Rose's alarm blared at it's usual time the next morning to be quickly followed by her mum peaking a head in her door. "Tony had a bad night," Jackie commented and Rose was not surprised. A bad night of terrible dreams, no surprise after the fright he had the day before. Yet, Jackie breezed about the flat, like for the first time in months her day held something other than the normal drudgery work and child rearing. Rose was exhausted herself, having spent most of the night working out yesterday's fright for herself and was pleasantly surprised by her mum's organization of breakfast. Full English on a Friday morning was unheard of. Rose was disappointed suddenly by the thought that the treat that was breakfast had nothing to do with being Jackie's beloved child, but was embodied by a burst of optimism inspired by Jason.
"Like 'im, don't cha? Rose asked, trying to keep the accusation out of her voice.
"That I do, and I would hope you think he's nice too?" she answered not needing to clarify who they were talking about.
"He'll do in a pinch," Rose said. He'd do, but he wasn't necessary, she wanted to add – that inner voice growled – but she managed to keep quiet.
"The comb-over has got to go," she allowed herself to criticize.
"Can't help he's going bald, but he's got a delightful laugh," Jackie replied. "That and he can get all serious about being mischievous; has ideas on how to improve every little toy imaginable." She produced one of Tony's cars now adorned with little plastic wings and grill of metal teeth. "Made that from his smashed insectiod toy, he did."
Tony had the whole set. All the the toys came with a code which unlocked computer games on-line, but Jackie had fallen behind on the bills and internet was the first luxury to go. Internet gone, the toys were rendered as so much plastic junk.
"Sides, he likes me, and that counts for a lot in my book, a man of good judgment at least. Anyhow, all that stuff about restaurants was just a line to tell a few jokes and getting to know me. If you have a similar sense of humor, you can get on in most things. It's like knowing someone else who believe there really is a platform 9 ¾ at Kensington," she sighed almost romantically.
"Could have bought that conditioner," Rose added carrying her last piece of toast into the room Jackie shared with Tony who sat with lap tray in the bed recovering from his nightmares. Tony was buried in the blankets, sullen and gray, uncommonly quiet and dull when he was normally exuberant. He held both of his hands up, backs to Rose.
"Look at that mum, the stamp wore off overnight." Rose leaned out the door to get her mother's attention. Jackie had already ramped up her efforts to organize a quick and efficient lift off to their morning, unaware that thing were suddenly heading off track.
"Come on, Rose, finish your toast. Tony, dear, no more lazy bones. Time to shift, this isn't a weekend, Friday waits for no one. Got to live it to get it over with. What stamp?" she asked in conclusion to her tirade.
"The stamp that wouldn't wash off," Rose replied jogging Jackie's memory of yesterday.
"The cause of all those nightmares I suspect," Jackie realized. "He was worrying about that stamp...I thought it was a bug bite. Poor child. Well, it's over and done with. All gone, right?"
"No a chance, mum," Rose examined the back of Tony's hands. The ever so faint star on the right one and a slightly inflamed, surprisingly unstamped left. "Will you hear me out, mum. Listen for a change?"
"All right, be quick about it!" Jackie said.
Rose presented her story as best she could, all righteous indignation in her mind, spilling out of her mouth sounding weak and unsupported by fact. She almost felt ashamed in the childishness of it all.
"I know you don't believe me, that is is all impossible," she cried wracked with guilt and desperate that someone understand her.
"I'm sure you feel that way," she said. "Rose, you are a women grown, you can't have Bad Wolf in the morning and wicked signs the next...your not the superstitious type. I raised you to be grounded in the cold, hard facts. That stamp was quite ugly but you don't have to go scaring Tony about it. Where'd it go if it was so bad?"
"Dissolved right into his blood, I suspect," Rose replied.
"Hush, Rose. What a thing to say after a night of bad dreams," Jackie scolded. "Oh, we're running late. Let's move it loves."
