DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN NARUTO.

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

04. The Hairdresser Fetish

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"Dudeeee!" Sakura yawned, scratching the back of her head. "Last night was so freakin' crazy!"

Sasuke numbly nodded in agreement as he continued to reluctantly nurse his hangover. "Aa—" He paused mid-grunt when he saw Sakura stretching, her shirt lifting a little above her navel.

An awkward silence engulfed the room.

Sakura rose an elegant brow and smiled innocently. "Sasuke? Hey, Sasuke!" She waved her hand numerous times in front of his eyes, trying to wake him up from his strange trance. "What's wrong? Sasuke?"

"I must have gotten pretty drunk," He mused aloud, quirking his face in Sakura's direction—referring to the large hickey on Sakura's hip, "because I don't remember doing that."

Sakura gave the Uchiha a flustered expression and tried her best to hide an upcoming snicker.

Sakura shook her head and patted Sasuke on the head, "You didn't."

"W-What?" Sasuke yelled in disgust. "Who the hell did that to you?!"

"It was Neji—wait, why?" Sakura asked, confused. "Hey, HEY!" Sakura screamed, going slap-happy with his shoulder. "Sit back down Sasuke, seriously. And, oh my God, Sasuke! Well, uh, jeez, I'm flattered actually, but...can you put that away?" Sakura gaped, pointing to his boxers.

A furious blush covered Sasuke's face. "I hate you." After he spun around to fix his problem, he then added, "And Neji." Sasuke leaned over the coffee table, picking up a pair of alcohol-stained paints.

"Sasuke—come on. We were drunk—YOU were the one who dared him to!" Sakura screamed, flailing her hands in the air. "UGH! You're so obnoxious! Verbatim: 'Oh hey, Neji, I'm so manly and what-not. I dare you to touch her, DO IT...you won't.'—"

"Sakura." Sasuke said calmly as he began putting on the dirty pants.

"It doesn't matter, Sasuke. Stop worrying, seriously, you act like such a spoiled brat. It's not like I'd leave you for him, he's more feminine than me!" Sakura laughed. "He is a hairdresser, for Pete's sake!"

Sakura could still see Sasuke's frown growing.

"Aw, come on... Don't be like that. Smile, Sasuke!" Sakura demanded. Her hands rose until they were on her hips and she leaned her weight on her left foot, her lips formed into a pout. "Come on!"

Sasuke's expression held no change. "I don't smile."

"What do you want? Grapes? Strawberries—Oh, I want some. Tomatoes?" Sakura grabbed his hands, tugging him towards her. A mischievous grin appeared on her face, and her fingers began fumbling eagerly on his belt buckle.

"S-Sakura!" Sasuke hissed. "It's the middle of the day!"

Sasuke's ears perked when he heard a zipper being dragged. Simultaneously, while Sakura was using her left hand to tug at his pants, she yanked down on his loose red tie, bringing him into a hungry kiss. Sasuke growled, eagerly accepting her offer by shoving his tongue into her mouth and exploring her tiny crevice.

Sakura gave a small, breathy moan before she broke apart from the Uchiha. She grinned at him before finally letting go of his pants. "I was just kidding, you pervert."

Sasuke scowled.

Sakura smiled and took his hand back, swinging it back and forth, back and forth. "I want to go to the grocery store."

"I don't care."

Sakura whined. "B-But, I'm serious!"

"So am I."

"I hate you." Sakura pouted, letting his hand go.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, grabbing her hand and leading her towards the door. "The feeling's mutual."

"You need to seriously forget about the whole Neji thing." Sakura remarked. "I mean, you were the one stupid enough to dare him, and, like, I bet if he dared you to do that to Tenten or someone, you would have. Because you're an 'Oh-so-mighty-Uchiha' and you wouldn't ignore a dare."

"It's different."

"No, Sasuke, it's not." Sakura growled. "I wouldn't mind if you just went and kissed Tenten on the cheek."

Sasuke snorted. "Or lathered my tongue on her hip?"

Sakura pursed her lips and looked the other way, towards the health sections. "This way..." She muttered.

Sasuke could feel the rage that was radiating from her body.

"Why are your hands so nice and smooth, Sasuke?" She asked, changing the subject. She had been dragging him up and down the same aisle for the last 10 minutes. "Maybe we should stop buying condoms, start a family—ya' know?"

Sasuke choked on his own spit, but decided not to reply.

"You must use lotion, like that creepy guy... What was his name? Buffalo Bill?" Sakura laughed and she tried her best to impersonate said character, "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again!"

"You're so annoying." Sasuke hissed, looking around. Pray tell he would never see any of these bystanders again.

"OH—! I know! That's who it was. You're hands are nice and smooth, like my grandmother's." Sakura nodded to herself. "Oh... Oh God, Sasuke...your brother."

