04 – Balm
Snape indolently woke up in a large, soft bed.
Everything around him was blurry, dark and taciturn.
He indulged in his state of wakefulness.
No one was around and he felt confident about reducing for a moment or two his attention to the world.
As a matter of fact, he had a priority: trying to put himself together, trying to regain an overall view above himself and his situation.
That bed, though, was not helping.
It felt like melting in a cloud, it felt like he hadn't really slept for ages.
His bones were stuck, unable to move, his eyelids glued, his face was a motionless mask of whisked meat and his body all over was aching like mad.
He took a deep breath or two and…inhaled a very familiar smell.
It took him three seconds to realize that was Black's odor and when he did it, it felt suffocating, clinging all over him, as intrusive as its master always was.
That crazy…troll-witted…MPF!
He shrugged, remembering clearly his fury against him and…
Wait, why was he still alive?
Hadn't Black been successful?
Evidently not.
Crap…he couldn't even remember last time he felt that devastated…
Coughing a little, he tried to open – ouch – his eyes and moved under the thick layers of blankets.
Outside his comfy space, the world looked unfamiliar and appalling.
The room was large, the dimmed light came from the sole high curtains-screened window.
Severus caught the blurred contours of a wardrobe, a writing desk, a trunk-like thing and a bedside table, just near him.
He tried again to recollect his strengths and the first thought he came up with was:
MY WAND…!
…He spotted effortlessly his wand carefully placed on the bedside table and relaxed a bit.
Good…So...mpf, OUCH…
He moved slowly and another deep waft of Black's scent covered him…
He pursed his lips together in a tiny line.
Now…what a nightmarish loss of dignity; he was experiencing something…really dreadful…
His body was a painful mess of marks and bruises but, he noticed, his teeth were back to their normal place.
At least that…animal…had thought of him a little….
But then, horrifying, he realized he was being all wrapped up in HIS tattered, larger, messier clothes, his cloak and his robes nowhere to be seen in that darkness.
He felt a burning desire to flee away…
What was the time, anyway? What day was it?
He felt miserable and wrecked.
His body was all covered in bandages and he couldn't help but recall the terrible visions of Black torturing him…on the floor…like a harmless mannequin…
He quivered, partly also because of his remaining fever.
Suddenly, outside the door, an outburst of laughter broke his peaceful state of mind.
He heard noises and voices.
Then laughs and stifled sounds, too.
He gave hear to them and recognized at once Lupin's calm tones, followed by that Nymphadora's girly chuckles and –YES – HIS more guttural sniggers.
It was like an icy shower bringing him back to real world.
Then Snape discovered himself in a deep emotive distress about what happened and what was going to come next…
He didn't want anybody to see him in that unseemly state and in particular he didn't want THEM to.
So, he weakly sank in his comfortable position and wished to disappear…
Luckily, the voices seemed to calm down and then they faded away.
- 'm coming guys…just a moment.-
And then, with Severus great agony, Sirius entered.
Wait…why was he exactly fearing him?
Sirius closed the door behind him and got himself near the bed.
He lightly rested his hand over the blanket and Snape had a fear shiver again.
If only the wand hadn't look so far, so hard to grab…if only his mind hadn't been so fragile...so open, so incapable of casting all around his usual defenses…
Snape mechanically closed his eyes but the hand soon was gone and Black's muffled footsteps could be heard approaching the wardrobe.
- Lumos. - mumbled the man, his wand intruding in one of the wardrobe's drawer.
Sirius bustled about with his free hand for some minutes, then whispered again, clearly speaking to himself:
- Mh, here they are…'ope they're enough…-
Black went back to the bad and seated on it, spreading all over a series of objects and containers.
Snape's concentration was rocketing back and forth, like waves, and he couldn't sense anything useful.
He couldn't shield or prepare himself in any way.
Black was ready to do something to him, again, and he felt hatefully vulnerable.
He was a coward, after all, wasn't him?
How humiliating…he was feeling like the lowest...scum…of a wizard…
He had been disgraced and mortified only with the shameful use of the hands.
Like he hadn't been enough for a wand duel.
Just rough, brutal hands on the pathetic Snape – yes, Snape, ladies and gentlemen of the Wizengamot, your Half-Blood Weakling…
Sirius voice came, interrupting his confused brainy streams, and it sounded calmer and softer than Severus had thought:
- Are you awake?-
He rested his hand – unbearably kind, for all the dragons of this world – on Snape's forehead, then dangerously leant on him a bit.
- Uh…for Merlin's bottomless cauldron…you're as horrible as fuck…-
- Watch your mouth…-
Snape answered back - his throat scratching - without even noticing.
This was their endless curse, after all: they simply weren't able to ignore each other, they had to snap back, they always had to fight for the last word.
Sirius moved back a little, a bit surprised.
Severus blinked his eyes repeatedly, trying to get a grip of himself.
Suddenly, his awareness clarifying, he felt some curious waves of Black's own emotions.