A few minutes later, Rose watched her mum and brother pull away on the bus. Walking along the sidewalk into the staff entrance she at least knew she could get Steven to cheer her up. Nothing could be worse than yesterday and the day did not approach her with jaws that snap and teeth that gnash. Ordinary day, ordinary thoughts chased by yesterday's memories and nothing was moving in a linear fashion anymore. Jon Carlisle leaned his lanky form against a bank of lockers talking to Christine DeSouza, the dance teacher, someone he was quite entitled to be chatting with. Rose thought that she detected a conversation bordering on flirty banter and his face show more than a casual interest. She tried to confirm this feeling by staring and realized not for the first time that he was incredibly good looking, and pondered for a moment that he was merely toying with Christine – except Rose noted that she was gorgeous with shining black hair, a cute nose and mischievous eyes. Christine chatted with Jon while stroking said hair casually behind her ear. Rose had two hair styles, pony tail and braid, a necessary adjustment to morning showers, little time and cold water. She now discovered that she was jealous of Christine DeSouza and knew that even though her only interactions with Jon Carlisle were the normal limited interactions between a maths teacher and a vocal music student teacher – little to none – in some way she knew that Jon Carlisle was hers because she knew his secret and it was hers to know alone. He lifted his eyes, in agreement, looking directly at her as she walked past, and a cautionary look full of amusement and complexity which was fathomless and infinite in it's duration.
On Friday, Rose frequently collected Tony from the nursery. It wasn't a late night, but her mum tended to avoid the center on the day when the weekly payments were due. So after lingering after school, helping some of the first altos work through a particularly difficult passage in their madrigal piece, Rose turned up at the childminders and was greeted by the director herself. "We tried calling your mother at work, Rose. Tony is running a temp and can come back until he is well and his fever drops below thirty-eight degrees for twenty-four hours," the director handing her the dreaded "sick slip" full of red pen writing and a history of his temp for the last two hours.
Tony sat on a chair, his day bag spilling out on the floor looking at Rose listlessly. Then he stood up and stiffly walked over to her, dropping his Booboo Doggie and asking to be picked up. Rose's eyes filled with tears and he attempted to lift him like he was a baby again, but she could only hold him so long for he was too heavy to carry anymore. The walk to the kiosk was terrible, Tony had to walk most the way and he pitifully dropped his doggie over and over again. Rose struggled with his bag and his lunch and all of her bags while pushing Tony by his shoulders in front of her. In a fit of panic crossing a walkway, she had to pull his listless for out of in front of a car as he came to a dead stop in the road as she trundled on with their packs. For a moment she thought he would cry from the wrenching she gave his arm, but he simply hugged her leg and leaned into her.
"Poor Tony!" Rose managed to croak out sadly.
They had to pass the tiny shop on the way to the kiosk and she rushed him along, scooping him up into her arms. Fast as she might move she could not avoid the fact that Borusa himself was happily out sweeping the sidewalk. Rose crossed the street to avoid him, buy she was very aware of his regard following them. Even as her slight frame buckled under the load of little boy and bags, he seemed to pop up behind her eyes, an unwanted intrusion to her inner workings. His image was burned into her retinas and she could not purge its predatory glare, like a snake wound around its victim. He occupied that human body, but had no right to it she was sure, her anger flared. The Bad Wolf voice, the one which always whispered to her when something bad was going to happen burst forth with "Vampire! Leech! Demon!" She knew without looking, that he was more alive today, a little less stooped, a little less gray and deathly and for a moment of horror she looked at Tony's state and didn't dare guess to what could be the cause of the change.
Rose was late when she walked into the Kiosk, Kate with blow-drying a clients hair. "Now, stay out of the sun for a bit if you don't want this to go orangey," she was lecturing, but the man was already grabbing his jacket and heading for the cashier. Jackie spotted Rose, her face lighting up, but not for Rose and Tony, but for more nefarious reasons.
"Rose, do you have plans, tonight?" she queried. "Would you mind terribly if I went out with Jason on a proper date – dinner with a big band and the like?"
Rose grumbled causing Jackie to snap back, "Don't be such a spoilsport, Rose. It's been forever since I had a proper date and the he's got friends in the band."
