Although he would never admit it, Jon was terrified. After Emylea collapsed into his arms he quickly got them both dressed before carrying her to maester Luwin. The feast was well underway so he had to send little Rickon inside to get the maester and tell his father what was happening.
The maester instructed Jon to carry her to her chambers and get a fire started while he grabbed his supplies. Jon quickly did as he was told, carrying her up to her chambers and tucking her cold form into bed while he got a fire started. He stayed by her side while the maester examined her and held his breath once he finished.
"Well? Is she gonna be alright?" Jon asked, unable to mask the concern from his voice.
"We can only hope for the best" maester Luwin said with a sigh.
"So what's wrong with her?" Jon asked, trying to calm his racing heart.
"A mild case of hypothermia. Her body is no longer capable of withstanding this northern cold. When she regains her strength, she will need to ride south, where it's warmer" the maester explained getting up from the stool by her bedside.
Jon still wasn't able to process the words he heard once the maester had left. How could this be? She's lived in the north all her life, shouldn't her body be used to the cold by now? But then Jon remembered who she was. She was a Targaryen princess, she was a dragon, she was fire and fire couldn't survive in the winter, not for long.
Both of the wolves were in her chamber with him. Winter was on her bed, her head facing the sleeping girl. Winter was whimpering, she seemed almost pained at seeing Emylea in such a state. Jon felt the same. Ghost laid at his feet as if trying to comfort Jon in his distressed state. But Jon only sat there and watched Emylea's chest move up and down. Even in her sickened state, she was still so beautiful. Her snow-kissed hair and pale skin.
Although her eyes were closed he could still picture those beautiful dark purple eyes of hers. How they would light up whenever she smiled. He could see her smile and still taste her lips on his. How had Jon fallen for her so suddenly, so fast? And now she was going to have to leave. Lord Stark came during the night to ask about her condition. Jon told him what the maester told him and Lord Stark could only sigh at his words.
"I'll need to talk to Robert and make traveling arrangements, hopefully, he'll be feeling merciful enough to let her come with me and the girls to King's Landing" Lord Stark mumbled trying to figure out how he would convince his oldest friend to allow a Targaryen under his roof.
"So you'll take her with you then? She'll ride south?" Jon asked, unable to keep the sadness out of his voice.
Eddrd looked at Jon and could see the love he felt for the girl. He could see it in his eyes and he was sure that Emylea felt the same about him. He knew that this would break both their hearts, but it had to be done. For Jon's sake as well as hers.
"Yes, once her strength has returned, she will ride south for King's Landing," Lord Stark said with a sigh as he turned to leave. Jon could feel something clawing at his heart at his father's words. Emylea would ride South, and Jon would ride North, to the wall. He had already spoken to his Uncle Benjen about it at the feast and it sounded like he would be able to go if he so desired. He was considering it, trying to justify the decision by telling himself that Emylea deserved more than he could give her.
If he was a true Stark, wasn't a bastard even, it would be better. She was a princess, she deserved jewels and silk gowns, things he couldn't give her. He wanted to give her the world, but in order to do that, he would have to let her go. And the only way to do that was to leave. He knew that she wouldn't ride south, not when he would still be here in Winterfell.
"Hey, how's she doing?"
Jon turned and watched as Robb walked into the room, his face sad and full of worry.
"She's still sleeping, the maester isn't sure if she'll wake," Jon said, his voice shaking from the emotion he was trying to hold back. Robb could sense it, he walked over to his half-brother and placed a hand on his shoulder. Both men stood and hugged one another, Jon doing his best not to break down right there, but he couldn't help the tear that escaped his eye.
"She's going to be fine Jon, you'll see. She's a fighter, she'll make it through this" Robb told him, trying to be reassuring. Robb had to remain strong, even though he was as scared as Jon was. Robb knew they were in love, but he couldn't help the feelings that Emylea had stirred in him. She was his just as much as Jon was her's. Robb knew he had no chance, but he still cared and worried over her like he did.
