Lust, Love, and Life
DISCLAIMER - I do not own Victorious, or any of the Characters, Images, or any else that is in any way related to it.
Chapter 4 - Don't Trust Them
Last weekend was amazing. Like unicorns wrapped in rainbows surrounded by cotton candy awesome! Jade took me to a place I never imagined. She was forceful, but somehow, exactly what I wanted and needed. I don't think I came down from my high at all Friday night. I fell asleep, and then woke up to her slapping my ass early in the morning.
There may not have been many words, but I've come to expect that from her. I know there are things about her past that she won't and can't talk about. Her father is the main thing, but there are others. Like the fact that she's scared of being hurt or used for someone's gain. I think that is why she does it to others first.
But what she did changed me. I can't really walk straight without pain, but damn, I don't care. I wanted her, and I got her. I did my best to act submissive, but I wanted her to know that I enjoyed my time and that I didn't mind her having her way with me. That's why if she let up long enough, I took time to pay her back.
I could swear she started to call out my name one time. "Does she want me, too?" I really don't think so. I think she just did it because she had enough pent up tension from the last few months she was with Beck. Don't say no one noticed. Trust me, we all knew. Even Robbie and I were starting to tease them about it.
"Wow, Jade. Beck stop loving you? And so soon?" We shared a laugh, until she shot that look. We both apologized, rather quickly, I might add. Then I hugged her, and she shattered my eardrum with a very forceful "NO!".
I had walked away, looking over my shoulder to see the remnants of a tear in her eye. She really did love him. I remember thinking that she was one of the saddest people I know. She comes off as a bitch and strong, but I know the truth. She's damaged. She mistrusts anyone who gets close to her. She can't take the pain, so she does it to them first. I know I keep repeating that, but I have to keep telling myself that so that I can trust her. If I didn't, I wouldn't have anything to do with her. And I wouldn't have any chance with her.
"I wonder what Jadey want to talk to me about? Maybe another "visit"? I can only hope. I won't say anything. I need her to trust me, if I want anything to do with her. I wonder what she thinks of Jessie?" I'm brought out of my thoughts by the smell of vanilla. I instantly think of Tori, and turn to talk to her. Instead, there stands my new classmate. "Hey, Jessie!"
"Hey Cat. I guess we got 1st period together."
"Yay! I guess I get to introduce you to the school. Okay, now this class is really simple." We were in our advanced singing class. I'm kinda glad Jade isn't here. I want to talk to Jessie. There is something about her, something familiar. Like she's easy to be around, to talk to. I really want to get to know her better.
Not like anything I want or need with Jade. Just what I have with Tori. A great friend, someone to hang with and get to know. I think even with our careers, Tori and I will be friends for life. Just like Jadey. But I want so much more from her. I want her to want me, and need me.
Our teacher, Mrs. Florez, is walking in now. She's a great teacher, but a bit old. Her idea of singing and music is, well, old. Like 1950s old. Not saying that its bad or anything, but still. GET WITH THE TIMES WOMAN.
"Alright, everyone, please take your seats. Miss Moore, if you would please." She ushered Jessie up beside her. "If you haven't met our new student yet, please do and make her feel comfortable. She will be here the rest of the year, yes?" She turned, getting an accepting nod from her. "If you would, please display your talents." Mrs. Florez's eyes lit up as she said this, as if she knew something great was coming.
"Thank you!" Jessie took her seat in front of the piano, looking to me and winking. "Wait, did she just? Nah, she's just being friendly." As the song began, I noticed it immediately as one of my favorite bands and songs.
Wrap me in a bolt of lightning, Send me on my way still smiling,
Maybe that's the way I should go, Stright into the mouth of the unknown.
I left the spare key on the table, I never really thought I'd be able.
To say I mearly visit on the weekend, I lost my whole life and a dear friend.
I've said it so many times
I would change my way, no never mind
God knows I tried
Call me a sinner, Call me a saint
Tell me its over, I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me its over, I don't want you to hurt.
Its all that I can say, So i'll be on my way
I finally put it all together, That nothing really lasts forever
I had to make choice that was not mine, I had to say goodbye for the last time
I kept my whole life in a suitcase, I never really stayed in one place
Maybe thats the way it should be, You know I lived my life like a gypsy
I've said it so many times
I would change my way, no never mind
God knows I tried
Call me a sinner, Call me a saint
Tell me its over, I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me its over, I don't want you to hurt.
Its all that I can say, So I'll be on my way
I'll always keep you inside
You healed my heart and my life
And you know I tried
Call me a sinner, Call me a saint
Tell me its over, I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me its over, I don't want you to hurt.
Its all that I can say, So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way
"Oh, damn. That voice is INCREDABLE!" I smiled to her, a small tear in my eye. I could swear she picked that song for me. The way she didn't tear her eyes off of me, or that she intentionally let her angelic voice fly high when she talked about love. Something in me got touched. But still, even through the flawless performance, I kept thinking of Jade, and imagined her singing it along side her. Well, maybe instead of her. Jade has an awesome voice, too. I still remember karaoke dokey.
As we sang our song, Jade kept looking at Beck. And I couldn't help but feel jealous. Even though the song was supposed to be about some guy and blah blah, I was singing to Jade. For her, about her, with her. "Damn, please Jade. I want you so bad." I couldn't help but feel jealous as she kept her gaze on him. I wanted her to feel what I felt, what I feel.
