Paper Mario TTYD: Raw and Uncut Ch 2: The Really Really Huge and Great M, a mario fanfic

A/N: And now, off to…whatever place our heroes are supposed to head to next. Here we are now at the Thousand-Year Door to find out, though. Spicy hot sauerkraut.

Chapter 2: The Really Really Huge and Great Mind-Boggling-Bogglish-Boggy-Bog Tree

Mario, Goombella, and Koops were now at the Crystal Star shrine located in front of the Thousand-Year Door, and Mario timidly walked up to the platform and somehow held the map up in midair. Everything shook and became really bright, and a new star location was suddenly embedded in the Magical Map. This new star appeared to be located in the middle of some forest of black and white trees and various plants. The trio, as expected, had no clue where this place was, and went to Frankly's house.

Rogueport – Frankly's House

"…So yeah, that's where it's found," finished Mario. Frankly fell asleep halfway through the explanation of where the next Crystal Star was, and he suddenly popped his snoring bubble and hopped back up, now fully awake.

"Right then! How much mozzarella did you want on that again?" he asked innocently. Mario scowled.

"Uh, we, er, just told you where, uh, that next Crystal Star was," said Koops.

"Stop messing with me. You can't fool a crazy old professor that easily, you rebellious little cretins!" Frankly snapped.

"WHAT?! DUDE, JUST TELL US HOW TO GET TO THE STUPID WOODS WHERE THE SECOND CRYSTAL STAR IS ALREADY!!" screamed Goombella.

"MOROOOONS!!" Frankly screamed right back. "I JUST TOLD YOU THAT THEY'RE CALLED THE BOGGLY WOODS, AND THAT THEY'RE FOUND BY TAKING A CRUMBLED OLD GREEN PIPE TO THEM SOMEWHERE UNDER THE SEWERS! GO AWAY ALREADY!"

The three buddies just glared at Frankly with mixtures of confusion and frustration on their faces, but they went away anyway.

Rogueport Sewers

Mario and co. were now far under the town and well on the way to nowhere specific when a very nerdy Magikoopa ran up to them from the corner of a torn paper-ish wall. He wore very large, thick, broken blue eyeglasses, a jumbo-size pocket protector, and a Star Wars T-shirt, and looked to be around 17 years old.

"Hey, folkth!" he snarled in a raspy lisp as saliva sprayed all over Mario, stopping the plumber right in his tracks. "Where do you all think you're going, huh?!"

"We think we're heading for the Bog-Whatever Woods, you ugly creep, so move aside," Goombella snapped.

"I thinketh not, old chumth!" yelled the nerdy Magikoopa, once again spraying saliva in every direction, this time on Goombella.

"Um, 'thinketh'?" Koops muttered.

"Yeth, that-th right, buthter!" the Magikoopa said, shooting spit straight into the face of the hapless Koopa. "Doth thou haveth a problem with Ye Olde Englith?"

"Well, no, it's quite interesting…" said Goombella, wiping expelled saliva drops off her face, "…but you just use it in such a pathetically geeky context, and you're in our way anyway, so bug off! Go watch Attack of the Clones and criticize the CGI or something!"

"Hmm…I think I'll do that. Thanketh thou for thy idea!" said the Magikoopa cheerfully, skipping off to another section of the sewers.

"No problem, buttface…" Goombella muttered.

"Okay, ah, let's head off in this direction and see if, eh, we can…" Koops began to say. Then, without explanation, the Magikoopa leaped back into his original spot.

"HAAAAA! JUTH KIDDING, THY FOOLITH FRIENDTH!" the Magikoopa yelled in an epic tone, expelling saliva like a human fire hose. "FIGHT TO THE DEATH WITH ME, YOU THALL! WIN YOU WILL NOT! PERITH YOU MOST THERTAINLY WILL!!"

!!BEGIN BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

Mario HP: 15 FP: 10

Goombella HP: 10

Koops HP: 10

VS.

Nerdy Star Wars-loving Magikoopa Teenager Who Talks Like a Loser Stuck in the Medieval Times HP: 7

"PREPARE TO DIE, YOU WILL!" shouted the nerdy Magikoopa.

Mario uses Jump. Does 1 damage.

Goombella uses Headbonk. Does 1 damage.

Magikoopa uses Magic Projectile. Does 4 damage to Mario.

Mario uses Hammer. Does 2 damage.

Koops uses Shell Toss. Does 2 damage.

Magikoopa uses Magic Projectile. Does 4 damage to Mario.

Mario uses a Bully Whistle. Bullies are immediately attracted to the battle stage by the high-decibel noise and beat the living snot out of the nerdy Magikoopa. Does 10 damage.

"Oooooh, my pooreth…cranium…eth…" whined the Magikoopa. "…Lost, I have!"

!!END BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

After the nerdy Magikoopa teen ran away with bullies on his tail, his pocket protector dropped off, and out of it scurried a strange little striped bug-like gray creature with a green bulb attached to its head. Before Mario and his two partners could react, the little thing ran into a room farther ahead of them. Naturally, they followed, and cornered the thing in the other room at a dead end.

"DON'T EAT ME!" screamed the creature, trembling and wetting itself at the sight of the plumber, the Goomba girl, and the shy Koopa. "I'll do whatever you want, I swear!...Except agree to get eaten, of course! DON'T EAT ME, OH GOSH, PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!"

"Now what made you think we'd eat you?" said Goombella, calmly walking up to the cowering little bug-like creature.

"Well, the presence of the fat dude, for one," the thing blurted out. "He looks like he'd have no problem eating a bus full of poor schoolchildren!"

Koops laughed hysterically at this comment, earning a punch in the face from Mario, who was clearly scowling.

"Wanna come up to my FACE and say that, you little regurgitated worm?" Mario said with a very dangerous tone of voice.

"No thank you, sir," said the creature. "Uh…still, would you happen to be a bully, by any chance? I don't wanna get captured and forced to live in a stinky pocket protector like I had to when that Magikoopa nerd found me."

"Um, well, I, ah…" Mario stuttered. He turned to Goombella and shrugged.

Goombella used Koops' hand to slap her forehead, and she snarled, "Just tell him you're not a bully, dummy!"

"Um, no," said Mario to the creature.

"Great," it said. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name's Punio of the Boggly Woods Punies, and I serve under the Elder of the Great Boggly Tree Thing!"

Mario, Koops, and even Goombella burst out in laughter, nearly putting themselves to tears.

"'PUNIES'?! THAT'S FRIGGIN' RICH!" Mario screamed between fits of laughter.

"HAHAHAHA, THAT'S SO CUTE! WHAT'S THE NAME OF YOUR RIVAL TRIBE? THE 'TUFFIS'?" Goombella howled.

"HAH, UM, YOU LOOK PRETTY, UM, PUNY, ALRIGHT!" Koops choked out while laughing himself stupid.

"It's not funny," Punio whined. The three heroes ignored him.

"HEY, YOU UGLY TWITS!" the Puni kid then screamed, his furious face growing to the size of a 747. "I JUST TOLD YOU THAT IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

Our heroes shut up immediately, looking rather scared.

Punio's face went back to normal. "Now then, do you need me for something really important?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Goombella. "If you're from the Boggly Woods, you can get us there in a flash, right?

"Righto," responded the Puni.

"You are aware that a legendary Crystal Star is in the midst of your habitat, right?"

"Righto again."

"Why are you even down here anyway instead of in the Boggly Woods where you should be?"

"Well…" Punio said, trailing off. "…It happened like this. Everyone at the Great Tree was having a nice day, you know? The sky was blank and gray as it always was, the scenery was still black-and-white like it had been forever, and the little Punies were all playing depressing little board games to entertain themselves. Then, they came…"

"Who came?" Goombella inquired.

"They," Punio whispered dangerously.

"Uh, right, and you need to specify what you're talking about," Goombella responded.

"They would happen to be the notorious X-NAUTS!" Punio shrieked with fear, as if he was under the suspicion that one of them was spying on him and the trio of heroes at that moment.

"X-Nauts? Uh…" Koops said. "Hmm…X-Nauts? Sounds like, uh, ex-wives to the not-extreme or something like that…"

"You got it completely wrong," Punio said, shaking his tiny head. "The X-Nauts are a huge band of renegades—"

"Ooh, they're a band? I've never heard of them before," Goombella squealed with joy. "Does the guitarist look cute?"

Punio rammed Goombella's leg in frustration. "They're a band of renegades from outer space that wear strange outfits who go around the world plundering areas for valuable items, such as the Crystal Stars!" the little creature yelled in annoyance. "I escaped from the Great Tree and left the Boggly Woods as quickly as possible after they invaded. Now everyone at the tree, including the Elder, my friends, and my sister, are locked in cages like guinea pigs! The X-Nauts are horrible people!"

"Any big purpose as to why they want the Crystal Stars?" Mario asked.

"The same reason you want them, I suppose," Punio said. "To open the mythical Thousand-Year Door. Pah! As if it even exists! They're wasting their time!"

Goombella said, "On the contrary—"

"Well, you guys wanted directions to Boggly Woods, right? Perhaps you could actually save us all…" Punio interrupted. "Come with me."

The puny little Puni that didn't act so puny ushered Mario and co. over to a crack in the wall by a doorway blocked off by metal bars. Our heroes knew exactly what to do, and turned to their sides to slip through the bars as Punio scurried through the crack. The next room, albeit looking a bit empty, was revealed to have a switch hidden in it when Punio went through another wall crack to flip a switch deep inside the wall.

Suddenly, as a result of the switch getting flipped, the room's front wall revealed a hidden passageway inside of it that led to a crumbled green pipe!

"I guess that's just what we needed!" Goombella cried joyfully.

"Just what we needed!" yelled Mario and Koops as backup vocalists.

The trio went over to the pipe and entered it with Punio. The atmosphere around them started to get black-and-white all around after a while, and they knew they had arrived.

Boggly Woods

Our heroes, plus one Puni, exited the pipe on its other end, staring out all around at the interesting, yet drab-feeling, gray-black-white colors that made up EVERYTHING in the woods.

"Well, we might as well get going," Koops suggested, surprisingly not stuttering at all in that statement.

And they did, of course. They did not even get five feet into the area when suddenly…

!!BEGIN BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

Mario HP: 15/15

Goombella HP: 10/10

Koops HP: 10/10

VS.

2 Pale Piranhas HP: 4/4 each

"Look at how pale those Piranha Plants are!" Goombella pointed out.

"Dude," muttered one of the plants in a monotonous, depressed voice, "we just don't like to go in the sunlight. Accept us for what we are, you stupid conformist."

Goombella uses Headbonk on Pale Piranha #1. Does 1 damage.

Mario uses Jump on Pale Piranha #1. Does 2 damage.

"Ow, you're making me hurt even more inside," the Pale Piranha muttered. "The angst is unbearable."

Mario hammers Pale Piranha #1. Does 2 damage. Pale Piranha #1 faints.

"Everyone always hurts me. They don't know me at all. No one understands the torture I must live through every day of my life," said the first Pale Piranha before disappearing.

Koops uses Shell Toss on Pale Piranha #2. Does 2 damage.

Mario hammers Pale Piranha #2. Does 2 damage. Pale Piranha #2 faints.

"Gee, the world must really hate me for not giving me a decent speaking role," said the second Pale Piranha when it fainted.

!!END BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

"Gosh, the people in this place are already dangerously depressing me!" Goombella said, shivering at the cold, emotional feeling the Pale Piranhas gave her.

"Ditto," agreed Koops.

"C'mon, let's go," Mario said hurriedly. "I don't want another Pale Piranha attacking us just to whine about how much his life sucks and how nobody understands him."

The three of them ran along the pathway with Punio into the next area of the bleak woods. Right on the side of the path, the three Shadow Sirens were talking to eachother…

"So, lovelies, shall we go through the plan one more time to ensure there are no screw-ups?" the lead Siren, Beldam, asked her sisters.

"Yes, sis!" Vivian exclaimed. "It's simple enough, anyway."

"IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA!" yelled Marilyn, beating her chest with her thick arms.

"Okay, if it sounds so easy to you, Viv, would you care to recite it?" Beldam said to her youngest sibling.

"Right!" Vivian said. "First, we buy tomato sauce and Italian noodles. Next, we find a great spaghetti recipe. Then—"

"WE ABORTED THAT PLAN, DOOFUS!" Beldam shrieked. "RECITE THE ONE WE DECIDED ON OR I'LL PUNISH YOU UNTIL THE DAY YOU GROW BREASTS!"