"Mum, just look at Tony!" Rose pushed him forward, a bit guilty for using Tony's illness to hid her discomfiture over Jason.
"Oh, dear! He looks awful," she said spying the clock on the wall. "I have another appointment in five, take your brother down the coffee shop and get him a muffin and one of those kid's milk steamers. If you are lucky they'll have the muffins marked half off this late in the afternoon," she handed Rose a wad of bills.
"Mum, you can't buy me off, I've got this," Rose handed the bills back. "It's funny how much you loosen up when there is a man and jazz involved," Rose snarked.
Jackie heard the words but not the tone of voice. "Bless you, Rose, how true," she said smiling like Rose understood her wishes completely.
Tony quickly consumed his steamer and Rose bought him another heartened by his appetite. She shared his muffin, it was really too large for one little boy and he only ate the cream cheese out of the middle in any event. Time in the coffee shop was always stunted, at least it felt that way to Rose. Something about sitting down with a cup of tea and watching the world go by was supposed to be relaxing, but she felt like time congealed in knots and loss it's use and order by her casual observation.
Jackie joined them in the tea-room as the barista started stacking chairs on the table hoping to get the floor swept before the college crowd came in for late night studying. Jackie was suddenly of two minds, go out with Jason or take Tony to the doctor, stay home with him or leave him with his sister. Said sister was quite perturbed to find that Jackie had already had lunch with him that day and discussing this between them back and forth, they both found themselves in front of the an unfamiliar doctor at the Health Centre. Their usual doctor didn't work Fridays and the one they got was a little perturbed that they managed to squeak in at the 6pm closing.
Tony was a bit of a puzzle. "Something is wrong with him, but I can't put my finger on it. He hit his head, got into a chemical or something?" she quizzed.
"He's a healthy boy," Jackie said, "but he took quite a fright yesterday. He had a terrible night. Is anything wrong with him?"
"I don't think it is anything urgent. A good night's sleep might just fix what ails him," the doctor said. "He's a bit lethargic, you didn't give him any medication, did you?"
"Not a thing, he didn't need it this morning," Jackie replied.
The doctor peered again in Tony's eyes. "If he isn't any better in 24 hours bring him in. If he spike a fever beyond 35 or starts vomiting, bring him in. If he complains of a headache, bring him in. In short if anything changes for the worse, come back here or head to A&E. I'll leave a note for morning duty nurse just in case and attach it to Antonio's card."
Rose always forgot that Tony was short for Antonio a masculization of her mum's favorite Eastenders actress, Antonia Bird. Jackie was actually hoping for another girl, and Antonio would have to do.
"Do you have to out tonight with Mr. Malaysian Wales?" asked Rose as they sat over a hurried dinner of bean on toast.
"His family is actually three-quarters Welsh, he just ended up with the black hair," Jackie said defensively as if not being fully assimilated to the culture was a bad thing, "and I'm interested in Jason for Jason, not for his black hair or his nationality."
"Are you going to call and cancel?" Rose asked.
"No and don't be upset. It's been a year since anyone has shown a bit of interest, you are here, you're an adult and can watch your brother for just one night. When you finish this term and are off on your own, then you can turn me down for a night of babysitting, but at this juncture, young lady, you owe me," Jackie finished sternly.
"Well enjoy yourself and never mind about us, we should be easy to forget," Rose said trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice and failing miserably.
"Rose, don't take that tone with me. You've got enough smarts to know that Tony being sick is only a coincidence, the doctor said not to worry, you are going to be here, Rita is right across the hall. You can handle this, dear. I'll leave you the number for the restaurant, call if there is a problem. Don't be mad at me for taking this chance, love," Jackie finished.
Jackie won Rose over with reason, but she still felt a certain amount of misgivings and resentment. She tried to stuff her feeling down with an apology and she help her mother into her nicest frock, told her how nice she looked and in spite of her earlier behavior, her voice sounded convincing.