"She'll have to ride South Robb, she's going to have to leave," Jon said trying to pull himself back together. He glanced down at the beautiful girl who laid before him, praying in his mind to the old gods, begging them to let her live, promising them anything if they did.
"I'm sorry Jon, I know how much you love her" Robb whispered, placing a hand on Jon's shoulder, trying to be comforting.
"I should have told her" Jon mumbles to himself, thinking back to earlier that night. He had meant to tell her, he meant to pour out his heart to her last night, but it slipped his mind.
"You still can, you'll have your chance, just wait and see," Robb tells him with a reassuring smile, turning to exit the room.
"Thanks, Robb," Jon tells him as he takes his seat once more on the stool.
As Robb leaves, Jon resumes his watch, making sure her chest continues to move up and down in a steady rhythm. Jon wondered if this is how she felt when he got sick when he was ten when everyone was sure he was as good as dead, did she stand watch as he is now? Did she wait at his bedside for him to wake and return?
I was back, but instead of burnt grass, I was standing in the snow. I was trapped, the snow piled high and holding my waist firmly in place, only my arms were free. I was freezing, the snow no longer evaporated at my touch. It smoothered me. The cold air flowed endlessly through my lungs, my breath was no longer visible, I was no longer warm.
"Emylea!"
My eyelids suddenly felt heavy. I couldn't keep them open for much longer but I tried. My blurring vision looked out and saw a man cloaked in black come running towards me. I could feel myself dying, my heart beat getting slower, growing faint and cold. Cold as the snow. My eyes finally shut and I went limp. The cold was too much, I wasn't made for it, I was made for the heat, for fire. I was made to be burned.
I could barely feel his hands against my skin. I was dancing on the edge of oblivion, about to fall off.
"Stay with me love" his deep voice panted. His hands felt strange. They were cold like the snow, but different somehow. They were comforting. Oh, how I longed to spend the rest of time in his arms.
"Open your eyes, come back to me" he begged, holding me close to his chest. But I didn't have the strength. I was tired, weak, I needed to sleep.
"You can't leave me, you promised me. You promised me you'd live, that you'd be safe" he cried, his icy tears landing on my cheeks. How could I do this to him? How could I just allow myself to be taken?
"Please...I need you" he said in a broken whisper. The emotion in his voice was thick, I could feel him breaking apart next to me. Somehow I knew, that if I died he would too. In this reality or the next, if I died right here, right now, so would he.
So I made my choice. I forced my eyes to open and as they did a burst of heat cloaked my body. I was hot again, the snow around me evaporated and the grass under me started to burn.
I looked up at him, a lazy smile gracing my lips as I saw relief break out over his features.
"Don't scare me like that" he scolded, a smile on his lips as he held me in his arms. I so desperately wanted to close my eyes, to sleep in his arms, but I knew I couldn't.
"I...have to get back" I mumbled weakly, knowing I had to return if I wanted to live. I had to return to my Jon, to my reality.
"I love you, maybe I haven't told you yet but I do. Since the day I first laid eyes on you somehow I knew. I knew that we were meant to be. So please, for my sake, try to stay alive because if you die I know I will too" he whispered quickly, cupping my left cheek in his hand lovingly.
"I love you too Jon" I whispered weakly before I closed my eyes, willing myself to return.
I woke with a gasp, my lungs burning from the cold air. I was alive. I turned and saw Jon looking at me with his soft chocolate eyes. He seemed shocked. Shocked that I was alive, that I was still breathing and to be honest, so was I.
"How are you feeling?" Jon asked, moving to sit on my right bedside as I caught my breath. Should I tell him about my dreams? About these visions, I've been having? I look into his eyes and try to will the words off my tongue, but he looks so hurt, so worried and frightened. I couldn't.
"Cold" I answer, pulling the blankets tighter around me. Jon gives a soft smile and moves his fingers to my forehead, moving a stray piece of white hair out of my eyes. He looks at me fondly, his eyes mirror the Jon from my dreams, so full of love. His fingers move to my left cheek, cupping it slightly, making me lean into his touch.
"I meant to tell you earlier before everything happened last night but it felt as if I already had," he tells me gently.