Vivian frowned. "I'm hundreds of years old, and I still haven't gotten 'em…" she whined.

Beldam smiled. "My point exactly," she said smugly, then cackled.

"Okay, ah, first, we examine the portrait of that Mario guy closely, right, sis?" Vivian said, a bit unsure of the new plan. Beldam nodded.

"Yes, go on."

"Next, we look for the Mario guy and his buddies, and we totally beat them up!"

"Correct."

"Then, we take the Crystal Star they've got while the X-Nauts rob that big tree of its own Crystal Star! Yaaaay, I got them all right!"

"Yes, yes you did, you little ugly thing…"

Vivian clapped for herself, but Beldam stopped her a few minutes later. Marilyn belched loudly, grabbed a nearby gray squirrel, and ate it.

"Right, so let's get to work! Get that portrait out, Vivian!" Beldam commanded.

But at the moment, the youngest Shadow Siren was not listening, and pulled out a cute pink pearl necklace from her nonexistent pocket. "Hey, guys, lookit what I found on the ground!" she squealed. "Isn't it the cutest little necklace you've ever seen?"

"Vivian, you BLOODY NINCOMPOOP!" howled Beldam. "Now is not the time for your dumb comments on worthless little items! We must be on the lookout for Mario!"

"Aw, sis…" Vivian muttered.

"Now, where is the portrait of Mario?" the eldest Siren snarled. "Do either of you buffoons have it? You had BETTER…"

"But, Beldam, didn't YOU have the picture when we came here?" Vivian inquired.

"Uh…NONSENSE! POPPYCOCK! BALDERDASH!!" said Beldam.

"Hee-hee, you're funny when you get angry and use big words," Vivian chuckled.

"Oh, SHUT UP!" Beldam yelled. "Give me that necklace. A Siren that irresponsibly drops an important picture like a worthless ditz cannot possibly be trusted with a wonderful article like that."

"But you just said it was—" Vivian began.

"But you just said it was!" Beldam cruelly mimicked. "I don't need your whining crap right now. We may as well try to memorize what the picture looked like at first. Did this Mario fellow have a mustache?..."

The oldest and youngest sisters began to bicker even more, with Beldam clearly having the upper hand, while Marilyn continued to occasionally belch and eat small animals.

"That was…ah…interesting…" mumbled Punio. "Let's get going, folks. Nothing to see here anymore."

Since the trio of sirens couldn't remember what Mario looked like, our mustachioed hero decided to have some fun with them and walked up to Beldam.

"Hmm? Hello, good sir," Beldam said kindly. "Do you happen to know where a fellow named Mario would be?"

"Uh…no, not at all, ma'am," Mario said, stifling his laughter. "Haven't seen anyone here named Mario. I apologize."

Beldam groaned. "Well, thanks anyway," she said.

Vivian continued to hang her head in shame and grumble while Marilyn made very loud armpit farts off in the distance to scare off some crows.

Our trio of heroes, along with Punio, went along the rest of their merry way, picking up some items along the path, until they reached the Great Boggly Tree.

The Great Tree

Mario and the gang now stood in front of Boggly Woods' massive Great Tree, absolutely awestruck at the size of the drab gray monument. The wind began to blow a little more noticeably, and the dark leaves all around the group rustled in a quiet chorus.

"Okay, here we are!" Punio said joyfully. "Now we gotta scurry up to the entrance and—EEEEEEEEEEK!"

The reason for the young Puni's abrupt yelling was known as soon as Mario, Goombella, and Koops set their eyes upon the entrance of the Tree…It had a red, extra-strength, button-operated security door built over it, presumably by an X-Naut.

Koops dropped to his knees and cried to the heavens, "This is it! I can't believe it! We're done for, guys! Uh…game over, dudes! GAME OVER!"

And so, to fit Koops' distress, Mario, his partners, Punio, and the universe around them was suddenly inhaled into a vacuum-like rift in the air, and the game was indeed over…FOREVER! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay, just kidding.

"Crap, this is just perfect," Punio whined. "I broke my back going into Rogueport Sewers for help and coming right back here, and those buffoons build a stupid door thing over the entrance! We'll never save my sister or the other Punis!"

The frustrated Puni smacked his Puni face on one of the Great Tree's massive roots, crying his Puni eyes out. Mario and co. looked at one another, then sighed in unison and tried comforting Punio.

"Uh, relax, little dude," Koops said in a soothing, calm tone. "This may suck a lot, yeah, but, um, look on the bright side…"

"THAT'S IT!!" cried Punio, suddenly regaining a strong hint of happiness in his voice. "Koops, thanks for reminding me about something! Follow me, guys."

Mario and his two faithful partners did as Punio requested, and the four adventurers traveled up one of the largest roots of the tree to an area about ten feet right over the new security door entrance.

Punio explained to the heroes, "See, the elder of the Tree told me very long ago about a helpful secret entrance found right around this spot that could get somebody into the Great Tree's interior if anything happened to the main entrance. However, it's rarely used anymore, and to give it extra guaranteed protection from being discovered by intruders, some Punis put a sort of cover thingy over it. I'm not sure exactly what the thingy might be, but it certainly is tough to see! The elder also claims that with this new cover, only the wonderful Madame Flurrie, who resides in these very woods, can blow it away and reveal the entrance."

"Well then," Mario responded, "I appreciate the detailed explanation, but just where the heck DOES this Madame Fluffy broad live, anyway?"

Punio frowned (don't ask me how ;/) heavily at Mario, saying, "It's Flurrie. And besides, she lives a bit farther east from here. We gotta go and ask for her help as soon as possible, because we certainly won't find the alternate entry ourselves. I mean, sheesh, it's not like it'll be elaborately labeled 'SECRET ENTRANCE' or anything, eh?"

"Pretty difficult to argue with that logic," replied Goombella, nodding quietly. "Let's get going!"

With this, our party of four set out to find Madame Fanny—ah—Flurrie!

Boggly Woods – Eastern Area

Mario and co. were already making excellent traction to the border of the Eastern Boggly Woods now, and would have made even more progress had it not been for a gray-white Cleft creature charging at them as they entered a white field of grass!

!!BEGIN BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

Mario HP: 15/15 FP: 10/10

Goombella HP: 10/10

Koops HP: 10/10

VS.

Cleft HP: 2/2

Dark Puff #1 HP: 3/3

Dark Puff #2 HP: 3/3

"Grack," said the Cleft in a very monotonous and depressing tone, "I not understand why you trample on our grass. This only place where we let our tortured souls rest and contemplate the cruel world. Grack."

"Yeah, that's really not cool," moaned one of the Dark Puffs. "Our super indie grass field isn't open to conformists like you."

"Since when are grass fields 'indie'?" asked a very puzzled Punio. "Oh, whatever…LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!"

Mario hammers the Cleft. Does 0 damage!

"Whawhawhaaaa?" cried Mario in confusion.

The Cleft flatly replied, "Grack. That may not do any damage on outside, but my heart now aching with pain inside."

"The Cleft must have one high defense," muttered Goombella to Mario. "I'll handle the Dark Puffs, and you can power up your attacks on the Cleft."

"What about me?" Koops asked, eagerly expecting something to help them with.

"You can…uh…well…" stammered Goombella.

Koops frowned.

Goombella uses Headbonk on Dark Puff #1. Does 2 damage.

Cleft charges at Mario. Mario guards. Does 1 damage.

Dark Puff #1 swoops at Mario. Does 2 damage.

Dark Puff #2 swoops at Goombella. Does 2 damage.

Mario uses Power Smash on the Cleft. Does 2 damage. Cleft faints.

"Grack, life never fair," muttered the Cleft before fainting.

Goombella uses Headbonk on Dark Puff #1. Does 2 damage. Dark Puff #1 faints.

Dark Puff #2 charges up energy…and raises attack power by 2.

"I don't even wanna know what's going to happen now!" yelled Goombella, immediately going straight for the Dark Puff.

Goombella uses Headbonk on Dark Puff #2…but the electricity surrounding it does 1 damage to her! LIKE OMG!

Seeing Goombella getting damaged made Mario uneasy, and the Puff was nowhere near the ground for his Hammer attack, so he reluctantly defended for one turn.

Dark Puff #2 uses Super Mega Charged-Up Lightning Roast Attack! Does a whopping 4 damage to Goombella! Electric charge disappears.

Mario uses Jump on the Dark Puff. Does 2 damage.

Goombella attacks Dark Puff #2 as well with Headbonk. Does 2 damage. Dark Puff #2 faints.

"Just my luck…" complained the defeated cloud enemy. "Now our indie grass field of contemplationness is going to be taken over by colorful, obnoxious conformists!"

"Is 'contemplationness' even a word?!" Punio asked Goombella in frustration.

Goombella rolled her eyes, responding, "Don't be stupid, squirt."

!!END BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

Mario and co. now continued on through the brief field area, finding a pipe that led them to a Paper Mario Airplane platform high above the grass. Using it, Mario shifted his form into a neat little plane and guided the group across to the other side of the field, offering reasonably-priced salted peanut bags and an epic in-flight movie for the whopping ten seconds it took to complete this task! As the plane nose touched the ground, Mario shifted back, and the party quietly moved on to Madame Flurrie's neck of the woods…

Madame Flurrie's House…OF HORRORS! HEHEHEHEHEE okay then…

An old ghost woman and retired stage performer named "Madame" Flurrie was currently behind the closed doors of her small yet cozy dressing room in her sickeningly cute little house out on the edges of the Boggly Woods, conveniently blocking her out from our view!

For the past seventeen minutes, a heavily extended, operatic, and shriek-induced variation of Frank Sinatra's "My Way" had been belting from the cracks in the door, sung by Flurrie herself as she prepared to leave her room and house for some fresh, drab air out in the woods.

"My, oh my," Flurrie said in her rich, ringing tone of voice, "how wonderful it will be to set out into these dreary yet calming woods to clear my senses for the day! I certainly did make the correct choice in retiring to this beautiful place at the conclusion of my stage career…A need for alone time was calling me, and I conveniently answered. Better yet, now none of my most rabid fans can find and stalk me out here! And those darling Punis are ever so kind to me……"

And so, on and on she babbled about things that did not contribute to the plot at hand as she grabbed the doorknob. She was just about prepared to twist it open, when suddenly—

"Now to grab one more thi—what the…NO! OMIFRIGGINGOSH NO WAY!! MY PRECIOUS…MY FAVORITE…IT'S GONE!...MY—"

"…Prized toaster," Mario finished, concluding his account of an odd story involving him, Luigi, the princess' shoe, the cops, and a hot dog eating contest. The heroic plumber had been narrating this unnecessary story along the rest of the path to Flurrie's house, driving Goombella and his two other traveling partners to the brink of insanity. Fortunately, now that he was done talking, the group noticed a gray (DUH!) wooden pipe (with a small hole at the bottom for Punio) at the dead end of their pathway, leading to a colorful little house in the background.

"Finally," grumbled Punio, tired of Mario's story and relieved to discover Madame Flurrie's residence. In the blink of an eye, he scurried over to the hole in the pipe, actually ending up in the background in a matter of seconds!

"Whoa!" cried Goombella. "We can actually get to the background from this dumb pipe!? Bizarre, yet utterly fascinating…"

"MUST I tell you the two words I'm thinking of at the moment?!" Mario shouted back at the inquisitive Goomba gal as he swirled down the pipe with Koops. Unfortunately, the two of them somehow took an incorrect pathway during transportation through the pipe system, ending up in the foreground, and a little too close for comfort as a result.

And so, the Italian and the timid Koopa grudgingly tried, tried, and tried again, eventually reaching the background with Goombella and Punio. YAAAAAAY PERSEVERAAAAANCE!!

Flurrie's House

"Ah…hello?" Punio uncertainly called out in the entrance room of the wind spirit's house. "Madame Flurrie? Are you in here, or are you out sacrificing a goat with a birthmark shaped like the number 13 like you were that one time when I came over to ask for some Goomnuts?"

Flurrie then called out from her dressing room, "Oh, darling Punio, is that you? How I love the sound of your adorable little squishy voice when I'm in distress! You're so cute that I could actually squeeze you forever and ever with adoration to the point of your cute little intestines gradually oozing from your mouth!"

Punio backed away v e r y s l o w l y.

"So…anyway," Koops sputtered, "any chance, ah, that, um, you could, like, help us with some…some problem at the Great Tree, Miss Madame Funny Ma'am?"