A few minutes later, when Jason arrived, Rose was surprised by her mum's reluctance, finally saying no to Jason, that she couldn't go because Tony was ill. Rose's arguments hadn't fallen on deaf ears and Jackie's action of one final check on Tony before leaving finally convinced her. She explained to Jason that the evening would be wasted, that she would be constantly checking on Tony and unable to give him her attention. "He's so much worse than I thought he would be," Jackie apologized.
Jason was disappointed obviously, but took it in good grace, struggling back into his coat. "I'll give away the tickets, I'll post them on Facebook and have Anna Marie share it to some of her local friends, see if I can get a last minute taker." He fished for a phone he had hidden in his jacket pocket.
"I'd pay you for them if I wasn't mortgaged to the hilt for the childminder. I'm am really broke, Rose will testify – I really want to come, see I've even got my best dress on," Jackie was fighting back tears.
"You look delightful and I am glad I came early," Jason said grimly without unnatural flattery hitting the enter button on the phone with a flourish. "See, done and done, no problems."
"I can offer you a consolation prize, when you come back. Have you ever tried plum wine over ice cream?" Jackie began. "Let me do something to make it up to you."
"I'll try to think of something on my way to drop off the tickets," Jason replied. "Anna Marie has lots of friends, someone has to like jazz and be free on a Friday night."
"Mum, take this opportunity and just go," Rose suddenly warmed to Jason's sincere disappointment. "I've got Tony managed, he's going to just sleep the evening away. Just leave the number on the fridge and we'll be just fine."
"Absolutely not, Rose! I won't think if it. Jason is only going to get me with divided loyalties and I won't do that to him." Jackie said as she left to go change her dress forcing Rose to keep company with Jason.
"You probably want me to leave anyway," groused Jason. "Sick child and all, don't me hanging around all sickness. Maybe I call you in a few, when the boy is over the whatever he's got..." he pathetically tried to talk through Jackie's closed door.
"Leave him alone!" her internal voice growled at her, watching Jason slump onto the couch. His phone chimed and he collected his coat with a resigned look that spoke volumes to Rose. The look that said sayounara , adios, see you never, have a nice life. Rose wasn't going to stand for that and blurted out without thinking, "She's stuck with us, you know?"
"Huh?" Jason was pulled back by the comment, just inches from the door.
"She can't just drop us at a moment's notice. Tony isn't sick on purpose, you know? Even I wouldn't pull that, and believe you me, I don't want mom dating guys she met on days when things got all spooky for Tony and me." Rose didn't mean to be rude to him but she was suddenly furious that the happy time she spent with her mum and brother was ending as she finished school and moved on with her life. She was suddenly very guilty for wanting space and to travel and here was Jason so ready to neatly slip into her role in her mum and Tony's life.
Jason looked thoughtful and took a seat at the dining room table. "I wasn't blaming you, or your brother..and I'm sorry he's sick."
"Don't make her sad for not going out and I'll not make her sad for staying in, deal?" Rose asked.
"I really wanted to go out tonight, Rose," Jason said finally acknowledging her as a person in her own right, rather than the accompanying daughter. "I was just afraid...sick kid you know? Afraid of getting stood up," he admitted. "I just get so anxious meeting new people and your mother made is so easy for me. I mean, I've struck out so many times since my Anji died, that I'm kind of punch drunk right now that Jackie likes me. Your dad is still around? Jackie admits she hasn't divorced officially, but how long has it been? Tony's got to be at least four, right," Jason asked, his bout of honesty fueling his bravery. "I mean, I can't measure up, if they are just separated."
Rose felt compelled to cut him some slack, "They've been on and mostly off again since I was two. Tony is the result of the last 'on-again' and mom can't afford the barrister to get divorced and dad won't do it because of the maintenance situation. Though, I think, he's found someone else." She couldn't continue, her parent's break up was old news, but hope burned eternal to the child of a broken family.
At this moment Jackie returned restored to her favorite fuzzy track suit and trainers. "Tony's still asleep, and peaceful, thank goodness," as Jason's phone chimed a message.