"Tell me what?" I ask, my voice weak from the cold.
"That I love you," he tells me nervously, a blush creeping up to his cheeks as he says the words I've been dying to hear.
"I love you too Jon" I whisper back, a smile on my face. He smiles back and leans down, planting a quick kiss on my lips, leaving me wanting more. But when he pulls away I can still see the pain in his eyes.
"What's wrong?" I ask, moving my left hand up to grab his right hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze and smile. Trying to make the pained look on his face ease.
"In a few days, you'll be riding south, with Father and the girls," he tells me sadly.
"W-what? No, no I'm not" I reply, unable to get the absurd idea out of my head. The idea of leaving him.
"Your body can't handle the northern cold much longer, if you stay here you'll die. You have to ride south" He tells me, trying to make me understand, but I don't. How could I understand that we needed to be separated in order for me to survive?
"No! I'm staying here in Winterfell, with you and the boys and the wolves" I protest. At the wolves mention both Ghost and Winter lift up their heads to look at me from the foot of my bed. They seem to smile at my waking before putting their heads back down next to one another.
"You can't," Jon says getting up from his place by my bed.
"I can and I will! I'm not some noble lady! I'm a Snow, like you. I can do as I want" I snap sitting up, crossing my arms over my nightshirt, both out of anger and from the cold.
"But you're not a Snow!" He snaps back. As if up until this point he was trying to keep his anger under control but it was at its breaking point. There was only silence, his words lingering in the air.
"I'm not riding south, not while you're here in the north," I say in defiance, glaring at him for even suggesting such a thing. He looks up and gives me a sharp look, both of us too stubborn to admit defeat.
"I won't be in Winterfell for much longer. Once you leave, me and Uncle Benjen are riding North for the Wall, I'm taking the Black" He explains to me under his icy stare. I feel my heart break at his words.
"No! You can't! You know the oath Jon, you'd just cast me aside, you'd throw what we have away?!" I scream. I could feel my body temperature rise the more our conversation continued. He brought out the fire in me, and one day he would get burned because of it.
"I'm doing it for you! If you don't ride south you'll die! And if you died because of me I'd never forgive myself. You can't come to the wall and I can't ride south" He says trying to be reasonable, but we weren't reasonable, we were children.
"Why not?" I ask, feeling tears start to brim my eyes.
"Because I'm a bastard! I can't give you anything, I'll never be able to give you anything! This way you can move on, meet some fancy lord or prince" He snaps at me, his cheeks and neck turning red.
"I don't care, Jon! How many times do I have to tell you that I don't give a damn about titles or fancy castles or any of it! I just want YOU!" I shout, seeing my hands start to turn red.
"You have to ride south. And I need to ride north." He says with a forced sigh before making for the door. The wolves don't bother to move, content on sleeping by one another, unaware of the impending separation they faced.
"I HATE YOU JON SNOW!" I screamed in frustration as I watched him walk out of the door. The tears started to blur my vision. He just told me he loved me, and that he was leaving me. Suddenly the words echoed back through my mind.
"Fine, then I choose you,"
He only gave me a sad smile.
"I'm not a choice"
It was my dream come to life. Jon would leave me, and I couldn't stop it. I sobbed into my hands, for everything I was loosing. I had lost what little control I had.
Jon wanted to scream once he left the room, slamming the door shut behind him. How could she be so stubborn? Why couldn't she understand that he was doing this for her own good? That anything he ever did, he did for her. She didn't seem to notice or care that it broke his heart to tell her these things. That it killed him to leave her, but it had to be done. Whatever life they had pictured themselves living together, was gone. Jon sat in the corridor by her chamber door and pulled his knees up to his chest. He tried to will the tears, now falling down his cheeks away. Thinking about how Theon would call him a baby for crying over a woman. But she wasn't just a woman. She was a princess, determined, smart, beautiful. And she was his. But all that was gone now. In the span of a few hours, everything was changed.