"Well," Flurrie muttered, still cooped up in the other room, "it's Madame Flurrie, sweetums…And yes, I daresay I can assist you with whatever issues you have at the Great Tree. Only one problem, though…MY PRECIOUS! IT'S GOOOONE!"

"Your precious what?" Mario called out indignantly.

"Whozat!?" said Flurrie, now sounding quite surprised. "You! The one who just spoke! Your accent sounds so familiar to the one of the dashing young man in that Super Mario 64 game! Could you really be…Mario Mario, savior of the Mushroom Kingdom?!"

Mario, with a grim expression, clapped sarcastically, saying, "Bra-vo, Madame Fungi. I suppose you want a cookie?"

"No thank you, my dear Mario," Flurrie replied kindly. "All I am concerned about is…is…my PRECIOUS NECKLACE! WAAAAGHSDKFDKJFKAAAASLDKDKAAAAAAAA!!"

"That's the precious you've lost?" Goombella asked. "A necklace?"

"Yes," answered Flurrie, now clearly weeping. "A yellowish one, to be rather specific. That wonderful necklace was one of my most prized possessions—everyone envied it! I've always vainly thought of it as the type that would be stolen out of jealousy by a medium-height shadow girl with a goofy red-and-white hat and no boobs! POOR ME! WAAAAH-HA-HAAAAA! Please help me, dear heroes!"

"Uh, sure, Madame," replied Punio, attempting a reassuring tone. "We'll work every step of the way to get your…er…precious necklace right back to you ASAP!"

Goombella and Koops looked uncertainly over at Mario, using their urgent faces to encourage Mario to help in looking for Flurrie's "precious".

"Alright, alright, fine," pouted Mario. "Better than me refusing to help and the three of you setting yourselves on fire in protest, I guess."

Flurrie cheered after hearing Mario's acceptance, then pleaded, "Please do find it quick! I can't stand another second kept in this room…"

The four adventurers went back out of the house. Despite their initial reluctance, they refilled their stats with a nearby Heart Block and immediately headed back for the entrance to the Boggly Woods after Goombella hinted that she recalled seeing the necklace somewhere before…

Boggly Woods – Entrance

"See, Beldam? I told you I didn't have it," said a frustrated Vivian to the eldest Shadow Siren.

"Don't be a brainless nimrod," snarled Beldam right back. "You quite clearly snuck the portrait of Mario into my hammerspace pocket when I wasn't looking so you could FOOL me into thinking I had it all along! Be thankful you aren't getting a double dose of punishment for treason towards your siblings, worm!"

Marilyn quietly sneezed, then itched her stomach.

"But I—" began Vivian, only to be threatened with a quadruple dose of punishment—in this case, four hours of being strapped to a chair and forced to listen to a blaring Fall Out Boy CD on repeat. Vivian gasped at this threat, believing it to be one of the worst she ever received, and immediately went quiet.

Meanwhile, Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Punio arrived back near the entrance and the Sirens, puffing and wheezing after running all the way back so as to avoid any more battles with depressed enemies.

"Hmm?" Beldam sneered as she turned towards the heroes. "HEY! The hot mustached guy from earlier! It looks just like Mario on this portrait here…Kinda like one of those Elvis Goomley impersonators, don't you think?"

"In fact…yeah, he IS sort of like one of those!...Except he's impersonating Mario!" Vivian agreed.

"I've always wanted to meet an Elvis impersonator, but this is the next best thing," said Beldam, her smile mellowing out into a more happy and genuine grin.

"Let's ask this dude if he can emulate one of Mario's special moves!" Vivian gleefully suggested.

"Good idea," Beldam replied calmly. "And besides, speaking of Elvis, people claim he actually died while taking a crap, what with finding his body on a toilet and all. I've always personally thought that was a bunch of bull, but hey, that's just me…"

"Actually, there's quite a bit of scientific evidence uncovered through the past three decades suggesting that a bowel movement really DID claim his life, and that his death on the crapper wasn't just a coincidence," said Vivian.

"Really? Interesting," responded Beldam.

Throughout this conversation, Mario and co. simply sat and looked dumbfounded as to how the two Shadow Sirens could not recognize him as the true Mario, whereas Marilyn simply hopped up and down and screamed, "GUH!" to get their attention back towards him.

"Uh, HEEEELLOOO-OOOO?!" cried Mario in fury towards Beldam and Vivian. "Could you listen to your morbidly obese sister for once and realize that I really am Mario?"

"Oh, yeah," Beldam simply replied. She then turned towards Vivian, pointing at her and shouting, "MARK MY WORDS, YOU WILL BE RECEIVING EVEN MORE PUNISHMENT FOR FOOLING ME LIKE THIS, ADDING ON TO YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR LOSING THAT PORTRAIT! SNIVELING LITTLE TRICKSTER!!"

"Oh, come ON!" whined Vivian, now on the brink of tears. "How did I fool you in any way?!"

Beldam simply ignored her youngest sibling, turning back to our heroes and confidently saying, "Well, I suppose now is the time for us to dispose of you nicely. No hard feelings, though! I simply need to do my job here. There's no point in letting you go to hunt any further for the Crystal Stars."

"You're just about ready to destroy us, yet all you can say is, 'no hard feelings'?" responded a frustrated Goombella.

"Yep!" said Beldam happily, her wicked toothy smile returning. "Now…please allow us to introduce ourselves. We are women of wealth and taste! We've been around for a long, long year, and stole many a man's soul to fate! We were around when—"

"Um, I hate to sound like a jerk," interrupted Koops, "but can you just, er, stop quoting song lyrics and cut to the chase?"

"Right, right," said Beldam. "We are…"

"…The…" grunted Marilyn, who had been making a hamburger with a portable grill hidden under her hat.

"…THREE SHADOW BEAUTIES! Tee-hee!" Vivian finished.

"What the…" Beldam said in anger, turning to Vivian. "Shadow WHAT? We're the SHADOW SIRENS, dolt!"

Vivian frowned and responded, "But you always refer to us as 'lovelies' or 'beauties', so I figured…"

"SO I FIGURED!" mimicked Beldam in a squealing voice that could be likened to nails on glass. "Those are just figures of speech! I suppose Marilyn is cute, and you gotta admit, I'm friggin' HOT…but you…you're just BUTTPLUG-UGLY!"

Vivian kept frowning, then quietly said, "Alright, let's do this…"

!!BEGIN BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

Mario HP: 15/15 FP: 10/10

Goombella HP: 10/10

Koops HP: 10/10

VS.

Beldam HP: 9

Vivian HP: 10

Marilyn HP: 12

"Mwee hee hee hee…" giggled Beldam. "Now then, shall we get started?"

"Ready when you are, short stuff!" snapped Goombella.

"Oh wow, LOOK WHO'S TALKING!" Beldam replied.

Mario hammers Vivian. Does 2 damage.

"Say, Goombella, could you look up some info on these creeps?" Mario whispered to his Goomba pal after his attack.

"No problem-o," responded Goombella.

Goombella uses Tattle on Vivian.

"That's Vivian, Sherlock Holmes. She's the youngest of the three Shadow Sirens, and therefore isn't too much of a threat. Her attacks are quite weak, but fire-based, so be careful not to get burned! The other two Sirens are what you really ought to be worried about right now…Vivian's Max HP is 10, Attack is 1, Defense is 0."

"Mm hmm hmm hmmm…" chuckled Vivian shyly, disappearing into the ground and reappearing in front of Mario.

Vivian uses Shade Fist on Mario. Does 1 damage.

Marilyn uses…uh…"Guh" Fist on Goombella. Does 2 damage.

Beldam uses Ice Fist on Mario. Does 1 damage.

Mario uses Jump on Beldam. Does 2 damage.

Goombella uses Tattle on Beldam.

"It's Beldam, as if you couldn't already tell. While she's the oldest of the Shadow Sirens and her ice-powered attacks are to be feared at times, she has the least HP. Max HP is 9, Attack is 1, Defense is 0."

Vivian uses Fiery Jinx on Mario and Goombella. Does 1 damage to both. Mario and Goombella are burned!

"I must say, Vivian," commented Beldam, "you're not as weak as I thought against these brats!"

"Oh, really? You mean it, sis?" Vivian happily replied.

"No," the eldest Siren curtly said. "Now shut up and keep fighting."

Marilyn uses Guh Fist on Mario. Does 2 damage.

Beldam shrinks Goombella. Decreases Goombella's Attack power by 1.

"Dude, what the heck!?" cried Goombella, now possessing a very high Chipmunk-esque voice from her shrunken size.

Mario and Goombella are hurt by their burns. 1 damage is done to each.

Mario uses Power Smash on Vivian. Does 4 damage.

Goombella uses Tattle on Marilyn.

"That's the strong and silent Marilyn. The middle girl of the Shadow Sirens, and her size says a load about just how strong she is compared to her sisters! She rarely ever says anything, other than grunts and nonsensical phrases, but her attacks are nothing to be sneezed at. You should've headed for her first, Einstein! Max HP is 12, Attack is 2, Defense is 0."

"AH WANNA RIDE DA HAMBURGA TRAIN!" roared Marilyn in response.

Vivian uses Shade Fist on Goombella. Does 1 damage.

Marilyn uses Guh Fist on Mario. Does 2 damage.

Beldam uses Ice Fist on Goombella. Does 1 damage.

Mario and Goombella are hurt by their burns. 1 damage is done to each.

Mario uses Power Smash once again on Vivian. Does 4 damage.

Goombella uses Tasty Tonic. Both are cured of their burns.

Vivian uses Fiery Jinx on Mario and Goombella. Does 1 damage to both.

Marilyn uses Guh Power. Attack power for next attack is raised by 2.

Beldam increases her own size. Attack power is raised by 1 for the next three turns.

Mario hammers Vivian. Does 2 damage. Vivian faints.

"Whoops!" cried Vivian, stumbling over and lying sprawled on the battle floor.

"Urgh!" growled Beldam. "Just as I expected…hmph. WE'RE NOT DONE WITH YOU LITTLE WANNABE HEROES JUST YET!"

Koops uses Shell Toss on Marilyn. Does 2 damage.

Marilyn uses Guh Fist on Koops. Does 4 damage.

Beldam uses Ice Fist on Mario. Does 2 damage.

Mario uses a Super Shroom. HP raises from 5/15 to 15/15.

Koops uses Power Shell. Does 2 damage to Beldam and Marilyn.

Marilyn uses Guh Power. Raises power of next attack by 2.

Beldam uses Ice Fist on Koops. Does 2 damage.

Goombella returns to normal size.

Mario uses Special Ability: Earth Tremor on Marilyn and Beldam. Does 4 damage to each.

Koops uses Power Shell. Does 2 damage to Beldam and Marilyn. Beldam faints.

"EGAD!" croaked Beldam, falling to the ground and, quite literally, biting the dust. "It's all up to you, fatso—uh—Marilyn…"

Marilyn, angered that both her sisters were now defeated, turned to Mario and cried, "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!"

Mario raised an eyebrow.

Marilyn releases her charged Guh Zap attack. Does 4 damage to both Mario and Koops. Koops faints.

"Ah, crap, not again!" whined Koops.

Mario uses Jump on Marilyn. Does 1 damage.

Goombella uses Headbonk on Marilyn. Does 2 damage. Marilyn faints!

"Guuuu-uuuh-uhhhhhh……" groaned the largest Shadow Siren, swaying in the breeze for a moment before toppling over and crashing down onto Beldam.

!!END BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

"GRRRRH!" screamed Beldam from underneath Marilyn's unconscious body. "GRFT MUH UTTA HURR!"

Vivian gingerly got back up and pushed Marilyn off her oldest sister, and was immediately slapped on the wrist.

Beldam, who was now furious to the point of barely being able to speak, snarled, "You…had both…better be expecting…some…WORLD-CLASS FALL OUT BOY PUNISHMENT WHEN WE GET BACK HOME!!"

Beldam, without warning, then charged at her two youngest sisters, and the trio of Sirens fled the scene. Thankfully, Vivian dropped the necklace as she left!

YOU GOT FLURRIE'S NECKLACE BACK! I CAN'T IMAGINE FOR THE LIFE OF ME WHY THE HECK YOU'D WANT IT, SO GIVE IT BACK ALREADY!!

Flurrie's House

"Yo, Madame Feng-Shui!" Mario called out through Flurrie's house's main room. "We got the stupid necklace back! Are you going to help with our little tree problem or what?"