"Ah, I have a taker," Jason read his message and grabbed his coat. A moment was spent looking between Rose and Jackie before he spoke again. "Jackie, can I grab anything for you while I'm delivering these tickets, I can get us take out and we can cue up a bad movie for the evening."
"I'm not choosey, the spicier the better and Rose will never turn down Pad Thai," Jackie saw him to the door with a smile.
"I'm going to say something and don't take this the wrong way...He's a bit alright if you don't mind the baldness," Rose grudgingly admitted.
"Obviously I don't, just look at our father," Jackie said flatly, "and I'm finally bored with your father's games, pretending he'll come back eventually. Tony starts primary school in the fall and without having to pay the childminder anymore, I'm going to save up to get the attorney for the divorce. It's long overdue."
Jason came back in an hour, brown bags full of savory delights. The tickets had found a good home and he shared a package of orange-ginger biscuits which they topped with vanilla ice cream and plum wine.
At 9pm Rose excused herself to her room to work on her weekly progress report for her student teaching. Tony was ominously silent from his room as Jackie showed Jason her book-keeping homework. "Not an evening entertainment, but it keeps me busy most nights," Jackie admitted. Eventually they settled on the couch watching reruns of bad American crime dramas. In Jakie's bedroom, Tony cried out.
"I got it," remarked Rose. "I've been sitting her way too long anyway, my calves are locking up." She cracked open the door and snuck in. The whole room was filled with a cloying sweetness and she gasped before her nose registered with stink of that musty mint that had been following her for days.
Tony lay listless with his Booboo doggie, his face pulled up in a twisted grin, eye sockets darkened, cheeks hollow, his teeth too big for his face - but his eyes...his eyes were still his own and filled with tears.
Rose felt pressed down to the floor with the hand of terror. She fell to the edge of Tony's bed, a cold sweat crawling up her spine and a essential tremor starting in her joints. She jangled at the edge of losing control over herself until she eventually came to her senses. Only a few moments had passed, but she felt like something essential in her being had changed again, like suddenly understanding algebra but the equations where written in fear, terror and loathing.
Tony wept.
"Anything wrong, Rose," Jackie asked from the couch.
"Nothing's changed, mum," Rose said. Nothing had changed but only Rose understood what was going on and what was at stake. It was like there was a tone at the edge of her hearing that if she could grasp, she could identify the note, but it was too quiet and she couldn't shut out the rest of the world to chase it's significance.
"Fox gobbled up the gingerbread man," Tony said weakly from his bed.
"Don't worry, Tony, I'll get that fox." It might take me sometime, she thought, and he was back asleep in a moment.
Rose joined them in the living room. Jackie and Jason chatted like old friends, instead of like new acquaintances, but time always misbehaved for Rose. Yesterday melted into a lifetime ago in Rose's mind with a flicker of thought. Her first day of school melted into her first day of student teaching melted into vague imagination of a retirement party with a yellow cake. Tony's birth melted into Jon Carlisle's arrival melting into meeting Jason melting into meeting an infant boy (hers?). Pete's leaving melted into Mickey's leaving, melting into Jon Carlisle leaving, melted into Tony ...What? Rose's imagination of the future always involved Tony. The future flickers were always dim, changed over time and Rose was always exhausted by the efforts of drawing them out of her imagination. A best guess at the future, but something fundamental had changed.
"Mum, Tony's settled and Keisha has a standing invite for Friday night coffee. I'm going to pop over to her flat for a few. You don't look as if you'd miss me much," she said cheekily.
"Just wake me when you get in," Jackie replied.
"I haven't seen Keisha in weeks and her brother, Jay, is home from basic training for a few days, so maybe he'll be about. If I meet any game slaves on the street I'll have Jay to protect me."
The night was balmy and humid, she still grabbed her blue leather jacket in case it turned cold, but she was not going to Keisha's at all. She'd lied about coffee; she'd lied about Jay being home. She was walking several blocks through the estates to the very heart of Peckham and was at this moment intending to talk to one, Jonathan Carlisle, maths teacher and covert witch.