He wasn't Legilimens-ing him, obviously - he wouldn't have had even the slightest strength to hold his wand – but he was a powerful wizard, after all, and despite his present conditions, he could tell Black was confused.
At least as much as he himself was.
And clearly he had no harmful intention.
That was pretty much a surprise – or maybe it was not.
Severus lifted his back a little on the pillows and found himself looking directly in Black's eyes.
They were intense, big but fine shaped, and strikingly glistening - by the way, he didn't even try to stop those thoughts popping up in his drained mind.
Awkwardly, Snape also thought they had never cast themselves so gracefully on him.
You're too weak, now ENOUGH with this gibberish…
Back to Black's presence, the hopeless git was now feeling heavily guilty…well, actually, he was literally filling the air with his gloomy remorse.
Again, how irritably invading…
Still wondering about THE IDIOT real eyes' shade – if it was irony grey or more sky-ish grey - he saw something new.
Peculiar, in a way.
Sirius smiled a bit, in the dark.
Snape detached at once his cold and probing look, for this was a bit too much.
Sirius did the same, finding the other pillow suddenly very interesting.
- You're up. Finally.-
- Stay away from me, you rudd…- began Severus, shaking away that weird sensation it had sneaked between them in a murky, odd moment.
- Hey hey hey…hold on your hippogriffs, will you?-
Sirius lifted his deep voice again and Snape stared at him, while trying to perk up.
- Well… – started Black, clearly avoiding again the other's eyes.
- What?- asked harshly Severus.
Talking was painful and his mouth tasted horrible.
Black seemed unable to find right words and held his breath, bewildered.
Severus became paler and spoke again:
- You…nearly killed me.-
- I was not going to.-
- You were not, were you, uh?-
His voice became inquiring and upset together.
- I'M SORRY, OK?- said suddenly Sirius lifting his hands in a yielding-sort-of way.
He looked ridiculously earnest.
…shamefully handsome…
Maybe a bit concerned too.
He forced his tones to quickly gain in tartness.
- Ah, you're sorry, I'm glad…And how on Earth do you think your exc-
- I KNOW! I know, ok?! I was…-
- You know? Oh, yes, how touching, you used my face as a butcher but…"y-o-u k-n-o-w". Thank Merlin, now I can die HAPPILY.-
Snape's anger was starting to grow but he kept it somehow under control, startled by the fact that Black didn't seem to wish another argument.
- I-I'm not really proud of what I did.-
- Oh, please, not the "sulking time" now...-
- Listen…- tried again Sirius, his face turning a little paler.
- Don't bother yourself, please, GO ON, after all you're not proud of what you did, are you? Just another one of your tantrums, it really doesn't matter, -
- Listen, please…-
- so now everyone can just forgive you, poor thing, you are sorry, after all, UH?-
- Please SEVERUS!-
And this literally froze Snape.
He stared at Black like he was the biggest mountain of troll's boggers.
- You…YOU…MY NAME…Don't you ever venture to say it again!- said Severus, pure poison dropping from his words.
- Yeas, whatever…– and really now Sirius' cheeks turned irritably pink –…Nobody knows you're here so I just want YOU to listen. Please.-
Snape made his lower his look again, pitiless, but he also didn't speak so Sirius seized the moment:
- Look. I…I was out of myself. I didn't even remember clearly what I did to you!-
- Oh, I have some pretty lively reminiscences, I assure you, one of these days I can show you, if you want.-
- I was d-drunk – continued Sirius, trying not to pay attention to Snape's sarcasm - and I…I…lost control. Th-that's it, I said. And I'm not proud of myself. Really.-
- So, crying on your spilled potion, indeed very touching.-
Sirius expression tensed in uneasiness.
Severus pursed his lips again and added:
- Now YOU listen to me, you worthless drunkard, I don't care what you're mourning about and how miserable you think you are…-
- CUT IT…You don't know…you can't understand…-
- Oh, how could I understand? I surely don't go around beating people just because I'm too stoned to remember why I was drinking in the first place!-
With that Severus knew he was now feeling hurt.
And he absolutely loved the taste of his subtle but ruthless vengeance.
Words were no match with mere actions, he had always sported this.
Plus, he had used his first name in a confidential way, pronouncing it lightly, like he was just throwing away another of his bad jokes.
How dared him?
HOW?
Sirius looked troubled, his big hand scratching thoughtfully his unkempt goatee.
- I…I'm…I was…What a mess…- concluded in a whisper, sounding regretful.
Severus frowned and turned away his gaze…THE IDIOT had now a very peculiar sorry look that made him look fine-looking even when remorseful…
GRRRRR…
- How long was I unconscious by the way?- he asked, trying to sound less unfriendly, trying to ignore his envy.
- Two days…-
- TWO WHAT?-
- Don't worry, I owl-ed Dumbledore about your conditions.-
- MPF. Yes, as if it wasn't enough.-
Sirius now seemed a bit bothered.