"Oh, thank you SO MUCH, dear!" Flurrie cried from behind the dressing room door, audibly crying tears of joy. "Just…slip it under the crack of this door or something. I don't need you darlings seeing me without the precious on my neck!"

Goombella snatched the necklace from the plumber and slipped it under the door as Flurrie instructed. After about ten minutes of waiting for Flurrie to violently wrangle the necklace onto her neck, she finally opened the door…

All of the adventurers looked on in anticipation.

"I really hope she's at least marginally hot…" Mario thought out loud.

"Perhaps she's slim and fair-haired?" pondered Goombella.

"This, er, better have been worth it…" mumbled Koops.

"I'm pretty hungry," Punio said, lacking any interest. "Lotsa spaghetti sounds good right about now."

Alas, the expectations of Mario, Goombella, and Koops were struck down as Flurrie finally entered the main room. She was, in fact, a fat lavender ghost woman with large pencil eyebrows, thick ruby-red lips, emerald earrings, ridiculous amounts of blue eye shadow, short purple hair, and breasts that were inappropriately large for an E-rated game. Several roses suddenly showered the screen as she entered, along with some bizarre disco ball dropping from the attic.

"Okay, I give, what's going on here?" Goombella asked, dumbfounded at the roses, the ball, and the Flurrie.

"Oh boy, um, oh boy!" cried Koops joyfully. "Perhaps we're on the Jamie Koopkennedy Experiment!!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!! WHY MUST I ALWAYS BE STUCK WITH THE UGLIEST PARTNERS IMAGINABLE!?" screamed Mario, stomping his foot like a preschooler crying for someone to tie their shoe. "WHY MUST FATE WORK IN SUCH CRUEL WAYS?"

"You all look so disappointed," Madame Flurrie remarked, frowning with surprise. "Whatever is the matter?"

"THIS IS SO GAY!!" Mario shrieked, simply ranting on and on at the top of his voice about how unfair his life was.

"Well, I do agree with you, Mario dear," agreed Flurrie. "Indeed, it is certainly a gay and joyful day whenever you are around! Also, I almost forgot to repay you for your wonderful deed…GIVE MAMA FLURRIE SOME SUGAR, CINNAMON BUNS!!"

Before Mario could react, Flurrie was on him like a wild animal, smooching every inch of his face until he could barely breathe. Koops, Goombella, and Punio were screaming in horror on the sidelines, mourning their inevitable loss of Mario to Flurrie's king-sized lips.

"Madame! Enough, enough!" shouted Punio, hopping furiously in one spot. Flurrie eventually stopped kissing Mario, and the hapless plumber wiped the saliva laboriously off his mug, looking like a volcano set to erupt.

"…" Goombella said in silence, nervous to even speak to Mario. "…Mario? Are…are you…y'know…okay?..."

Mario turned very slowly to Flurrie and his partners, wagging an intensely shaking finger at them all and furiously sputtering out, "WHAT—HAPPENS—IN—BOGGLY—WOODS…STAYS—IN—BOGGLY—WOODS!"

Flurrie calmly said, "Well, Mario, hun…Shall we get going to the Great Tree and see if I can solve this problem of yours?"

Mario, still too furious to even consider her offer, simply nodded for a split second.

FLURRIE JOINED YOUR PARTY…DEAL WITH IT, BUCKO.

Flurrie's Abilities: A Primer

Madame Flurrie can do many amazing attacks, but conveniently, only two of them can be used in battle for now! Yippee!!

First, Flurrie can attack enemies in battles with Body Slam, in which she smashes into them using her…ah…stage presence………

…

Well, yeah, she just slams into them with her blubbery shaped mound of a body, okay?

Additionally, Flurrie can use the powerful Gale Force attack in battle and the overworld. In battle, if effective, it can blow some enemies away! In the overworld, however, it can be used to dizzy enemies and blow away invisible squares covering convenient places and items!

And, well, that's about it. You may actually learn to like her…

Maybe.

OTHERWORDLY TUTOR VOICE…OUT!

Mario and co. trudged along back to the Great Boggly Tree, healing themselves and fighting some more enemies along the way.

Outside the Great Tree

And so, once back outside the Tree, Flurrie was immediately instructed by Goombella to follow Punio to where the secret entrance was hidden. Obediently doing so, Flurrie was quick to powerfully blow away the invisible paper-ish square covering…well…the secret entrance, of course.

Though the entrance was rather small, it was, contrary to Punio's thoughts, elaborately labeled, "SECRET ENTRANCE OVER HERE GUYS" in shiny, flashing-blue text, complete with an arrow pointing to the hole to match. That wasn't all, though—there was even a big, fancy sixty-person dance troupe hidden in the hole that leaped out and sang an epic Broadway-like musical number about this indeed being the secret entrance. As soon as the song concluded, the troupe disappeared without a trace.

Mario and co. looked awkwardly over at Punio, and the small Puni responded by angrily remarking, "Okay, OKAY! Maybe I was lying or something when I said it wasn't going to be labeled! Get off my case, jerks…SHEESH…"

"Well, Flurrie," said Mario to the ghostly wind spirit, "I suppose you're at least of SOME minimal use!"

The Great Boggly Tree

The group of five was very quick to enter the Great Tree and search for signs in the entrance room of any other free Punis that managed to hide from the X-Nauts guarding the place.

"Hellooooooo?" called out Punio, growing more and more nervous as he heard no other Punis around. "Is there anybody iiiiiiiin heeeeeeere? Just call out if you can hear meeeeeee…IS THERE AAAAAANYONE HO—"

"Please," snapped Mario, covering Punio's mouth. "Don't."

"Uh, Mario…" Koops said to the plumber hero, "…I think they heard us. They're coming."

"CRAP!" yelled out Goombella. "Everyone hide!"

Everyone did as instructed. Punio hid behind a rock, Goombella behind a Puni rock statue, Koops behind a small mountain made of rock, Flurrie behind a rock sculpture of a Baskin-Robbins, and Mario behind a pebble.

"You know what…" muttered Mario, gazing in deep thought at the perfectly rounded pebble. "This may, in fact, be the same pebble that Twink unintentionally beat Bowser with in the previous game…"

"HALT, MARIO!" screamed a common X-Naut soldier who had entered the room through another high-tech security door. "Us X-Nauts have a bone to pick with you! Heh heh heh…"

"That's right, hee-hee…" said another voice. That other voice, in fact, belonged to X-Naut commander Riley, who then came into the room through the same door as his cohort.

"Mario, as much of a darling as you are," said Flurrie, who came out from her hiding spot with the other partners, "you can be quite daft."

"Agreed," said Goombella, Koops, and Punio in flat unison.

"Let's fight!" snarled Riley, lunging with his associate X-Naut at Mario and co. without warning.

!!BEGIN BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

Mario HP: 15/15 FP: 15/15

Goombella HP: 10/10

Koops HP: 10/10

Flurrie HP: 15/15

VS.

X-Naut HP: 4

X-Naut Riley HP: 4

Mario uses Power Bounce on X-Naut. Does 3 damage.

Goombella uses Headbonk on X-Naut Riley. Does 2 damage.

X-Naut charges at Mario. Does 3 damage.

X-Naut Riley stomps on Goombella. Does 3 damage.

Mario hammers X-Naut. Does 2 damage. X-Naut faints.

Flurrie uses Body Slam on X-Naut Riley. Does 2 damage. X-Naut Riley faints.

!!END BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

The two beaten foot soldiers now lay limp on the ground, and as Mario and co. walked by them, Riley said, "Curse you, M-M-Mario!...I'll…get you…for th…is…ZZZZZZZZZZZZ……"

Just as the adventurers were ready to take a pipe out of the entrance room, several voices cried out for their attention. Mario looked in surprise over at several gigantic black-and-white pots lining the walls of the inside, noticing that ten Punis were hidden behind them. Their comments afterward came as a whirlwind of words to the partners.

"Whoa, awesome mustache…"

"Who the heck is that fat dude?"

"HE'S GONNA EAT US ALL! OH, THE HORROR!"

"Seriously, I've never seen such a burly mustache, you guys…"

"What a joke, no way this guy's gonna help!"

"But Pupeter, didn't you see how he whooped those bad guys??"

"I'd love to be able to hear myself think right now about whether or not this guy is suspicious, but you guys just happen to be talking too much!"

"Strange guy, but he looks tough…"

"Leave a review…"

"I feel like mushrooms right about now."

"…And I'd like extra pepperoni, Larry…Yeah, thanks…"

"TAXI! TAXI!"

"I'd really love to wear that awesomely burly mustache as a wig someday. Or wildly hump it. Whichever comes first."

The small handful of Punis all nervously trickled out from behind the giant pots, gathering around Mario and co. One in particular, a stubborn fat male with an orange bulb, unlike the common yellow bulb of the others, snorted at the plumber.

"Hah! Again, what a total joke this guy is!" scoffed the Puni. "You all so easily waltz right out here after he defeats a few common X-Naut foot soldiers and expect him to liberate you?! He's probably one of them. Him beating the troops may have just been a dirty setup!"

Mario whistled angrily at this statement, turning to the fat Puni and pointing his finger accusingly. "You!" he yelled. "Yeah, you, Mr. Big Conspiracy Theorist! Just what the heck makes you think I'm a bad guy? What bad guys in their right mind would actually stage a stupid battle for no reason?"

"Uh, DUH! To lure us out here into a false sense of security!" responded the Puni.

"Please, Puniper," Punio pleaded with the very same Puni, "don't start your conspiracy stuff with all this going on! Don't you know that too much is at stake to waste time opposing each other?"

"Punio!? HAH!" laughed Puniper. "You actually bothered to go out and get this guy for help while we stayed here in total fear? You shouldn't've wasted your valuable time like that, seeing as there are way more X-Nauts than there are plumbers, Goombas, Koopas, and big-boobed wind spirits in this tree!"

"Seriously, knock it off," Punio snapped. "Are you guys gonna help me in coming together to save the rest of the Punis and stop those goons, or what?"

"Oh, don't be so headstrong…" muttered Puniper. "Several folks through history have simply met their demise through the attitude you're portraying now, kiddo."

Punio looked back one last time at Puniper with fury, then scurried away from the silent Punis with Mario and the other partners.

After this bitter argument, the heroes went on battling any enemy that got in their way, until eventually, they reached a large room high up that contained two colored cages, each big enough to fit a swarm of Punis…

Some hidden room that you really shouldn't have to know about just yet

A common X-Naut soldier was whistling an obscure tune as he paced around a small room in the tree, impatiently waiting for the next soldier to come and take his place for the night shift. He had been guarding a couple of treasure chests within the room, one which he was especially instructed to never leave his view.

As he continued on with his boring line of pacing and watching, a small, round figure from the shadows with a tail ending in a heart shape leaped down from a wall and sprayed him with mace, which effectively knocked him out with no warning…

The Great Tree – Holding Room

Mario and co. popped right up from the warp pipe into a room with a red holding cell and a blue holding cell, quickly noticing that the blue cell housed the rest of the Tree's Puni inhabitants, whereas the red contained a shriveled old female Puni with a dim purple bulb. The blue cell quickly erupted into mixed talking and screaming as soon as the Punis all laid eyes on Mario and his partners, and it soon filled the entire room.

"CAN EVERYONE JUST BE QUIET!?" shrieked the voice of the elderly female Puni from behind the red bars, immediately shutting everybody up.

"Finally!" spat the old Puni. "All the friggin' noise was doing nothing for my blood pressure…Anyway, who are you, sir?"

"Bill Koopsby," responded Mario, indignantly rolling his eyes. "I mean, who do you THINK I am, ma'am? Mario Mario's the name, savin' the Mushroom Kingdom and princesses is my game! Are you trying to tell me that you've never heard of me?!"

"Well, I'm certain the Punis of this tree know you," answered the old Puni. "As for me, I even forgot what a bar of soap looked like eight years ago."

Goombella sniffed the air in disgust, noticing a stench rising from the elder Puni's feet. "YEEEECCCCHHH!" snarled the Goomba girl. "Smells like a moldy biscuit dipped in dill pickle juice and thrown into a jar of Koop-Aid for three hours!!"

"Oh, so THAT'S what I've been cleaning my feet with the past eight years!" replied the old female. "Anyway, the name's Elder. The Elder of the Great Boggly Tree, to be quite exact! Who are you, buddy boy?"

"MARIO!" screamed Mario through a megaphone straight into the wrinkled face of the Elder.

"Ah, I see. Marty, eh?" said the Elder.

Mario simply did the same thing again.

