Reader/Renji pov

If Renji had ever been mentally disturbed before, it would have been nothing compared to this.

The red head was in a pitiful state, he was curled up in the fetus position, head resting on his head on knees as he mumbled dark nothings to himself. If someone had taken the time to coax him to sit up, they would have seen wide red glassy eyes, trains of what could have been blood (?) running from his eyes to his chin, a red frothy substance bubbling from his mouth in addition to a dark noxious heavy reiatsu rolling off him in waves.

To those of you who are wondering what could have been the downfall of such a proud fierce warrior, the answer would be the internet.

THE REVENGE OF THE FLASHBACK

Bourrrrrrrrddddddddddddd was the overriding thought in Renji's brain. actually all in all it had been a good day, he finished Matsumoto's paperwork, got out of that needle obsessed squad (the squad that is also known as squad 4) without a single needle braking his skin, and only two silent threats from Unohana taicho about looking after himself, (though squad four did have to fix a few broken noses), and had a really good round of training with Ikkaku. But sadly, a board Renji was a bad Renji, and a board Renji within reachable distance of Rukia's forgotten laptop was a very bad Renji bent on self destruction.

10 minutes later and Renji had finally managed to crack the password to Rukia's laptop (the password turned out to be yoaiboysmex4ever, how Renji worked this out is a mystery to this day) and surprise, surprise the first thing Renji saw was a very detailed fanfiction about Ukitake and Shunsui. Sprouting a small boner he promptly closed this page, well promptly closed it after he read all three chapters, and closed it by clicking his way round until he was at the bleach section of the site. Then he decided that reading a few more of these stories would be a good way to kill time, as his captain was in a meeting.

Now came the problem, which two people should he pick. Well he defiantly didn't want to read one about himself or his captain, he'd had quite enough of that already, though the second one Rangiku read out had been quite good, especially the bit when Byakuya tied him all u...

"ahem" 'coughed' Zabimaru.

Mind firmly off the question off which rope Byakuya would use, Renji decided that he didn't want to read about any of his close friends or the other lieutenants (he wouldn't be able to look them straight in the face again) an enemy was out of the question (Renji still doesn't quite trust gin so he's still an enemy). So that left Urahara, Yoruichi and most of the captains. Well he wasn't going to read about Urahara or Yoruichi knowing them they would probably have some gismo that meant they knew every time someone was reading fanfiction about them, and they would constantly haunt whoever that poor sucker was for the rest of their life because of it. Soi fon was out, if she ever found out (which is possible she is in charge of 'the ninja squad'), it would be messy and most likely involve some sort of castration and or the destruction of his balls. Which left Kurotsuchi, head captain and Unohana, as he didn't really fancy anything that could possibly distort his image of Unohana; he was really left with just the head captain of the 13 court guard squads and the chief freak of the 13 court guard squads.

Now any normal person would have seen this, calmly turned off the computer and waited in the empty office until his captain came back from the meeting. But remember a bored Renji is a bad/self destructive Renji.

Renji checked all the bars one more time... Genre: all Rated: T English Length: all Yammoto G.S Mayuri k. Complete

Before clicking search

To his dismay there were no results, but instead of giving up he decided to change the rating, and as anything below T would be childish (poor misguided Renji) he picked M.

This time one result came up and ignoring the warnings in the summary he clicked it.

Bad decision.

"Spank me SPANK ME" Screamed Mayuri

as his eyes opened to just slits so that he could ingest the sight before him.

Mayuri was on his hands and knees, his powder white skin shone with another worldly glow. Purple tentacle like creatures writhed outside his ears, swimming in the blood of his latest failed experiments. The smell of old blood, burning flesh and a hint of poison would have have sent any other soul reaper heaving but not the head captain, to the head captain the putrid stink that filled the air was Mayuri's smell thus the most beautiful smell in the soul society.

Smack, the old man's hand connected with...smash

Graphic images of blood, old men, gore and gruesome sex flashed brightly in Renji's mind, as he hurled Rukia's laptop towards the nearest wall.

'What the fuck is wrong with human's brain's the red head thought before unceremoniously throwing himself at the nearest bin to throw up in.

Just as he finished emptying the contents of his stomach, Renji felt the familiar presence of a hell butterfly.

"Renji Abarai you are needed to report to the soitaicho immediately this is an urgent matter, I repeat this is an urgent matter." reported the slightly distorted voice, from the hell butterfly.

"oh for fuuucks sake just what i fucking need, to see old man Yammoto now." Renji moaned before heaving one last time.

So sorry about how long this took but my laptop crashed and my plot bunny went under an evolution...i had been planning to release it in time for Christmas =( also i might be redoing the previous chapters i'll let you know later, again none of this has been beta checked =P