I woke up today.
I have air in my lungs.
I have working arms and legs.
I will be okay.
I feel like shit today.
I keep thinking back to that night.
I think the feeling of worthlessness might consume me.
I don't feel okay.
Maya looked at her rounded handwriting before closing the journal. Usually writing in her journal was the easiest thing about the day. Naming three positive and negative things weren't hard, just seeing her feelings on paper, seeing the reality of it was hard.
Her room was a mess.
She had screamed and screamed into her pillow before throwing any objects in her way around. Her pillows were at the foot of her bed, her clothes were off their hangers laying wrinkled on her carpet, her lamp stayed on it's side unexpectedly in one piece after she knocked that over as well in her blind rage.
Her feelings towards her father hadn't been exactly positive as of late and she was in a destructive mood anyway but something snapped yesterday morning. The fact that he stood there pretending that he cared, pretending that he actually wanted what was best for her and asking her to be grateful...
What a joke.
When she got back to her room, she tossed her Oreos on her bed and let all of the anger she held in while in the kitchen with those vain, pretentious people she had to call her family, all the anger she held in when she thought about how content her father must've been...how easy his life must be.
Maya took a deep breath before unclenching her fists, today was another day. She would make sure to have a poker face on because there was no way in hell she would let them see her broken. She was going to continue to be a nuisance to their perfect image in the media no matter what that made of her.
On her way out, she gave a fleeting look to her laptop that remained untouched in the chaos. There was no use in her going to check her what was on it. Everyday was the same routine, she would check with her hopes high and then said hopes would soon be crushed with the realization that her friends abandoned her.
After three months of this continued cycle, Maya figured that wishing for her friends to console her was useless. Checking for emails was like waiting for her father's concerned words to become genuine. Both were very far from happening and Maya learned to live with it.
She shook her head, wishing the tall brunette girl and lanky genius from her head. They weren't important to her anymore, she obviously wasn't to them. She stepped out into the hallway, squinting at the sudden brightness. The whole house seemed to contrast Maya's room incredibly.
Hers had become dark and dreary while the home seemed to exude life and light. Incredible how the interior decorators can make the mansion seem like it was owned by decent people.
"Good morning, Ms. Hart." said a voice from the bottom of the stairs. Maya rolled her eyes at the overly polite voice, formalities were never really her thing.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me Ms. Hart? We're almost the same age, Isadora." She descended the stairs and went straight to the kitchen to settle her grumbling stomach.
"How many times do I have to tell you that calling you by your first name would be highly unprofessional seeing as I'm the help and you're my boss. Are you feeling alright after yesterday?" Her usual neutral face was showed hints of worry and Maya almost felt bad for having her little meltdown yesterday.
"Nothing a shot of vodka won't fix." She joked but Isadora remained the same. A sigh slipped her lips as she opened the fridge to check for something, "I'm fine, Isadora. You really don't have to worry about me. Around this time tomorrow there'll be a nanny doing that job." Maya grabbed milk and found a sugary cereal meant to be Sophia's on top of the fridge and grabbed it. She turned to go to the cabinet with the bowls but Isadora was a step ahead of her and had one in hand.
Maya mumbled a thank you before taking a seat at the table and assembling her breakfast. Isadora started fidgeting with her fingers, wondering if her knowledge of certain things should be passed onto her blonde friend.
"Speaking of your 'nanny', Your father went to go speak to him and give him a list of things of he's supposed to be doing tomorrow as far as taking care of you." Isadora said softly unsure of how she would take it. Maya was about to put a spoonful of cereal into her mouth right before Isadora spoke her piece and the spoon had plopped back into her bowl by the time Isadora was done.
"Well I hope that lying sack of shit remembered to put what times to change my diaper. I pray he didn't forget to put that I prefer my food chewed for me because I can't seem to do anything myself, there even has to be a list given to my babysitter on ways to care for me like I'm in fucking kindergarten."
Isadora lowered her head, realizing that telling her had been a bad idea after all, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you."
"You don't have to apologize, Isadora. You didn't give birth to that asshole. He's just really incredible sometimes, it's like he knows special ways to piss me off and then passes it off like he actually cares. That nanny has no idea what she's in for. I bet you, she'll quit after my first screaming match with my dad."
Remembering Mrs. Hart's promise of a Plan B came to mind, surely it wasn't something that would actually benefit her. Telling Maya would only tempt her to do something reckless so Isadora tried a different approach, "Maybe the babysitter will end up being a good thing. It could actually be helpful and—"
"Don't tell me he actually brainwashed you into thinking this little idea of his was a good one? Isadora, you were the only one who was on my side." Her baby blue eyes were wide in disbelief.
"I am on your side. I just think that maybe having some attention given to you won't be so bad, even if it's some weird Mary Poppins lady that insists on giving you candy from the bottom of her purse."
The room stayed quiet. Isadora hoped Maya couldn't tell she was lying, the girl didn't need a babysitter, she needed a therapist. But in the real world where no one cared about mental states, Isadora figured that having a babysitter that knew absolutely nothing about Maya's situation was better than whatever hell Mrs. Hart was planning to send Maya to.
Maya sighed, "Tomorrow is gonna suck." She got up from her chair and dumped her cereal into the sink before grabbing the sponge to wash the bowl. Another thing to the list of stuff Maya does that rich people do not.
Insists on doing everything herself, "I have hands and legs too." She told Isadora the first time the young maid tried to do her laundry. The memory was one of the most pleasantly surprising things that's happened to Isadora here and she can't ever let go of the respect she gained for Maya that day. And even though Isadora saw so many flaws with having a babysitter look out for Maya, she hoped something good comes out it...for Maya's sake.