"Oh, right, sorry! My bad!" the Elder replied, as if a sudden idea rushed to her brain. "Your name is Marty-O! Gotcha."

"Lady, are you intentionally trying to get me pissed off?" snapped Mario. "If so, you're breaking Luigi's record right about now."

"Luigi?" inquired the Elder. "That awesome green-capped Italian plumber dude with that haunted mansion game where he has to rescue his older brother that nobody cares about? We all LOVE that guy!"

Goombella held Mario back by the shirt with her fangs to prevent him from murderously lunging at the Elder.

"Elder, ma'am," Flurrie calmly said, "would you be so kind as to tell us what is going on in the Great Tree that is raising such a ruckus among you all?"

"Ah, Madame Flurrie!" the Elder said in surprise. "So nice to see you again. Well, it's good that you bring that subject up…See, it started like this…"

And so began an hour of rambling from the Elder, quickly putting everybody around her to sleep.

Later…

"…X-Nauts all around……Surrounded us……no hope…sight………Everything turning black…I felt…knocked out……then…woke up………And he said, 'I'll have the Double Shroomburger with a Super Soda,'………HEY!! YOU LISTENING, THERE?!"

The Elder's abrupt hollering startled Mario and co. out of their slumber, while Punio somehow still listened intently to everything the Elder said.

"Now, anyway, Punio," continued the Elder, her voice mellowing out, "I want you to free all the Punis from that cell over there first, then you can worry about me. Go! Your sister, Petuni, and all the others are counting on you!!"

"Big bro!" squealed a female voice from the blue cell. Punio rushed from the Elder over to the voice, taking no time to realize that it was indeed his baby sister, Petuni, who happened to be a spotted Puni with a pink bulb.

"Oh, Petuni, I'm awfully sorry about all this…" Punio said to his sibling in a sad tone of voice. "But don't you worry! And that goes for the rest of you guys, too—we'll knock these guys out and free you all, then we can take back our tree from the FORCEEEEEEES OF EEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIL!!"

Everyone, including Mario and co., stared at him blankly.

"What?" said Punio, slightly confused.

The heroes walked over to the smaller room to the left of the holding room, and immediately noticed none other than the master thief, Ms. Mowz, robbing an unconscious X-Naut of his wallet and some treasure chests of their rare badges.

"Whoops! Tee-hee, so sorry for not seeing you there, my wonderful hunk of mozzarella cheese with shavings of ricotta and generous sprinkles of cheddar and parmesan!" she said mischievously, scurrying over to Mario.

"'Sup, Ms. Slut?" Goombella muttered angrily.

"Hello once again, envious little vixen," Ms. Mowz happily replied.

"Uh…" Koops stuttered, unable to say anything in the mouse thief's presence.

Ms. Mowz looked all around at the suspicious faces of Mario, Goombella, Koops, Flurrie, and Punio, and confidently said, "Relax, dears. I'm not going to take everything in these treasure chests, just the badges I've been looking for. Have the rest to yourselves, for all I care!"

"Why?" Goombella irritably asked. "Too busy going back out to be a slut to bother cleaning this entire room out?"

Mario, annoyed by Goombella's strikingly obvious jealousy, commented, "Goombella, just shut up already…"

"Anyway, wonderful adventurers," Ms. Mowz said, "from what I have seen going on around the bowels of this tree, you won't be able to stop the X-Nauts alone. Perhaps those cute little Puni creatures can help you…"

Punio blushed.

"…Alas, even I don't know where the Crystal Star in this tree is hidden, but you're bound to find it in due time. Good luck, Mario, my dashing plate of cheese squares!"

And so, with a final peck on Mario's cheek, Ms. Mowz leaped out of the room and disappeared once again.

"AAAAACK!" screamed Goombella. "Mario, get that slut's saliva off your cheek! For all you know, it could be contagious! Sheesh, what a skank…"

"My, my…" muttered Flurrie, looking at the kiss mark on Mario's cheek. "You are quite the handsome player around these parts, aren't you, dear? Well, no need to worry; I'm not THAT jealous…" Flurrie then stole a scornful glance at Goombella.

"WHAT?" yelled the plucky female Goomba. "Just because I have enough sense to realize a slut when I see one, you all go to the lengths of criticizing me?!"

Goombella, noticing that the other partners were too busy emptying the other chests, simply sighed and joined them. Eventually, they all found a red key, which they joyously assumed was for the Elder's jail cell.

"And just what are YOU doing here?" snapped a new voice from behind them after they obtained the key. Mario turned around slowly to see that the unconscious X-Naut knocked out by Ms. Mowz had woken up, and was now staring furiously at them. "NO WAY are you going to take that key without my consent! Crump would kill me for that! Let's go, fat boy!"

!!BEGIN BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

Mario HP: 15/15 FP: 15/15

Goombella HP: 10/10

Koops HP: 10/10

Flurrie HP: 15/15

VS.

X-Naut HP: 4

Mario hammers the X-Naut. Does 2 damage.

Koops uses Shell Toss on the X-Naut. Does 2 damage. X-Naut faints.

!!END BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

"WAAAAAAAAAAH! I'M OUTTA HERE!" cried the soldier, running like crazy for the room's exit, then accidentally crashing through the holding room's wall and plunging to the tree's base down below.

Mario said, "Yeesh! That's gonna leave a mark…"

"A really, really, REALLY big mark!" commented Goombella as the group of five returned to the holding cells.

Punio was quick to take the key, and, as expected, he was able to unlock the Elder's door with it. The Elder, seeing that she had been freed, turned to Punio very, very slowly…and roared, "STUPID FREAKING IDIOT!!" Her size multiplied by about twenty as she said this, startling Punio and the others half to death.

"What's the matter, Elder?" inquired Punio.

"Friggin' senile old crab…" snapped Mario, rubbing his ears in pain.

"Didn't I TELL you to free the OTHER Punis FIRST!?" yelled the angry old Puni.

"YES you DID, but we got the KEY to YOUR cell FIRST!" replied Punio.

The Elder simply said, "Oh."

"'Oh' what?"

"Oh, so that's the case. I see. Jolly good work then, Punio. Carry on with finding the blue cell key, and I'll wait downstairs for you guys."

With that, the Elder left her wide-open cell and entered the hole at the bottom of the room's warp pipe. Punio, dumbfounded, followed her, with our four heroes tagging along.

The Great Tree – Entrance

"So, Punio," Puniper said in his usual obnoxious tone, "you may have gotten the Elder back, but what of the other Punis and your sister? Pah, I knew you were going to be useless in solving this problem of ours!"

The Elder turned very slowly towards Puniper and the other nine Punis, and Punio already knew what was coming. He and the four adventurers immediately covered their ears as the Elder screamed, "CARELESS FOOL!"

Puniper, literally blown away by the old Puni's outburst, got back on his feet and sputtered, "But…uh…But, great Elder…he…"

"Still your tongue, Puniper," commanded the Elder. "Why must you always act as some sort of devil's advocate during these tough times? If we ALL work together, INCLUDING you, we can certainly save ourselves from these Ax-Gnaw fiends. If Punis like you, however, refuse to cooperate, you can kiss your life of freedom goodbye."

Puniper, too nervous to think of a smart-aleck response to this, finally agreed with reluctance to assist Punio and Mario. The nine other Punis with him followed suit, and the Elder permitted them to help Mario and co.

"Now, you all go ahead and find the blue key in this tree to save the others!" said the Elder. "I'll be here if you have any burning questions, or if you happen to lose some Punis and you need all of them called back into one spot."

TEN PUNIS JOINED YOUR PARTY! HEAVEN KNOWS HOW YOU'LL FIT 'EM ALL IN YOUR POCKET!

"Oh, and one more thing!" the Elder called out to Mario before the party left the entrance room. "Marty-o, I need you to use this…"

MARIO GOT THE PUNI ORB! IDEAL FOR GATHERING THE PUNIS IN ONE TIGHT SPOT TOGETHER!

"You see, Marty-o," the Elder began to explain, "this Puni Orb has been passed down from generation to generation of Great Boggly Tree Elders, and has always been used to place into pedestals around the Tree to get a group of Punis to swarm around it and typically activate switches requiring their combined weight. Just…remember to remove the orb from the pedestal it's in after a while, otherwise…uh…every Puni with you will just sorta stay in that spot and gaze obsessively at it."

Mario and co. indicated that they understood these instructions, and then left the room for the higher levels of the tree.

Long and hard the group traversed, picking the usual fights with enemies, placing the Puni Orb in front of elevator switches for the Punis to rabidly swarm over in order to progress further, and going through several pipes, until eventually, they found the room with the Blue Key!! They quickly grabbed it out of the chest it was placed in, and immediately backtracked for the holding room.

The Great Tree – Holding Room

"This sucks so much…" whined Punaul, another one of the Punis imprisoned in the blue holding cell. "Is anybody even gonna bother helping us out, or are Petuni's brother and his friends going to be gone forever?!"

"Relax," said Petuni, though her own voice was beginning to quaver. "I'm…uh…certain Punio will be back in no time. Look, I even have a gift for him…"

Petuni then pulled an ancient, dried Mushroom from her hammerspace pocket and showed it to the other 89 Punis in the cell.

"Uh, what the heck happened to it?" inquired a different Puni, Punica.

Petuni looked at the Dried Shroom again, then replied, "Well, yeah, it looks a bit icky, but I've been saving it for him the past few months, and I figured now was the perfect time to reward him with it!"

The rest of the imprisoned Punis looked apprehensively at the unappetizing food.

"Yo, guys, we're back!" called out the familiar voice of Goombella out of nowhere. The Punis then climbed over each other in fury to try and get a view of the partners from the front of the cell.

Mario confidently pulled out the Blue Key and gingerly unlocked the cell. All 90 of the Punis within immediately ran out, flattening Mario and co. in the process.

"Punio! Punio! Punio! Punio! Punio! So good to be out of there!" cried Petuni happily.

"Thanks for being patient, you guys," Punio said, grateful for all the Punis smiling at him. "And, Petuni…"

"Oh, by the way, brother," Petuni said nervously, "I have something for you…"

She then pulled a mysterious article out of her pocket and gave it to Punio. The Puni boy cheered ecstatically upon seeing what it was.

"YEEEEEEEES!" he yelled in triumph. "The Star Wars Christmas Special!! I've been looking EVERYWHERE for a copy of this! Thank you so much, sis!"

"And there's something else…" Petuni said, giving him the Dried Shroom. Punio looked at it with uncertainty.

"Uh…thank you, I guess," he said in a confused tone. He then began wolfing it down, just to get it over with. Petuni and the other Punis looked on.

"Yechhh…Ugh…"

"Oh man, that's nasty…"

"Urghhh, I don't feel very good…"

"…URP!"

Without warning, Punio stopped whispering, and abruptly vomited violently all over Petuni. She was now coated in his puke, and she looked absolutely disgusted. However, she soon smiled again and scurried to her big brother, hugging him tightly.

"Good to have you back, Petuni!" Punio stammered, still spitting out small gobs of barf.

"Now then…" said Punica. "I do believe that we're indeed in the debt of the plumber dude and his friends for liberating us all, so I say we all join him to stop these X-Naut freaks!"

Everyone in the room cheered, and the rest of the freed Punis did as Punica suggested.

90 MORE PUNIS JOINED YOUR PARTY! HAVE FUN TRYING TO FIND A PLACE FOR THEM AT A SLEEPOVER, CHUMP!

The group of 105 wasted no time in running for the holding room exit, and continued their seemingly never-ending trek through the Great Tree. They backtracked through the usual pathways, gradually making their way back to a room they previously went through. In this area, the group noticed a large hive-like area populated by the rival species of the Punis in the tree—the Jabbies. Punio gulped fearfully when he and the others realized that an effort would have to be made to fight off the Jabbies in this hive in order to progress towards the Crystal Star.

After notifying the other 100 Punis of his plan to ambush the Jabbi squadron, Punio stood firmly beside Puniper as the large Puni addressed the small army.

"Listen up, you snot-nosed little girls!" snarled Puniper, trying his best to emulate the speech of a hoarse old G.I. "We are going to waste no time in taking down those dirty Jabbi commies within their own filthy hive walls, got it?! Yesterday, you were all little ninny-foot Punis, but you are now today's ruthless, bloodthirsty killers!! Don't lemme catch ANY of you messing around on the job, or God forbid, I will send you home cryin' to your Puni mamas on the double! LET'S MOOOOOOOOOOOOVE OUT!"