- I wrote to Dumbledore to assure him that you're right and, I assure you, nobody knows you're here.-
Severus seemed quite satisfied with this information and tried to figure out the big picture.
- I have to go - he suddenly said, as finishing some sentences still stuck in his brain.
- You're going nowhere. Dumbledore asked me to keep you from rushing things.-
- I don't rush…things.-
- I don't know, I can' tell and partly I don't care – boldly replied at once Sirius - But he said you'd be fussing and asking to go back as soon as possible. And up until now he's being right.-
Severus clicked his tongue, as irritated as hell.
- I…why…-
- I promised Dumbledore. I gave my word.- Sirius sounded irremovable – However, you're still unable to move, your face looks horrible and you have bandages everywhere.- Said Sirius, regaining his usual temper.
- It' only your fault!-
Sirius avoided the sideswiped tone and began preparing some fresh bandages.
- Anyway, let me be. I have to tend your wounds…-
- You're absolutely forbidden to tend anybody's anything…!-
Severus was now shocked deep inside.
This is wasn't going anywhere good…
- You fool. Who do you think aided you two days ago? – asked Sirius, a bit offended - You can't possibly think I'd let that hideous elf touch you, can you?-
This time Severus didn't struggle to hide his dismayed look.
The other didn't wait for any of his more or less concealed concerns, took the blankets aside and mildly said:
- Undress.-
- DIE.-
Severus curled up a little, in a defensive-sort of way.
- Oh, come on, don't tell me…!- Sirius was now openly laughing
Severus shot him a nasty look.
- SHUT UP!-
- You've got to be kidding me…a full-grown wizard-...YOU!… - Come on, undress already, I don't have all the day and you totally need a hand…-
- I swear you'll pay for all this…- muttered Snape between his teeth.
He lifted his bust and groaned for the pain: his body felt as heavy as lead.
Forgetting instantly about the shame and the wrath, he carefully tried to remove his sweater.
Meanwhile, Sirius had got nearer and had started helping with the operation: Snape's arms just didn't want to cooperate, plus Snape showed his bruises were really troubling him.
The cloth slipped away and so did the vest…Sirius stopped at midair.
The man's chest was yellow-crowned, scratches everywhere – on his arms too – while hints of large violet-red marks stood out, even if he was all wrapped up in magimedical gauzes.
- QUICK!- barked Severus, coughing again.
Sirius obeyed and hastily began unfolding bandages.
Then he grabbed some of the little bottles and started mixing ingredients and stuff in different order.
- I hope you know what you're doing…- commented Snape, sour.
Sirius did not pay him attention and started his tough work.
The cerulean magic ointment was icy and though being liquid it began grow together the moment it touched Snape's bare skin.
Severus tensed, his body suddenly contracted.
That kinky bastard was now freely touching him and, needless to say, Snape couldn't bare the contact.
It was too intimate, too near…too amazingly near.
Fast but delicate, Sirius' long fingertips were now lightly tracing swift but careful stripes – AND Severus face was reddening with no mercy.
This was becoming outrageous…and it was actually painful, even though Black was being truly gentle.
Severus saw he may have internal bleedings: his aches were too deep to be only on the surface and Black was using a particularly effective moist mixture, very well-conceived to be honest.
At a sudden Black's movement, Severus grumbled and unintentionally grasped Sirius' hand really hard, trying to suppress his evident suffering.
- Stay calm, you brainy bat, stay calm, no one is going to harm you…No one.- kindly mumbled Sirius, too concentrated to be really amused.
They almost didn't talk and Sirius worked quickly.
He replaced the old bandages with fresh ones than he made Severus drink a generous gulp of Tempotion (highly recommended if your temperature is burning your body)and a sip of Madam Pomfrey's special Uplifting Restorative, that Dumbledore had sent Sirius especially to cure internal wounds.
- I'm going now. The Order is having lunch downstairs.- said Sirius, his task completed and all the items back in the drawer, all neat and clean.
Severus looked twisted and fatigued.
- As I said, nobody knows you're here, so try to rest. When I'm done, I'll come and feed you.- stated Sirius, a little cheerful a little mocking.
Snape shrugged, assuming a solemnly detached air.
Was that a crazy form of kindness?
- I'm not a pet...-
Sirius laughed openly, he closed his eyes, end left the room, leaving Snape again speechless.
He thought he heard a clear silly version of a Christmas Carol containing words like "Bat-pet" "I have" "ill on the bed"…
Snape sank into his pillows, feeling exhausted.
He felt too beaten even to try and change his position – for he was always sleeping in a tight side-curl.
:::::::::::
YUKI: Hope you're enjoying, as usual. Thanks to the suppor :)
I really like their situation.
I said to myself I was going to write a drabble this time.
a DRABBLE.
MuHAHAHAHAHAH...
I should stop lying to myself.
I like seas of words and nothing can change this silly habit of mine.
I obviously double-checked words and grammar but my eyes are tired and I'm done for today so...BYE BYE
- yuki.