Okay so my computer at home is working! That, my friends, is very good news for you! I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and how good was the OC on Thursday? But it's a bummer that there's not a new one until January…oh well, something to look forward to. And I hope that everyone has a very Merry Christmas, or a very Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Kwaanza. Let me know what you thought! Thanks!

Disclaimer: Oh right, I don't own the characters.

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Ryan glanced at his watch. He had left the house at 3:30, gotten to Chino around 5, the bus having taken much longer than he would have liked, stopped to see Trey around 7, and now had to catch a Greyhound to Fresno to see his dad.

The Cohens were going to kill him. He found a payphone near the bus station to call them to let them know that he was okay. He called the house and Seth picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Seth?"

"Ryan? Where are you man? Mom and Dad are going crazy, they've been driving around since four trying to find you." Ryan felt guilty immediately. He hadn't meant to worry them so much, this was just something that he had to do, and he had to do by himself. The Cohens meant well, but they just didn't understand the concept of space.

"I'll let them know I'm okay," Ryan said. "I'll call your Dad's phone and tell him that I'm okay."

"No need," a voice behind him said. He turned to find Sandy had pulled up to the curb beside the phone.

"I gotta go Seth," Ryan said hanging up. He had only a moment before Kirsten threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "I told you not to worry in my note."

"Well, we did," Kirsten replied.

"Get in the car kid," Sandy said.

"I have to…"

"What?" Kirsten asked pulling away. "Wherever you still need to go, we can take you." Ryan looked as if he was contemplating this for a moment. He certainly didn't want Kirsten to have to go to the prison with him. He remembered all too well the catcalls and whistles that she had gotten when she came to see him in juvie.

"I need to go see my dad," he finally said. "I was going to take a bus up to Fresno." Kirsten looked surprised, to say the least, but she recovered and nodded.

"You're right, you should go see him and tell him in person," she told him. It was Ryan's turn to look at her surprised. The Cohens were always surprising him with their capability to understand things that they really shouldn't. Somehow, Kirsten had understood why he had to go there. She had understood why this was something that he had to do.

"It's too late tonight, kid, we'll just get a head start tomorrow," Sandy said. Ryan nodded, and started towards the car.

"Okay," he said defeated. He knew that there wasn't really a point in going all the way to Fresno that night. By the time he got there, it would quite late, and he hadn't thought about where he would sleep once he got there. But he wanted to be there first thing in the morning. Be there and get it over with.

"Or, we can go up to Fresno, and get a hotel room for the night, and go first thing in the morning," Kirsten suggested. Ryan watched as she caught Sandy's eye and a whole unspoken conversation went on between them. It was amazing that they could communicate without ever saying anything.

"Sure," Sandy said. "We can do that. We'll go home first, pack a bag, make a hotel reservation and drive up to Fresno." He and Kirsten climbed in the car, and Ryan climbed in the back seat.

"You don't have to do that," Ryan said suddenly. There was no need for them to spend money on a hotel room when they could just stay at home that night. While he knew that money meant nothing to them, he still couldn't help but feel badly whenever they spent it on him.

"Honey, it's fine," Kirsten assured him turning around in her seat and placing a hand on his leg. She didn't add that this way she could keep an eye on him. Make sure that he didn't run away again.

Ryan nodded numbly and turned and watched as they drove home. Sandy reached over and took Kirsten's hand in his. It had been a long night of driving for the two, and it seemed it was not ending. They had driven around Newport first, checking the beaches, and the pier. They had gone to both Marissa and Luke's house, before deciding that he must have taken a bus to Chino. The house had been first, and then the hospital where Kirsten made the appropriate arrangements for the funeral. They had been driving around for close to four hours, and they were tired, but they would keep driving up to Fresno. For Ryan, because both knew how important this was to him. And right now, they would do anything for him.

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Seth saw his parents pull up and was relieved to see a third head in the car.

"Go pack a bag," his father called out to Ryan. "We'll meet you out here again in twenty minutes." Ryan nodded, and brushed past Seth.

"What's going on?" Seth asked confused.

"We're driving up to Fresno," his mother explained. "Ryan needs to talk to his father."

"Where has he been?"

"In Chino," Sandy said. He ran a hand over his face. "Honey, can you go pack us a bag while I go get a hotel room?"

"Sure," Kirsten said squeezing his hand as she passed to go pack an overnight bag.

"Dad, should I pack?" Seth asked softly. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go or not, so he was leaving it up to his father. If his father said sure, then he would, but if he said that he thought it would be a better idea for Seth to stay home, then, well, that was fine too. Seth had told Ryan once that he wasn't emotionally equipped to handle things, and this was one of those things. While he had been angry that his parents made him stay home while they searched for Ryan, he wouldn't be angry about being left behind this time. Ryan was safe now, he was with Seth's parents and they could be the adults and take care of him. Seth hated sitting around and waiting, and that was what he had been doing, but now he knew that Ryan was okay. There was no need for him to go with Ryan when he had no idea what to say. The last thing that Ryan needed was a quiet and nervous Seth.

