Chapter 4: Losing His Cool
Riley-
Just got out of the shower… your BFF poured 2 smoothies over my head… no idea why.
Seems to be a common thing for me lately…having no idea why anything is happening to me. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone or something.
Where did we go wrong?
When did we fall apart?
I walked into your mom's bakery tonight with the intent of making you talk to me. I spoke to Auggie and he made it clear he is your only brother…which is fine with me… I don't want to be your brother. I promised him that I wouldn't hurt you…. seems someone should have gotten you to make that promise about me.
My heart skipped a beat when I saw you in your blue dress…you looked as beautiful as always but I can't tell you that anymore. You took my right to say things like that and gave it to him.
Why?
Why is this happening?
I had to stand there and listen to him talk about your date.
Listen while he talked about popcorn and licorice…. if he is going to take you out- he should've known that it's popcorn and chocolate.
I have to admit when he said "He's me now" I wanted to hurt him but hurting him would've meant hurting you and that I can't do.
I wish I knew what to do or at least what you expect of me now.
Things haven't changed with how she treats me so I see nothing to support your claim that more than friendly feelings are there. At least not between her and I.
I'm going to be brutally honest, I'm angry over this whole situation. No one has talked to ME…or has asked ME what I want or how I feel. Everyone is just assuming I'll blindly follow along because why not? I'm the guy most likely to go along with anything right? Why shouldMY feelings about any of it matter?
I think one of the things that upsets me the most? You said you wanted to make sure I would always be there to talk to yet…you're not talking to me. We exchange platitudes and casual conversation, just like you would with anyone you passed on the street.
What happened between us Riley?
How did we get here?
How did we go from unofficial to nonexistent? From best friends to whatever the hell this is now?!
I said I'm not your brother…so you asked me what I would be?
I guess I'm waiting on you to answer that question for me.
While you're at it…maybe you can explain what Farkle was talking about before you pulled him out of the room. Why did you do that? I guess it's just something else to add to the list of things I don't understand.
I will tell you the only things I am absolutely certain about…
I am NOT your brother
I am NOTokay with what is happening to us
I am NOTokay with you not talking to me
I am NOT okay with you throwing us away.
I love you… always.
That? I am certain of.
Lucas