The rest of the Punies, though shocked at Puniper's behavior, obediently marched into the room housing the Tree's 100-man Jabbi squadron, barking a popular Puni army ditty…

"I DUNNO WHAT I'VE BEEN TOLD!"

"I DUNNO WHAT I'VE BEEN TOLD!"

"JABBI UNDERWEAR IS PINK AND OLD!"

"JABBI UNDERWEAR IS PINK AND OLD!"

"MAMA SAID GO SAVE THE DAY!"

"MAMA SAID GO SAVE THE DAY!"

"WE'LL FIGHT THOSE BIG FIENDS A-OK!"

"WE'LL FIGHT THOSE BIG FIENDS A-OK!"

"SOUND OFF—"

"ONE, TWO!"

"SOUND OFF—"

"THREE, FOUR!"

After stupidly marching in place through the whole song, Mario and co., with the Punies, rushed into the Jabbi hive, and effectively got their butts handed to them in four seconds flat.

One hour of injuries, crying, pep talks, and sentimental encouragement later…

Puniper, after gathering up the army of bloody and bruised Punies again, screamed out, "Okay, ladies, this is our final shot! No dilly-dallyin' this time!"

The Punies hollered a united war cry, scattering back into the Jabbi room. With the help of Mario and his partners, they successfully tore apart every last Jabbi in the 100-member battle group (whether I meant literally or figuratively is UP TO YOU! GAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA alright then…).

Punio, Puniper, and some random Puni nobody cares about ran into the top-secret Jabbi hive fortress after all the carnage, destroying it inch by inch from the interior until it all crumbled away, revealing a convenient hole in the wall for the massive group to walk through.

After a couple more rooms not worth describing whatsoever, the party of 105 came to an inexplicable dead end, in a small room containing a single Puni pedestal and a switch requiring 101 Punies. Mario obviously knew what to do, so he placed the Puni Orb in the pedestal. As was usual with this practice, the 101 Punies trampled him and the three partners, crowding over the pedestal and screaming in unison, "OMFG LIKE OMG SHINY PUNI ORB OMFG!!"

With this, every last Puni had gathered on the switch, immediately triggering it to go off…and drop a huge holding cell on everybody! DUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

"What the…?!" cried Goombella. "HEY! WHOEVER THOUGHT OF THIS AS SOME SICK JOKE…GET US OUTTA HERE!"

"Buh!" someone from the previous room laughed. "Buh-huh-huh!"

"Eh?" inquired Mario. "Only one dastardly villain I know can buh as buh-like as this buh-ing coward can buh!"

"That's right, plumber boy," sneered none other than Lord Crump, tiptoeing into the dead-end room and evilly snickering. "Tee-hee! You completely fell for my trap! My helpful lowly associates and our Jabbi allies reported to me that you fools were going around throwing some dumb orb into random pedestals so that all of these little Pikmin-like thingies would crowd over a switch and trigger something helpful! Well, needless to say, I decided to totally pull an M. Night Shyamalakitudon and create this dummy pedestal…WITH A TWIST! See, instead of helping you, it so totally stopped you all in your tracks!"

"You fiend!" bellowed Koops.

"Yeah, ain't I?" Crump said in a deceptively sugary voice. "It really gives me a warm fuzzy in my happy place to see you all come so far in this quest…and yet fall so stupidly for a common trick! I'm gonna get the Great Tree's Crystal Staaa-ar! Na-na-na-boo-boo! And with that, POW, I'm gone!"

And with that, indeed, Crump walked over to the cell, farted through the bars in Mario's face, and took off.

"CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP!!" screamed Goombella.

Flurrie, now looking quite depressed, said, "Well, dears, I do believe we've come to our final chapter. Never will these Punies run through the Boggly fields carefree again! Never will I grace the stage with my blubbery presence! Never again shall sweet Mario spend 'quality time' with Princess Pe—"

Mario, after fanning the putrid scent away from his face over to Punio's, slapped Flurrie repeatedly, yelling, "Pull yourself together, Madame Furry! With that attitude, of COURSE we'll never make it through these obstacles! So, for the sake of all of us in this cell, KINDLY GROW A PAIR AND STOP YOUR BLUBBERING!! After all, Crump was apparently too thick to know that we can do THIS…"

Without warning, Mario grabbed all three of his partners, and they used their first "curse" to turn to the side and become paper-thin, gaining the ability to walk through the bars of the cell without a scratch!

"Phew, uh, that's a relief!" said Koops, happily wiping some sweat off his brow. "Now let's go get that X-Nutjob!" Mario, Goombella, and Flurrie nodded in agreement, taking off down a pipe that appeared next to the holding cell.

"Oh, geez, they abandoned us AGAIN?" complained Pupeter. "Now we're all stuck in a cell for an indefinite amount of time. For Pete's sake…anyone got a deck of cards or a joke book handy? No blackjack, though, 'cause I'm well aware that Punio always cheats at that game…"

"HEY!!"

The Great Tree – Some other room

Mario and co. quickly noticed that the room they landed in looked rather similar to one they came across before, considering that at the front of it, four statues of a sun, a moon, a Puni, and a star, in that order from left to right, stood.

"The arrangement of these four symbols reminds of something I've seen before…" murmured Goombella, using Mario's left hand to stroke her chin in deep thought.

Just then, Koops had an unprecedented flashback to Frankly's house, when the professor informed them that the second Crystal Star was in the Boggly Woods. At the time, Koops had been staring up at his bookcase, noticing four small trinkets in the order of…sun, moon, Puni, star!

"That's it!" the Koopa exclaimed. "We've seen this arrangement in Frankly's place before! If we hit the switch here and backtrack to that other room similar to this one, we could memorize this arrangement and find a way to save the Punies!"

"Not a single stutter in there?" Goombella said in disbelief.

"Well, hey," responded Koops, "I tend to refrain from that when I feel all smart and tingly inside. Let's go!"

Mario jumped on the "!" switch in the room, and a massive rumbling that penetrated every inch of the Great Tree followed. Mario and co. then went back to a previous room, as Koops instructed.

The Great Tree – "That other room that looked a lot like that one room we were just in!"

The heroes noticed that in this identical room, four switches were now in front of the four panels with the sun, moon, Puni, and star symbols on each one. Mario did not hesitate in jumping on each until the exact same order was achieved with the panels, and yet another rumbling, along with a booming voice yelling, "OOOOOHHHHHHH, YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH! THAT'S THE STUFF!" penetrated the atmosphere.

Goombella, standing in abrupt silence, whispered, "Did the Great Tree just—"

Mario, not wanting to hear her theory, hurriedly covered her mouth and walked into the new passage formed in the back wall of the room. He whistled in awe at the huge treasure chest within, and quietly opened it……

YOU GOT A SUPER BOOTS!! MAKE DO WITH A SUPER BOOTS AND BREAK DOWN OF THE BOARDED-UP PANELS IN THE FLOOR, YES?

"…What the heck?" said Mario in confusion. The space around him and the partners then disappeared and was replaced by a plain dotted background.

"ACK! PURGATORY!" screamed Goombella.

"Like, what're you talking about, girl?" said a high-pitched Toad girl from the other side of the screen.

"…Uh…" Mario stuttered with a lack of certainty. "…What's going on here? I get a Super Boots, but instead of walk out the room, I find female Toad of the annoyingness, no? LET OUT OF ME HERE, FINK RATS!"

"Chill, Mario!" said the Toad girl with reassurance. "My name's Toadette! We've met before!"

"Oh, yeah!" replied Mario, snapping his fingers as his memory jogged. "We spent some 'quality time' with eachother that one time before Super Mario RPG! Sheesh, I never saw Toad so angry until then…"

Toadette, nervous at hearing Mario's recount of this in front of the partners, cleared her throat loudly, then joyfully said, "Well, today I'm going to teach you how to use the Super Boots! It's quite simple, really…First, you jump normally into the air."

Mario did so, and as he reached the peak of his jump, he was eerily held there by some ghastly force.

"Now, after jumping, press the A Button again so as to execute a Ground Pound attack."

Mario obeyed the directions given, and successfully spun in the air, then slammed back onto the ground with the rock-hard seat of his overalls.

"Excellent!" cried Toadette, clapping with approval and blushing. "And check this out, too…" The Toad girl waved up at the top of the screen, leading an example of a boarded-up panel in the floor to fall between her and Mario.

"I'm assuming my new ability can destroy these things and open up new pathways?" guessed Mario.

"Got it, cute buns!" Toadette responded, sensually winking at him.

"Cool…" commented Koops.

"Well," said Toadette, "that's all the time I have for you guys now! Good luck with your adventure, and I'll see you again! I'll especially look forward to another encounter with you, Mario! Toodles, sweet-stache!"

With one last leap and bound, Toadette was off, and the adventurers returned to the room of sun, moon, Puni, and star panels in the Great Tree.

"Getting these Super Boots was great and all," said Goombella, "but…how will we save the Punies?"

Mario, remembering a small boarded-up panel within the holding cell, gave a small grin.

The Great Tree – That one second-to-last room with the holding cell

"…Ugh, go fish!"

"You lose, Pupeter!" Punio said triumphantly after beating the other hapless Puni in their fifth consecutive game of Go Fish.

"Don't get smug with me!" snapped Pupeter. "You just cheat at THIS game, too!"

The two Punies then argued endlessly until Mario and co. returned to the room and slipped back through the bars, ground-pounding the floor panel within the space trapped by the cell.

"Whoa!" yelled Puniper. "Nice job, Mr. Mario! So we escape through this dingy little hole you've made or somethin'?"

"We have a winner, folks!" said Goombella as she pushed Puniper through the hole in the floor. He fell down screaming all the way, but eventually hit the ground below, fortunately signaling the presence of another room.

"Ooooh, a coin!" Puniper called out back up to the holding cell.

Every other Puni cramped in the cell was blown through the hole without warning by Flurrie until every last one of them, along with Mario and co., landing on one another in a room with another pedestal and switch.

The group, gingerly placing the Puni Orb on this next pedestal, nervously watched the Punies gather on the switch and stare obsessively at the orb, wondering what would happen now.

Sadly, yet another holding cell, this time with solid walls rather than bars, landed around the space between our 105 adventurers, efficiently ending their lives and their laborious adventure. With each and every one of them out of the way, the X-Nauts had no trouble in finding the Boggly Tree's Crystal Star. After that, they uncovered the corpse of Mario underneath this second booby-trap cell and took the Crystal Star he possessed. The X-Nauts then found the next four Crystal Stars and controlled them for the rest of eternity. Peach became Sir Grodus' unwilling lap dog until she was old and gray, and the Shadow Sirens all married three-armed Elvis clones and took over the world.

The End.

And now, here's a wall of sad smilies to mirror your disappointment.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

But, okay, in all seriousness…

This final Puni switch then acted as an elevator, lowering Mario, the partners, and the 101 Punies with them down into the very base of the Great Boggly Tree. The room was massive compared to the others, and was bordered by the same giant black-and-white pots strewn around the entrance and various areas. What really caught the attention of Mario and co., however, was the Emerald Crystal Star, hovering above a stump in the front of the base room…

…Which was then snatched by Lord Crump, who had busted through the wall at the very last second!!

"BUH-HUH-HUH-HUH-HAH!" laughed the X-Naut captain, teasingly waving the Crystal Star in the air. "Check it out, chumps! I've got the Crystal Star!"

"Hand it over, you evil buffoon!" Petuni shouted at Crump, who was now putting his head between his legs, laughing, and rubbing his butt with the mythical object.

"NEEEEVEEEEER!" the foul villain shouted right back. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a grumpy boss to impress with this beauty! Perhaps to permanently wipe you off my slate of troubles, I may as well BURY YOU ALL IN THE RUBBLE OF THIS 'GREAT' TREE!! BUH-HUH-HYUCK!" Crump pulled a remote time-bomb detonator out of his pocket and wasted no time in pressing the big red button. A timer starting at 300 seconds appeared; Crump glanced over at it, cackled, and ran off for the Tree's exit.

"OMIGOSH! Not cool!" screamed Goombella. "NOTCOOLATALLOMIGOSHWE'REALLGOINGTODIEOHNOOOOOOOO!"

Mario used his furious slapping technique once again, this time on his Goomba ally. "Get a hold of yourself! We'll make it out of this alive, but not if we stay here and sniffle overdramatically about our demise. Now MOVE OUT, PRONTO!"

