episodes-of-Doctor-Who-with-the-Cybermen, and I'm one of your hosts!'
'And I'm James, Emma's-sorry, pinkalarmclock's-younger brother. She couldn't come…..I don't know anything? Why are you looking at me?'
'Ok…..anyway, our 5 contestants will compete for the ultimate prize…….(oi, James, what's the prize?) which-'
'Will be revealed at the end of the show! Anyway, lets meet our contestants!'
'I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go go go
There's no stopping me
I'm burning through the skies Yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit
I'm travelling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man of you...'
Music fades out…
'Our first competitor has seriously weird hair, an obsession with his ship and a thing about getting slapped! Pleeeeese welcome…JACK SPARROW!'
'The world would be a lonely place 'Cause I've got you to make me feel stronger I never doubted you at all 'Cause I've got you to make me feel stronger Looking in your eyes Yeah I got you
Without the one that puts a smile on your face
So hold me 'til the sun burns out
I won't be lonely when I'm down
When the days are rough and an hour feels much longer
The stars collide, will you stand by and watch them fall? (by and watch them fall)
So hold me 'til the sky is clear
And whisper words of love right into my ear
When the days are rough and an hour feels much longer
Yeah when I got you
Oh to make me feel better
When the nights are long they'll be easier together
Hoping they won't cry
And even if you do
I'll be in bed so close to you
Hold you through the night
And you'll be unaware
But if you need me I'll be there
Oh to make me feel stronger
When the days are rough and an hour feels much longer
Yeah when I got you to make me feel better
When the nights are long they'll be easier together'
Jack comes running out of one of those foil-y curtain things and strikes a pose. That-really-hot-CBBC-presenter-who-was-also-on-those-two-episodes-of-Doctor-Who-with-the-Cybermen, now to be known as Bob, considering no-one can be bothered to find out his name, whispers to James (Emma/Pinkalarmclock's brother, remember?).
'What has that song got to do with anything?'
'Ok, so I just downloaded it off Em's 'Cool Songs' Playlist. But it's Jack Sparrow we're talking about: anything works for him! Quick, announce the next person!'
'Our second competitor loves disguises, stalks three kids and needs to get a new girlfriend! Give a biiiig hand to…..COUNT OLAF!'
'I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space
And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Probably
And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that's my only advice
Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,
Ha ha ha, bless your soul
You really think you're in control
Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me
My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done
Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably'
'That one works.'
'Yep. He's crazy.'
'Number Three loves apples, is a dirty traitor (but lets' face it, who isn't these days?) and can't die! Give it uuuuup for……..BARBOSSA!'
'Watching the people get lairy I predict a riot I tried to get to my taxi I predict a riot And if there's anybody left in here I predict a riot And if there's anybody left in here I predict a riot
It's not very pretty I tell thee
Walking through town is quite scary
It's not very sensible either
A friend of a friend he got beaten
He looked the wrong way at a policeman
Would never of happened to Smeaton
An old leodensian
I predict a riot
I predict a riot
I predict a riot
The man in a tracksuit attacks me
He said that he saw it before me
And wants to get things a bit gory
Girls scrabble round with no clothes on
To borrow a pound for a condom
If it wasn't for chip fat they'd be frozen
they're not very sensible
I predict a riot
I predict a riot
I predict a riot
That doesn't want to be out there
Watching the people get lairy
It's not very pretty I tell thee
Walking through town is quite scary
It's not very sensible
I predict a riot
I predict a riot
I predict a riot
That doesn't want to be out there
I predict a riot
I predict a riot
I predict a riot'
'Right, I get this one! It's coz Barbossa is always fighting!'
'Err…yeah! Totally!'
'Competitor Four thinks Black is the new Black, has a disturbing obsession with a sixteen year-old boy, and made his biggest fan cut off his right hand! Gooooo Voldemort!'
'Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.'
'The Beatles? Help?'
'Excuse me, have you even met the guy? Serious need for some help there, me thinks!'
'Our fifth wannabe-Evil person owns a top-secret facility in the Artic, loves shopping and her idea of being nice to her daughter is knocking her out in a cave for a few weeks. Come on down, MRS COULTER!'
Silence. James whispers in Bob's ear.
'Err, sorry. Turns out Mrs Coulter thinks Evil contests are stupid and immature.'
'CoughChickenCough'
'She also said that Voldemort is an idiot and she's supporting Snape.'
'WHAT! I-'
'Ok, so to our fifth and final contestant. He has an unhealthy love of snakes and green, probably listens to Celine Dion in private and could do with being introduced to a little thing called shampoo-SHAMPOO IS OUR FRIEND!
Anyway, SNAPE rocks!'
'Someday I will find my prince
He may be far away
But I know he will come
Someday
Prince of my dreams
Far away
To call my own
Someday
Prince of my dreams
Far away
To call my own
Someday
Someday my prince will come
Someday I'll find a love
And how thrilling that moment will be
When the prince of my dreams comes to me
He'll whisper I love you (I love you)
And steal a kiss or two (Just one kiss)
Though he may be far away
I will find my love someday
Someday we'll say and do
The things we've been longing to
And I'll know him the moment we meet
For my heart will start skipping a beat
Someday when my dreams come true
Somewhere waiting for me
There's someone I'm longing to see
Someone I can't help but adore
Who will thrill me for ever more?
Someday we'll say and do
The things we've been longing to
And I'll know him the moment we meet
For my heart will start skipping a beat
Someday when my dreams come true
Someday my prince will come (Someday my princess will come)
And I will find my love (And I will find my love)
And I'll know it the moment we meet (The moment we meet)
Prince of my dreams
Far away
To call my own
Someday
Prince of my dreams
Far away
To call my own
Someday
Prince of my dreams
Far away
To call my own
Someday
Prince of my dreams (Prince of her dreams)
Far away (Far away)
To call my own (To call your own)
Someday (Someday)
Prince of my dreams (Prince of her dreams)
Far away (Far away)
To call my own (To call your own)
Someday (My dreams will come true)
Prince of my dreams (Prince of her dreams)
Far away (Far away)
To call my own (Call your own)
Someday'
Crickets chirp. Or they would if they weren't so OMG, shock horror, whhhho.
Snape stands dead still, staring in silent anger at James. Of course, Bob opens his mouth.
'Like to explain that one, James?'
'Err……wrong CD?'
'Why am I indroduced by Ashely Tisdale?'
Thus begins a long period of Snape chasing James, throwing curses at him, followed by everyone else, yelling various things, like :
'GO SNAPE! YOU RULE!'
'RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!'
and a particularly blood-curdling cry of
'HE'S DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!'
----
Some of Don't Stop Me Now : Queen
I've Got You : McFly
I Predict a Riot : Kaiser Chiefs
Help : The Beatles
Someday My Prince Will come : Ashley Tisdale
---
A/N Ello again! Again, sorry it took me a while to update! Rachel Hale notepads to
ImCrazyAndProundOfIt
StripySockz
And totally my best reviewer Thorinella!