Sasuke averted his head to where Sakura was pointing, to sure enough see his brother staring relentlessly at the boxes of condoms. A brunette, who was pointing to a different box of condoms beside Itachi, was swaying his body and singing, "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees... Look at these!"

"O-Oh my god..!" Sakura screamed. "Is that Neji and...—and Itachi?!" She could have sworn her heart shattered in millions of little pieces. Two lovely men, and they had a...er...thing, for one another? "Woe is me!" Sakura cried, tearing up.

And sure enough, as well, Itachi seemed to look up at the same time as Sasuke did, taking the eye contact as an invitation to converse with the couple.

"Dayum," Sakura moaned, "I just want to tiger pounce him and lick his face...—Hey, Itachi! Come here!" Sakura beckoned the elder Uchiha towards her and a whining Sasuke.

Itachi greeted the two, poking Sasuke on the forehead and winking at Sakura. Sakura eyed Neji, who was shifting back and forth next to Itachi. "Neji...?" Sakura said in a curious tone, before she realized Sasuke's expression. Smacking Sasuke on top of the head, Sakura glowered, "Stop that, Sasuke! Don't make him feel awkward."

"I didn't expect you to be in here, Sasuke..." Itachi chuckled, raising an eyebrow at the box of flavored condoms in Sasuke's hand. "Sakura, on the other hand, I'm surprised you're still trying to turn my brother straight. Most girls...well, actually, the lack there of, give up by...an hour."

"I think taking him to that French museum—all those nude paintings—helped me, at least the ones that were girls." Sakura laughed, hugging the raging Sasuke.

"I'm not gay." Sasuke hissed, boiling with fury.

Neji snorted at his comment.

Sakura smiled. "Sure you aren't."

Ignoring Sakura, Sasuke when straight to Neji. "Like you're one to talk, you fucking hairdresser."

"Denial is not just a river in Egypt, Sasugay." Itachi smiled and patted Sakura on the head. "I'd take you home with me, but chances are, I'd be arrested. I can only give you my deepest sympathies and wish of luck that you get that stick out of his ass—figuratively and literally."

Sakura giggled.

"Fucking is correct. Your girlfriend, is even more correct." Neji interjected, giving a wide, toothy grin. "Secondly, I'm only here with.... I'm, well, I'm accompanying Itachi here, because I was helping him choose some better conditioner. I mean, have you seen his ends?! They're all split and—"

"That's enough, and anyways they aren't that bad." Itachi snapped, glaring at Neji.

Neji shook his head in a sympathetic manner. "Hun', you have no idea."

Sasuke gave a ferocious growl, but a growing aggravated Sakura stopped him from ripping out every strand of brown locks off of the Hyuuga.

Itachi and Neji waved as they began frolicking their way out of the aisle.

"Too-da-loo, love birds!"

Sakura's jaw twitched and Sasuke's glare refused to seize.

An awkward silence greeted the couple as they searched for a new topic. Sakura opened her mouth, deciding it was up to her to help lighten the mood.

"So, wait, you really are gay?" Sakura asked, now confused from Itachi's declarations. "That does explain that dream I had..."

Sakura gave Sasuke a worried expression. "Sasuke, I had a dream. I dreamed of Naruto. And, well, guess what he was doing? He was doing you." Sakura began panicking, her hands pressing against her cheeks. "Sasuke, tell it to me straight. Are you, like, for seriously gay?"

"God damn. You can never make a final decision about my orientation!" Chewing his lip and grinding his teeth, he tossed the box of condoms heedlessly onto the ground and dragged her out of the store. "Would babies prove my heterosexuality, snookums?"

A long pause drifted between the two as Sakura pondered the offer.

Instead of agreeing, she suggested something else. "You know what would prove your sexuality, more than making some love babies?"

Sasuke scoffed. "What?" He asked dryly.

"Being a hairdresser and then making love babies with me."

-

-

"H...— How does that work?" Sasuke asked, completely confused. "Being a hairdresser and making babies?"

Sakura raised a brow and with a completely serious tone, she clarified her statement.

"Well, aren't you bisexual?"

Prompts:

-(Sasuke, I had a dream. I dreamed of Naruto. Guess what he was doing? He was doing you. -swirlsinthetrees)
-(Grapes. Slap-happy. "Smile, Sasuke-kun!" -xoBreathe)
-("I don't smile." // "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees... Look at these!" // Nude paintings. -Ryan-DorkFace)
-("He's is more feminine than me." -HyperLemur)
-(Buffalo Bill - John)
-("Uh, can you put that away?" -faerieesque)
-("So, uhh... you really ARE gay??" -Jay95)
-("I want to tiger pounce him, then lick his face." -HannahsaurusRexLovesPokemon)

Reviews make me write! (:

-Accepting Prompts.

EWHH its Kenna