The Punies, the partners, and the plumber then pressed on! Braving the 280 seconds left on the timer, they fearlessly bounded like little sissy girls through every last room of the Great Tree! Oh, the obstacles they overcame! Oh, the enemies they squealed at and ran away from! Avoiding challenges along the way such as X-Naut troops, joy buzzers, Goombella's reckless fearful screaming, Piders, Jabbies, rolling boulders, cosplayers, Insurance Salesman Goombas, the Loch Ness Monster, and telemarketers, they finally braved the entire Great Tree up to the second-to-last room, with 90 seconds to spare on the timer.

"Oh, crap!" yelled Crump, who was at the room's other end, frantically unlocking the high-tech security door to the entrance. He sent two X-Naut guards to fight off our heroes, and a quick clash began.

!!BEGIN BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

Mario HP: 15/15 FP: 15/15

Goombella HP: 10/10

Koops HP: 10/10

Flurrie HP: 15/15

VS.

X-Naut #1 HP: 4

X-Naut #2 HP: 4

Mario uses Jump on X-Naut #1. Does 4 damage. X-Naut #1 faints.

Flurrie uses Body Slam on X-Naut #2. Does 2 damage.

X-Naut #2 charges at Mario. Does 2 damage.

Mario hammers X-Naut #2. Does 2 damage. X-Naut #2 faints.

!!END BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

Mario and co. charged through the last security door, surprisingly busting it off its hinges, and stopped in the middle of the entrance room as they noticed Crump being blocked off by the Elder.

"For the last time, you incessant old buzzard," snarled Crump, "MOVE IT!"

The Elder began breakdancing for a few seconds, and then abruptly stopped.

"…What the hell?" muttered Crump. "Seriously, scoot over so I can get out of this crappy tree! I got me a Crystal Star to bring home to ol' Grodie!"

"I'm simply moving it, as you've told me to a hundred times already!" snapped the Elder. "I won't LITERALLY move it until you give up that Star, fiend!"

Crump snorted. "Oh, please. I'm not going to listen to you. Let me through to the exit, and perhaps I'll reconsider on blowing this crudhole up!"

"I'll do no such thing!" responded the Elder, puffing up to twenty times her size and startling Crump. "If I have to, I'll fight you off MYSELF! SUPER ELDER POWERS ACTIVATE!!"

Crump fell silent and backed away a few inches. "Whoa there, Grandma, what's the deal?" he asked, baffled at what she had just said. "Are all of your senses going out on you at once, or what?"

Just as the Elder was ready to charge at the X-Naut, she stumbled, and a cracking sound was heard. "Oh, son of…" she began to moan. "…PERFECT DAY FOR MY BACK TO ACT UP! Curse you, old age…"

Crump was now in stitches, laughing himself hoarse at the unfortunate Elder. However, he was abruptly halted in doing so when he turned around and set his eyes on Mario, Goombella, Flurrie, Koops, and the entire Puni army. 105 pairs of eyes glared right back at him.

"Uh…POW! I'm of—" he began to shout nervously, only to run backward and trip over the Elder, causing her to screech in pain.

Mario and co. inched further and further towards Crump.

"Oh, forget it," said Crump, turning off the time-bomb detonator, which thankfully had only seven seconds remaining. "I don't need a stupid bomb to finish any of you off. What a sleazy last resort that was! I can shred you all with good old physical combat, anyway…"

And with that, POW! Crump whistled, which then summoned a giant robot to the entrance room. The contraption looked like a fighting machine of sorts, with the main body resembling a pink tissue box containing an "X" on the front, along with long metal arms ending in formidable punching fists, and long, agile, flexible legs. Crump hopped into the domed control area at the top of the robot and turned it toward our heroes.

"Ah, what a pathetic day to be you twerps!" yelled Crump through a megaphone embedded in the robot's system. "Beg for mercy as you say hello tooooooo……THE GREAT MAGNUS VON GRAPPLE!!"

Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Flurrie all straightened up and got into their battle poses. The fight for the second Crystal Star had begun.

!!BEGIN BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

Mario HP: 15/15 FP: 15/15

Goombella HP: 10/10

Koops HP: 10/10
Flurrie HP: 15/15

VS.

Magnus von Grapple HP: 30

"Get ready to feel the pain!" Crump said, laughing like a maniac. "Unfortunately for you losers, this baby ain't packed with tissues, so it won't do you any good for your little weeping session after you totally get pulverized!! Buh-huh!"

Mario uses Jump on Magnus von Grapple. Does 4 damage.

Goombella uses Headbonk on Magnus von Grapple. Does 2 damage.

"Hmm?!" grunted Crump. "I'm not going down that easily, kiddies...MAGNUS VON PUNISH!!"

MvG stomps Mario. Does 2 damage.

Mario uses Power Smash on MvG. Does 4 damage.

Goombella uses Headbonk on MvG. Does 1 damage.

MvG triggers an earthquake. Does 2 damage to both Mario and Goombella.

Mario uses a Fire Flower on MvG. Does 3 damage.

Koops uses Shell Toss on MvG. Does 2 damage.

Magnus was now down to half its original HP, and Crump was silently stringing together several profanities under his breath in frustration. "Okay, playtime's over, worms! Wait'll you see this…"

MvG detaches its two fists. The fists become hovering missiles.

Magnus von Grapple HP: 14

X-Fist #1 HP: 2

X-Fist #2 HP: 2

"Those fists look really suspicious…" mumbled Goombella. "You think we oughta take 'em out before heading for Magnus again?"

"Nonsense," snapped Mario. "They're just minor distractions. I mean, what damage could they really deal?!"

Flurrie uses Body Slam on X-Fist #1. Does 2 damage. X-Fist #1 explodes.

Mario hammers MvG. Does 2 damage.

"YOU ASKED FOR IT!" cried Crump. "AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLLLLLLE-MEN, HERE IT IS!"

X-Fist #2 charges at Mario and explodes. Does 4 damage.

MvG regains two new fists.

"Oh, crap!" cried Mario, now also down to less than half his starting HP.

Flurrie uses Body Slam on MvG. Does 2 damage.

Mario uses Special Ability Earth Tremor. Does 5 damage to MvG.

"Okay, I'm pullin' out all the stops!" Crump yelled out to our heroes.

MvG creates an even more powerful earthquake. Does 4 damage to all 4 party members.

Mario HP: 3/15 FP: 13/15

Goombella HP: 4/10

Koops HP: 6/10

Flurrie HP: 11/15

Magnus von Grapple HP: 5/30

Mario uses Jump on MvG. Does 2 damage.

Flurrie uses Body Slam on MvG. Does 2 damage.

MvG detaches X-Fists again.

Mario, realizing that one more blast from an X-Fist would finish him, cried, "NOT SO FAST, CREEP!"

Mario uses Thunder Rage. Does 5 damage to both X-Fists and MvG. X-Fists explode, and Magnus von Grapple faints!

"No! Impossible!" whined Crump, slamming his head repeatedly on the dome of the robot as it crumbled to pieces.

!!END BATTLE SEQUENCE!!

Crump lazily shoved his way out of the debris that was once Magnus von Grapple, then sadly looked around and muttered, "Um…Well, would you look at that. Sorry, I'd love to stay, but, ah…GOTTA GO!" And with that, POW! Lord Crump was gone…but not forever! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

"I…Wow, sis, I don't believe it…but…Mario drove away the X-Nauts!" Punio said to Petuni, his voice growing happier and happier.

Every last Puni in the room, aside from the groaning Elder, cheered in unison and hoisted Mario and co. up among them. The whole sea of Punies then escorted Mario to the dropped Emerald Crystal Star. Our favorite Italian plumber hero then held the artifact over his head, smiling, as—AAAAAH! FLASHY SEQUENCE HURT EYES!! AUTHOR NO SEE! OUCH!!

YOU GOT A CRYSTAL STAR!! MARIO GAINS STAR POWER AND LEARNS A NEW SPECIAL MOVE—CLOCK OUT!!

END OF CHAPTER!!

X-Naut Base

Grodus was sitting in his hi-tech room, as usual, stroking a mirror he held in his hand with one index finger.

"Hey there, you awesome hunk of X-Naut," he crooned to his reflection. His tone of voice then shifted to baby talk as he said, "Who's gonna be the biggest, baddest ruler of the world? You are! Yeah, you are! Gimme kiss, Grodus, baby!" He then puckered his lips (if he really even has any) and made hot love to the mirror.

X-Naut commando Johnson, who had silently entered the room, abruptly got Grodus' attention as he said, "Permission to speak, you narcissistic old son of a—"

"Yes! Yes! OUT WITH IT!" roared Grodus. "What're you doing in here, sneaking up on me like a common sewer rat?!"

"Sir," Johnson said, his tone of voice now shaking, "I'm sorry to report that both the Shadow Sirens and Lord Crump have failed in their mission to retrieve both the Great Boggly Tree's Crystal Star and the one collected from Hooktail's Castle by Mario."

Grodus then oddly began to shiver, his body reddening as his spectacles were overwhelmed with heat. He soon spouted out a high-pitched wail of fury, much like a tea kettle. Johnson hurried over to Grodus' throne, picked him up, and placed him elsewhere in the room to let him cool down.

Grodus, now wiping his brow with a handkerchief, spluttered out, "Thanks for that."

"No prob, Grodus, sir—ah, ma'am—um, lord—uh, master—er, grocery store manager—uh—"

"Shut up. Now, you were saying something about…ugh…that wretched plumber DEFEATING CRUMP AND THE SIRENS?!" said Grodus, evidently still very angry.

"Q-Q-Quite right, Sir Gr-Grodus…" Johnson stuttered.

"Just what do I pay those buffoons to do?! Sit around and carve pumpkins while some fat guy whips their sorry butts and ruins our plans!!" Grodus cried indignantly, flailing his arms colorfully.

"Apparently, sir," responded Johnson.

"Well…don't worry too much about that right now," Grodus said, trying his hardest to calm down. "They should just report back here as soon as possible…Also, Johnson…"

Johnson paused before leaving the room. "Yeah?"

"Sorry about biting your head off there when you came in," the X-Naut leader muttered. "It's just…I don't like people disturbing my quality 'me' time, okay? Get lost."

The commando did as he was told, and Grodus glided back over to his throne.

"Mario…" he growled almost silently. "I despise you."

X-Naut Base – Peach's Room

"Wow, I'm plumb bored out of my mind," complained Princess Peach, who was now sprawled out on her comfy holding room bed. "Nothing to do around here but eat meals, take showers, and sleep. Kinda reminds me of that overweight cat from the comics…"

The exit door to her room abruptly opened at that moment.

"Mmm?" Peach strolled over to the door. "Oh, I suppose it's TEC again…" She sighed, walked through the empty corridor outside, and entered the computer room, where TEC was patiently waiting.

"G'DAY, PRINCESS PEACH."

"G'day, TEC," mumbled Peach, yawning and stretching.

"TAKEN ANY GOOD SHOWERS LATELY?"

"And just HOW is that YOUR business?" Peach snapped, folding her arms and turning away from TEC's screen.

"I AM NOT SURE. IT JUST IS…"

"You're apparently not big on small talk, huh?" remarked Peach.

"YOU ARE QUITE RIGHT ON THAT. WELL, ENOUGH OF THIS…I SPECIFICALLY CALLED YOU BACK IN HERE FOR SOMETHING."

"Like…what?" Peach inquired, tilting her head as she looked back at TEC.

"I HEARD YOU MUMBLING QUITE COHERENTLY IN YOUR SLEEP LAST NIGHT. YOU SAID THINGS SUCH AS, 'OH, WHEN WILL MARIO COME AND RESCUE ME ALREADY?'. IN ADDITION, 'I'M SO TIRED OF BEING COOPED UP HERE, ALL ALONE, WITH ONLY A PERVERTED COMPUTER TO ACCOMPANY ME!' FURTHERMORE, YOU INQUIRED, 'POOR ME! WILL I NEVER BE ABLE TO HEAR THE SINGING BLUEJAYS AND THE RINGING SHOTGUNS OF THEIR HUNTERS EVER AGAIN? WILL I EVER GET THAT WOMEN'S MAGAZINE I MAIL-ORDERED LAST WEEK?'—"

"Right then, TEC, just cut to the chase," Peach impatiently interrupted.

"…BUT WHAT REALLY CAUGHT MY ATTENTION WAS YOUR RATHER PERSONAL QUESTION OF, 'WILL I NEVER GRACEFULLY DANCE AT THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM BALL EVER AGAIN?' AFTER HEARING SUCH A THING, MY CPU HAD AN ODD JOLT…AN URGE, OF SORTS."