It was still dark, the only light in my room came from the roaring fire. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. The walls were closing in, trapping me. They would smother me if I didn't leave now. Maybe I could escape. I could run away, into the wolves wood and just forget that I was ever here. I could forget this place. I could try to forget him. But I knew in my heart I never could.
I shakily got out of my bed, doing my best not to disturb the sleeping wolves, but they woke anyway. Ghost quickly walked to my door and placed his paw on the wood.
"Going to Jon?" I snap at him, still feeling angry. Ghost only stares blankly as I open the door and he escapes into the hall. Winter stays on the bed, watching me with those icy blue eyes of hers, the opposite of her counterpart's red. Fire and Ice.
Once the door was closed I quickly pulled on my coat of furs, not bothering to properly dress. All of Winterfell was asleep, all except two. I quietly pulled on my shoes and pulled up my fur lined hood. As I turned for the door Winter hopped down from my bed, walking with me. I looked down at her and smiled as I slowly pulled the door open.
Winter snuck out the door before I could. I quietly tiptoed out of my room and shut the door behind me. I glanced to the left, seeing Jon sitting against the wall with Ghost laying by his side. Winter was making her way over to him.
"Winter!" I shouted in a whisper, being careful not to wake Jon. She stopped and looked back at me with those icy eyes of her's. I quickly shook my head no, making her ears droop slightly. She continued forward past them, me right behind her as we snuck out of the main building.
The sun was beginning to rise as we made our way towards the broken tower. It was still so cold. I could feel my body beginning to spasm from my shivers. It grew harder to breathe, but I still needed to leave. It was relieving to be out here, no one else was outside and everything was quiet and still.
"What in seven hells do you think you're doing?!"
I instantly felt heat flood into my body at the sound of his voice. My anger returning tenfold.
"Leave me be," I said through gritted teeth, continuing to walk forward.
"You shouldn't be out here in the cold! Get back inside!" He snaps. I ignore him, hearing his pace quicken to catch up with me.
"Emylea!" he says, grabbing my arm and pulling me back. I whirl around to face him and try to break free from his grasp.
"Don't touch me!" I snap, desperate to get his hand off of me. But he maintains a firm grip, his other hand moving to my chin, forcing me to look up into his eyes. Gods those chocolate eyes. They tormented me in a way he only could.
"It's for your own good," He says calmly, my body beginning to spasm from the cold air.
"Really? For my good or yours?" I spit feeling tears start to form in the corner of my eyes. His hardened features begin to soften as he looks at me.
"Please, I don't want to spend what time we have left fighting" he whispers in a broken voice.
"And who's fault is that?! It's because of you we have so little time!" I snap, not wanting to give in that easy. Nothing could ever be that easy. His features start to harden again, his frustration becoming visible.
"Gods Emylea do you really think I want to be away from you?!" he shouts, making me freeze.
"I would die for you, anything in this world I would give to you if I could. I may be a bastard with nothing but at least let me do this for you. At least let me give you your life" he begs, tears in his eyes. Whatever anger he fostered melted away with his words. All that was left was the pain.
"But you are my life" I whisper, my voice catching in my throat, tears falling freely down my cheeks, the cold freezing them as they did.
"I can't let you die. Because if you die, I'll die too" He tells me, tears in his eyes. His words make me shiver all the more. The same words I heard from dream Jon's lips. The same words that would echo in my mind for the rest of my life.
"If the cold doesn't kill me being away from you will," I tell him, trying to change fate. Trying to change the choice that was somehow already made. I wanted to choose him. I needed to.
"Promise me, promise me you'll stay alive no matter what, that you'll stay safe" he begs, dropping his hand from my arm and moving his right had to cup my left cheek, wiping away my tears, breaking any resolve I had left.
"I...I promise" I whisper, moving forward to rest my head on his chest, my arms wrapping around his waist. He did the same, pulling me into him to hold me in his arms.
"Promise me, Jon, promise me you won't die at the wall" I plead into his chest, feeling like the defenseless child I was.
"I promise" He whispers into my hood. We stay like that for another second or two, but it felt more like a small lifetime. Once we let go we'd be different. Once we let go we would no longer be children.
