"You're going to be ok, Colonel. The burns from the steam will fade in a few days; they're not serious."
She pressed a cool cloth to his forehead where the burns were red and angry, but only for now. They were surface burns; he'd gotten out of the way before they could go too deeply. Picking up his hand, she let him hold it in place as she turned to go. He caught her hand before she could leave him causing her to stop and turn slowly.
"Emily's sleeping with Telford."
Her eyes widened but she managed not to make too big of a reaction. "Are you sure?"
"What's sure, when I'm stuck on this ship?"
"You can't jump to conclusions, Everett."
"I'm not."
"There might be hope. You never know."
"She's filing for divorce, Tamara." He hadn't managed to say it out loud before that moment. "She never forgave me for what you and I...Being stuck on this bucket with you was the last straw. I'm sure she's convinced we're still sleeping together."
"We're not!" she protested. He sighed.
"I know that, but how do we prove it?" He smoothed his hand over her stomach lightly. "We don't."
He closed his eyes as she bent to hug him. Things between them were never going to be easy but they'd started the affair with the complications out in the open. It was too late to regret anything or say they didn't know how it was bound to end but god damn it if he didn't still find her irresistible. He sat up, letting the cloth drop from his forehead as he moved, cupping her face to bring her lips down to his.
"Please, don't."
He froze immediately, letting her free from his touch before he could manage to kiss her. She moved away, opening her eyes as she straightened.
"I can't, Everett. We shouldn't. You're hurting; this isn't right. We both agreed..."
"It was the wrong choice, Tamara."
"She was your wife."
"That didn't mean I loved you any less."
"Things have changed."
"They're always changing. I had to try; she was my wife. I thought I was doing the right thing in making it work with her. I loved her but something always managed to get in the way: my job, you."
"You're not trying to blame me for -"
"Of course not! I blame myself. But I can't get you out of my mind."
"It's cabin fever. We've been cooped up in this box for too long without any kind of outlet. You know me better than anyone else. It's only natural that we would want to -" she looked down at him. "That we would think about...this."
"It's not the ship," Young returned pointedly.
"It's the divorce. You're feeling rejected, Colonel. You need to deal with that yourself. By yourself."
"You think about it, too."
"I'm no more prepared to act on those thoughts than you are."
She picked up the cloth, rinsing it out and handing it to him to press back to the burns. It was easier to focus on that than it was to think about something that was still unspoken between them and, if he were honest, had been eating him up inside since the day they made the decision to end their affair. The consequence of that affair was still growing inside of her, a lifelong reminder of what used to be between them. What could still be, if he believed his daydreams.
She left before he could do anything else.
"Dr. Rush?"
The scientist sighed, stopping what he was doing for what felt like the millionth time by the same brown haired nuisance. She'd become his own personal shadow and though she wasn't always the one to distract him, she certainly contributed to the problem. When did he get so popular all of a sudden? It was always 'Rush do this' or 'Rush, make this work.' Except with her. She just always wanted to...to talk. Especially about what he was doing and though it served to stroke his considerable ego, it was also rather annoying.
"Normally I would admire your persistence, Miss Holtz, but at the moment I can ill afford any distractions. I had heard that you were working in hydroponics with Park."
"It turns out I don't have my mother's green thumb."
"I'm sure someone else has something for you to do."
"That's part of why I'm here."
He glanced up at her over the top of his glasses, wondering just what she was going to ask him to get into. Little realizing he was holding his breath, the scientist watched her with wary eyes and waited.
"I need somewhere to work out."
He let out his breath with a deep sigh.
"The military is trying to force everyone into their workouts."
"That's not the kind of exercise I mean." Being a gymnast she wasn't going to keep peak form if she wasn't able to do the exercises that she was used to.
"How is it you expect me to help? Colonel Young is the one in charge."
"Oh, I know, but it's something I need a lot of space for and you've been saying that she ship doesn't have enough power to run things frivolously and…"
"What are the chances of getting you out of here without agreeing to what you want, Miss Holtz?"
