A/N:
Beta-ed byBlack Diamond07
(1/18/11)
Aizen sat at the corner of the bed, again, not saying a word to her since they came back from the bathroom. She sat closer to him, tracing her fingers around his neck. He looked even more charming with only his dark blue robe on. She wanted to be with him again so badly that she took the first move and leaned toward him to lightly kiss on his neck. However, he shook her off. Hurt, she turned her body away from his.
Their backs facing each other, he asked her in his low voice, "Why are you wearing like that to go to the bathroom? You know that there is another male here, don't you?"
"My dress is in shreds, and I can't find my underwear anywhere." She felt so angry, he was the reason she had nothing to wear, and he now blamed her for that. Why did he have to rip her dress off completely and tossed her underwear somewhere that she could not find? She did not even know how to get out of his apartment now, and he got angry at her? "Moreover, you said that it's safe to go to the bathroom because he was asleep. What's the big deal anyway? I had your shirt on and it covered almost everything."
"Cover almost everything?" his voice was shaking with rage as he turned her around, "Do you know anyone could see everything about your body under this stupid shirt? You looked naked. You fed his eyes well enough, good job."
He stopped as he saw tears roll down her cheeks nonstop. He hugged her and kissed lightly on her forehead, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was all my fault, I just got so angry at myself, not being able to protect you from his dirty eyes. I should not vent my anger at you. I'm sorry."
Sobbing in his chest, she gripped his robe, "I don't care what others think of me, but I hope at least you have some faith in me. I gave myself to you because I love you. I'm not a slut. Do not treat me like one."
"I know. I know. I never thought of you as one." He kissed her on her head, "I love you, I'm just so in love with you that I cannot stand it when another male looks at you with inappropriate eyes. I don't want anyone to see you like this but me."
He brushed his lips on her and kissed her passionately. Gently put her down the bed, he told her, "Orihime, I want us to live together. I'll rent an apartment off campus. We can..."
But she rested her body on her elbows and reached upward, putting her fingers on his lips to stop him. "But it's really expensive living off campus, and us medical students should not leave campus. Especially you..." Orihime stopped, looking away. Aizen was a fifth year student, he had to work at the university hospital most of the time. Living off campus would be too time consuming. There were not a lot of apartments to rent for near campus, and most of them were packed. It would take at least one hour to commute to campus. It was really very inconvenient. "You need to concentrate on your study." She said firmly, "I don't want to distract you. Moreover, living off campus is really time consuming."
"I have a car. It would reduce the commute time by half."
"You have a car?" Orihime asked fuzzily. Aizen did not seem like a rich type to her. He ate student discount meals, wore normal clothing, had scholarships to finance his study, and on top of that, worked very hard to earn more money from internships at the hospital and teaching assistance. Where did he get the money from?
"You don't have to worry about money. I'll take care of everything. Renting an apartment off campus is a piece of cake." He assured her.
"A piece of cake? I don't have any money. As of now, I'm living and studying out of my scholarships and working studies. I cannot afford living off campus."
"I told you. I'll take care of everything. I'll pay for everything." He cupped her face and smiled, "All you need to do is say yes and move out with me"
She straightened and leaned against the bed head, "I don't want to."
Confusion in his eyes, he asked, "You don't want to live with me?"
Orihime sighed, "It's still too early for that. I don't want our relationship to affect our study. I have worked so hard for the past ten years to become a doctor. I don't want to spoil my own future."
"How would living with me spoil your future?"
"Like I said, I cannot concentrate with you being with me all the time." She could feel her face was ten times redder, thinking about what they might do if they lived together. "I need my own space too. And more importantly, I do not want to rely on you, or using your money. If you love me, I hope you will respect my decision too."
Aizen looked away and stared at the floor for about thirty seconds then turned his face back to her. "I'm just asking. I'll keep this offer open. You can change your mind anytime."
He stood up and went to his closet, ready to get dress.
"I hate it when you're cold to me when I don't do what you want."
"I just want to see you everyday. I want the first person I see when I open my eyes every morning is you. I want to say good morning to you everyday. I want to have breakfast, lunch, dinner with you. I want to see you every time I get home. I want to say "I'm home" to you and hear you say "Welcome home" back. And what's wrong with that?" He slammed the closet door. "I just realized that you might not feel the same way about me like I do about you. I'm just an idiot who is madly in love with a person who does not love him back."