I started to shiver uncontrollably, making his arms release me. I was too weak to protest as he bent down and lifted me into his arms like I was his bride.
"You need to get back inside," He tells me as I rest my head against his heart. I close my eyes and focus on the constant drum inside his chest.
I didn't wake until I felt him lowering me back down onto my fur covered bed.
"Wait...don't go" I begged in my sleepy state, grabbing onto the front of his shirt to pull him down with me.
"I'll stay, just let me relight the fire first" he whispers, causing me to let go, allowing him to fully lay me down.
I barely noticed him removing my shoes and I'm not quite sure how or when he took off my hood. But I was fully aware when he climbed into the bed with me. I smiled as he pulled up the fur blankets and wrapped his left arm around me, pulling me into his side. I moved my head up, back over his heart.
I was exhausted but I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to be able to remember this moment and I was afraid I would forget. That I would forget him. I wanted to always remember the sound of his heart, the feel of his chest and arms wrapped around me. And when he placed a slow, soft kiss on my forehead I knew I couldn't forget. I could never forget him or this moment. So after he kissed my forehead and started rubbing soothing circles on my back, I gave in. I gave in to sleep and to him.
She looked so peaceful, Jon thought as he watched the sleeping girl in his arms. Her head was laying on his chest and she was snuggled into his side. Her long white hair covered most of her face but he could still see the small smile on her lips. Whether it was from him or her dream he couldn't be sure, but he hoped it was because of him. Gods how he loved her. She was beautiful and so sweet and kind to everyone. She had a smile that could light up any room and those eyes. Those enchanting dark purple eyes. Jon prayed to the Gods he wouldn't forget this moment. That he wouldn't forget how it felt to hold her, to love her.
He scooted down a bit and pulled up the furs so everything but her snow-kissed hair was covered. He tried to fight off that sleepy feeling. He wanted to keep watching her, but he couldn't. So Jon finally gave in and closed his eyes.
It felt different. Jon knew this couldn't be a normal dream, it felt too real. He was dressed in all black with a cloak of raven feathers hanging off of his back. All around him was grass. Grassy hills, and fields. It seemed as if it should be unbearably hot, but it felt kinda cool to Jon. That's when he looked down. He was standing in a small, unmelting patch of snow. When Jon looked back up there she was, standing in front of him with the most beautiful smile on her face.
But she looked different. She looked a bit older, her figure was fuller and her curves more defined. She was still incredibly pale, but she looked like a woman. This wasn't the same girl he fell asleep next to.
She only smiled at him, as if waiting for him to say something, but he didn't know what to say.
"Umm, I'm not quite sure what I'm doing here, to be honest" He admitted, nervously running his hands through the back of his hair. Making her chuckle.
"That's alright, you'll understand, in time" She whispered to him with that gorgeous smile of hers.
"Understand? Understand what?" he asked, more confused than he already was. Making her smile all the more. She was dressed in a long silk red dress that seemed to flow and billow all around her. She looked like the princess that she was.
"This, why I left you the way that I did. You'll come to understand a lot of things Jon Snow" She told him, almost teasingly.
"What do you mean you left me? Aren't we still at Winterfell?" He asked, becoming more and more aware how un-dreamlike this was. Her smile turned sad, into one of longing.
"I suppose we are" she mumbled absentmindedly. She then looked down and started to turn away.
"Wait! Where are you going?!" Jon asked, moving to go after her but he was trapped, unable to leave his snowy patch.
"Back! I hope one day you can forgive me for all of this Jon, but I promised one day I'd come back to you and I plan to keep that promise" She called out from over her shoulder, continuing to walk away.
"What promise? Come back from where?!" He shouted, not understanding a word that fell from her lips.
"In time!" she shouted back before she disappeared, like a wisp of smoke.
Jon slowly opened his eyes, looking to his right to see Robb standing over him and sleeping Emylea with a solemn look on his face.
"What's wrong?" Jon asked in his hoarse morning voice, being careful not to wake the sleeping princess beside him.
"It's Bran"