"Not very good, Rush. Not good at all."
"Then if it will get you out of my lab I have no choice." He sighed, though he wasn't as annoyed as he pretended. "If you find the space, I'll see if it can be maintained without putting a strain on the systems and you will stop with your infernal interruptions. Agreed?"
She grinned and threw her arms around him, leaving him flailing through the hug. He grumped, straightening his shirt the moment he was released with a frown.
"Do the words personal space not mean anything at all to you?" She was an absolute puzzlement for him.
"No. Should they?" She smiled at him, getting a resigned shake of his head in return.
"We have an agreement. Out." He pointed to the door.
"I'll be back!"
He groaned audibly, watching her out the door.
"Eli!" She spotted him ahead and ran to catch up, threading her arm through his. "I need your help."
"My help?" He looked surprised.
"Yeah. With your Kino. I'm looking for a place I can work out. Somewhat large, but kind of out of the way. Have you spotted anything like that in your exploration?"
"Maybe. Do you want me to check the footage?"
"No, that's ok. Come with me!"
"But...Colonel Young -"
He pointed back to the place he came from. The officer had asked him to do something, but she didn't leave him much of a choice as she smiled and started chatting with him as they walked. They had a lot in common, she'd found over the weeks.
"So what sort of place are you looking for?"
"Well, maybe an old cargo bay or something. I want a place that's large enough that I have room to practice my tumbling passes. I want to try to stay in shape. I had hope that maybe I could build some of the apparatuses I'm used to: beam, bars."
He shrugged. It sounded awful to him, but that was mostly because he did not enjoy working out. He'd been trying, with Young's mandatory physical activities but that was only when he couldn't weasel out of it with something to do for Rush. It was hard to choose between the two warring figureheads but he was trying to do the best he could, while not driving himself to distraction. There were issues on the ship, but they were all just trying to keep their heads above water, one day at a time.
"What about this?"
He pushed the button to the door, watching it open with a sigh. She stepped inside and though she couldn't see far, sounds echoed enough that she could feel how large it was.
"Doesn't that thing have night vision?"
Eli directed the Kino around, feeling her lean against him to be able to look at the screen as well. There were old containers, debris, but that didn't change the space. It was perfect. She smiled.
"Do you think it would take much energy to light, if I wanted to convert it?"
"I don't know for sure. It would take more energy to heat but the life support systems could be filtered in here. You'd have to double check with Rush."
"I will, thanks, Eli. You're the best!" She kissed his cheek and squeezed his arm before turning around to find Young. A few minutes later she appeared at Rush's door.
"Miss Holtz, I had hoped our deal might last a bit longer."
"I'm here because of the deal. I found a place."
"So soon?"
"Come on!" She took his hand and tugged him with her, unfairly using her athletic strength to pull him along. It wasn't fair, but he found himself standing in front of a door a short time later. She pressed it open and he was awash in darkness. The door closed, leaving them in pitch black for a few horrifying seconds.
"Didn't you think to turn on the lights?"
"I don't know how!" She hissed. "You know how."
She heard him moving, cursing when he tripped over something on the ground. A soft thud as he hit the wall. A few seconds later the entire room lit, revealing something like she thought it would look like. She turned to see him there, as dazzled by the sudden light as she was. When his eyes adjusted he looked around, not seeing the potential she did.
"This is what you wanted?"
"Don't you see?" She spun around, smiling. "It's perfect!"
"I fail to see perfection here."
"I could make the floor area here." She gestured excitedly. "The balance beam over there. Vault there. Uneven bars over there."
"Where you do you think you're going to get the materials for that? Let alone the help. Miss Holtz, I agreed to help you find a place to work out, nothing more. I don't want you to get these grand ideas that we can ill afford to equip."
She sighed in premature defeat, coming to stand beside him and lean against the wall.
