It's five o'clock on Christmas Eve, and Kate hasn't heard from Castle all day.

Not that she expects to hear from him on Christmas Eve, it's just that before he left yesterday he said he'd talk to her today and he hasn't, and Kate is trying very hard not to believe that it's because he's decide he doesn't want to talk to her. That after she was so horrible to him yesterday, throwing his Christmas spirit in his face and all but mocking him for being an emotionally healthy person who enjoys Christmas, and not a walking holiday disaster zone like herself, he'd realized that he was better off without her Grinchy negativity bringing down his festivities.

Better off without her negativity bringing him down, ever.

Kate slumps at her desk, the thought making her a little breathless and sick, and wow, she is being so, so stupid. She didn't sleep well last night, that's why her stomach is twisted up and her eyes feel hot. She's thinking these dumb things because she spent the night tossing and turning, swinging between anger and guilt and some indefinable panic whenever she remembers Castle's face as he left.

Maybe she should just call him, hear his voice so she can get rid of this horrible paranoia that she broke him. Just to make sure that his happy cheer is back and intact, so she can stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about him.

Kate pulls out her phone and swipes to his contact picture, the one he put in himself. It's a selfie he took with her phone last week, a close up of his face under the mistletoe ball, his mouth pursed in exaggerated kissy lips. She keeps forgetting to change it.

She pauses, her thumb hovering over the ridiculous picture. This is probably a bad idea. She shouldn't interrupt his Christmas Eve family time. And, okay, he did invite her to come over, so it stands to reason he wouldn't be totally put out by a phone call, but that was before she tried to single-handedly destroy his Christmas, so maybe she should just leave it alone.

Yes. Kate sets her phone down. She won't call. No reason to. She'll talk to him after the holidays.

It's just that he said he'd call and what is wrong with her? Kate drops her head to her desk with a thump. Maybe she's coming down with something. Her throat is hot and tight, and she feels like she might cry any minute over nothing. She has no idea what's wrong with her or what to do.

"Beckett?"

Kate jerks her head up so fast her neck spasms. Castle's in front of her, like a genie conjured from her hopes and wishes - her wish to talk to him, not...whatever. He has a cautious smile on his face and a gift bag in his hand.

"Hey!" she blurts out, somehow managing to both slam her knee into the underside of her desk and twist her probably-whiplashed neck as she yanks herself into a sitting position.

"Hey." Castle quirks an eyebrow at her. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Fine."Kate rubs her knee and tries not to grimace. "My knee hurts, I'm surprised. Not surprised my knee hurts. I mean, you surprised me." God, is she babbling? This sounds like babbling. She takes a deep breath. "I didn't expect to see you."

"Oh." Castle shifts his weight and looks unsure. "But I said I'd talk to you today?"

"I know, but…" Kate trails off, not sure how to add, but I was so awful to you that I was positive I'd driven you away forever, when Castle interrupts her.

"Here." He thrusts the gift bag at her. "It's safe to open. It's not pony related."

Kate reaches out and cautiously takes the bag. "Not pony related?" If she sounds slightly confused and disappointed it's only because she so completely wasn't expecting him and is still kind of shocked that he's here. With a present. A non-pony present.

"No." Castle shakes his head, serious. "Just a regular, appropriate present. Open it."

Kate reaches into the bag and pulls out a soft, cheery scarf that could have come from the Christmas scarf collection Castle's been wearing all week. It's fuzzy, with red and green stripes, and looks like something that once belonged to Cindy Lou Who. Kate would never have bought it and she loves it completely.

"Thanks," she says, kind of horrified to discover that her voice is a little thick. Kate carefully wraps the scarf around her neck and God, why are her hands shaking? "I can't believe it doesn't have a pony on it," she adds, just to fill the silence, because Castle still has that serious, solemn look on his face.

"About that." Castle suddenly fixes his eyes on hers. "I owe you an apology."

Kate's stomach flips, because Castle's never like this, and it puts her even more off-balance than she already was. "You don't have to apologize," she says sort of desperately.

"No, I do," Castle interrupts. "I was flippant, and oblivious…and I, um… I shouldn't have made you feel like you had to feel Christmassy. I mean, I know that you don't…" He pulls in a breath and lightly touches her arm, the sensation sharp and bright, dancing along her skin like a spark. "I know I go overboard, and I over do it with the holiday cheer and the Christmas magic. I think it's because…I guess when I was a kid, things were sometimes kind of…hard."

He shakes his head a little as if to clear the memories, and Kate is struck silent. She doesn't know why she always forgets this about Castle, that he hasn't always had such a charmed life.

He takes another breath and looks up at her. "But Christmas…No matter how bad things were, or how tight the money was, Mother always made Christmas magical. It was something I could rely on. A guaranteed happiness. And then for while after college, those early years with Meredith, and when Meredith left…things weren't... I guess I was lonely."

Lonely. Her heart twists a little even if Kate can't really imagine Castle - bright, charming Castle - as sad. Can't see him ever alone.