Here comes Jessie, smiling to me the entire time. She came to take a seat beside me, and I couldn't help but to hug her as she passed. I think that other than a sincere smile, a hug is the best thing for friends to give each other. No matter then time, it always speaks volumes. Its compassionate to that "special" someone, or understanding when they are hurt. Even just a friendly gesture when you are proud of what someone had done. Even guys give that akward one had shaking, one arm patting the back goodbye.
As I drift into lala land, the time just slips away. It isn't until she places her hand on my shoulder that I notice class is over, and the bell rang a few moments ago. I didn't even realize that my thoughts were torn between Jade, who I still wanted and needed so bad, and her, who for some reason, I could swear I feel a connection to. But not that kind. Jade is my girl, and I will be with her eventually, even if she doesn't know it yet.
xxxxx
"Yeah, Jade, I'll be there."
"Good, now, I'll see you in Sikowitz's class."
Jade knew that I had first period with Jessie, and I can hear the tension in her voice. Its different than her sexual tension. I know that like the back of my hand. She can at least focus, but her normal demeanor is even more apparant as she just doesn't care what is said or who it is said to. This, though, was weird. Like she was being cautious. As if she didn't want me to and Jessie to be friendly.
"Huh, maybe she does want me? Does she think that Jessie is a threat? I think I need to let her know. Maybe? Should I tell her? If she says no, what happens? I might be all she has left, after everything that happened with Beck and Tori."
Yeah, let me tell you about THAT. Saturday morning, when Jade caught me talking with Tori, I was in the middle of a conversation about how great Beck was. Gentle, sweet, great kisser. You know, all those things that girls say about their new crush or guy they started dating. What I didn't expect was that they would, well, do what Jade and I had done. She said it was the best she ever had.
I feel angry at her, using Jade to make Beck vulnerable. She let Jade break him down so that he would crave love and attention. I knew she always wanted him, and that she didn't care if she had to go through Jade. She has never been scared of Jade. So she used Jade to break past Beck's defenses, and get him once and for all. But I guess, I was thinking of doing the same thing. Telling her about Thursday in order for her to be available and willing. I don't know. I guess its a double standard. I want to be mad at her while justifying myself doing it.
I finally get to third period, my first of the day with Jade. Sikowitz isn't here, but I know he will be late, again. He always is. We usually sit there for about ten minutes before class actually starts. I smell the vanilla again, but its much stronger this time.
Jessie and Tori walk in together. Their combined aroma is almost overbearing, but I think I can manage. Jade follows in behind, a fresh cup of coffee in her hand. She walks over to me, grabbing my waist and pulling me aside.
"Kitty-" She whispered, as if she didn't want anyone to hear. "- we need to go. NOW."
I was completely confused, wondering exactly what she wanted. "Why?"
She instantly looked upset that I might go against her wishes. I think I upset her. "Because, I need to talk to you." She starts pulling me toward the door. Sikowitz stops her as we are leaving, her anger flaring even worse. "MOVE HIPPIE." I sheepishy flinch away, and I see an apologetic look coming my way. Out the door we go, and we go straight for her car.
The moment we are behind the tinted glass, her lips are instantly on top of mine. The fierceness of the manuver takes me by surprise, but I can't help but to return the kiss. Unsure if its the hormones, or if I was suffering from withdrawal from my favorite drug, I look her straight in the eyes, making sure to ask her to continue. She complies, our lips dancing, their pace out running our ability to breath. Eventually it breaks, and I feel the withdrawl of my drug kicking in. I pout, my lip sticking out. She grabs the back of my head one more time, placing a light kiss on my lips.
We eventually make our way back inside, the halls echoing our arrival. We walk back to class, her lightly tapping my ass. "Not a word, Kitty." She smiles a flirty way, making my heart skip. "Okay, she's in love with me, I know it."
xxxxx
Near the end of class, Sikowitz just happens to "randomly" pick me, Jade, Jessica, Tori, and Beck for an alpabetic improv. Our scene starts easily, but things eventually get heated. Tori, Beck, and even Jessie are fighting with Jade.
"You lost him, Jade. Get over it."
"ZIP IT, VEGA. You can have him. Fucking Canadian."
"As if I care what you think of me."
"Be careful, girl. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into." Jade looks straight at the blonde, a death glare shooting. Jessie isn't even phased.
"Can we just get along, PLEASE." I was trying to restore order, but there was no hope. Jade had already made her bed, and Jessie looked like she was ready to make her lay in it. "Huh, I wonder what Jessie-" Oh, nevermind.
"Don't think you can-" RRIIIINNGG. The bell stops our little scene in its track, all five of us rushing out the door.
I catch up to Jade, forcing her to face me. She's crying?! "Jade, what's wrong?"
"Cat, please, I know I may not like them, but I have good reasons. Don't trust them. Beck, Vega, Jessie. None. Now, you're coming to my house tonight. And I won't take no for an answer." Like I mind, I would do everything to be with her every night.
xxxxx
As school comes to a close, Jessie has started to grow on me. Something about that song this morning, then third period, I don't even remember what Jade told me. Or that I was supposed to be going to her house tonight. I walk out the door, my arm wrapped around Jessie. We're laughing and talking about what Robbie did, tripping down the stairs while trying to catch someone who had stolen Rex.
I didn't even see Jade's face as I walked by, getting into the blonde's car. I think she's growing on me. As I get in, she reaches over, grabbing my hand and giving me a smile. "Damn, she is beautiful. Maybe-"
Okay, chapter 4. Anyone wanna guess what Jade is going to do? That's all I got. Also, I own nothing about Shinedown's Call Me. All credit goes to them. (And yes, I know I've used it in everyone of my fics. I just love the song and feel it fits. Sue me.) Until chapter 5, please R/E/R!