"I don't know Seth, I don't know if it's a good idea," Sandy said. "All three of us with him might be too overwhelming for him." Seth nodded and Sandy was surprised with how well he was taking it.

"I'll stay here tonight then, hold down the fort," Seth said. Sandy nodded, gave his son a quick hug, and went to make a hotel reservation.

Kirsten came down the steps a minute later holding two bags in her hand.

"Honey, are you going to be okay here by yourself?" She asked.

"Mom, it's one night. I can't do that much damage in one night." Kirsten gave a small smile and nodded. Ryan reappeared with his bag and managed to give Kirsten and Seth a smile.

"I'm staying behind," Seth told Ryan. "Manning the fort. I know, I know, the fort's for losers, but what can I say, someone has to step up and be a loser, and by God, it will be me."

"Well, you are a loser," Ryan said. "No one is going to deny you that."

"I could only get one hotel room," Sandy said coming out from the office. "I hope you don't mind sharing with us, Ryan." Ryan shook his head, and started out towards the car. Kirsten gave her son a quick hug.

"Call us if you need us," she said kissing his cheek.

"Will do."

"No keggers," Sandy added giving Seth a hug of his own.

"Right. I got it, no keggers. Or coke. Or strippers. Or strippers doing coke. It will be a low key night." Kirsten gave a small laugh, gave Seth one more hug, and followed Ryan out to the car.

"He's going to be okay, right?" Seth asked his dad as soon as his mother had walked away and joined Ryan in the car.

"He's going to be fine," Sandy assured his son. "It's going to be rough for him for awhile, but he has us, and we just have to be there for him." And Seth nodded, and watched as his father climbed into the front seat, and started the car.

He watched as the car backed out of the driveway, and his parents and the boy he had come to think of like a brother drove away. Then Seth turned back around and walked back into the quiet house and called Summer to come keep him company.

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Sandy looked over at his sleeping wife, and glanced in the rearview mirror at Ryan, who had his eyes closed, but Sandy wasn't completely sure that he was actually asleep. Kirsten moaned quietly in her sleep and turned her head so that instead of facing out the window, like it had been, she now faced Sandy.

"Do you ever think about what you would do if you lost her?" Ryan asked softly from the back seat. Sandy glanced behind him surprised.

"What?" He asked. Ryan sighed, and repeated,

"Kirsten, what would you do if you lost her? What would Seth do?" The thought sent a shiver down Sandy's spine and he glanced over at his wife's lovely face. Instinctively, he reached out and ran a hand down her cheek.

"I…" Sandy couldn't even put words to what would happen if something happened to her. "I would…God, I would…I don't think I would survive." Ryan watched his foster father's face as Sandy shook his head, trying to dislodge the thought of losing Kirsten. "Sure, we fight, but she's…she's everything." Sandy glanced in his mirror at Ryan again wondering where that had come from.

"I think that was the problem," Ryan said softly. "My mother was never anyone's everything. My father never loved her enough, Trey never loved her enough…I never loved her enough."

Sandy opened his mouth to say more, to argue that it wasn't Ryan's fault, but Kirsten shifted in her seat and opened one eye.

"Are we almost there?" She asked.

"Yeah," Sandy answered. Kirsten glanced in the back seat where Ryan was now looking out the window. She had missed something, she decided. Some conversation had gone on while she was sleeping, but she wasn't entirely sure about what.

"You okay?" She asked Ryan, who turned to face her and nodded.

"I'm okay," he confirmed, but somehow neither adult was quite buying it.

When they finally pulled up to the hotel in Fresno, Kirsten sleepily went to check them in, leaving Sandy and Ryan to get the bags.

"You loved her," Sandy said as he shut the trunk. "What's enough? She didn't do this because you didn't love her enough. I'm not sure why she did it, kid, but it wasn't your fault. You know that right? It wasn't your fault." Ryan didn't say a word, but followed Sandy and Kirsten into the hotel, and into the elevator.

Kirsten disappeared into the bathroom as soon as they got to the room, and emerged in a nightgown and climbed into the bed that she and Sandy were sharing.

"Goodnight sweetheart," she told Ryan as she burrowed down into the covers.

"Goodnight," he replied. As soon as Sandy was out of the bathroom, he slipped in and splashed cold water on his face.

It wasn't his fault.

Sandy had assured him that, as had Kirsten. And he knew that it wasn't. Not really. His mother had been drinking, and she got depressed when she was drinking. It wasn't his fault. He repeated it like a mantra inside his head. He changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, and went back out into the room. The curtains were pulled all the way shut, but a sliver of light still managed to get through, and he could see the outlines of Kirsten lying in bed, with Sandy's arm tightly around her waist. He climbed into the other bed and tried to shut his eyes and go to sleep. Repeating to himself over and over, the same words.

It's not your fault.

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Okay, let me know what you thought, and I'll try to get another chapter up after Christmas. My Christmas activities start on Thursday, and I could not be more excited. I freaking love Christmas. It's like the greatest time of the year. Everyone is happy and jolly, and there's eggnog, and Gingerbread, and all the Christmasy goodness that comes with it. Okay, I'm done. Review please and have a great holiday!