"I just wanted something normal. We've been on here for months and there's nothing for me to do, I don't fit. You don't trust me to repair any of the machinery. If they leave me in hydro we'll all starve to death. I wanted something here that I know I can do. Rush, I miss my home. I miss my father. I'm so scared of telling him what I've done I won't even use the communication stones to call him."
He looked at her sideways as she sank to the ground, leaning back against the wall. Carefully, he knelt down beside her.
"There are things I miss about Earth, too."
"Like what?"
"Coffee," he laughed. "Nicotine."
"I miss the ocean. My dog, Henry. Dating. God, I miss dating!" She let out a brief, humorless laugh. "I noticed you wear a wedding ring. Don't you miss your wife?"
"I miss her."
"Why don't you visit with the stones?"
"It wouldn't matter if I did. She wouldn't be there for me to visit."
"Oh! I'm sorry! How long ago did she pass?"
"A few years ago." He didn't want her pity. All the same, he didn't brush her hand away when she moved to take it.
"Nick, I want to be your friend, if you'll let me."
"I don't need friends." He frowned at use of his first name. She remained undaunted.
"Everyone needs friends."
"Surely this can't all be gratitude for my work."
"No," she admitted. "I think you need someone. I think of you as a puppy."
"A puppy?" He huffed, his face immediately screwed into a scowl.
"You need someone to care for you, like a puppy."
"Miss Holtz, I assure you that I am not in need of any sort of care. I am quite capable of handling myself as may be apparent to you since I've managed to live this long."
"That's not what I mean."
"Oh, I know what you mean. You want to be a distraction for me." He frowned, shaking his head. "I don't know where you got this fool idea in your head, but you should save yourself the time and energy before it's wasted."
"Nick, I like you!" The words burst out, too late to take them back.
"Well, stop!" He stood, putting distance between the two of them. "What do you want from me, Miss Holtz?"
"Melanie!"
"I am not a good man, Melanie! Everything good in me died with my wife. I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me or to treat me with pity, least of all a girl who doesn't know what it's like to experience that kind of pain."
"I'm not a little girl, Nick. I may not be your age, but that doesn't make my life experiences any less valid. I lost my mother when I was nine years old. After that, my father just checked out. Everything he was was his job. He loved me, sure, but I was secondary. I know what it's like to bury pain."
Not just the mental anguish of losing her mother but the days, months, years of training to be an Olympian: something she would never accomplish now. There was no way for the body to condition itself against that kind of strain over and over again. Once she mastered one seemingly impossible feat she moved on to another. Over and over she worked, ascending a ladder toward her goal. She had ambition that matched his own, just in another field.
"Rush," she sighed. "Why are you so afraid of me?"
"I'm not afraid of you but you represent something that will be a detriment to the ship and its crew. I can't be distracted right now. There's too much work that needs to be done."
But somehow Gloria's face flashed to his mind, asking him not to be afraid. It had only been the chair, manipulating his memories, but it could only produce thoughts and images from his mind. If Gloria was telling him so, somewhere deep down he knew it to be true. Living in fear wasn't going to help him work any harder or be any more determined. It might, however, deprive him of something to fight for, other than his own miserable life. He'd lived too long in the shadow of that fear. Even so, it seemed nearly impossible to beat.
"I get that," she said finally, moving closer to him again. "Rush-"
"Nicholas," he corrected, offering her a hesitant smile.
"Nick." She let out a soft sound. "I want to help you. However you want me to do that. I'm asking you to trust me."
She reached out her hand and he took it, remembering the last time she'd asked him to trust her a few weeks ago. "I hardly know how to begin," he confessed. "Trust isn't something I give readily."
"I know."
"I'd like to try. I'm not promising to be good at it, understand."
"'I'll be patient."
"I have to get back to work. I'm sure we have enough power to divert some of it to this room for an hour a day. Is that agreeable?"
The rapid change threw her, but as quickly as she could catch up she nodded. "That's fine. Thank you."