"Anyway," he starts again, "when Alexis was little I promised her, and myself, that we would always have the most magical Christmases ever, because I know how important it can be to have that reminder that there is happiness in the world. To remember that there is magic, even in the darkest places. That's when we need it most, right? The darkest night is when the stars shine the brightest. I didn't make that up. I mean, I'm quoting-"

Castle cuts himself off and slowly exhales, while Kate can only stare at him, a lump in her throat.

"I mean, that's what Christmas is," he says, his earnest eyes on hers. "What it's supposed to be? A bright star in the night sky, a light of hope in the darkness?"

His hand drifts over, the back of his thumb just barely resting against the outside of her knee, and Kate realizes that she's holding her breath.

"I guess I just wanted to make Christmas for you what it always was for me. Hope that things can be better. I know that in this job you see the worst, and that you…you have reasons to feel that you're alone in the dark. But you're not. And I guess…I guess I just wanted to make sure you remembered the light. That's all."

Castle shakes his head again. "But I know that my way of dealing with things isn't everyone's and I'm sorry I was so pushy. I didn't mean to force Christmas on you, or make you feel like you're wrong. I should have been more sensitive."

Kate knows her eyes are huge, her mouth hanging opened, as something very like happiness swells against her ribs.

Castle stares at her, eyebrows knotted as the silence stretches out. "What? Say something. I'm starting to feel stupid."

Kate smiles at him, her lips not quite steady, and she has to swallow twice before she can speak. "Not stupid, Castle. That was actually sort of beautiful." She accidentally locks eyes with him, the look in his twisting her heart in a way that leaves her panicky and longing at the same time. "Thanks."

"Yeah?" He tilts his head, still holding eye contact. "It was beautiful? Would you maybe also call it magical? Like… Christmas magical?"

Kate can't hold back the bubble of laughter, even if it's still a little shaky. "Still trying to win the bet, Castle?" she says finally, equal parts relieved and disappointed that they've stepped back from whatever ledge they just teetered on. "I don't see how. There's no pony paraphernalia in sight."

"Beckett. Please. Remember who you're talking to." Castle offers his arm. "Come with me."

"I can't believe this," Kate says. But she can, of course she can. It's Castle.

"I know, right?" Castle sounds almost smug.

"How in the world did you know where there would be literal ponies?" Kate leans against the makeshift corral that's been set up in this busy corner of Central Park, right next to a playground. Inside the circle several adorable, real-life ponies are giving rides to small kids.

Castle shrugs. "It's a charitable organization; they do free rides for little kids every Christmas Eve. Alexis got involved a few years ago when they started training their ponies at the riding barn where she takes lessons."

Kate turns her head to look at him, his profile set off against the dark night and the twinkling lights. "A charitable organization?"

"Mmhmm." Castle murmurs. He points to a beautiful little pony with long dark mane. With every step of his happy little trot his actual jingle bells ring, causing the little girl on his back to giggle with joy. "That one right there? His name's Magic."

Something warm and bright unfolds in Kate's chest. "It's not. That Christmas Pony's name isn't really Magic."

"I promise." Castle's voice drops, serious and hot against her ear. Kate shivers, and for a moment it's like he's promising something else, something that's just out reach.

"Magic is one very cool pony," he says. "He's super gentle and loves kids. He was rescued from a petting zoo, and now he's trained to go into pediatric hospitals. To be with kids when things are hard, to give them something fun. Something special." Castle pauses, and then turns to looks at her. "He's your pony."

"He's…what?"

Castle shrugs. "Yeah, you can sponsor the ponies, you know, their living expenses, their training. So I got one in your name. I thought maybe that was the kind of gift - the kind of pony - you would like the most. One that helps other people when times are hard. Like you do."

How does he do this? There's a knot in her throat, and Kate's afraid she's about to burst into tears, but instead she manages a short, wobbly laugh. "Wow. I...I can't believe this. I can't believe you're going to get me to accept a Christmas Pony."

"I told you I'd show you Christmas Magic," Castle gloats, nudging her shoulder with his. "I think this means I win the bet."

"Yeah, you win," Kate agrees, keeping her eyes on Magic so he won't see their suspicious shine. She knows that she's the real winner tonight. "This is…thank you. I love him. Best Christmas Pony ever."

"Really?" He looks like she's given him the best present in the world. "I did it? I'm a real life Christmas Elf!"

"You are, Castle." Kate knows she's smiling like an idiot but she doesn't even care. "You're a spreader of Christmas spirit. You're like the Whos down in Whoville."

"Then my work here is done." And he's smiling at her with such fondness that Kate has to look away.

Castle brushes his shoulder against hers again, his warmth surrounding her so she doesn't even feel the cold. "A Who, huh? Does that make you a former Grinch?" He tilts his head, his eyes dancing. "Did your heart grow three sizes today?"

Kate turns to him, smiling at her like she's something special, like she's something more, and her heart turns a somersault, swoopy and slow. Her chest feels full and tight.

"I think it did, Castle." Her eyes are wet but she's knows it's okay. She reaches out and touches his hand, just for a second. "I think it did."

A/N -Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed as this story stretched out and I accidentally kept Christmas alive all year, lol.

And special thanks to Nic, Indrani, Kate Christie and Dia, who have been waiting for me to finish this forever for the "ThankYouTerri" Campaign and, as usual, were super nice about my lateness.:)