"FORGET IT!" yelled Peach. "Uh-uh! Not happening, you sicko! Imagine what our children would look like!!"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, PEACH…FORGIVE ME IF IT WAS IMPLIED AS SUCH," TEC flatly responded. "IN ACTUALITY, I FELT A PROCESSED COMMAND WITHIN MYSELF TO…DANCE…WITH YOU."

"And…uh…" struggled Peach. "And just how would you do…that?"

"I HAVE MY WAYS," TEC replied. Without warning, a barely-visible electronic clone of Peach appeared before our favorite little ditzy princess.

"…Uh…wow," said Peach, who was simply at a loss for words. "This seems very bizarre, but…well, whatever makes you happy, TEC."

"I DO NOT FEEL 'HAPPY'," said TEC, "SIMPLY THAT I HAD A COMMAND, AND I ACCOMPLISHED IT."

Princess Peach sighed and held both hands of her electronic clone in a beginning dance pose.

"I WILL NOW USE MY SUPER-DUPER TUTORIAL POWERS TO TEACH THE AUTHOR HOW TO CONTROL YOU IN THIS DANCE," TEC instructed. He then turned his lens to the screen and said, "IF YOU NEED INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO AID PEACH IN HER DANCING, CHECK OUT THE ENCLOSED INSTRUCTION BOOK."

Uh…

What enclosed instruction book?!

"…SORRY…"

So then, a crystal disco ball lowered from the ceiling, and Peach danced with her duplicate to some nice ballroom music for about two minutes, with each button appearing on the screen being pressed successfully so as to have her perform each correct move in the dance.

As soon as the dance finished, the duplicate flickered out, and Peach lowered her arms. "Will that be all?" she calmly asked TEC.

"YES, I WOULD SAY THAT IS ALL I REQUESTED," TEC responded. "THANK YOU SO MUCH, PRINCESS. THAT WAS FUN…"

TEC then paused for a moment. "WAIT…FUN? WHAT IS THIS 'FUN' I COMPREHEND? IS IT NOT UNLIKE 'LOVE'?"

Peach turned away to leave the room, a wide smile on her face. "TEC, you are one strange computer!" she said happily.

"WRONG. I AM NOT STRANGE, BUT RATHER, PERFECT."

"Whatever…"

"OH, SORRY, PEACH. REFRAIN FROM LEAVING JUST YET…"

Peach raised an eyebrow. "How come?"

"I AM QUITE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU ARE ASSISTING ME WITH. I WOULD LIKE TO GRANT ANY WISH THAT MAY BE ON YOUR MIND."

Peach was a bit suspicious as to how wide her spectrum of wishes could be, seeing as she had been in captivity before with Twink, who couldn't do a thing for her at first. But wait! thought Peach. Twink WAS able to help me communicate back and forth with Mario…THAT'S IT!!

"Well, TEC," Peach responded, sighing deeply, "I do have one request…I'd like to use whatever communicator you may have to keep in touch with Mario. Is that okay?"

"AS LONG AS YOU KNOW HIS ADDRESS, I HAVE NO QUALMS," TEC said.

Peach thanked TEC and walked up to his keyboard, typing up an e-mail to Mario's portable Mailbox SP at, like, 287 words per second. She hit the Enter key after a few seconds, and the envelope traveling across TEC's screen indicated that it had gotten safely to "itsamemario23899997atm-maildotcom", Mario's e-mail address.

The princess turned away once again to exit the room. As the door opened and she left, the lights in the computer room dimmed.

A quiet, monotonous noise resembling a sigh rose from TEC. "GOOD NIGHT, PRINCESS PEACH…"

Petal Meadows

"Hurk…Oh, geez, this is really tough…" groaned a familiar evil voice from inside the warp pipe leading to Petal Meadows.

As it turns out, Bowser had a bit of a difficult time getting to the location of the first Crystal Star. Fortunately, after about two hours of flying, then wading through sewage water, then relentlessly insulting Kammy Koopa's lack of common sense, he had finally gotten to the Petal Meadows pipe. Unfortunately, he now had to squeeze through the ridiculously narrow thing!

"I can see the exit to this damned pipe! Praise the Lord!" cried Bowser joyfully. "Gimme a bit more of a boost up, you dumb purple hag! It's your own fault we had to take this stupid route in the first place!"

"Well, Your Demandingness," murmured Kammy from farther below, "it was a rather common mistake on my behalf. I mean, yes, I may have forgotten to fill your Koopa Klown Kar with enough gas before we left, but doesn't that always happen to even the best of us? I'm only Koopa, after all. It's no big deal."

"No big deal?" Bowser shouted as he popped his head out from the pipe and got his first view of the meadows. "NO…BIG…DEAL?! Listen here, you fool, I nearly CHOKED ON BLOOPER FECES back in that part of the sewers where that friggin' 'Cuddly' beast was!! I don't think I've ever been soaked with so much ink in my life!...Well, we're here."

The Koopa King was first to finally squeeze his way out of the pipe's last portion, landing on the first stretching field of flowers as Kammy zoomed out of the pipe on her trusty broom.

"Now, then…" Kammy said, looking patiently around at her surroundings. "I did not get specific information on just where around here the Diamond Crystal Star was, but we can certainly find it after doing some destructive browsing! GACK HACK HACK HACK HYECK BLECK! Onwards, Your Browsingness!!"

"With pleasure," replied Bowser.

The villainously villainous, yet somewhat incompetent, villain then easily prevailed through a weird reimagining of a Super Mario Bros. level, burning randomly placed enemies to a crisp and grabbing pork rinds for super invincibility along the way! He ended the mock-level by trampling over the victory flagpole as a giant invincible behemoth, then entering a formidable-looking castle…yet, for some disappointing reason, he just found himself next in the village of Petalburg, normal-sized.

The Koopa male greeting everyone who entered the village did not seem to recognize Bowser at first. He simply smiled, stuck out his right hand, and said, "Hello, traveler! My name is Kalvin Monty Jonathan Spike Maury Jerry Montell…"

He then realized he was trying to shake hands with King Bowser himself, and his smile disappeared immediately. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the greeting Koopa screamed, running into the river. "IT'S BOWSER, KING OF THE KOOPAS!! HIDE!!"

Bowser cackled maniacally as several Koopas ran for their houses. "Boy howdy, that's right! Run, little chickadees! Run from Papa Bowser!" he roared.

"What fools," remarked Kammy Koopa, gliding in behind him with a grin on her face. "The rascals ought to be pledging undying allegiance to you, My Lord! Just goes to show you how unjustly soft our kind has gotten…"

Bowser silenced Kammy and strolled gleefully through Petalburg, singing a merry tune and stomping flowers, bees, and one unfortunate Bub-ulb along the way.

"You!" he suddenly growled, pointing at Mayor Kroop, who happened to be out on a stroll. Well, not much of a stroll, considering he was blindly walking into the side wall of his house over and over…

"Yes, sir?" croaked Kroop, turning over to Bowser.

"Got any information on the Crystal Star found here, bub?!"

Kroop whined, "I have no clue what brand of toothpaste you're requesting, you big ugly horned beaver! Leave me alone!"

Bowser stared in confusion at Mayor Kroop, a dumbfounded "WTF?" expression plastered on his royal face.

"Don't play dumb with us, Rip Van Winkle," snapped Kammy, pointing her wand at the elderly mayor. "YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!! Give us info on the Diamond Crystal Star right now. It'd be a real shame to have to turn you into a deep-fried Cheep-Cheep meal for His Angriness to enjoy!"

Mayor Kroop, who clearly had enough of this, screamed, "FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT GOING TO JOIN THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY!" Kroop then whipped out his cane and beat Kammy silly in a flash. Bowser scooped up Kammy and ran screaming like a little girl to the exit of the village.

"FORGET YOU, OLD MAN!" Bowser roared back at the mayor. "YOU'RE JUST A FRIGGIN' WASTE OF MY TIME ANYWAY!!"

Koopie Koo and Koopley had been sitting down by the riverside when they noticed Bowser and Kammy Koopa running up to the gate nearby. Koopie squealed with fright and withdrew into her shell while Koopley got up and raised his fists at the Koopa King.

"Bring it on, Bowser!" shouted Koopley. "If I could handle ten years in the stomach of a putrid dragon, I can brave your onslaught!"

Bowser turned over to him, huffing with exhaustion, and sputtered, "Okay, dude, whatever. I'm in no mood to fight after encountering your psychotic mayor. You got any information on the Crystal Star's whereabouts around here?..."

Koopley lowered his fists and smugly said to Bowser, "Tut-tut-tut, old king! The early bird gets the Crystal Star!"

"And just what are you blathering on about!?" shouted Kammy, who had regained consciousness.

"Mario got here before you and your hag pal there, you brute!" Koopley further explained to Bowser. "The Crystal Star once possessed by Hooktail is now rightfully in his deserving hands."

Bowser breathed a giant spurt of flame in a rage, temporarily scorching Koopley right where he stood. "This sucks so much! What a waste of life…"

Kammy was too busy looking over at a window in another house, however. She could quite plainly see in the window…Princess Peach?!

"YOUR FIERYNESS! YOUR FIERYNESS!" she called. "OVER THERE!"

Bowser too noticed Peach in the house window, and he immediately regained a vicious smile upon his face. "Well, I suppose this wasn't a TOTAL waste…" he mumbled, walking over to the window.

Peach merely said, "……"

"Come now, Peachy!" Bowser happily said to the princess in the window. "You're coming back to good old Dark Land with little ol' me, hun-bun!"

"Tee-hee, she's so overcome with delight at your presence for a change!" said Kammy.

Once again, all Peach said was, "…"

"Oh, I see. The silent treatment," said Bowser, frowning towards her. "Well, I suppose I could live with you being silent for once! COME TO PAPA—"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Kristopher, the gatekeeper. "Keep away from my window, fiend!"

"Wha?" grunted Bowser. "…And just what right do you have in telling me what to do?"

"I'd rather DIE than give up my life-sized Princess Peach poster to a villain like you, King Bowser!" cried Kristopher, scurrying into his house and taking the poster of Peach down from the window.

Bowser stood there for a couple of minutes, clearly struck dumb at this revelation.

"…

"……"

"Whoops!" whispered Kammy, nervously giggling. "Heh…heh heh…I guess that was somewhat of a…eh…miscalculation on…tee-hee…my…hee…part……"

"Great," Bowser flatly said, his smile sinking away like a two-ton anchor. "Just great. Now I'm going to be renowned as the big, tough, awesome King of Guys Who Talk to Posters……Oh, shut up, Kammy…"

Outside the Great Boggly Tree

"Marty-o…" the Elder began.

"MARIO!" screamed the plumber indignantly.

"Yes, yes, I know your stupid name…" the Elder continued. "…Well, I daresay that we will always, ahem, 'owe you one'!"

"Indeed, Mario," said Puniper. "You really helped in convincing me that I can't just sit on the sidelines in doubt forever when I should be taking action. I'll always be thankful for you and your allies' assistance in running those stupid X-Nauts straight out of our home!"

"Mario…" began Punio. "I too have to specifically thank you…for everything, really. You helped me get back here safe and sound, you helped in getting Madame Flurrie's aid, you saved the Elder and the other Punis…and most importantly, you liberated my sister among them all."

"Yeah, thanks for that!" said Petuni, giggling a little. "You can always come back any time, Mr. Mario! We promise! We won't be too busy…"

"Petuni's quite right on that, Marty-o," interrupted the Elder. "Just when my dumb back was acting up and my first use of Super Elder Powers in 36 years failed me, you were there to destroy that goofy Margaret Van Grumble thingy and drive Lord Dump away from us. Thank you so much! The same goes for your partners, too."

Mario and co. then said their respective goodbyes, promised to keep the Emerald Crystal Star secure in their possession, and backtracked to the entry point of Boggly Woods, ready and raring to get a third Crystal Star from wherever the heck they may go next!

A/N: Whew…I've been writing this chapter very on-and-off since April of '07, and just recently got the motivation to finish it all up. What's really quite sad is that this chapter alone is nineteen pages longer in Microsoft Word than the longest chapter in Paper Mario: Raw and Uncut was. ;/ Unbelievable…

Well, with the Boggly Woods escapades all said and done, find out where our heroes will go next with the next chapter of PAPER MARIO TTYD: RAW AND UNCUT!

Now, make like the Elder and activate your super reviewing powers. :D