Warm affection, then cold guilt whirled, twisted, and blended together in her stomach. She was so selfish. This man in front of her just wanted to be with her everyday because he loved her, but she flat out rejected him. However, she did not want to use his money and did not want their relationship to affect their studies, especially his. He only had two year left, she did not want to see him lose everything because of her. He had such a bright future ahead, she could not ruin everything.
She came close and hugged him from behind, intertwining his fingers with her,
"I do want to live with you, but not now. I want to complete my degree and become a doctor. Call me selfish, but I cannot let anything get in my way." She rested her head on his back, "I've seen how my parents had fallen because of their inabilities to control their own desires, and I cannot follow their footsteps, I want to become a different person. I want to become strong."
She tried to turn him to face her. "But every time I'm near you, I'm afraid that I'll trail further off my path."
Looking her directly in her eyes, he asked, "And why is that?"
"Because I want to be close to you.", her face heating up, "I want to touch you, to kiss you, to make you smile and happy, to know nothing but you and you alone. I cannot do anything with you next to me."
Gasping when his lips on her, she returned the kiss with equal eager, and he on top of her again, in his bed. He whispered in her ears, "I'm so sorry. I was so upset, thinking that you didn't want me."
"I want you. I wanted you so badly that I got scared. I want our love to strengthen our dream, not hinder it."
He sighed, "I understand. I'll promise I'll not let our relationship affect our study, but I do want to meet you as frequently as possible."
"We can meet just like before. Having lunch when we have time, meeting twice a week when we are done with our obligations. I'll promise I'll save time to spend with you."
A playful smirk swept through his face and he placed his hand on her thigh, right under the hem of the shirt, "But how about when I want to be close with you like last night."
She felt her cheeks fire up in several shades redder as she muttered, "Then I guess we could do it whenever you want to...in our free time, that is."
Leaning closer to her, he brushed his lips on her neck, "Orihime, I cannot wait, I want you so badly now." One hand still moved up and down her inner thigh, the other hand pinched her nipple through the shirt, making it hard and more visible under the thin material.
"You are so beautiful." He captured her nipple in his mouth.
"Let me take the shirt off first." Orihime tried to sit up and took the shirt, but Aizen stopped her, "Don't you know that you look very sexy in this shirt, wearing nothing beneath?"
Shyly pressing her chest against his, she brushed her lips around his earlobe, "Did I really look very exposed in the bathroom?" Seeing his darkened eyes, she
whispered, "Do you think that he has seen everything?"
"It does not matter anymore." He gripped her legs and slightly pulled them up, making her upper half fall back to the bed, then he hooked her legs around his waist and grabbed her breasts, squeezing them skillfully in his hands, "It just makes him even more jealous, not being able to touch you like this. All he could do is drool over your beauty."
Taking a condom under a pillow out, he put it on.
Feeling a sting in her heart, she could not help but asked, "I noticed that you have condoms all around your house. Last night, when we took the shower together..." Still feeling embarrassing about what happened in the bathroom last night as well as the frequencies that they got intimate together yesterday, she traced her fingers around the sheet reluctantly before continuing, "you also took a condom out of the small cabin behind the mirror." Looking deep into his eyes, she asked, "Sousuke, are you very sexually active?"
His face was stoic and emotionless when he answered, "Yes, I have multiple sex partners."
"Have" not "had"? Fearing the outcome but she continued to push; she had to know, "Even when we are dating?"
There was a trace of hesitation in his eyes, but then he looked into her eyes with his deep and intense orbs. There was a sight quiver in his voice as he answered her, "Yes, even when we are dating."
"Will you...even after we slept together?" Insisting to look at the sheet, she tried to hold back her tears.
"No." He turned her head to face his, "No, I'll never let anyone but you touch me after this." He tilted her chin up, "I want you and you alone. Before I thought sex was just an act to satisfy my need, but after last night, I know it's not. You made it become something sacred and spiritual. You made me happy, not just sexually satisfied. Orihime, I have never felt like this before. My feeling for you...", he stroked her cheek, "is something so pure that I didn't know I was capable of having."
He rested his forehead on hers, "Orihime, do you still want to be with me, want to do this with me, knowing this truth?"
Love was such a scary thing. It was like wandering in an empty field; only soil and dirt, but only one wind and it washed away all of the filthiness, watering the field with the rain of hope and suddenly the ugly empty field transformed and was covered with flowers and mossy grasses. She did not care if the field was actually vacant and lifeless, all she cared about was the wind that blew life into it, and though it was just a small wind and would obviously be gone before she could realize it, she chased after it helplessly, clinging to the false picture that it painted. The wind was so fresh. It promised so much freedom that she wanted to take off all of her clothes and be exposed completely under it.
"When I was a little, my mother brought home multiple men, my father got angry and hit her, she left. He got even angrier, he hit my brother and me. He got drunk. He hit my brother and me. He gambled. He lost. He hit my brother and me. Every time he hit us, he told us to hate our mother, because she was a slut. She slept with many men. She left, only to sleep with more men. So he hit us and hit us until my brother took me away. My brother died. I lived alone. Three year ago, someone from the hospital asked me to see my father the last time."
She laughed softly and traced her fingers mindlessly around the sheet, "He was dying when I came to meet him. He thought that I was mother. He said that he was happy that he was able to see me for the last time...he still thought that I was mother. He said that he was sorry, he was sorry to let my mother leave. He was hurt when he knew she betrayed him, but he loved her still, never stop loving her. He wished that he listened to her. He wished that he took more of an effort to understand her, to fix things between them. He wished that he could go back and change thing, but he could not... Then he died."
He hugged her, seeing how she was trembling. His warmth made her feel better, more relaxed, more at ease. "That was when I realized it was impossible to go back and change things, so I promised myself to live a good life so that I will not die in regret. If I love someone, I'll do anything I can to make him happy; I'll never let him leave without doing everything in my power to understand him, to keep him by my side."
She sighed in his chest, "Sousuke, you reminded me of my mother. Incredibly attractive and charming. She was an actor, you know, so she had a lot of masks, occasionally she took them off when she was with us, but she wore them so often that I wonder what was the real her. You are just exactly the same; you give out the same aura, the same deceiving and manipulative air."
He let her lie down with him, resting her head on his shoulder, his arms wrapped protective around her. "I have wondered, again and again, what my father saw in her. He was a good man before she left. He was very kind to everyone, helping anyone in need. I wondered if he was drawn by her because of her beauty. He was not a very handsome man, unfortunately." She laughed softly.
"So when I first met you, I asked myself if I let myself be seduced by you, would I be the same as my father? Would I have the same ending like him? It was intriguing, I made the bet. If I do not fall into my father's path, then I'm stronger than him. I can live well, having a much better life than him. I want to prove to him and everyone that I have the power to decide my own fate. That I am a better person than my mother and father."
Nuzzling into his arms, she sighed, "Do you hate me now? That I used you as an experiment. Do you still want to be with me? Do you still want to do this with me, knowing this truth?"
"Why did you tell me this?"
"I want to know if you are disgusted by me." She sat up and took the shirt off, "I want to show you the real me and see if you still love me."
Pushing her down, he kissed her passionately, "I don't care. I just want to be with you. I know you love me too."
She let out a small cry as he entered her unexpectedly. He was rough and merciless, thrusting in and out at full speed, making her moan helplessly, forgetting to lower her voices, to control her erotic sounds. In fact, she couldn't remember anything, couldn't think of anything but the pleasure he gave her.
Digging her nails into his back she cried, "Sousuke" and shot all of her desire out, but he still rocked her hard and fast until he reached his climax and dropped his exhausted body on top of her.
As he threw the condom away and held her in his arms, she asked, "Sousuke, don't you have to go to class now? You might be late."
"I want to be with you a little longer."
"It's not good. Didn't we promise to not let..."
"I know." He kissed her forehead, "Just this one time. I want to sleep with you by my side."
As he drifted off to sleep, she caressed his cheek, "Sousuke, I told you everything, but you're still not completely honest with me. You have not shown me your real self yet, but I'll wait. I'll be patient and wait for you.
A/N:
Thank you for reading. Next installment will come within a week (I hope).
And I do love to hear what you think about this chapter ;).